The Pontius Gemstone Horror Picture Show, with Stacy, Frank, Rocky, and a special appearance by Dolly Parton

 

Gay icons Dolly Parton and Tim Curry (Frank in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show") both died on August 25th, 2026. so I wanted to find some way to get them both in the same story, and Pontius and Stacy from "The Righteous Gemstones" seemed ideal as a modern-day Brad and Janet. 

Link to the NSFW version

There’s a light at the Frankenstein place

 It was dark, it was raining, the narrow country road was heading nowhere, and on the radio, there was something about demolishing the Washington Monument to build a 50-foot tall golden statue. 

"Turn that junk off!” Stacy told his boyfriend Pontius.  “I’m tired, I’m cold, and I’m not in the mood.”

 “Ok, ok, chill, Stace.  How about Dolly Parton?”

 “Your Grandpa’s bff?”

“She was actually my Grandma’s bff.  They recorded an album together.”  Pontius didn’t like to talk about his family much, because it was so complicated – and seedy. It seemed like someone with a grudge against his granddad, world-famous Evangelical preacher Eli Gemstone, showed up every single year.  There were kidnappings, murders, assassins on bikes.  He actually met Stacy when the guy was shoot by a serial killer targeting Grandad Eli.  

“Go ahead, put on some Dolly,” Stacy told him.  “ She always cheers me up.”

Pontius pulled up the “Greatest Hits” album his phone and sighed as she began “Two Doors Down.”

 It had been a bad day from the start.  Well, not waking up with Stacy in his arms at the Charlotte Hilton.   Breakfast was ok.  But the last session in the Queer Youth Conference was bogus, all about handling internalized homophobia and religious guilt.  It was 2026.  Who felt guilty about being gay or bi anymore?  They wouldn’t have gone at all, but they promised to report to Uncle Kelvin, who was running the queer youth ministry at the Salvation Center.

They got a late start, and then they had to detour around Columbia, and then they took a wrong turn onto an endless country road in rural South Carolina.  No mile markers, and the GPS wasn’t even working.   

Crunch!  A flat tire.  Of course!  Stacy pulled over to the side of the road.

 “Do you have roadside assistance?” he asked.

 “Sure. but…no bars.  I can’t call.”  He hesitated.  “ I’m a poor litle rich boy – we had drivers, chauffeurs, and auto mechanics on staff, so I never learned how to do anything but get gas – maybe.  I don’t suppose you know how to change a flat tire?”

 Stacy giggled.  “Do I look  know anything about cars?”

“I don’t know,” Pontius said.  “When I look at you, all I can see is how hot you are.”   He drew Stacy in for a kiss.

“Hey, didn’t we pass a castle a few miles back?  We could stop by and see if they have cell phone reception.  Or maybe they have a land line.”

“A castle in South Carolina, Stace?”

 He shrugged.  “Maybe it’s part of a Medieval Times restaurant, or a miniature golf course.  Anyway, unless you have a better idea….”

The “castle” was more like one of those counry mansions built by the robber barons in the 19th century, all Gothic spires, with a central tower and a greenhouse dome.  When they knocked, a middle aged man, balding but with long blond hair, answered the door and said “Hello” in a weird faux-British accent.

“Hi, I’m Pontius, and this is my boyfriend Stacy."

He stared.  “You can call me…Riff Raff.”

 “Underdog role playing -- cool!  So, Riff Raff, our car broke down.  Could we use your phone to call a tow truck?”

 He continued to stare.  “Hmm…I think you’d better ask the Master about that.”

 The Master?  Pontius nudged Stacy.  Were these guys into a BDSM master-slave relationship?

He led them through the parlor, past a huge assortment of Goth  relics – stone gargoyles, a statue of a bear, a skeleton in a coffin.  The Master must be a Heavy Metal rocker.

“You’re very lucky that the Master is home tonight. Usually he’s out with his…um…affairs.” 

“You’re lucky!” came a voice from above – It was a woman with frizzy black hair, dressed in a maid’s outfit, sliding down the staircase bannister!  “I’m lucky, we’re all lucky, ha ha ha!”

 When she got to the base, she curtseyed. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Huh?”

 “Magenta!  My name is your favorite color, Magenta! Like pink, but hotter!”

 “Oh – I was going to say blue,” Pontius told her.  “I’m digging the French maid outfit, but your accent is slipping.  It sounds Eastern European.”

 “It’s Transylvanian!  We're aliens from the planet Transylvania."  She paused expectantly.  Did she think they would be surprised?

"Cool," Pontius said, covering a yawn.  "My brother dated Jimmy Olsen, who works for the Daily Planet, and one time in Metropolis he introduced us to..."

"Shall we continue?" Riff Raff interrupted.  "It's astounding -- time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll."

 Through two more knicknack-filled rooms and into a space that looked like a ballroom. 

 “The Master will be down presently,” Riff Raff said.  “He’ll want you out of those rain-soaked clothes.”  He started pulling off Pontius’s shirt, and unzipping his pants.   The maid Magenta did the same with Stacy. 

 A blond hunk fumbling with his shirt?  His cell phone had bars now, but calling a tow truck could wait….

 Stacy was not as enthusiastic about Magenta. “Wait a minute – I’m gay!  Could I get Riff Raff? My boyfriend Pontius is bi – maybe he’ll be into the French maid scene.”

 She sneered. “Transylvanian maid.  But you can relax, femme boy.  I just like to watch.  In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention, well secluded, I see all.”

 “Ok, then, we’ll both take Riff Raff,” Pontius said.  He reached down and tried to fondle his chest, but the blond dude pushed his hand away. 

The Sweet Transvestite

With a loud clank, an old fashioned elevator descended, and out came a hot guy in a dominatrix outfit, with fishnet stockings, high heels, pearls, glam makeup and an old-time movie star hairdo.  Pontius nudged Stacy “Dibs.”

The Master began to sing: Don’t get strung out by the way I look – don’t judge a book by its cover.  I’m not much of a man by the light of day…

“Don’t say that,” Pontius interrupted.  “There’s nothing wrong with being femme.  Actually, I prefer femme boys.”  He put his arm around Stacy.

 “Um…ok….I’m just a sweet transvestite from  transsexual Transylvania..”

 “Not cool, dude,” Stacy said.  “Those oldster terms are offensive.  You’re a drag queen, not a transvestite, and it's transgender, not transsexual.  And how can everybody on a whole planet be trans?"

 “It's just a song, ok?"

Pontius held out his hand.  "I'm Pontius, and this is my boyfriend Stacy."

"Charmed.  My name would be too complicated for your tiny human minds to comprehend, so you can call me Frank.  Frank N Furter.”

 Pontius and Stacy both started giggling.  “You’re an advanced alien species, and that’s all you could come up with?” Stacy said. 

 “Do you have a brother named Meat Loaf?” Pontius asked.

Frank glared at Riff Raff.  “Um…have you met my boy toy, Rocky?   When I was just a sweet young thing, I built a man...with blond hair and a tan.  He’s good for relieving my…tensions.”

  Rocky was a silver fox muscleman, in his 50s, wearing only a golden jockstrap.  He flexed as he walked.

 Stacy nudged Pontius. “Dibs.”

Rocky held out his hand and grunted.  

"I'm afraid my man is nonverbal.  I never could get the esophagus right, but everything else works.  A deltoid and a bicep, a hot groin and a tricep makes me...shake.  Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the..."

 “We have a flat tire, “ Pontius began.  “We came in to use your phone, but we have bars now, so we can be on our way.  Unless…” he said hopefully.

Frank began to sing: Why don’t you stay for the night? I could get you both rooms. We could listen to some Dolly Parton tunes. Or if you want something visual, that’s pretty groovy, We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

“Who?”

More after the break

What has Gavin Munn, Abraham on "The Righteous Gemstones," been up to lately? Hint: It's not acting, and there's a prom involved. With some n*de buddies.

 

Link to the n*de photos

I've been checking up on the Gemstone guys, to see what they've been doing since the show ended, or since their last appearance, and it's time for Gavin Munn. His Abraham, one of Jesse Gemstone's three sons, was a minor character with only a few lines per season and only a few probably-unintentional queer codes (enough for me to write a fan fiction story where he comes out).  But Gavin had a strong social media presence.  He posted so many interesting photos that I had enough for six cute/cool collections.

He was an athlete, so as he moved through adolescence, we saw him bulking up.

He had a hot dad and older brother.

He buddied up to his Gemstone costars, male gues stars, and hunky stuntmen.  And a surprising number of non-actor friends (n*de photos on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

The Righteous Gemstones ended in 2025.  What has Gavin been up to lately?

Answer after the break.  Hint: It ain't pretty.

Jimmy Olsen's Secret Life, Part 1: Jimmy discovers that the Gemstones Do It Big

 

Link to the n*de dudes

Jimmy was prepared for a mansion rivaling Bruce Wayne’s – after all, the Gemstone motto was “Do It Big!”  But he still wasn’t prepared for the Gemstone Lake House, on Lake Murray, South Carolina’s biggest reservoir.  Tudor-style, with three round towers, four decks, eight bedrooms, two swimming pools, two boat launches, and a gazebo decorated with statues of the Greek gods Aphrodite and Apollo. 

Jesse Gemstone himself met him at the door, casually dressed in a checkered shirt and white pants. He shook Jimmy's hand and said “Praise be to He,” as if it was a standard greeting.   Jimmy had interviewed presidents and superheroes, but he was still in awe.  Rev. Gemstone was not only one of the three heads of the most successful Evangelical organization in the world, he was constantly in the news for everything from a mismanaged Prayer Pod debacle to numerous attempts on his life.

“Thank you for agreeing to the interviews,” Jimmy said. 

“It’s a visit,” he corrected.  “You’re our guest for the weekend.  Think of yourself as family – a long lost cousin.  You want anything, just ask.”  Then he flashed The Look – everybody did, Jimmy should have expected it, but he was still taken aback.  This was Jesse Gemstone!

Since he was about 15 years old, everybody who saw Jimmy Olsen, except for kids and the very old, fell in love with him.  Man, woman, gay, straight, single, married – it made no difference.  Usually they weren’t really aware of what was happening, they just knew that they liked Jimmy and wanted to do things for him – he got a free dessert almost every time he ate in a restaurant, he was bumped to first class almost every time he flew, and he had never been turned down for a date or a hookup, except by Clark Kent – but sometimes they knew exactly what they wanted, and got a little aggressive.  God, he hoped that Jesse Gemstone wouldn’t get aggressive.

But all Rev. Gemstone did was caress Jimmy's arm a bit and lead him into the foyer and…the library, where the Gemstone siblings crawled after they were shot by Corey Milsap, and prayed for him as he died -- they prayed for their murderer!  

“I’m surprised that you want to spend time at this place, when you and your brother and sister were shot and almost died here.”

He chuckled.  “So, if I stayed away from every place where someone tried to kill me, I’d never go anywhere.”  Then he hesitated.  “This isn’t going to be one of those smear pieces, is it?   Frankly, I agreed to the visit because  I like some of your articles in the Daily Planet.  You’ve got heart -- not like that Lois Lane and her muckraking interviews with Superman”

“It's going to be about the Gemstone Miracle, how you survive and thrive after adversity.  I get you – I grew up in the South. In an Evangelical family.”

“But you’re not Evangelical anymore?”  Uh-oh, Jimmy felt soul-winning coming on.

“I’m a gay ally – my sister is trans.  And I just couldn't stand the homophobia in my home church."

“Believe me, that’s not a problem here.”  Next they moved into parlor where they held talent contests, and Corey Milsap did a Michael Jackson routine – before trying to murder his friends.  “Is there going to be a talent show this weekend?”

“Why, do you have a piece in mind?”

As Rev. Gemstone showed him the dining room, kitchen, sun room, and game room, Jimmy wrote his introduction in his head:

A cross between Elvis Presley and Conway Twitty, with the Van Buren sideburns and rings on every finger, Jesse Gemstone lives the Gemstone motto of “Do it big!”  He has been kidnapped by his uncle, assaulted by a close friend, and shot by another close friend, yet he doesn’t hesitate to open his home and his heart to a complete stranger.  

“My brother and sister and their spouses will be coming up for dinner, and my oldest, Gideon, will be arriving tomorrow.  Right now it’s just my wife and I, our other two kids, and their boyfriends.”

Wait – boyfriends?  Didn’t Jesse and Amber Gemstone have three sons?  Jimmy would have to check his notes.

Mrs. Amber Gemstone: The Preacher’s Wife

Mrs. Gemstone was in the kitchen, elegantly dressed, all in white as she brought a pastry – peach cobbler? – from the oven.   She wiped her hands on a towel to shake Jimmy’s hand.

“You must think I’m an old fashioned Evangelical housewife, subservient to her husband,” she said, pausing as she gave him The Look.

“No, I don’t think that at….”

She caressed his arm.  “But we don’t have full time staff at the lake house.  The service goes home after making lunch, so we have to either eat out or cook dinner ourselves.  But coming all the way from Metropolis, I thought you’d appreciate some real Southern cooking rather than the Root Cellar or Thai Thai.”

Jimmy pulled away.  “I’d appreciate that, Ma’am.”

“Open!”  She popped a spoonful of cobbler into his mouth – a big spoonful, and still steaming hot!  He cried out in pain.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!  Jesse, get a glass of milk for our guest!”

Amber Gemstone, resplendent in white, the picture of the elegant Southern woman, is expertly hiding some insecurity.  She longs to be a traditional Evangelical housewife, following St. Paul’s admonition to “be submissive to your husband,” but the three-time sharpshooting champion of Charleston doesn’t take kindly to being submissive.

Abraham: The Loud Son

 “Pontius and Stacy are  out on a pontoon boat,” Jesse told him.  “You can meet them later. Next up is my youngest, Abraham.  He just turned eighteen.” 

Stacy?  Ok, Jimmy must have misheard.  Jesse’s middle son had a girlfriend, not a boyfriend.

He led Jimmy out to the bigger of the pools – the one behind the lake house – where two teenage boys were playing a noisy sword fight game with pool tubes. They were high school aged, athletic.   When they saw Jesse and Jimmy, they jumped out of the pool and ran forward.

“Boys, this is Jimmy Olsen, the reporter who will be staying with us this weekend.  My son Abraham –”  he gestured at the shorter boy, who had a muscular physique and a shock of unruly brown hair.  “And this is his friend Ash” – tall and thin, with brown skin and curly black hair.

“Don’t be so retro, Dad,” Abraham said, flashing the Look as he took Jimmy’s hand.  “Ash is my boyfriend.  I’m gay.”

“Yeah, with a boyfriend, I figured.”  He dislodged himself from Abraham and shook hands with Ash, who of course flashed the Look.  

"I'll leave you alone to get acquainted."  Rev. Gemstone vanished into the house.

“Go ahead and publish it in The Daily Planet,” Abraham continued. 

“If there’s room in my article.”

“I figured it out when I was like six, but I was afraid to come out to Dad after what happened to my brother Gideon…”

What happened to Gideon?  Jimmy smelled a Gemstone story that he hadn’t read in a bio or seen on CNN.

“We’re big fans of Superman,” Ash interrupted.  “Have you met him?”

“No, but I’ve met Beast Boy, and I dated...I mean, used to be friends with the Green Lantern."

 Jimmy kicked himself.  He was in a family famous for being gay positive, talking to two loud-and-proud teenagers, and he was closeting his gay relationships.   

“Hey, want to go water-skiing before dinner?” Abraham asked.  “If you brought your swimsuit.”

“You don’t need a swimsuit,” Ash added, glancing down at Jimmy.  “The Gemstone Lake House is clothing optional.”

Living in the shadow of three generations of famous Gemstones, 18-year old Abraham has found his own way to be noticed: by being loud, by talking about what everyone else is afraid to mention: secrets, bodily functions, identities.  The first thing he says to you, after “Hello,” is “I’m gay.”

The full story, with n*de photos and s*xual situations, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: Jimmy Olsen's Secret Life, Part 2: Keefe singing, Jimmy twerking, and Gideon in his underwear

A World of Jimmy Olsens

Jimmy Olsen: Superman's Boy Pal

"Superman" (2025): You'll believe a man can queerbait

"It's Not Like That": Preacher starts dating his dead wife's best friend. No, he's not Eli Gemstone. With surprising queer codes and n*de dudes

   

Link to the n*de dudes

Amazon does not have a great track record on LGBTQ rights.  I still buy books from them, but when Amazon Prime recommended a new comedy series called It's Not Like That, I was skeptical, and did some research.  Sure enough, it was produced by the Wonder Project, a new studio that plans on delivering fundamentalist, faith-based, family-friendly,  protest Pride, take back God's rainbow content..  I'm going to have a lot of fun moving into enemy territory to look for gay subtexts produced by accident, and describing the hotness of men who would be horrified to discover that they are an object of male desire.

Premise: Pastor Malcolm (Scott Foley), dealing with grief over his wife's death (of course), starts dating her recently divorced best friend, Lori.  

Pastor Malcolm has three children, a boy (Justin) and two girls (Flora and Penelope), all traumatized by the death of their mother.  Wait...Flora?  What year is this?

Lori has an ex husband and two children, a boy (Merritt) and a girl (Casey), both traumatized by the divorce. 

I'm actually going to review/find gay subtexts in Episode 3, because it features an imam (Ahmad Ghafouri, left) and a rabbi (Rachel Leah Cohen).  Wait -- a female rabbi?  She must be Reform, which is pro gay, even permitting gay rabbis.  I doubt that the writers know this fact, or will have the backbone to mention it.

Scene 1: Pastor Malcolm, getting dressed, notices his dead wife's clothes hanging in the closet, and flashes back to when she was wearing one of the dresses in front of the church: Grace Community Church, with a sign saying "Where all are welcome."  Presumably it means all heterosexuals.  

She's planning a rummage sale, and suggests partnering with some of the other religious groups in town, like the Temple and the Islamic Center.  "We could make it an interfaith rummage sale."  These people are super liberal.  When I was a Nazarene, we weren't even allowed to hang out with Baptists.

Back in the present, Pastor Malcolm is overcome by grief, but thinks "That wasn't a bad idea."

Cut to Pastor Malcolm asking his daughters to go through Mom's stuff and find things to sell.  They resist:  "You want to pretend that she never existed!  I'll never forget her, even though you have!"

"Why don't you throw out all of our stuff, too, since our lives mean nothing to you!"

"This is so unfair!"  

Scene 2: At Lori's house, amid some disasters, Surly Son Merrit (Caleb Baumann) is on the phone: Dad David is trying to convince him that his new apartment is cool.  Nope, he's not staying there.  Lori lays down the law: Dad gets you on the weekends, so you have no choice.

Merrit and Shy Daughter Casey resist.  "You're the one who got the divorce.  Why should we suffer?"

"Why don't you just sell the house, and throw out all our memories, since our lives mean nothing to you?

"This is so unfair!"

The parallels are cleverly constructed.

Cut to Pastor Malcolm and Lori at the coffee shop, commiserating on how hard it is to be a parent after a major trauma, like death or divorce. But they stand firm: "It's the right thing to do.  It will be hard for them, but I'm ready." 

Scene 3: At school, Merritt joins Pastor Malcolm's daughter Flora for lunch. She's looking for a writing project, so he suggests one: "It's about us."  Flora is shocked.  But he actually means their parents' hookup, har har.   Queer code #1: He's not romantically interested in her.

Flora has not heard this before, and doesn't believe him.  "Dad's not ready to forget about my mom yet." You accused him of that like five minutes ago.

Meanwhile, in the restroom,  a girl asks Shy Daughter Casey, "Are you doing anything this weekend?"  Queer Code #2: Asking her for a date.  Casey is surprised because she bullied her before, but: "That's just what we do.  I really like you."  

"Ok, but this weekend, we have to go stay with my newly divorced Dad."  The Girl tells us that her dad left when she was six, so she's an expert on divorce.  She offers to teach Casey the tricks of the trade.  First lesson: how to cash in on their guilt. Hey, no fair to ask her out wihtout a follow-up.

Scene 4: Lori is at work, spying on her kids' text messages and being depressed, when her friend Gail comes in to ask about her date last night.  She had a good time, but refused to kiss him, and now he is ghosting her. At Nazarene summer camp, the preacher said that you shouldn't kiss before marriage, but it was just a recommendation, not one of the rules in the Manual.

"So scroll on to the next one."

Next up, Dad David (JR Ramirez, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) drops in to discuss their shared client.  Apparently they manage Country-Western singers.  Lori breaks the news that the kids don't want to spend the weekend at his new place.

"Tough, they gotta."

"But we want them to have autonomy."

He gets angry.  "I'm trying everything, and nothing is getting through to them!"

Lori thinks that Shy Daughter Casey's wrestling has something to do with it.  All her gear is at home, and there are matches on the weekend, so...  Queer Code #3: Wrestling is a masculine-coded activity.

They compromise.  David will stay at the house with the kids, and Lori will stay...um, somewhere else.  You going to shack up with the hunky preacher?

Cut to everyone setting up for the Interfaith Rummage Sale.  Daughter Flora confronts Pastor Malcolm: "Are you trying to erase Mom's memory because you moved on to Lori?"

"It's not like that."  The title of the series, har har.  "All we did was kiss, but we decided that we weren't ready for a relationship, so we're staying Just Friends."

On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: When I searched for Scott Foley n*de, I got Peter Kendall n*de in The Girls on the Bus

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.3, Continued: the darkness of roller coasters, club-bulges, hookups, and apples. With n*de musclemen bonus

  

Link to the n*de dudes

We're not finished with Kelvin's descent into the Darkness, but first an interlude with Eli answers some questions about his past.  

Eli's Past: Gideon is clearing out stuff, in preparation for moving into Roy Gemstone's old house on the estate, when he comes across a suitcase full of Eli's wrestling memorabilia.  Plus some newspaper articles about Glendon Marsh, Junior's father, who gave Eli a job as a loan enforcer. He had a whole crime syndicate; he ordered the murders of some police officers who were snooping around -- like Thaniel Block!  So maybe Eli didn't just break thumbs -- maybe he and Junior were  full-fledged hit men!

Jesse concludes that Eli brought Junior to town to kill Thaniel!  He rushes to tell Judy.  

While they are talking, Judy's husband BJ comes in with even more evidence: He was out rollerblading in the amusement park on the estate, and came across Eli riding the rollercoaster by himself, over and over.  (wait -- don't you need someone to turn it and off for you?).

"Funny -- Daddy always hated that rollercoaster," Judy muses.  Maybe he's using it to work himself into a murderous frenzy, so he can kill more people!

The Amusement Park: Jesse and Judy go to the park to investigate. Suddenly Kelvin appears, having tracked them down (or BJ told him where they were)

Notice that he's trying to dilute the raw homoerotic power of his usual outfits.  He still wears a power-inducing lion t-shirt and a club-bulge (or is that his real package?), but he's hiding it with a granny sweater and a cap.  

And what's with the wedding ring?  It's been a few days since the dressing room scene. Did he and Keefe solve the "buddies or boyfriends" dilemma by getting married?

Kelvin pocketed Eli's cell phone after "grow up" speech, so they can search it for clues.  After a bit where they try to think of the passcode -- it's Eli's birthday, but when is his birthday? --they find a text to Martin from the night of the murders: "Went out with Junior. Things went sideways. Need your help here."  Then "Thanks for cleaning up my mess." Uh-oh. proof positive!

A Symbolic Castration: The siblings confront Eli, who tells them what really happened on the night of the murders: he and Junior go bowling. Four ladies sitting beneath a "Hot Snacks" sign spread their legs,  Junior picks the one with the biggest..smile, and Eli picks the Asian.  She takes him back to her place and purrs, growls, smooches at him, takes off things -- why did she go bowling dressed in an evening gown that looks like it should be worn to the Academy Awards?

Eli is enthusiastic about hooking up, but for some reason he decides to go to the bathroom and shave off his pubic hair first. Dude, a lady is waiting with her legs spread.  Isn't that, like, a heterosexual mating signal?   He accidentally cuts himself on the testicle, starts bleeding, and calls Martin to help.  So, are you going to see her again?

In the Medieval Arthurian epics written by Chrétien de Troyes and others; the Fisher King suffers from a wound in his groin or hip, symbols for his genitals, often as punishment for s*xual infidelity.  As a result, he is impotent, and his land is infertile.  Here Eli suffers from a symbolic castration, maybe as punishment for "two-timing" Aimee-Leigh: in this universe, true love lasts forever, even behind the grave, and betraying that love is worse than murder: "Why couldn't you have just killed someone?" Kelvin yells.  

The siblings stomp out.

More after the break

How fans deny queerness in "The Righteous Gemstones" and other recent tv series. With examples and d*cks.

Link to the n*de photos

New book on fan reaction to queer codes in tv series, especially how and why some fans on social media refuse to admit that a character is gay.

Gideon Gemstone's room is plastered with pictures of musclemen.

He's obviously straight.  He wants to look like them, not at them.

On The Middle, Sue's friend Brad begins "I'm...."  and is cut off when she says "I know" and hugs him.  

Obviously he was going to confess his love for her.

On What We Do in the Shadows, Guillermo tells the vampires, "I was about thirteen when I realized that I was..." and is cut off.

Obviously he was going to say "shy around girls."

On The Hollow, Adam has a Pride flag in his room.

So what? Lots of guys like rainbows.

He tells his friends, "I'm gay."

Obviously he didn't mean it like that.

On Solar Opposites, the aliens Korvo and Terry hold hands, share a bed, discuss sexual positions, and kiss.  

They're just imitating human behavior. They're not gay or anything.

More after the break

Jimmy Olsen's Secret Life, Part 2: Keefe singing, Jimmy twerking, and Gideon in his underwear

 

Link to the n*de dudes

In Part 1, Jimmy Olsen visits the world-famous televangelist/megachurch family, the Gemstones, at their Lake House to write a story for The Daily Planet, and learns that something happened to Jesse Gemstone's son Gideon that no one will talk about. On Friday, he interviews several family members.  It's Saturday morning, time for the gay couple  Kelvin and Keefe.  Then Gideon arrives.

Kelvin Gemstone: The Top Christ Following Man

On Saturday morning, Jimmy came downstairs to the staff bustling about, cleaning bedrooms, mopping, vacuuming.  Most of the family had already finished breakfast and scattered to the boat or the swimming pools, but Kelvin and Keefe were still in the breakfast nook.  The youngest of the Gemstones was short, sturdy, muscular, and femme, a Tom of Finland drag queen, married to a long-haired muscleman with a fading “Hail Satan” tattoo visible on his forearm. 

“Good morning!” Kelvin called, flashing the usual Look.  “I hope you got a lot of rest, ‘cause we have a full day planned.”

Jimmy sat next to him.  A waiter jumped forward to fill his coffee cup and hand him the breakfast menu.  He ordered the Denver omelet and sourdough toast. 

“To be honest, after the noise and honking horns of Metropolis, it was hard to sleep in the quiet.”  Especially with his superpower revealing who was going at it at 3 and 4 am.

“Back when I was in Satan’s Baby, we toured in Metropolis a lot,” Keefe said. “I used to be a regular in the gay club scene up there.  Have you been to The Metropolis Eagle?”

Why did Keefe think that Jimmy would be hanging out in gay clubs?  “Your heavy metal past is a story waiting to be told. Maybe I can interview you later?”

He pretended to look down at his mostly-eaten frittata.  “Thanks, but I like to stay out of the spotlight.  I’m the roots of the tree, and Kelvin is the branches.” 

Ok, so he wouldn’t be getting much information from Keefe.  Time to interrogate Kelvin. “So you came out publicly last year, but I’m sure the family knew long before that.  How did you come out to them?”

“Well, I didn’t really need to come out to them – they knew long before I did, back when I was a kid and sneaked peeks at my sister’s teen magazines. It took me forever to figure it out for myself.  I was in denial for years, until…”  He hesitated.  “I guess the kidnapping.”

But that was in 2023.  He had the God Squad, a cadre of bodybuilders living in yurts on his front lawn, in 2022.  How could he not know?

Keefe objected, too: “But we were doing stuff back when we first met, when Gideon and Scotty….” Kelvin shot him a harsh look, and he trailed off.

Obviously Kelvin was trying to control the narrative, present himself as unaware until 2023, so he could claim not to know about Gideon and Scotty….who the heck was Scotty, and what did it have to do with Kelvin?

“Keefe, are you sure you won’t reconsider that interview?  Maybe we can do it while swimming later.  I heard that the Lake House was clothing optional?”'

Keefe flashed the Look and glanced at Kelvin, who nodded his consent.

Keefe Chambers: the Heavy Metal Rocker

City boy Jimmy learned to swim in a public pool, had been rescued from a sinking ship by Beast Boy, and was trembling with fear on the floating dock as Keefe dove into the 200-foot deep water of Lake Murray   (Kelvin stayed behind to do some work with Prism.)  He pulled himself up, rocking the dock – the guy weighed 200 pounds – and climbed up to the slide. 

He paused.  “Aren’t you coming in, Jimmy?” 

“No, thanks -- I’ll just work on my tan.  But I’m enjoying watching you.”  Jimmy hesitated, realizing that it sounded like he was interested – and maybe he was.  The guy was massive everywhere.  If he was going to accept one of the three-way hints this weekend, it would be with Kelvin and Keefe.

Keefe tumbled down the slide, dove in again, and then lay on the beach towel next to Jimmy – so close that they were touching, of course. 

“Tell me about how you and Kelvin met,” Jimmy suggested.

He grinned at the memory.  “It was at Charleston Pride 2019.  I was passing out fliers for Baby Queef – my solo act after I quit Satan’s Baby.  Kelvin came to one of my performances, and that was it.  For me, anyway.  It took like three years to convince him that we should be more than s*x buddies, and five years to talk him into marrying me.”

Keefe Chambers was on his way to an impressive career – lead singer in a heavy metal band, a solo act as a Satanic comedian, friends with musical giants Ozzie Osborne and Trent Reznor, covers of “It’s Raining Men” and “I’m Coming Out” that charted in France. But he gave it all up to stand in the wings, quietly supporting Kelvin Gemstone, his best friend, boyfriend, and eventually his husband.

“So Charleston Pride, June 2019, right?”  Jimmy fished. "Was that before or after Gideon and Scotty?”

“Gideon came home from California later, after I moved into Kelvin's house.  Maybe in January or February?  Scotty came up a week or so later, and stayed through...well, stayed awhile.”

“A boyfriend?”

“Probably.  I mean, we had them over for dinner, like they were a couple.”

“So Gideon is gay?”

Keefe patted his shoulder. “You'd better ask him yourself.  He likes irises and Greek food.”  He dove into the water again.

If Rev. Gemstone allowed Gideon and his boyfriend to live openly in his house in the spring of 2020, the thing that happened couldn’t be about being gay.  Unless he started homophobic, kicked Gideon out of the house, and somehow the relationship was restored.

Gideon Gemstone: The Superhero

They returned to the house, changed clothes, and joined Kelvin and BJ for a game of cornhole (yes, that was the name) on the veranda.

Gideon drove up on his motorcycle just before lunch.  He was in his mid-20s, a little shorter than Kelvin, with a tight, firm physique and an open, slightly freckled face. 

“Sorry I didn’t come up earlier, Mr. Olsen. I had an emergency at the skatepark to take care of.”

“It’s Jimmy.”

“Then I’m Gideon.”  He smiled as they shook hands.

Wait – a smile, but no Look.  This hardly ever happened!  It was an immense relief to touch someone without seeing that rush -- he didn’t want to stop holding Gideon’s hand. Then he realized that Gideon was staring at him, and dropped it.  His face begain to burn.

Keefe nudged Kelvin and whispered something.  They both beamed.  Matchmakers?  But this was the opposite of matchmaking – Gideon was the first person he’d met in a long time who wasn’t interested!

 Gideon shooed away a staff member and grabbed his own bag.  Jimmy took his arm as they walked into the house – still no Look.  Kelvin and Keefe followed.   “I want to hear about the skatepark ministry, but I think the Daily Planet readers will be more interested in the times you saved the day.”

“Me – saved the day?  What do you mean?”

“You helped your Grandfather escape the militia thugs, rescued your Dad from the kidnappers, hunted down the Cycle Ninjas...”

“He’s like Superman,” Keefe exclaimed.

Gideon laughed.  “Wait – aren’t you friends with the real Superman, Jimmy?”

“No, but I used to date the Green Lantern.”  Coming out as bi – well, in this family, straight people were in the minority.

Jimmy couldn’t ask Gideon about “the thing that happened” at lunch, with everyone around, but afterwards, as the others were prepping for the talent show or lounging on the veranda, he tried.  He sat down with Gideon in the Game Room, pulled out his recorder as if it was a formal interview, and began with: “You moved between California and South Carolina several times.  What brought you out there the first time?”

“I wanted a career as a stuntman, and California is the place to be.”

“Oh.”  Jimmy was disappointed, but he knew that interview subjects need some human connection to feel comfortable enough to open up. “Same thing with me.  I wanted to be a journalist, and I couldn’t do that, not really, in Asheville.  It had to be Metropolis, a thousand miles from home.”

“Do you miss your family and friends?” Gideon asked. 

Wait, was he trying the human-connection bit?  Maybe it was what preachers did.  “Sure.  But I talk to my folks every week, and Chloe – that’s my high school sweetheart, or at least she thinks she is – once a month or so.  She’s married to the Green Arrow now.”

Gideon laughed. “Green Lantern, Green Arrow – you guys are really into green.  I should fix you up with Kelvin – everything in his wardrobe is emerald, or teal, or chartreuse.”

It was a pleasure being around Gideon, not having to worry about the subtle caresses, the carefully veiled – or not so carefully veiled – flirtations.  Jimmy wished that they could just hang out and talk about regular things, but he was on a schedule, and he needed a Gideon profile for his article. 

“What about you?  I already heard about your ex-boyfriend Scotty, but have you dated anyone lately?"

Gideon stood and walked away – or rather, stomped away -- without another word.

The Talent Show

When Jimmy came down for the Talent Show, Gideon was sitting in the front row.  Like Judy yesterday, he gestured for Jimmy to join him. 

“I’m sorry I left so abruptly before,” he began.  “It’s just that Scotty is a sore spot for me.”

Before Jimmy could ask for more details, the show began with Rev. Gemstone dressed as Elvis Presley, singing “Love Me, Tender" to a teddy bear.

Gideon nudged Jimmy to offer him some of his popcorn.  Where was the popcorn?

Next, Mrs. Gemstone played Beethoven’s Sonata 8, Pathéthique, on the piano, BJ did his magic act (badly), and Judy sang her mother’s hit, “Toodles Until Tomorrow”

These things, they cannot last, the past is the past
If you look back, you'd see them behind us
For the road leads us on with the moon and the sun
 Wake up, move along and say goodbye

Gideon sniffed and brought a handkerchief to his eyes – allergies, or was he crying?  

It was Pontius and Stacy's turn.  Dressed as surfer dudes, they performed “Summer Lovin’”, turning it into two gay guys describing their summer boyfriends.

Summer loving, had me a blast - Summer lovin', happened so fast
 I met a boy, crazy for me  -- I met a boy, cute as can be.
Tell me more, tell me more, 'cause the evening sounds sick.
Tell me more, tell me more, like how big was his...car?

He got friendly, sittin' on the grass -- he got horny, grabbin' my...beach towel
We stayed out 'til nine o'clock....we made out, I sucked his...dreamsicle
Tell me more, tell me more -- did you meet Mom and Pop?
Tell me more, tell me m ore -- did he bottom or top?

 Gideon wrapped his arm around Jimmy’s shoulders, and Jimmy relaxed into him.  It was different, touching someone who didn’t have the Look, wasn’t overwhelmed with desire.  Comfortable – relaxing. 

Next, Kelvin and Keefe stood.  "We need two volunteers for our act," Keefe announced.

"I see two hands up," Kelvin announced.  "Jimmy and...what's that guy's name?...Gideon.  Come on, you can hold hands later."

They dragged the guys into the music room, and had them change into swimsuits and raincoats: "You dance along.  When I point, pull off your raincoats and do a sort of stripper routine, got it?"

The song was "It's Raining Men."

Humidity is rising, barometer's getting low  -- how low, dude?
According to gay sources -- like Lambda Legal?
The street's the place to go -- get going, boy!
'Cause tonight for the first time -- just about half-past ten
For the first time in history, it's gonna start raining men!

The full story, with n*de photos and s*exual situations, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: Is There S*x After Death?: A Gideon and Scotty story

Previous: Jimmy Olsen's Secret Life, Part 1: Jimmy Olsen finds out that the Gemstones do it big

Santa Clarita Diet, Episode 1.9: A Medieval Serbian book, a gay subtext, twink pics, and maybe a Skyler d*ck

It's Raining Men

A World of Jimmy Olsens

Jimmy Olsen: Superman's Boy Pal

Joel Rush's Hot/H*ng Photos, Part 2: Beefcake, including That Scene and a kiss

Link to the n*de photos

Joel Rush, playing Sky, was one of the most popular and sadistic members of the Righteous Gemstones Season 2 God Squad.  He undermined Kelvin's authority, forced him and Keefe to move out of the master bedroom, and then subject Keefe to various tortures while he was confined in the tiger cage.  But some of the tortures provided beefcake pleasures for viewers.

When Keefe is imprisoned in the tiger cage after the cross-raising challenge, the God Squad uses a ___ to s*xually assault him.  Since it looks out onto the main quad, Keefe also uses it as an eye-hole.  When Sky shoves his d*ck through, hoping for a bj, he accidentally stabs Keefe in the eye.  Or was it deliberate?

Joel Rush has a number of other n*de and semi-n*de scenes in his work.

A jockstrap shot.

A rear shot.

The obligatory b*ndage scene.

More after the break

Jason Schwartzman: Lots of quirky guys winning The Girl of Their Dreams, two gay/bi characters, one penis

 

Jason Schwartzman broke into film with Rushmore, 1998, which I didn't see: the plot synopsis sounded decidedly creepy, not to mention obsessively heterosexist.  A 15 year old boy tries to get with one of high school teachers, but she refuses to sexually assault him, so he fixes her up with his older buddy and finds an age-appropriate girlfriend.  Shudder.

He played a few more disaffected, deviant, and dangerous teenagers, in  Freaks and Geeks, Slackers, and Spun, then moved on to some well-received independents, such as I Heart Huckabees and The Grand Budapest Hotel

Link to the NSFW version

Looking through the list on the IMDB, I realize that out of Jason's 87 movies and tv shows, I've seen four: 

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, 2010:  An adaption of the graphic novel, with Scott (Michael Cera, who I watched to see) trying to win the Girl of His Dreams by clobbering her evil exes.  One is a girl; plus Scott has a gay roommate, played by Kieran Culkin. Jason plays one of the exes, Gideon G-Man Graves.

Wet Hot American Summer, 10 Years Later, 2017, reunites the gang from the movie and add some new characters, such as Deegs, "the new Andy" (Skyler Gisondo, who I watched to see). Jason plays Greg, the head boys'  counselor at the summer camp.

In The Righteous Gemstones Season 2, Jason plays Thaniel, a sleazy journalist digging up dirt about "sexual impropriety" among clergy.  He is especially interested in taking down Eli Gemstone, the most famous televangelist and mega-church pastor in the world. Eli's children, hoping to talk him into backing off, go to his cabin, and find him shot to death!  "Who killed Thaniel?" is one of the main mysteries of the season.

Jason plays a gay guy in Asteroid City, 2023: Augie Steenbeck, a World War II photojournalist who stars in the play based on the movie we're watching, and dates the playwright, I think. It's all very confusing, and not really worth it: the two are on stage for only about 30 seconds, and vanish after a single, so-distant-that-you-can-barely-see it kiss.

More Jason after the break

Gideon moves out of the Friend Zone: A Gideon x Keefe Romance

 

I revised the sex scene to make it parallel Kelvin's date with Percy.

"This is it," Gideon Gemstone told himself as he stood at the entrance of Woodpecker's Carpentry, watching the workers inside, and trying not to be noticed.  "Enough stalling.  You make your move now, or forget about it."

Suddenly a burly middle-aged man in a blue worker's suit appeared. "Hello.  I'm Bishop, the owner.  Can I help you with something?"

"I was just admiring the wood carvings.  I like that Grinch in a Santa Claus suit, and the bobble-head Trump...."  Thinking fast, he added. "But I was really looking for a birthday present for my Granddad.  Eli Gemstone -- you probably heard of him."

"The pastor at the Salvation Center? Sure, half my crew goes there, or watches the Praise Be to He hour on Sunday mornings. He's retired, isn't he? Who's the preacher now?"

"Jesse Gemstone.  I'm his son, Gideon."

He chuckled.  "How about that!   We're having a run on Gemstones today.  Your Uncle Kelvin was in earlier, probably shopping for the same thing.  He was talkin' up a storm with our new guy, Keefe."

Uncle Kelvin!  Gulp -- maybe it was too late.

The full story, with NSFW illustrations, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends