"American Primeval": Mormons, settlers, Paiutes, and soldiers fight in a very damp Old West. With some n*de Western dudes

 

Link to the n*de mountain men

 I thought American Primeval, on Netflix, would be about bikers, but it's a Western: 

"Utah territory, 1857. Wild and Untamed.  The United States army, Mormon militia, Native Americans, and pioneers, all locked in a brutal war for survival."

Back story: The U.S. took control of what is now Utah during the Mexican-American War in 1846. The Mormons under Brigham Young  settled in the Salt Lake Valley in 1847, and proposed the new state of Deseret.  They got Utah Territory instead. Conflicts with the U.S. government over Mormon practices like polygamy led to skirmishes and eventually the Mormon War, aka the Utah War, 1857-8.

Yes, you do need to know this to understand the episode.

Scene 1: Mrs. Rowell and her son Devin, reading Oliver Twist, have been waiting forever at the end of the train tracks, in St. Joseph -- wait, St. Joseph, Missouri?  That's 1,000 miles from Salt Lake City.  

Left: as far as the railroads went in 1857.

Finally John Frye (Clint Obenchain) arrives to take them by covered wagon the rest of the way to Fort Bridger, now in Wyoming.  Then they will meet Jim Beckworth for the rest of the passage.  Devin wonders why they don't just go to California.  I agree.

Scene 2: Cut to Fort Bridger, with teepees outside. People gambling, fighting, smithying. A Shoshone girl steals a knife.  Mrs. Rowell and Devin arrive.  Shoshone kids try to sell them trinkets.  

Problem: they were delayed, so Jim Beckworth is gone.   A Frenchman keeps insisting that he can guide them, becomes violent, and kills their guide, so Jim Bridger (Shea Whigham), the head of the fort, kills him with a shovel.  Mrs. Rowell is aghast: she was told that this was a peaceful trading post. 

He suggests that she return to Boston, or at least wait until spring. Right now there are too many outlaws, Mormons, Indians, bears, and wolves rampaging, and then the Wasatch Mountains, which are impassable in winter. No, she can't wait: she has to meet her husband at Crooks Springs (not a real town).  

Scene 3: Bridger leads them to a mountain man, Isaac (Taylor Kitsch), who might want to guide them. Problem: he's shooting at them.  Bridger proves that it's really him, and leads them to his camp, where he's washing -- butt shot.  Isaac doesn't want to hang out with "a woman and a cripple" (boy wears a leg brace).  

Scene 4: Mrs. Rowell and Devin finally manage to hitch a ride in a wagon train of families from Arkansas, led by James Fancher (uh-oh, she's in trouble). She bonds with the Mormon Jake (Dane DeHaan) and his wife Abisha.

He's not really a creep -- this photo just makes him look that way.

Remember the Shoshone girl who stole the knife?  She uses it to kill her father or another older man who keeps assaulting her.  Then she stows away on Mrs. Rowell's wagon.  Looks like Devin will be getting a girlfriend.

Oh, and a little too late, a bounty hunter arrives, looking for Mrs. Rowell -- turns out that is not her name. She is wanted for murdering a man in Philadelphia.  Maybe her husband?  So who is the fake Mrs. Rowell hoping to meet?

More after the break

Scene 5:  When they camp for the night, the Mormon militia, led by Frank (Dominic Bogart), ride up and tells them to go away: Governor Brigham Young has decreed that outsiders aren't allowed in Mormon territory.  But aren't most of the travelers Mormons?   The travelers  scare them off.

Devin brings food to his Shoshone girlfriend in hiding.

Back story: Mormon Jake reveals that he was originally planning to marry Eden, but she died, so he took her sister instead.  Abisha is a proto-feminist, rebelling against her role as wife and baby-maker, and wondering if it was really God's will for her to marry Jake in her sister's place.  Wouldn't it be great if Abisha and Mrs. Rowell fall in love? But I think Mountain Man Isaac -- who is now stalking the party -- is her love interest.

As the women are discussing how many children they want, arrows start flying everywhere!  Mercenary Paiutes and the Mormon militia kill all of the men.  Jake is scalped. Just when you think he'll be a regular character.  Most of the women are spared, to be turned over to the Paiute leader (Derek Hinkey, left) as part of their payment. 

Mrs. Rowall and Devin are nearly crushed by stampeding cattle.  They run into the woods, chased by the vigilantes, who are yelling "Go get them!"  Bounty hunters?  

Back story: This is the Mountain Meadows Massacre, one of the skirmishes of the Utah war: 120 settlers were massacred by the Mormon Militia and some Paiute mercenaries for "trespassing" in Utah Territory. Some children were spared and taken to live with Mormon Families.

Mrs. Rowall and Devin are saved by Isaac the Stalker and rushed to safety.

Scene 6: Night.  It's cold, but they can't light a fire because the bounty hunters are still searching for them.

Meanwhile, back at the Fort, Virgil (Jai Courtney) and his sidekick  approach the federal marshall with news: he knows where "the woman and the boy" are. Wait -- Mountain Meadow is in southern Utah, near what is now Cedar City. Fort Bridger is 400 miles away.  No way they made it back from the massacre in just a few hours. This is weeks later!

They will guide him to them for $500.  But it's an ambush!  Virgil and his men stab him a dozen times!  

His sidekick disapproves: "We didn't have to kill him!" They'll be having some lovers' quarrels.

Scene 7: Paiute girls wander among the corpses, looking for things to steal.  Whoops, Jake the Mormon is still alive!  They run away.  He stumbles around and yells for his wife, giving us a heteronormative conclusion.  The end.

Beefcake: Isaac's bottom. Every man is bearded and long-haired, grimy, sweaty, unpleasant to look at. Strangely, the women have all showered, done their hair, and applied makeup.  I guess we know whose gaze is being promoted.

There are several hunky guys in the cast list, but with their scraggly-toothless makeup, I can't tell who they play: Kip Weeks, top photo, as Pepper, Nick Hargrove, left, as Cottrell, and Oliver Stafford, below, as "French Canadian man"

Other Sights: None.  A very dark, dismal color pallette, except at the Fort, where it's always raining, so people slosh through mud and grime.

Heterosexism: Jake and Abisha, and I'm pretty sure Mrs. Rowell and Isaac and Devin and the Shoshone girl.

Gay Characters: I doubt it.  There were a lot of gay men in the Old West -- why do you think they moved to the frontier?  But if the showrunners include a same-sex romance, there will be howls of anguish: "Pandering to the gay agenda ruined the show!  Everybody knows that there were no gay people before 1969!  Completely unbelievable!"

Will I Keep Watching:  I'm sort of interested in the history of the region, and I'd like to know about the murder -- no doubt he was an abusive husband, but why is Mrs. Rowell so dead-set on crossing the country to Utah?  But I won't be looking for gay representation.  I doubt that I'll find any.

See also: History of the World, Part 2: Homophobic jokes, Brock O'Hurn, and Tim Baltz in the Old West.

Under the Banner of Heaven: Murder and a crisis of faith in a fundamentalist Mormon family with five brothers (and five d*cks)

Aaron Taylor-Johnson: Varying levels of hotness, but the d*ck stays the same With Taylor Kitsch