"The Stranger": The one with Kai Alexander, Richard Armitage, Edina from "Absolutely Fabulous," and an alpaca-biter

Link to n*de dudes

My Netflix recommendation for this morning, The Stranger: "When a stranger makes a shocking claim about his wife, family man Adam Price becomes entangled in a mystery as he desperately searches for answers."

First, I hate the phrase "family man."  Why is it that reproducing makes a man noble, laudable, beyond reproach?  All he did was have s*x.

Second, what difference does it make that it's a stranger?  Why is someone automatically sinister, just because you haven't met them?

Third, the title is The Stranger.  That's  been done to death: it's the title of 4 novels, about 20 films, a dozen tv series, four this year alone, and some songs and video games.  Granted, the original novel is also entitled The Stranger, but what does author Harlan Coben know? 

Wait -- Harlan Coben?  This doesn't bode well. The movies based on his novels always posit a gay-free world.

I'm ready to resume my Netflix search, but then I see that one of the stars is the dreamy Jacob Dudman of The A-List.  Besides, we're running out of shows to watch.  So, ok.


Scene 1: Some teenagers conniving around a bonfire, savage like the Lost Boys in Peter Pan.

A n*de guy  (Kai Alexander) runs in terror through an alpaca farm.  Chest and butt shots. Wow!

Ok, you've got my attention.

Dude has 14 acting credits on the IMDB, dating back to 2015. He's also apparently done gay videos (after the break).

Scene 2: Earlier that day, we see Adam the Perfect (Richard Armitage, left) living a Perfect with a capital P heterosexual fantasy life, throwing his job, house, wife, and kids in my face.

Job: lawyer, naturally.

D*ck: Huge.

Wife: Corinne the Good Wife (Dervla Kirwan), who works at a feminine-coded job as a teacher.

Kids: Horndog Son #1 (Jacob Dudman) and Horndog Son #2 (Mischa Handley), both wild about girls, cars, and football (soccer), everything sons are supposed to be, everything I wasn't as a kid, which caused my parents lots of grief.  I'm gritting my teeth.

Left: Misha Handley has only three photos on his Instagram.  The one on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends looks like something, but it is actually innocent: he's trying to put on a leg brace.

In the midst of all this Heterosexual Perfection, the Stranger (Hannah John-Kamen) approaches Adam the Perfect and tells him that Corinne the Good Wife faked her 2017 pregnancy and miscarriage so he wouldn't dump her.   

He does some research, and guess what?  The Stranger is telling the truth. He is devastated.

More after the break.  

The Harlan Coben Channel...I mean Netflix. 8 tv series with unraveling families, secrets, lies, butts, and cocks

 

You may have noticed that Netflix has turned into an all-Harlen Coben channel.  I had never heard of him before tv series based on his novels started pushing out all other content, but probably with good reason.  The tv series all have identical plots: a dead loved one, a funeral, someone who vanishes, a amily man or woman's "perfect life" starts to unravel due to the dark secrets that they or a loved one are hiding; and LGBT people do not exist.  But some of the family men are hunky, so...

1. Michael C. Hall in Safe: A close-up of family man Mikey's wedding ring as he stands at his wife's funeral with his three daughters, one of whom refuses to hold his hand. A year later, he rushes into surgery, then returns to his secure neighborhood to a community barbecue, with nuclear familys playing paddleball and eating burgers.  

His teenage daughter still hates him, but not to worry, she'll soon go missing, and her boyfriend will be dead, and there will be secrets and lies. 

2. Kai Alexander in  The Stranger.  While teens frolick at a bonfire, a young man runs naked through the woods, being chased by something. Sounds paranormal, but it isn't; he was just flirting with somebody else's girlfriend. 

Twelve hours earlier, nuclear family dad Richard Armitage drops one of sons off at some sort of practice and takes the other to a Dads vs. Lads soccer game. Soon his perfect life will unravel as The Stranger reveals some secrets and lies.

Teenage son Jacob Dudman, top photo, is also keeping some secrets and lies.

3. Hubert Milkowski in The Woods: A Polish production. A bearded man has a gun pointed at him.  He flashes back to the summer of 1994, in the woods outside a summer camp, where the police are loading a body while  gazes fearfully from his hiding place  

 Cut to the day before, when the campers, 90% girls with big breasts, are frolicking -- dancing aimlessly, blowing on whirligigs, raising their hands.  Why do people frolick so much in these tv shows?  I've never seen anyone do it in real life.  We do get a chest shot of the boy as he emerges from the water to flirt with a girl. 

 He grow up to be attorney Grzegorz Damiecki, whose perfect life with wife and teenage daughter begins to unravel. 

4. Draegon Hennessey in Hold Tight: A sequel to The Woods.  A depressed woman watches a video of her or someone else frolicking with a baby, then a middle aged man frolicking with a toddler.

Next up, Adam's fifth birthday, with lots of slobbery kisses, and teenage Adam arm-wrestling.. 

Deespondent, she trudges to his room -- hey, he's not dead, just alseep! Why has she spent the last five minutes of air time mourning him?  She steals his cell phone to snoop at his messages.

Their perfect lives seem rather unraveled already, with a looney Mom mourning a living son, but the plot is about Adam's best friend vanishing, with secrets and lies. Sorry, they're both identified as straight immediately 

More after the break