"The Stranger": The one with Kai Alexander, Richard Armitage, Patsy from "Absolutely Fabulous," and an alpaca-biter

Link to n*de dudes

My Netflix recommendation for this morning, The Stranger: "When a stranger makes a shocking claim about his wife, family man Adam Price becomes entangled in a mystery as he desperately searches for answers."

First, I hate the phrase "family man."  Why is it that reproducing makes a man noble, laudable, beyond reproach?  All he did was have s*x.

Second, what difference does it make that it's a stranger?  Why is someone automatically sinister, just because you haven't met them?

Third, the title is The Stranger.  That's  been done to death: it's the title of 4 novels, about 20 films, a dozen tv series, four this year alone, and some songs and video games.  Granted, the original novel is also entitled The Stranger, but what does author Harlan Coben know? 

Wait -- Harlan Coben?  This doesn't bode well. The movies based on his novels always posit a gay-free world.

I'm ready to resume my Netflix search, but then I see that one of the stars is the dreamy Jacob Dudman of The A-List.  Besides, we're running out of shows to watch.  So, ok.


Scene 1: Some teenagers conniving around a bonfire, savage like the Lost Boys in Peter Pan.

A n*de guy  (Kai Alexander) runs in terror through an alpaca farm.  Chest and butt shots. Wow!

Ok, you've got my attention.

Dude has 14 acting credits on the IMDB, dating back to 2015. He's also apparently done gay videos (after the break).

Scene 2: Earlier that day, we see Adam the Perfect (Richard Armitage, left) living a Perfect with a capital P heterosexual fantasy life, throwing his job, house, wife, and kids in my face.

Job: lawyer, naturally.

D*ck: Huge.

Wife: Corinne the Good Wife (Dervla Kirwan), who works at a feminine-coded job as a teacher.

Kids: Horndog Son #1 (Jacob Dudman) and Horndog Son #2 (Mischa Handley), both wild about girls, cars, and football (soccer), everything sons are supposed to be, everything I wasn't as a kid, which caused my parents lots of grief.  I'm gritting my teeth.

Left: Misha Handley has only three photos on his Instagram.  The one on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends looks like something, but it is actually innocent: he's trying to put on a leg brace.

In the midst of all this Heterosexual Perfection, the Stranger (Hannah John-Kamen) approaches Adam the Perfect and tells him that Corinne the Good Wife faked her 2017 pregnancy and miscarriage so he wouldn't dump her.   

He does some research, and guess what?  The Stranger is telling the truth. He is devastated.

More after the break.  

Scene 3: Meanwhile, Tom the Horndog #1 tries to talk his girlfriend into s*x.  They are interrupted by their friend Comic Relief Mike (Brandon Fellows, seen here with his costar, Allie the Alpaca).  He invites them to the bonfire.

Scene 4: At the bonfire, there may be some guys dancing together.  I know that Comic Relief Mike and Horndog Son #1 hugged. Maybe Horndog is bi?










Scene 5: The morning after the bonfire and the Stranger, a Detective discusses giving her husband the boot with her friend (Jennifer Saunders of the cult classic Absolutely Fabulous)

She then meets her Hunky Partner (Kadiff Kirwan,left) to investigate the case of a decapitated alpaca in the town square, which leads them to an alpaca farm.

Scene 6: Adam the Perfect comes in from jogging (of course he jogs) to find Comic Relief Mike in his bathrobe, eating pancakes.  Nice hairy chest.  Did he, like, have a sleepover with Horndog Son #1 last night? 

Next, Adam the Perfect visits his client, a retired cop who doesn't want to sell his house to an evil corporate redeveloper.  What does this have to do with anything, except to demonstrate that Adam is Practically Perfect in Every Way?

Scene 7:  The Detectives find the N*de Guy in the woods, still alive. 

Scene 8: Corinne the Good Wife gets back from her conference.  Adam the Perfect confronts her about the fake pregnancy.  She refuses to explain.

Scene 9: N*de Guy is still unconscious, in the hospital.

Scene 10: The Detective and her friend meet for coffee. 

Scene 11: Corinne the Good Wife still refuses to explain.  But, ominously, she says "We all have secrets, Adam the Perfect.  Even you."

Scene 12: The detectives discover that N*de Guy is Dante Gunnarson (cool combination of Italian and Icelandic). He's still unresponsive.  Plus the dead alpaca was bitten by a human (not Dante).  So the dude stumbled upon an alpaca-eating cult? 

Scene 13:  Big School Award Night, with all the parents there.  Miscellaneous parents talk about how "something happened last night." 

 Corinne the Good Wife gets the Good Teacher award, but she is AWOL. 

  Later she sends Adam the Perfect text: "We need some time apart.  Don't try to contact me." Gulp -- foul play?

Scene 14:  Horndog Son looks in his closet.  There's the alpaca head!  He seems to be upset, but not as upset as he would be if it was a surprise.  He must be an alpaca-biter!

Scene 15:  The Detective's Friend locks up her shop leaves...to encounter the Stranger.

Well, maybe she just wanted to do some late-night shopping.

My grade:  There might be some gay characters.  Not enough cute guys.  I had to scroll way down to find Joey Ansah (right), who I think plays the evil corporate shill trying to take over the old guy's house in an irrelevant subplot.

Unless old guy turns out to be the alpaca-biter.

C+

See also: Justified, Episode 1.1: Kentucky cowboy has a gay-subtext romance with an unhinged thug.

Nathan Kress: Freddy from ICarly, all grown up.  Is he still homophobic? Is he still shy about showing his d*ck?

Sage Ftacek: "Sweethearts" Short Brigade stud from Anoka