Snakes and Ladders: A teacher and her gay son squabble with a chocolate heir, the Spanish counsul, and a closeted hunk

Link to the n*de dudes

I've never played the game "Snakes and Ladders" but apparently you move your piece up by landing on ladders and down by landing on snakes.  It's the title of several tv series and movies, most recently the Mexican Serpientes y Escaleras on Netflix. The promo shows a femme guy with orange hair at a party, heading for the bathroom, encountering a conservative guy ("on the right"), and having a conversation with awesome tension. Ok, so let's go, Episode 1.1.

Scene 1: Some kids playing in a school yard.  A boy with blue eyeglasses and a girl get into a tussle, while the playground monitor looks horrified and the narrator tells us that "ethics" means "moral character," following the norms of the society. 

Cut to the Playground Monitor, aka the Prefect  putting on her prim schoolmarm outfit and walking through her mansion to kiss her pink-haired son.  He promises to come to lunch later.  She writes "I Deserve to Be Headmistress" in her notebook (aha, a micro-authority position, like Vice Principal), drives past the Millenium Arches that identify her city as Guadalajara, and arrives at the Colegio Andes (a grade school), only to find her friend Roque (Alfredo Gatica) passing out fliers for her competitor.

The Prefect yells at him. He responds: "She asked.  What could I do?"

N*de photos of Alfredo on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Scene 2: She is called to the Headmistress's office to meet the parents of the blue-eyeglassed boy: Dadis the super-handsome Vicente (Martino Rivas, top photo and left) aka His Excellency Don Vicente Garcia, the Spanish Counsul.  Uh-oh, super-powerful.

The girl's father is dorky-looking Mr. Muriel, aka the Chocolate King, the head of Mexico's biggest chocolate company. 

Mr. and Mrs. Counsul claim that the girl grabbed the boy's private place. 

Chocolate King: "No way!  She's six years old,  too young to know about such things!"

The Prefect was there, but couldn't see well enough to affirm or deny that it happened.

Headmistress adjourns the meeting until tomorrow, and then yells at the Prefect: "You will write a statement indicating that you saw exactly what happened, and it will be what the Counsul wants to hear!"

The kids are still friends, but the parents forbid them from seeing each other again. In other news: The Chocolate King is the ex-boyfriend of Vicente's wife, and thinks that she came back to rekindle their romance. "No, my husband got a job here." Maybe he was better looking in the old days.

Scene 3: The Prefect and her friend discuss whether to say that the daughter did it or not.  The Chocolate King is the most popular parent in the school, but the Spanish Counsul!

At home, her bigoted, abusive ex-husband is visiting. There's a problem with their pink-haired son, Antonio: he's been gambling, and owes a lot of people money -- the Mafia!  She doesn't believe him.  They argue about who is the worse parent.  Then Antonio comes in and asks to borrow a little money. They start yelling at him: "I've raised you under the framework of ethics and morality!"

Uh-oh, the Chocolate King arrives in his limo, so Prefect tells them both to go out smiling, as if they're the perfect family.

Scene 4: The Chocolate King wants the Prefect to say that his daughter didn't do it, so she's not stigmatized as a s*x offender at age six. 

When the Prefect balks, he gives the back story: Once he was engaged to Mrs. Garcia.  Then he got another girl pregnant, so he had to marry her instead.  She went to Spain, married Counsul Garcia, and now she's back, trying to prove that her husband is bigger.  

"Here's my card. Call me if you have any wish you want me to fulfill.  And believe me, I can fulfill them all."  Whew, this dude is creepy.

More after the break

Alberto Ferreira: Not the gay guy in "The Other Side" or "Bad Education" but at least he has a big dick

  

Link to the big dick

Do you want a profile of Alberto Ferreiro, star of the gay classic Bad Education, 2003?

How about now?

The guy is very difficult to research: no Instagram, no Facebook, no Twitter, a Wikipedia page in Spanish that only goes to 2006. 

Alberto Ferreiro, a professor at Seattle Pacific University, has just died and dominates Google searches with memorials.

Getty Images promises 31 pictures of Alberto, but delivers two.  The others are of a semi-naked woman gyrating.

So we'll have to make do with the IMDB.  

Alberto was born in Madrid in 1983, and began his acting career in 2000 with El Otro Barrio, "The Other Neighborhood" or "The Other Side," about the bond between a delinquent boy and a lawyer. Alberto stars in a boy-meets-girl subplot.

The frontal nudity comes from Nito, 2003, a 17-minute short about a bullied kid with learning disabilities.  He figures that the best way to fight back is to have sex with a lady.

Mala Educacion, Bad Education, 2004, has a filmmaker interviewing a trans woman, who tells the story of two boys, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Fele Martinez, falling in love in a Catholic school in the 1960s.  Torment, torture, angst, despair, and tragedy follow, as was common in gay relationships in movies in those days.  You gotta punish those gays.

Alberto shows his butt while sexing a lady.  I swear, until this moment, I thought he played the boy who fell in love with Gabriel Garcia Bernal.

Segundo asalto, 2005, released in the U.S. as The Good Boy, features the relationship between a failed boxer and a bank robber.  Alberto has a minor role Dienteputo.

Recurring or starring TV roles followed: Un lugar en el mundo, "A place in the world"

Mis adorables vecinos, "My lovely neighbors"

More after the break

Ricardo Gomez: Three gay roles, a gay actor, and some frontal nudity, but is there anything to watch?

 Link to NSFW version

While researching that other Brandon Johnson, I came across Ricardo Gómez kissing a guy. Plus he had a lot of nude photos online.  So I went through his work on the IMDB to find something available in the U.S., with gay content, and not awful.

His first work available in the U.S. is the tv series Unauthorized Living, Spanish Vivir sin permiso, 2018. A drug lord with a respectable businessman facade is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and has to decide which of his kids will take over the business before everything goes dark.  Nope.

Bringing Him Back, Spanish Mia & Moi, 2021.  The IMDB synopsis says that the siblings Moi and Mia move to the countryside after their mother dies, but the TLA synopsis says that Moi brings his boyfriend home to meet his sister.  Looks like somebody wanted the movie closeted. 

But "a deeply affecting film about love, loss, and human connection"?  Nope.  I don't care if we do see sister's boyfriend Joe Manjon's man-jon.  And his man-rear.  And Ricardo's bulge.

More the Merrier, Spanish Donde caben dos, 2021: "A diverse group of people share a night of sexual self-discovery." A comedy con final feliz -- a happy ending. 

The trailer shows a lot of people being shocked by two girls kissing and an old guy in his underwear. Also a man licks a shoe, a man puts his hand on his buddy's chest but is rebuffed, a guy puts his dong through a glory-hole but doesn't get any action, and there's a jockstrap band. In the only gay male relationship in the movie, Ricardo kisses Alvero Cervantes, who has a nude frontal scene in another movie.  Not here.

Maybe.

Wait -- no frontal nudity.  Never mind.

The House among the Cactuses, 2022: A mysterious stranger disrupts the lives of a cactus-growing family consisting of a husband, a wife, and five daughters. Is this a lengthy "farmer's daughter" joke? 

No: according to the trailer, the girls are all young. The mysterious stranger hits on the wife.  Nope.

Romancero, 2023: A girl-vampire saves a boy  Jordán (Sasha Cocola), from his abusive father by killing him.  They have to run from an angry mob, including disgruntled cops Guillermo Toledo and Ricardo, who don't have a buddy-bond: they hate each other. Plus they're both aggressively heterosexual -- we see Ricardo's butt as he sexes a lady -- and they both die.  

What about the kids? I think Sasha Cocola is gay because he models mesh Goth shirts, but his character is heterosexual.  He dies,  and the girl revives him so they can pursue their preteen romance forever. 

Nope. Sometimes it takes more than beefcake and boyfriends.

The frontal and rear nude photos are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

"The Girl in the Mirror": Amnesia, Demons, Mafiosi, and a Gay Couple in a Paranormal/Teen Angst Drama

 

The icon of the Spanish teen drama series The Girl in the Mirror shows two guys hugging.  Neither the blurb nor the episode descriptions give any hints of gay characters: a girl loses her memory in bus crash that kills most of her classmates.   A boy also survives.  Trying to unravel some mysteries involving both drug-deals and paranormal prophecies, they spend all of their time to together, and no doubt fall in love.  

So where's the guy-hugging?  I watched Episode 2, where "Tom says goodbye to a friend."  Maybe his boyfriend died in the accident?

Scene 1: We jump right into the paranormal: a voiceover tells us that this land is the hiding place of the demon Therion.  A prehistoric boy summons him by making carvings of his five animal spirits, and then eating a poisonous mushroom, so he's close to death.  Therion then decides to save him by taking over his body.   Why would you want a demon to possess you?

Scene 2: An old guy tells a boy named Alex (Alejandro Serrano) that he has only one of the animal carvings.  He hid the others far apart, so no one could bring Therion back into the world.  A Bearded Guy, Alex's brother, comes in and notes that Grandpa is having one of his semi-lucid days.

Meanwhile, bus crash survivor Alma is getting ready to leave the hospital and go home with parents that she doesn't recognize.  She says "Adios" to an empty chair.  Getting visions of Therion?

Scene 3: On the way home, Alma gets a memory of someone named Deva telling her "I have to talk to you about what happened yesterday."  Of course, she doesn't remember what it was about.  Is this  teen angst or demonic possession?  You can't have both.

Meanwhile, at the hospital, the doctor hacks into a secret security system and looks at the cell phone records of someone named Martin.  Sinister music plays.

Scene 4: Bearded Guy is in the mountains, searching for something -- the other animal carvings?  He looks at some texts from Martin: "I wish I could stay with you...."  Ok, Martin must be the dead boyfriend.

Scene 5: Alma is surprised to find that she lives in a dark, sinister mansion in a cliffside village.  How Gothic!  

Uh-oh, she's on crutches, and her room is upstairs.  Getting up there is too much of a struggle, so Dad carries her to one of the downstairs guest rooms.  Later he tells Mom that he didn't want Alma to see her old room: because then she would find out about Lara, and she must never know. Are Mom and Dad in cahoots with Therion?

Scene 6:  Cute curly-haired Tomas (Alex Villazan, top photo and left) wakes up in a room full of swimming trophies. He lost a leg in the bus crash, so no more swimming, but at least the flashback shows a muscular physique and nice bulge.  He falls on the way to his wheelchair, and Dad rushes to his aid.  "I don't need help, snarl snarl!  I'm not a useless puta (asshole)."

Two detectives visit.  The autopsies revealed that most of the students in the crash had been taking drugs, and Carlos, the bus driver, had a bag of pills on him.  So maybe he was DUI, driving under the influence.

Tomas remembers what caused the accident: something jumped into the road with flashing lights and a strange buzzing sound.  The detectives imply that it was a hallucination from the drugs. Are we adding aliens to the mix?

Scene 7: Bearded Guy, Bruno (Pol Monen), goes back to the hotel he runs.  The doctor from Scene 3 is there.  She's Martin's sister, suspecting that he's still alive, and hiding out with Bruno.  "No.  He was a nice guy, very sensitive.  I've been looking for him since the accident."  So Martin was on the bus, but his body was never found. 

Doctor Sister: "Ok, but an employee of my father is looking for Martin, too.  It's very important that he DOESN'T find him."  So Martin's dad wants him killed?  

Scene 8:  Scraggly-haired girl, shaved from recent brain surgery, tells Tomas: #1, I believe your story about the thing that jumped into the road; #2, Alma's lack of memory is not amnesia; #3, all of the survivors are in danger. 

Scene 9:  In the scary Gothic mansion, the dog begs Alma to play fetch with a ball of yarn.  It rolls out into the corridor.  Alma follows, and dog is begging someone else to play fetch.  But there's no one around!

Scene 10:  Grandpa and Alex from Scene 2 have invaded the cheese cave.  Bruno chastises them for eating cheese. He hears a strange noise from deper in the cave, "probably an animal that fell down a crevice.  We have to rescue it."   

Alex is small, so he goes in, attached to Bruno by a rope.  Instead of an animal, he finds a huge altar, human skulls, and a flickering shape -- that chases him.  Plus Martin's bracelet!  Obviously he stumbled into the cave after the accident.  

Back home, Bruno calls Doctor Sister (Diana) with the new intel.  She freaks out.  "Delete this call, and don't tell anyone else about this!"  "But we have to call the rescue squad.  He could still be in the cave." 

Bruno: "I know Martin isn't dead.  When our parents died, I knew.  I could sense it, like a vast emptiness.  I don't feel that with Martin."

Alex: "But they were our parents. You loved them, so there was a powerful psychic link.  But you didn't love Martin, right?...um....ok, that explains the guy from Australia last year...."  Big Brother just came out to you, kid.

Scene 11:  At the hospital, a girl tells Tomas that her brother, survivor Roque, is being taken off life support.  "I thought you'd want to say goodbye."  She wheels him into the hospital room.  "We know this is not easy for you," Roque's Mom tells him.  Wait -- it's harder for Tomas than for the guy's Mom.  Was he a boyfriend?  

They leave him alone to say goodbye.  He grabs Roque's hand and talks about how much he loves him, and he has to fight.  "You can't leave!"  

I expected Roque to get up, but apparently Tomas didn't get psychic powers in the accident.  Instead he goes home, looks at photos of Roque, and cries, while the family gathers for the plug-pulling.  

Scene 12:  Middle of the night.  Alma gets up and goes into the kitchen for a snack.  A thread from the ball of yarn is taunt, leading up the stairs. to what is apparently her old room, with lots of photos of her and another girl. She asks "Who are you?  Why did you bring me here?"

Meanwhile, Tomas is awakened by an "eerie whooshing sound," and gets a text from a dead girl.  Darn, I thought he was gay.  And Roque wakes up!

Beefcake: The Tomas flashback.  Also he hangs out in a muscle shirt a lot.

Heterosexism: No boy-girl romance was evident in this episode.

Gay Characters:  Obviously Bruno and Martin.  I think Tomas has a dead girlfriend.

My Grade: Trying to combine the bus crash investigation, the demon, various paranormal activities, and high school secrets that may or may not be related?  It's exhausting.  When you try to do everything, you end up doing nothing.  But at least there's a gay couple.  C+.

"Tierra Incognita": Unknown Land? It's Well-Traveled Boy-Meets-Girl Territory

 Tierra Incognita, on Disney Plus: "Eric returns to Cape Qwert to solve the mystery of his parents' disappearance."  If he's still a minor, who's taking care of him?  Aimed at younger kids, so I doubt there will be gay characters, but maybe some subtexts.  I watched Episode 1, "The Labyrinth."

Prologue: The Cazadores de Miedo (Fear-Hunters) investigate a scary abandoned amusement park named...Tierra Incognita.  Funloving Lucio (Thomas Lepera) sneaks into a ride with a skull entrance, and screams!  He runs out, yelling "She's coming!"  They rush back to their van, but not fast enough.  The windshield ices over, and a hand reaches out and draws a circle in the ice. That's not very scary.  I expected them to be eaten.

Scene 1: Eric(Pepo Maurizi)  is watching the episode on his laptop and drawing circles, while the camera pauses on a photo of his parents, newspaper clippings about their disappearance, and an ouroboros (a snake with its tail in its mouth).  He is startled by Uma, a deaf girl who came into his room to call him downstairs.

All of the pictures of Pepo that I could find online show him kissing a girl or a girl kissing his cheek or feeling his face.  With the star such an aggressively heterosexual presence, I'm starting to have doubts about this series.

Scene 2: Downstairs, Grandpa and Grandma are cooking dinner.  So why did they call him, if it's not ready yet?  They ask if he has everything he needs for his school field trip: sleeping bag, flashlight, and so on.

Eric asks for the doorknobs to be replaced while he's gone.  Grandpa refuses; "We've talked about that."  Does he think that changing doorknobs will keep out the ghosts?

Uma gets offended, for some reason, and storms off.  They discuss how much she's improving.  Eric: "You shouldn't push her so hard."  Is she Eric's sister, traumatized by their parents' disappearance?  Or is this another trauma?

Grandpa asks for the phone number of where Eric is going.  This outrages him, but he consents.

Scene 3:  Establishing shot of a town named "General Karras."   Imposing granite house.  Room full of renditions of The Scream.  Uma, the deaf girl, is working on a Scream jigsaw puzzle.  Eric comes in and shows her the photo of their parents at the amusement park, just before they vanished.  So Uma is his sister, got it.

Next, he shows her the Cazadores de Miedo video, with the hand making a circle in the ice.  "It's obviously Mom."  How did he make that conclusion?  "So I'm going back to the Cape to find out what happened.  You can't come -- you're still traumatized."

Downstairs, Eric is ready to leave for a school field trip.  But there are five locks on the door, and he doesn't have the keys.  He calls Grandpa to let him out, but they're going to escort him.  A bit overprotective, aren't they?  

Scene 4:  They drop Eric off at the bus stop and watch as he joins the other students and teachers.  Uma causes a distraction, so they don't notice that he didn't get on the bus!  Instead, he sneaks away and runs across the entire town to get on another bus headed for Cape Qwert!

Scene 5: Cape Qwert: rocks, brown water, scary caves, "no swimming" signs.  But a middle-aged woman was diving in a wet suit, and emerged with slates.  They seem to form a map.  

Meanwhile, on his train, Eric flashes back to that day at the amusement park.  While Mom painted a disturbing scene of a clawed hand rising from a grave, Dad played on the rides with young Eric, his friend Pablo, and the near-baby Uma (it's been at least 10 years since the disappearance, and Uma is still recovering?).  Eric gets snippy because he wants to play more, so Mom gives him her ouroborous bracelet and draws a circle in the sand to demonstrate that "for every ending, there's a beginning."  Rather a profound response to a kiddie temper tantrum.

Back at home, Grandpa runs into the mother of Beja, one of Eric's friends: "What a shame that Eric couldn't go on the school field trip.  Beja was super-excited." Uh-oh, now Grandpa knows that there's some skulking afoot.

Scene 6: Eric arrives at the Cape.  Dead trees, deserted houses, a destroyed movie poster, police cars slowly driving past, twin girls slowly swinging, a crazy guy selling alfajores (Argentinian cookies).  Eric remembers him: Don Celestino!  He ambles off.  Finally former best buddy Pablo (Fernando Malfitano) arrives.  They hug.

"Wow, the town is so...sad."

"Everything went downhill when the park closed." 

Scene 7: Eric wants to go straight to the amusement park where his parents disappeared, but Pablo says that it will be too crowded with tourists right now.  He wants to eat first, at a run-down diner called Creepy Pasta (get it?).  They order the jellyfish hair with zombie brains, and spectral vomit to drink.  The waiter (Sebastian Sinnott) stares at Pablo.  Desire or disdain - I can't tell which.

From left to right: Eric, the town's belligerent bully, Pablo, and the sullen Waiter.

Uh-oh, Pablo grabs the waiter's hand for some reason -- maybe they're dating?  Is Pablo gay?  This knocks over a shaker of salt, which roll to the table of a crazy-looking lady.  She screams "The curse! The curse!" and rushes out.

Scene 8: Back home, Grandma is gushing her admiration for Uma finishing the Scream jigsaw puzzle.  Grandpa calls the school field trip number -- Eric's not there!  He roils with rage, and drags Grandma away from her gushing.  "Eric lied to us! He sneaked off to Cape Qwert!  I'm going to go there and drag him back!" Not only over-protective -- he sounds downright abusive.

Meanwhile, on Cape Qwert, the middle-aged skindiver is leading a class of six girls and a smart-aleck boy, Leo (Joaquin Ochoa, top photo), on a tour of some cave paintings drawn by the Niktu, the original inhabitants of the area: "Here's a hunting scene...these are shamans conducting a ritual...and here some Niktus are running away from something.  We don't know what, because that piece is missing."  Leo keeps smooching on his girlfriend and complaining.

Her phone rings -- Dad!  She doesn't answer.  I wouldn't answer either, in the middle of a class.

Back home, we discover that Grandpa was calling her.  Middle-aged lady is his daughter, Eric's aunt!

Scene 9: At the Creepy Pasta diner.  A teenage girl, Lila, comes in and greets Pablo.  Uh-oh. This is the Girl of His Dreams.  Or maybe the Girl of Eric's Dreams.

Eric's.  The music swells, his eyes bulge, his jaw drops, and heteronormativity drops an anvil on any hopes of Eric being gay.

Lila's dumb jock boyfriend (Tomas Kirzner) comes in, snarls at Eric, and barks an order at her "There are people waiting!  Stop wasting time!  Let's go!"  So this is a 1980s teen nerd movie.  Eric will have to wrest the Girl from a guy so boorish and mean-spirited that one can't imagine anyone wanting to spend time with him, even if he was hung to his knees.  

Scene 10: At the scary caves, the lesson is over, so middle aged lady -- Carmen --- calls Grandpa back -- and gets Grandma.  "He's on his way to the Cape to yell and scream at Eric."  "What a drama queen! Eric's a grown-up.  He can take care of himself!" 

Meanwhile, Eric and Pablo are headed for the abandoned amusement park, when a police car appears.  They hide in the bushes.  "This place is off limits," Pablo explains.  "If the police catch us here, they'll...."  Attach electrodes to our genitals? 

Wait -- earlier Pablo said that the amusement park would be crowded with tourists.  Why did he lie?

Finally they reach the rusty, chained-up amusement park entrance.  "I've been waiting for this day for a long time!" Pablo exclaims.  Couldn't he sneak in whenever he wants? 

Scene 11: Carmen finishes the tour -- she's a tour guide, not a teacher -- just in time to get yelled at by Police Officer Daniel (Lautado Delgado Tymruk): "You were skindiving at the beach again!  It's off limits! Also, your nephew Eric is back! Tell him that if he sets foot in that park, I'll attach electrodes to his genitals!"

At the park, Pablo and Eric are wandering around, looking for....um, clues, I guess.  The night of the parents' disappearance is called the Night of Lights, because for some reason the whole sky lit up.  Why wouldn't Eric remember that? Wasn't he there?

The Labyrinth, where the Fear-Hunters took the video of the frosted windshield! Pablo warns that it's too dangerous, but Eric rushes in anyway..  It's full of spider webs and hornets' nests, but otherwise looks fine. Except for the scary ghostlike figure!  Eric tries to chase it, but is stopped by flashing red lights and a loud screeching noise.  He collapses in pain.  

When the noise ends, Eric approaches a sheet-ghost figure, thinking it's his Mom.  It's actually a screeching female monster with bleeding eyes.  Pablo drags him away: "That wasn't your Mom.  It's this place.  It's evil." The end.

Beefcake: None.  And none on the internet, either, just endless photos of the male stars kissing girls.

Other Sights: The scary amusement park.  Some other exteriors.

Heterosexism: Yep.

Gay Characters:  I don't think the's much hope for Pablo, but I'll go through on fast-forward, just in case.

Fast-Forwarding Results:  They divide into two boy-girl couples to solve the mystery, but neither boy actually kiss his girl, and there are a few Eric-Pablo hugs.  You might be able to do a gay reading, but it will be subtle.

My Grade: C-

"Secrets of Summer": Teens Save an Argentine Jungle Resort with a Wakeboarding Contest. And Singing.

 

Secrets of Summer, an Argentine teen drama originally titled Cielo Grande (Big Sky).  The icon displays two girls in the foreground, one with a surboard, and two guys in the background, one with a guitar.  There'll be music and surfing, and maybe some beefcake.  Gay characters?  Argentina legalized same-sex marriage before the U.S. did, so maybe....

Scene 1: A private plane.  Boy Without Guitar (Victor Varona) is busily texting while Girl with Surfboard -- Steff -- is reading an actual phyiscal letter, from someone named Paula: "I want to thank you for accepting me as part of the family. And Cielo Grande is way more than just some trophy. An important part of your past is hidden there."  

Scene 2: Establishing shots of a river flowing through a jungle. So, another resort in the wilderness, with no scenes set in Buenos Aires?  Non-Surfboard Girl  -- Luz looks delighted as she walks into the resort, Cielo Grande. A sign tells us "Big opening!" in English.  At the front desk, she greets  Guitar Boy -- Julian (Guido Messina).  "Welcome back!  There's a team meeting starting in a moment."

They hug, then gaze into each other's eyes in front of a trophy saying "Summer Crush."  Rather blatant, aren't you?

Meanwhile, on the plane, Steff tries to get her companion -- Tony, her wakeboarding coach -- to look up from his screen and check out the scenery.  "Um...yeah, it's nice."  He's sort of femme.  I'd think he was gay, except then the cast wouldn't be able to divide into two couples.

Plot dump: Steff plans to compete in Summer Crush, the same wakeboarding competition that Dad won 20 years ago.  (Wakeboarding is surfing while being towed by a boat).  Tony didn't want to come, but Steff insisted.

Scene 3: At the resort's staff, Luz hugs the other employees: boss Augusto (Martin Tecchi), Charlie (Luan Brum, left), and newcomer Nati (a girl)  The boss reveals that Summer Crush is back on after a hiatus of 12 years. They all get t-shirts to advertise the contest -- lots of cheering.  Plus they're re-opening Sky Vibes, the karaoke bar!  More cheering.  Plus Steffi, the world-famous celebrity wakeboarder, is coming!  Wait, a ringer?  Contests are no fun when it's obvious who will win.

Scene 4:  Luz and the newcomer head to their cabin.   Plot dump: Sky Vibes is important to Luz because her grandparents always sang there, back in the old days.  Their song was "Emergency Love," from 2003.  If they are in their 60s, wouldn't the abuelos prefer "Dancing Queen"?  

Meanwhile, Steff and Coach Tony are at a dock on the river, waiting for their boat.   The decrepit "tuna can" finally arrives, piloted by Charlie from Scene 3.  Tony complains about the lack of glitz.  

Scene 5: Luz unpacking and singing while Newbie Nati plays the guitar.    Then Luz gives Newbie Nati a wakeboarding lesson, which allows us to see what it's all about. 

Meanwhile, Steff and Coach Tony try to get checked into their rooms.  Tony scoffs because it is taking too long.  When the desk clerk turns his back, Steff steals the paper where he wrote down the computer password!  

On the way to their rooms, they meet Julian (the Luz-hugging guy).  Tony is not impressed with him.  So not gay?

When they leave, the desk clerk calls the Boss: "The squirrel is in the tree."  Is there some nefarious plot going on?  I hope so.

Scene 6:  Julian shows Steff her cabin (they're all separate, surrounded by jungle).  Breakfast starts at 7:00, no room service after midnight, no flirting. Well, he's got a crush on Luz, so....

When he leaves, Steff reads the letter from Scene 1 again, and starts to cry.

Tony calls to complain about what a total dump the resort is, and to tell her that they will be training at 10:00 am.  Wait -- did they arrive early in the morning?  Don't most hotels expect you to arrive in the late afternoon?

Steff and her wakeboard equipment hit the beach.  All the guests seem to be teenagers.   Lots of shots of Steff or her pro stand-in doing wakeboarding stunts.  Luz and Newbie Nati, having their wakeboarding lesson, almost collide with her!  Wouldn't that be the drivers' fault?

 Surprise!  Coach Tony knows Luz, and is delighted to see her!  He doesn't explain how.  An old girlfriend, or a wakeboard student? I'm still hoping that he is gay.

While packing up, Luz and Newbie Nati buddy-bond and gush at each other.  Nati says she signed on at the resort to "try something new...save some money."  "And meet someone special?"  Luz suggests.  "Well...maybe..." Nati says, fluffing her hair and grinning...and...whoa, those girls are into each other!  But I thought Luz liked Julian from Scene 2? 

Scene 7: Charlie delivers another guest, a middle-aged man with a beard: Ron Lavalle (Francisco Bass).  He yells at his teenage son, Ian, for poking him with a drone.  Wait -- Dad got off the boat alone.  So his son was already there?   Then he complains that Ian is too busy with his youtube videos to concentrate on his schoolwork.  "But in three years I'll hit a  million on subscribers, and the money will start rolling in!"  Ian seems a little younger than the others, so he probably won't be involved in the "who's dating whom" plotlines.

As they are checking in, Augusto the Manager introduces himself.  "You look familiar.  Have you been here before?"  Aha, a mystery!  But they switch the conversation immediately to Teenage Ian getting all excited because his favorite pop duo is performing at the resort.  

Scene 8:  Augusto the Manager discovers that most of the wakeboard competitors have dropped out, so he's going to ask the staff to compete.  But...no one will pay to see that!  The resort will go bankrupt, and they'll all lose their jobs!

Meanwhile,  Sr. Lavalle and Ian (Byron Barbieri) greet Steff, who isn't happy to see them: "Why are you here, Dad?  I don't like you watching me compete!" Aha, he's the Dad who won the wakeboarding contest 20 years ago.

Scene 9:  Luz, Newbie Nati, Julian, and Charlie begin fixing up the decrepit, long-closed Sky Vibes, a cabin in the jungle.  Julian says that he used to be a regular. Hasn't Sky Vibes been closed for 12 years?  His favorite song was "Trapped," by Bruce Springsteen (1981).  How old is this guy?  He sings the whole song while gazing at Luz.  The others join in.

Coach Tony, walking past, is entranced --by the song, or maybe by Luz.  They chat; they're about to kiss when Luz is called away.  So Tony isn't gay, just feminine.  

Meanwhile, Steff tracks Sr. Lavalle and Teenage Ian down again, so  the spoiled brat can yell at them some more: "I don't want you here!  I can't believe you're doing this!  Ruining everything!"  Dad just wants to watch her compete -- what a jerk!   

Scene 10: Luz and Newbie Nati waiting tables in the resort dining room.  Coach Tony comes in to flirt.  Manager Antonio drops by, and Tony talks him into making Luz their guide.  They need a guide?  It's a bunch of cabins in the jungle.  Oh...wait, he just wants Luz to hang out.

That night staff and guest gather at the beach, and Manager Antonio announces the return of Summer Crush, the wakeboarding contest. Steff sneaks off, goes to the front desk, and hacks into the resort computer.  But before she can find what she's looking for, the Desk Clerk comes in, suspicious.  She hides behind the counter.  The end.

Beefcake: Surprisingly, none.  What is the point of a tv series about a summer resort without guys in swimsuits?

Other Sights:  Rough-shod cabins in the jungle.  They look like something from Gilligan's Island.

Gay Characters:  I thought Tony would be gay, but he's totally into Luz.  Maybe Nati wants a girlfriend. but Luz and Steff are both spoken for.

Mystery:  What is Steff looking for?   Otherwise it looks like a "let's save our resort by putting on a show," like the 1940s barn musicals starring Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland."

"Road to Love" Colombian Comedy Telenovela with Cute Truckers

 

When I was researching telenovelas yesterday, I skipped over the Colombian tv series Los Briceños, somehow translated The Road to Love, because the icon showed a girl and her boyfriend.  But the boyfriend is cute, and Episode 4 says "Dario pressures Peluche to hook up with Ramona so she will give them jobs."  Why would Peluche need to be pressured, unless he is not into women?  And why would they both get jobs, unless they are a couple?  

Opening: Truckers singing and hugging in pairs and groups.  It looks like they're copying the opening of That 70s Show, with the various groups driving and singing "Not a thing to do  but talk to you....we're all all right!"

Scene 1: It's the National Semi-Truck Finals, and the three Briceno Brothers, Breiner (cute), Dario (scuzzy), and Toronja (responsible), are sure that their truck will win.  Their assistant, Peluche (blond), brings them empanadas.  

Breiner is played by Camilo Amores (top photo), and Toronja by Jose Daniel Cristancho (left).

Their sister Chiqui is wearing short-shorts and getting stared at.  Toronja orders her to put on something more modest.   They argue.  "It's the 21st century!" "I'm a man, and you're a woman!  You have to obey me!"  Whew, sexist!

I think Peluche is gay.  He flirts with all the women, but the brothers say he doesn't mean it.  Plus two earrings.

Meanwhile, Evil Guy plans to repossess the truck, and old guy Armando's wife tries to talk him out of driving in the race: "Let one of the boys do it."

Scene 2: The brothers disagree with the way Chiqui has decorated the truck: too girly!  She gets a phone call from her boyfriend Samuel (Mario Espitia): "My family can't know about us."  Why not? Is he from a rival trucking company?  Whoops, he has another girlfriend!

Scene 3:  Evil Guy appears to tow the truck away, right before the big race!  "Your dad owes me money.  This was his collateral."  Peluche flirts with him, but it doesn't work.  

Chiqui: "Today's the deadline to pay. We'll win the race and get you your money."

Scene 4:  They drive the truck to the festival, and arrive late.  Dad yells at them.  Rival trucker Florentino drives up, insults them, and makes a sleazy pass at Chiqui. The men all rush to protect her honor.  

Scene 5: While the other competitors pose with hot babes, the Briceno family says the rosary and discusses how much they love each other.  Dad still insists on driving, with Chiqui as his assistant.

The race begins.  I thought it would be cross-country, but it's on a track.  Thousands of spectators.  Is this a real thing in Colombia? Are trucks even designed to go fast?

Final round: the Briceno Doll vs. the Florentino Diablo.  The Bricenos win.  That wasn't very suspenseful.

Uh-oh, Dario puts the prize money on the front seat of the truck, without locking it!  A theft story arc coming up!

Scene 6:  Dad discovers that Chiqui knows how to drive a truck, and turns on her.  Weird -- hasn't he been saying "you're my co-pilot, you're my angel"?  He demands to know which "insolent idiot" taught her.  Peluche the Assistant confesses.  Snarl, snarl, "betraying me!"  

Chiqui: "Dad, I want to be a trucker."

Dad: Sputter, sputter, snarl, snarl. "you are the worst person who ever lived!  You are not my daughter!  I curse the day you were born!  Now go home and cook my dinner!"

Scene 7: Sputtering with rage, Chiqui and Peluche get into their truck and drive away.  Meanwhile Mom invites Evil Guy and his assistant/wife to dinner at an outdoor restaurant.

When they go off the road, Chiqui and Peluche have an almost romantic moment.  He declares his love, she pretends not to notice.  Uh-oh, I smell a will-they-or-won't-they story arc. 

Chiqui collapses.  Peluche carries her off to get help, leaving the truck (geez, she has a cell phone in her pocket.  Call for an ambulance!) The money box has fallen into the mud, lost.

Scene 8: Driving around looking for them, Dad and two brothers have car trouble.  

Meanwhile, a trucker named Octavio, who may have been in the race earlier, stops to help Peluche and Chiqui.  

Meanwhile, at dinner, Mom reveals that the remaining brother, Toronja (the responsible one), can sing.  He denies it -- too girly?  -- but she insists.  So he sings a love song, and the women at the diner all swoon.  The lunch lady, Mrs. Amalfi, is gazing at him.  I smell another romance plot arc. She says "You should become a professional singer!"  No, I'm a trucker.  Can't you do both?  10-4, good buddy.

Scene 9: Dad and the boys find the abandoned truck.  They notice that the money box is missing, but not that it's lying in the mud beside them.  

Scene 10: Chiqui wakes up in the hospital.  She doesn't remember Peluche's profession of love. Mom and Toronja arrive.  The doctor announces that she fainted due to low blood sugar, but she "and the baby" are fine.  Gasp -- Chiqui is pregnant!

Beefcake:  Lots of cute guys.  No one takes anything off, not even at the beach.

Other Sights: Some exteriors, all coutryside.

Heterosexism: All of the guys make sleazy come-ons or respectful gestures of romantic interest.  I don't think gay people exist.

Pacing: There were so many plot arcs beginning that it was hard to decide what to concentrate on.  

Character Motivations:  Dad has no problem with Chiqui helping him drive the truck, but when she wants to be a driver, he explodes into a thousand pieces of rage.  Pelache keeps saying "Chiqui is like a sister.  She's my sister.  I treat her like a sister." Then suddenly he's in love with her?  

Will I Keep Watching: 65 episodes, and no gay characters?  I don't think so.

"The Boarding School: Las Cumbres": Pallid Supernatural Goings-On at Boarding School/Dungeon

 

This morning Amazon Prime is flashing El Internado: Las Cumbres, with some young adults in high school uniforms arguing and being scared in the woods.  I could use another Spanish paranormal high school, although I wonder why they translated the title as The Boarding School: Las Cumbres.

Scene 1: Close ups of crows in a snowy woods.  One crow fllies to a Medieval castle on a cliff, with barred windows and a statue of a crow in the courtyard.  

A bell rings: we're in a modern school coridor.  Paul (Albert Salazar, left) and Manuel fight while the other students cheer (why are kids always delighted to see their classmates beating on each other?).  While the principal tries to stop them, a girl breaks into her safe and retrieves some papers.  So the fight was just a distraction!

Guards take Paul and Manuel through darkness to a Medieval dungeon, and lock them in. 

Scene 2: About a thousand students run out of the school and do calisthenics in the courtyard. Meanwhile, a girl rides her bicycle to small Medieval chapel, goes inside, and hides a box and some papers under a grate. She peers out the window at the students exercising (so the school is much bigger on the inside than on the outside?  Are these the same papers from Scene 1?  Why steal them, and then return them to the school, and then hide them?

Someone sinister  is peering down at the kids exercising. A boy stays behind to stare, but not at the person peering down.   Only five minutes in, and I'm already confused by the reduplicated mysteries.

Scene 3: The  girl retrieves the box, goes to the girls' locker room, and distributes packages of cigarettes to her friends!  Psych!  Why hide the carton, only to retrieve it five seconds later? Scary Staring Girl doesn't want a pack.

Scene 4: Church. Scary monks in robes that hide their faces. All except the Coach from Scene 2, who stares ominously.  goes to his room, takes off his robe, and incongrously checks his computer.   What he sees makes him angry.  

Scene 5:  The Principal is giving the students a pep talk: "The reason you are here is that no one wants you. Society and your families quit believing in you."  Cheery!   Adele, yet another staring girl sneaks out, rushes past the guard dog, and sneaks into a Medieval-looking arched doorway to a run-down apartment, where Sra. Virginia is watching tv.  She's there for a French lesson! Psych!

On tv, a talk show.  A woman has written a book about a boarding school that burned down.  Are these people all ghosts?

Adele asks to go to the bathroom, and instead steals a bottle of medication from the bedroom.

Scene 6: Bell rings.  Students march out in regimented lines.  Adele is called to the principal's office.  On the way, she throws out the drug that she stole earlier. But it's not about the drug; her Uncle is ont he phone.  She can't tell him "Help!  This is an abusive nightmare!" with the Principal right there, so she just says "Fine...um...yes, Paul's fine too."

She leaves the office and tries to retrieve the drug, but it's gone!  Someone swiped it from the waste baseket!

Scene 7:  Coach Monk(Alberto Amarilla) is talking to Love Interest about the alchemists who practiced black magic in these mountains years ago. 

Meanwhile, Paul and Manuel, still in the dungeon, are passing the time by discussing an old Ray Bradbury story, "Mars is Heaven," about astronauts who land on Mars and find what they think are their relatives.  Actually they are Martians planning to kill them.  Is this a metaphor for their situation?

 The night monitor checks the girls' dorm and finds Paz with a forbidden cell phone, so he drags her into the bathroom and cuts her hair off. 

Scene 8: In the morning, everyone stares as Paz martches into class with short hair.  Coach Monk -- named Elias --  is reminded that the boys are still in the dungeon, so he gives the class a Latin translation assignment and rushes to release them.  

Coach Monk Elias bursts into the principal's office to complain about the inhmane punishments being doled out to the students.  Principal counters: the students are not human, they are murderers and thieves.  They are not here to be helped; they are here to suffer.   He disagrees: they need compassion.  So she fires him.

Scene 9: Heavily regimented dinner.  Paul and Manuel recite: "I deserved my punishment and I promise not to break the rules again."  

Later, Manuel smooches with a girl.  They discuss what they are going to do when they have escaped, in less than 15 hours.  Paul and his girlfriend, Adele, arrive, and they discuss the escape plan: 

Boo!  I thought Paul and Manuel were a gay couple, and they both suddenly have smoochy-woochy girlfriends!  A one-two punch in the gut!  

Oh well, on to the plan: they will use the drug that Adele stole to sedate the guard dog, hot-wire a van in the parking lot, and drive to the bus station, where they will use the bus tickets that Manuel's girlfriend bought with the money she stole from the safe,, and then hid under the grate with the cigarettes.  All the mysteries resolved, except for who stole Adele's drug vial.

Scene 10: Music class.  The teacher (Joel Bosqued) is discussing how music causes chemical reactions in the brain that last forever.  So that's why I can't get the them to "The Brady Bunch" out of my head?   He asks them to connect a song to their best and worst memory.  Paz bursts out of the classroom.

Scene 11: At the monastery, Coach Monk Elias complains to the Head Monk, also Director at the School, that horrible things keep happening.  He's tried everything possible to help the kids, but the Principal and her minions insist on torturning them.  Head Monk insists that he stay. Wait -- if the Director doesn't agree with the torture, couldn't he fire the evil principal?  

Scene 12: Music Teacher is writing in his diary about how hot one of the girls is. Darn, I figured he must be gay.  He sees a crow at the window.

Scene 13: Night.  The four friends sneak out of their dorms and climb onto the roof.  Then they lose the steak for the dog, and Paul and Adele wimp out.  

Meanwhile the principal discovers the stolen money and bursts into the dorms to screech at the kids.  She discovers that four are missing, and has an apoplexic fit, but the studens are overjoyed.  

Manuel and his girlfriend run through dark woods, chased by the school faculty,  Manuel tumbles into a ravine and is knocked out.  Some mysterious figures wearing crow masks scoop him up and walk off in slow motion.  The end.

Beefcake: None.

Other Scenery: The castle-school and monastery are beautifully creepy.

Supernatural: Not nearly enough, just little hints here and there.

Psych-Outs: Lots.  Big mysteries turn out to be not mysterious at all.  Red herrings and dead ends everywhere.

Gay Characters: None, darn it! The boys are a gay couple until Scene 9.  Even Monk Elias seems to have a love interest.

My grade: D

"Millenials": Are Any of the Argentine "Friends" LGBT?

 

MIllenials is an Argentine series about six young adults negotiating jobs and romances in modern-day Buenos Aires.  Like Friends, but with serious plotlines, a lot of people developing apps, and constant hooking up.  

Benja hooks up with Juanma's girlfriend.  Juama has sex with Alma. Benja and Ariana have a three-way with Gaby. Either they are all lesbians, or it is commonplace in Argentine society for boys to have feminine names. I can't tell by looking if there are any gay or bi men.

I'll have to correlate the names with the actors listed on IMDB/  

Whoops, only a few.  Ok, I'll try wikipedia.

1. Benja(boy)  hooks up with the girlfriend of Juanma (boy)  Juanma is played by Juan-Manuel Gullera (top photo), and Benja by Nicolas Riera (below). 

2. Benja (boy) and Ariana (girl) have a three-way with Gaby (girl)

3. Flor (girl) kicks out her boyfriend Benja,  then hooks up with Brian (boy)

4.  Benja (boy) hooks up with Fabi (boy), unaware that he is actually Fauci's alter ego.  Fabi is played by Santiago Talleda..

5. Fauci (boy) dates Mirko (boy).  Mirko is played by Facundo Garibande)

6. Ariana (girl) and Flor (girl) try to seduce Luca (boy).

7. Juanma  (boy) and Rodri (boy) practice their seduction skills. Rodri is played by Mattias Meyer.

Looks like there are some gay/bi plotlines in the second season, after you sit through a lot of boy-girl-girl hookups. But second season is better than nothing.

"Always a Witch": Who is the Gay Best Friend?

"A 17th century witch travels to the future to save the man she loves."  Ugh, sounds heterosexist.  But I hear that she gets a gay best friend, and besides, I'm in the middle of a Netflix drought, so it's either this or Cheers.

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name...

Ok, ok, I'll watch Always a Witch.

Scene 1:
1646: Cartagena, in the Spanish colony that would become Colombia.  Carmen (Angely Gaviria) is being burned as a witch.  She recites an incantation.  Sparks of light float up into the sky, and she is plopped into

2019: The Caribbean Sea with tall modern buildings in the background.  She climbs onto the beach, where a lot of black, brown, and white people are dancing together (wow, no more racism!).  She approaches two guys who are kissing (maybe her new gay bestie?) and collapses.

Scene 2:
2019: Carmen is fixed up in the hospital.  Her doctor is a black woman (wow, no more racism!).

1646: Carmen working as a healer in her home village. (nice beefcake shot of a guy's back), and then being sold into on the auction block.  Cristobal (Lenard Valderaa, top photo), a foppish long-haired white guy, convinces his dad to buy her.  To be a sex toy, no doubt.

Scene 3: 
1646:  No, wait, they are dating!  A slave-master relationship can hardly be consensual, but it's played here with hearts and flowers, everything dandy until the parents find out and think that Carmen used witchcraft to attract Cristobal.

2019: Back in the hospital, Carmen watches tv (completely nonchalant about the modern marvel) and discovers that a serial killer is burning his victims to death,  Since she was burnt, the doctors think that she is another victim, and call the police.  She knows what police are, even though there were no professional police forces until the 19th century, and runs away.

Scene 4:
1646: Cristobal is upset over Carmen's arrest: "If this religion can't understand our love, I renounce it!" (maybe gay symbolism?).  So Dad shoots him.

Scene 5:
1646: In prison, Carmen meets Aldemar the Immortal, who teaches her how to levitate (but not to break out of prison).  She agrees to go the future to run an errand for him. In exchange,he will send her back in time to prevent Cristobal' death.  Um...but she would still be burnt at the stake, right?

2019: Carmen wanders around, amazed by roller skates (but not cars or tv?), and asking passersby for woman named Nimibe (not realizing that modern Cartagena has a population of 900,000, so the chances of anyone knowing her are nil.)

1646: Carmen's errand is to bring a stone to Nimibe.

Scene 6:
2019:  Police officers Tino (Biassini Segura) and Jimenez are chasing Carmen.  She runs, and ends up in the very house she was a slave in 373 years ago, now a youth hostel. She has a meet-cute with Johnny Ki (Dylan Fuentes), the fey blond slacker who works there, grandson of the owner (maybe he's her gay bestie). When he leaves, she writes Crisobal a letter.


Scene 7:
2019: In the morning, Carmen meets the college piano student Esteban (Sebasian Eslava), who looks at her like I would look at an incarnation of the God Apollo holding two tickets to the Oscars and a six-pack of Diet Coke.  (But, to be fair, he looks at Grandma Adelaide exactly the same way).

Scene 8:
Tino the Cop is waiting outside of the hostel, but  Carmen still has her powers, and causes a distraction (why are the cops so interested?).  She has somehow figured out that Ninibe is at the university, so she goes, passing a Rich Bitch on a bike (soon to be her rival?).  A cute gay guy in an Afro is following her (her gay bestie?).

Scene 9:
Ninibe turns out to be a biology professor (to get to her office, you have to go through a magical forest for about five miles).  Finally arriving in the office/green house, Carmen interrupts a boy on top of a girl who is saying "No! Stop!" They explain that there is no sexual assault going on; they came to steal some cannabis and got carried away.

Scene 10:
Professor Ninibe arrives. Apparently it's more complicated than just handing over a rock.  Carmen has to get more power, so she has to be trained without tipping off Lucien the Enemy, who can sense witches a thousand continuums away.  Most witches are masquerading as scientists and academics to be safe. Gulp!

Ninibe introduces Carmen to the third witch they need: Alicia.  Surprise! She's the Rich Bitch on the Bicycle, who wants no part of their scheme.  "We can't let him win!"  Ninibe implores.

Scene 11:
While Carmen walks through the magic garden on her way out, Ninibe makes a frantic phone call: "She's here! She's real!  She exists, and she has brought the Stone!  Finally we can beat Lucien!"  So the modern-day witches have a secret agenda, and Carmen is the Chosen One!

At that moment a dark form appears and grabs Ninime, and the Stone rolls out of her handbag into oblivion.

Scene 12:
Esteban the Piano Student shows up during the ruckus.  Tino the Cop sees him, and they both yell at each other "You again?  What are you doing here?"  Fade out.

Beefcake: None. No one has taken anything off yet.

Other Interesting Sights:  Some generic "colorful character" shots of Cartegena streets, nothing specific.

Gay Characters:  Lots: Jonny Ki, the gay guy with the Afro, the two guys kissing on the beach.  I don't know which will stick around.

Questions:  Lots. Like why are the police so interested in Carmen?  How does Tino know Esteban?  Who is the gay guy with the Afro? Who is the gay bestie?  Why does Carmen want to leave the modern era, with its freedom, equality, and tv, and return to 1648, where she's a slave and about to be burned at the stake?

And who are all the characters who appear in 10-12 episodes according to the IMDB, but haven't appeared: Leon (Carlos Quintero), Kobo (Oscar Casas, left), Detective Corcel (Jake Green)?

Will I keep watching?  Probably.  It's a Netflix drought, after all.

Update:  After watching three episodes, I can report that:
1. Characters that I thought were major turned out to be minor, and vice versa.
2. Esteban is a college piano student /biology professor.
3. Leon (the gay guy with the Afro)  says he likes boys, but is only shown kissing girls.  Johnny Ki kisses girls, too.
4. There are no more flashbacks.  Carmen is a modern girl who uses witchcraft to help her friends.