Cowboy and Indian Toys

When I was a kid in the 1960s, cowboys and Indians were has-beens.  Older kids watched Western tv and remembered six shooters and Davy Crockett hats, but my friends and I played at being spies, Jonny Quest and Hadji, or space explorers.  Still, Indians had a penchant for nudity, like Johnny Crawford and his brother Bobby in Indian Paint (1965), or the god Wisakeha, who Bill and I saw in real life at the Pow Wow in 1969, so when a clueless adult happened to give me a cowboy-and-Indian toy, I made good use of it.

Indian action figures were usually naked except for loincloths, making them the second most reliable source of beefcake in toys (Tarzan was first).

Books about Indians were always good for beefcake photos.

Rock Island was the site of Saukenauk, where Chief Black Hawk ruled over the Sauk and Fox Indians, so his picture was everywhere.  This statue, with a phallic spear extending from his belly,  looked over Chippianoc Cemetery ("City of the Dead" in the Sauk language).  It was lit up with red and blue neon at night.

I got in trouble in school for drawing it in my notebook.  My teacher called it "smut," thinking that the phallic symbol was a real phallus.

I didn't really know who the Lone Ranger and Tonto were, but the idea of cowboy-Indian boyfriends was appealing.  Their arms could be bent, so they could put their arms around each other and kiss.

The Top 12 Public Penises of East Asia

I visited Japan and Thailand many years ago, and took some classes in Mandarin Chinese, but otherwise East Asia is an undiscovered country.   I'm not even sure what sights I want to see, except for the Great Wall and the Forbidden City.

And a lot of East Asian bodybuilders wearing only towels.

I know there won't be much beefcake art on my list.  A combination of Confucian prudishness, Communist prudishness, and the decentralization of the human figure in traditional art has made public penises scarce.

But, for the intrepid, here are 12 respectable examples.

China

1. Olympic Forest Park in Beijing features some statues of naked runners, mostly women, but with some men about.

2. Also in Beijing, the monument to the Tiananmen Square Massacre contains a shirtless hunk trying to stop a tank.

3.Shanghai, the largest city in China and probably the world (14 million) is rather lacking in beefcake art, but the suburb of Suzhou features this rather well endowed individual.  I don't know what the chains are for. 

4. Jiu Lu, the biggest shopping area in Guangzhou, near Hong Kong,  has many bronze statues, but most are fully clothed.  This boy has a penis peeking out of his pants. 

5. Surprisingly, there is a Sex Museum in nearby Tongli.  Only heterosexual acts are depicted, but at least there's a few gigantic phalluses around. 

6. In Hong Kong, there's a statue of Bruce Lane, still a major star and folk hero there. He's posing shirtless.

More after the break.

Taiwan

7. On to Taipei, the capital of Taiwan, where basketball player Kobe Bryant is fighting a giant mamba snake, which is sinking its fangs into his Achilles tendon.  It's in a Basketball Art Exhibition.  I'm pretty sure basketball players don't really fight giant snakes. 

Japan

8. Japan hasn't been subjected to the twin puritanical influences of Confucianism and Communism, as evident in its many nude festivals.  But there still isn't a lot of beefcake art.  If you're lucky, you'll run across this beefy, naked jazz player in Tokyo. 

9. And a sumo wrestler.

10. Momotaro, "Peach Boy," is a popular hero of Japanese folklore, with many statues all over the country.  This one is in Inuyama, near Nagoya.  

Korea

11.  Korea is also lacking in beefcake art, but in Seoul, you can find a neoclassical statue of two semi-nude horsemen. 

12. On Jeju Island, off the southern cost, there are many dol hareubangs, phallus-shaped statues of fertility gods leftover from an earlier culture.  This one is not only phallus shaped, he has a penis of his own.

Maybe you'd be better off looking for the real thing at the Naked Man Festival of Japan.

Top 10 Public Penises of the South

Many people in the northern states of the U.S. are afraid of the South, that vast territory that extends from Washington DC, 1200 miles to Miami Beach, and west 1000 miles to Kansas City.  It's full of screaming homophobes, racists, Confederate wannabes, guys wearing overalls and feed store caps who drive pick-up trucks down dusty roads yelling "Git 'er done!"

It has all of that, but it also has top research universities, a world renowned opera company, three gay meccas (Atlanta, Fort Lauderdale, Miami), some gay-friendly resorts, the best Chinese food I've ever had, and lots of beefcake.

It's hot, so guys take their shirts off a lot.

Here are the top 10 public penises of the South:

1. The capital of Missouri isn't Kansas City or St. Louis, but Boomererson City, population 40,000.  Its manageable size makes sightseeing easier.  Look for this beautiful neoclassical Mercury outside the State Capitol.

2. This African-American boy is too young to be proper beefcake, but he's certainly an unexpected find, sitting shirtless at the George Washington Carver National Monument in Diamond, Missouri, near Joplin.

3. I've been to Kentucky several times to visit my mother's kinfolk, but I didn't know that there was a 30-foot tall fiberglass replica of Michelangelo's David, penis and all, in downtown Louisville (on the corner of Main and 7th).  Of course, it has some residents in an uproar, yelling "Think of the children!"

4. Speaking of uproars, right in the heart of downtown Nashville, Tennessee, on Music Row (Division and 16th Avenue North), traffic stops as drivers gawk at Musica, a group of nine 10-foot tall naked men and women holding the Goddess of Music aloft.  They're not usually carrying guitars.

 It wasn't there when I spent a semester in Nashville; it was unveiled in 2003, the controversial work of sculptor Alan LeQuire.

5. The War Memorial Auditorium, across from the State Capitol, features this hunky slab of marble holding a sword and a goddess, his penis coyly covered.

6. Memphis, Tennessee is named after the ancient Egyptian city, so there's a  25-foot fiberglass replica of the famous statue of Ramses II on the campus of the University of Memphis (on Central Avenue).









More after the break

I stopped in Oxford, Mississippi in 1984, on my way to Hell-fer-Sartain State University.  No good public art, but a lot of cruising.

7. Birmingham is an island of (relative) sophistication in the heart of red-state Alabama.  It has an opera company, a nice used bookstore, and a very good Chinese restaurant, Mr. Chen's.  Also this 56-foot tall statue of Vulcan, the smith of the gods, to symbolize the city's iron-mine origins (in the Vulcan Park, on Red Mountain).  He's got a semi-bare chest and a bare butt.

8. If you have any particular reason to go to Lafayette, Alabama, about 20 miles from Auburn, look for this life-sized statue of boxer Joe Louis outside the Chambers County Museum.

9. The Seafarer Memorial in Mobile, Alabama

10.New Orleans, Louisiana really deserves a separate entry, but just to whet your appetite, check out these naked men in the City Park

I only made it as far as New Orleans.  The whole Southeast, is left, from Virginia to Georgia to the Carolinas to Florida.

See also: Dating a country-western star; and Ten More Public Penises of the South

The Top 10 Public Penises of Prague

It's 8 hours by train from Antwerp to Prague, capital of the Czech Republic, but worth it.

Prague is one of the most beautiful cities in Europe.  Try the view from Charles Bridge at night, looking toward the Mala Strana, with the castle lit up.

It has a thriving gay community.

A major porn industry, which has gotten some criticism for exploiting barely-legal models.

And more statues of naked men than any other city in the world.  Here are the top ten public penises:

1.-2. This man and his twin are urinating on a map of the Czech Republic outside the Kafka Museum. As the water flows, their penises move up and down as if they are becoming aroused.  Quite a spectacle (By the way, Franz Kafka had rather a substantial gay connection).

3. This naked boy stands at the entrance of the Supreme Burgrave's House (now a Toy Museum).  You're supposed to rub his penis for luck.

4. The Memorial to the Victims of Communism, seven statues of men in decay, symbolizes the many political prisoners who were forced into exile or killed. But they're definitely naked.

5.-6. The gardens at Wallenstein Palace has a row of Romanesque statues, like this Perseus with his penis broken off.

More after the jump.

Top 12 Public Penises of Finland

That's right, Finland, the conservative outsider of Scandinavia, somewhat isolated from the usual tourist circuit (but you can fly from London in about 3 hours), cold and cloudy, with a non-Indo-European language that's a problem for most Europeans to learn.  When I  visited in the spring of 1999 with Jaan and Yuri, I found out something very important:

On enemmän julkisia penis kuin Prahassa tai Pariisissa.
There are more public penises than in Prague or Paris.

1. Start with Helsinki, where there are about 400 monuments, statues, and works of public art.  The most famous is The Three Smiths, by Felix Nylund, a statue of three naked smiths hammering on an anvil, in Three Smiths Square in the heart of Helsinki.  It's customary  to tell people, "Meet me at the three naked guys."

2.-3. Then the statues of long-distance runners Paavo Nurmi and Lasse Viren outside the Olympic Stadium.  They didn't really run naked.

4. Drop by the Central Railroad Station to see two muscular guys holding lamps.

5. This statue is called Haaksirikkoiset, "Shipwreck," by Robert Stigell.  It's facing east, toward Russia, so it's often interpreted in patriotic terms as the Finnish people overcoming adversity.

6. After that, you can just wander around.  There are nude men on every corner.  Like this monument to the Battle of Pellinki, by Gunnar Finne.

More after the break

Bhutan: Land of the Penis

Bhutan a tiny, land-locked kingdom in the Himalayas between Tibet and India, hard to get to from the West (there's only one airport, with regular flights to Bangkok, Katmandu, and Delhi).

Buddhist, but not gay-friendly: same-sex activity is illegal, and according to a recent survey, 60% of the population thinks being gay is immoral.

Sounds about as homophobic as the U.S., where same-sex activity was illegal in many states until 2003, and 50% of the people you pass on the street think that you're evil.

Besides, there's a good reason for visiting (other than the scenery and the hunky men).

More public penises than Finland, Iceland,  and Prague put together.

The erect penis is a common artistic motif, painted onto houses for good luck and to keep away evil spirits.

They're combined with dragon or animal motifs, or with all-seeing eyes.  Sometimes their owner is displayed as well, usually a very happy monk.

Penises sculpted in wood fly from rooftops and and dangle from ceilings, sort of like the lucky horseshoes in the U.S.

When you move into a new house, you have to hoist a basketfull of penises to the ceiling and attach them to each of the four walls.

There are penis door handles and flagpoles, and people carry around pocket penises of various sizes and shapes.

This penis imagery is unique to Bhutan.  Scholars trace it to Bon, the Himalayan religion that predates Buddhism, and more directly to the teachings of the "crazy saint" Drukpa Kunley (1455-1529), who was sexually voracious, and apparently a big fan of the penis.

See also: The Penis Cemetery of Iran.

The Top 10 Public Penises of Hinduism

If I had to select a religion based on beefcake alone, Jainism would be #1, where the holy men walk around naked.

But #2 would have to be Hinduism.  Where else can you find a god who offers wisdom, compassion, and enlightenment plus a bodybuilder's physique?

And they make them big.  Statues of Hindu gods are some of the tallest in the world.  Here are the top 10 Public Penises of Hinduism.

The Trimurti, the three Great Gods who represent different aspects of the Divine, are a little too esoteric for representation.  Only Lord Shiva, who destroys and transforms life, appears often.









1. Lord Shiva at Rishikesh, on the banks of the Ganges.  It was washed away by flood waters in 2010.

2. There are several other statues of Lord Shiva that are even bigger.  The one in Kachnar City, Jabalpur is 75 feet tall.

By the way, Mohit Raina (top photo) plays Lord Shiva in the popular Indian tv series Devon ke Dev (2011-)











3. Lord Vishnu, who preserves and maintains life, is represented by this very detailed -- and very large -- bust in Bali.

4. Vishnu has 10 avatars, for various incarnations of the world.  The one for humans, Lord Krishna, receives lots of devotion.  For members of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness, he's the ultimate god of the universe.  Usually he's portrayed as a baby, or as a beautiful youth. Here he stands beside his bull, Nandi.

5. Another avatar of Vishnu, Rama, lived about 1.2 million years ago.  He is the protagonist of the Ramayana and a veritable action hero.  Sometimes he's portrayed with his devoted wife Parvati at his side, but alone, he's used for both secular and profane purposes.  Here a young boy appears to be crawling under his legs.




More after the break

A Beefcake Tour of the Louvre

I love the Louvre.  I could go every day.  But everybody else on Earth, literally, wants to visit, too.  It gets 8,000,000 visitors per year,  so if you're not careful, you'll be caught up in the crowds.

1. Go on Wednesday or Friday evening (they're open to 9:45 pm).  Or else Christmas Eve; you'll have the place to yourself.

2. Buy your ticket online, and pick it up at a FNAC store.

3. Don't go through the crystal pyramid; try the Passage Richelieu, off the Rue de Rivoli.

4. Skip the Big Sights.  The Mona Lisa looks like the Mona Lisa, and the Venus de Milo looks like the Venus de Milo.  Target!









People have been going to the Louvre for beefcake since 1793.  In the 1920s, Ernest Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald spent afternoons looking at the penises on statues.


Here's a perfect 3-hour beefcake tour.

6:45 pm: Having picked up your ticket and had a quick snack, go through the Passage Richelieu, and wander around in the French sculptures for about 15 minutes.  Look for Julien's Wounded Gladiator and Desjardin's Captive (above).

7:00 pm: Go up two flights to the Second Floor, and the German, Dutch, and  Flemish paintings.  Finding the beefcake here takes a little work, so it's best to do it at the start, when you're not tired yet.  Look for Malouel's round Pieta with the naked Jesus, Carl Van Loo's portrait of Neptune, and Van Dyck's Amor and Psyche.  About 20 minutes.

7:20 pm.  Next stop, the French paintings in the Sully Wing.  You're looking for Oedipus and the Sphinx (Ingres), the semi-nude Echo and Narcissus (Poussin), Berthelemey's Creation of Man, Couder's Fight Between Hercules and Antaeus (top photo), Pierre Subleyras's Charon, with a nude backside (left), and Francois Boucher's Venus Demanding Arms for Aeneas.

More after the break

Top 12 Public Penises of Spain

Spain is my favorite country in Europe.  Interesting cultural and archaeological sites, multiple languages, vibrant gay culture, and the cutest men this side of Estonia.  And an extraordinary amount of beefcake art.

Here are the top 12 public penises of Spain:

1. Barcelona, on the east coast, was the capital of a separate country for many years.  They speak Catalan, and aren't shy about reprimanding you for trying to speak Spanish.  It's got the best bath house in Spain, the Picasso Museum, the Gaudi Church of La Sagrada Familia, las Ramblas... and this naked conqueror in the Comandancia.

2. Not to mention a nude Adam in Parque de Cervantes.

3. Zaragosa, about 80 minutes by train, is an ancient city on the Ebro River, the capital of Aragon.  Not a lot of gay venues, but many historic churches, and the Palacio de la Aljaferia.   And the ultra modern Atleta Moderno, "The Modern Athlete," in the museum devoted to the works of sculptor Paul Gargallo.

4. The Monumento a Jinete is almost identical, except the rider has a classical Greek look, and he's nearly naked.

5. Madrid, the capital, is about 90 minutes from Zaragosa by train.  I find it a rather confusing city, hard to negotiate, but you can't miss the Prado, the Museo Arquelogico Nacional, the Palacio Real..

And the 20 gay bath houses!

If you have any time leftover, go to the Parque del Buen Retiro, one of the largest city parks in the world (formerly the private park of the royal family).  With this gigantic monument to King Alfonso XII.

6. Also in the Buen Retiro, an extremely muscular Fallen Angel atop the Fuente del Angel Caido (The Fountain of the Fallen Angel).

7. A lot of things fall from the sky in Madrid.  Here is a nude Icarus landing on his head, the work of Miguel Angel Ruiz.

More after the break.