1899: Paranormal Peril on a pre-Titanic Ship, with At Least One Gay Character, I Hope

I don't do boats, canoes, kayaks, pontoons, or the deep end of swimming pools -- even standing on a dock makes me anxious.  So I've been avoiding the Netflix series 1899, about steamship passengers dealing with paranormal peril in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.  But it has received good reviews, so I streamed the first episode.  The moment someone mentions an iceberg, I'm out.   

Scene 1: A woman -- Maura -- tells us that "the brain is wider than the sky" as we see disturbing images of a ship crossing the desert,a pyramid, a maelstrom, a cliffside mansion, and a psychiatric hospital, where she screams that her brother discovered the horrible things Dad was doing.  And he was on the Prometheus!

She awakens in an elegant stateroom on the ship Kerberus (Cerberus, the three-headed dog who guards the gates of Hell).  She sees a newspaper headline about the Prometheus disappearing four months ago, looks through some books about the human brain, and comes to her brother's letter: "I discovered the horrible things Dad is doing.  Please meet me in New York."

Scene 2: In the huge boiler room, a half dozen muscular, shirtless guys are shoveling coal and discussing the disappearance of the Prometheus.  The Polish Olek (Maciej Musial, top photo) climbs up to fix a clog in the coal flue (nice muscular back as he climbs).  There's something sinister up there with him! 

Scene 3: In the dining hall, a French man, Clement (Jonas Bloquet), looks bored while his wife discusses the disappearance of the Prometheus.   Two Japanese women caution each other to "play it cool."  Wait -- they're dressed in traditional Japanese kimonos, but speaking Cantonese!   

Meanwhile, a male-male Spanish couple disguised as a priest and his brother (Miguel Bernardeau, left) quarrel.  

When Maura sits down, a British woman joins her and fills her in the gossip: "They're all running away from something.  Why else would you want to travel to somewhere new?"  Vacation?  Business? School? 

Suddenly the doors burst open, and Krester (Lucas Lygaard Tonnesen), a Danish man  from steerage (the lower-class section of the ship), yells for a doctor to help his sister.  The ship's doctor ignores him. Security drags him out, and throws him back into steerage.  Maura, who has trained as a doctor,  follows. Sister is having a problem with her pregnancy.  

Scene 4: The mysterious presence in the coal bin isn't a monster, it's a stowaway,  the French African Jerome (Yann Gael, left). He sneaks into a stateroom to steal some clothes.  

Meanwhile, the French couple is trying unsuccessfully to have sex. The husband blames the wife for his inability to perform, and storms out.  

In steerage, Maura finishes treating the sister, flashes back to being tied down in an asylum, and rushes to the deck to throw up.  The Captain (Andreas Pietschmann)  approaches and stares suspiciously, before he is called away by the radio operator: "We've received a signal from the lost ship.  Just coordinates, over and over: 42.4 W, 57.7 N" That's about 100 miles east of Nova Scotia.

Scene 5: The Captain checks it out.  "But if they drifted off course four months ago, how did they end up in that spot? Well, we can be there in 9 hours, so let's go."

Down in the boiler room, the shirtless hunk Olek asks why they are changing course, and is told to shut up. 

Scene 6: In their stateroom, the fake priest (Jose Pimental) warns his boyfriend, Angel, to be more careful.  "It's as if you want people to find out."  Hey, they're not a couple, they're brothers, and the priest is worried about some other secret. Gay tease!  They notice that the ship is turning, and get very upset: what if they go back to port?  All will be lost!

Down in steerage, the pregnant Danish woman discovers that they've changed course to look for the lost ship, and gets very upset.  "We can't stop!  We can't!"

In her stateroom, Maura examines her brother's letter, with the phrase: "What is lost, will be found."  The Captain stops by to stare suspiciously and tell her that they're going to look for the Prometheus.  It's been four months, but if they rationed food, they could still be alive.  Why tell her personally?  They stare at each other some more.

Scene 7: When Maura steps out, the Captain sneaks into her room and goes through her things, finding the letter from her brother.  

Scene 8: The hunk Olek is sitting in a loading bay, legs hanging over the side (my anxiety is rising -- he could fall in at any moment).   The stoaway Jereome asks him for food.  They only speak Polish and French, respectively, but they manage to exchange names. 

In the ballroom, the Captain tells the passengers that they're going to look for the missing ship.  "Growl, growl, but I must get to New York!"

Scene 9:  The Captain finds Maura on the deck.  They have a staring, brooding, Heathcliffe and Katherine sort of conversation.  Then they see the Prometheus in the distance.  It's all dark.

Crew: "The passengers are dead.  Let's just go on to New York and wire the company the ship's location."

Captain: "No, I'm boarding.  I'll take Maura.. the hunk Oleg, the stowaway Jerome, a couple of minor characters....and the priest, in case someone needs last rites."  

Scene 10:  While they're gone, the fake priest's brother, Angel, shares a smoke with Krester, the Danish guy with the pregnant sister.  They stare broodingly at each other.  Is a gay romance coming up?  But when Angel caresses Krester's face, he backs off and runs down to steerage.  Dude, it's 1899.  Be a little more discreet.

Scene 11:  The Captain and company board the drifting Prometheus.  In the radio room, they find the ticker machine that broadcast its coordinates, still going.  Wait -- it suddenly stopped, as if it was waiting for them.   No humans aboard, just weird ribbons and ropes hanging everywhere.

Back on the Kerberus,  the Cantonese women discuss their plan.  The younger one complains about having to wear all that makeup all the time.  "Well, if you had just accepted your fate, none of this would have happened. Now practice your Japanese."

Scene 12:  While a mysterious figure climbs aboard the Kerberus, Maura and company continue to explore the Prometheus.  In the ballroom, they find a locked cabinet with something thumping inside.  They open it: a little boy, alive and well!  He doesn't speak. He just walks up to Maura and hands her a small stone pyramid.  The end.

Beefcake: The shirtless hunks in the boiler room.

Gay Characters:  If Angel, the fake priest's brother, isn't gay, I'll be very upset.  Maybe Krester, the Danish guy -- he's got a pregnant sister, not a pregnant wife.  Or Clement, the French guy who can't perform sexually with his wife.

Soundtrack: All modern songs like Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit."  I hate it when period pieces use modern songs.  

The "Lost" Syndrome: On Lost, characters omitted explanations that any normal conversation would reveal, like "There are only three of you.  You said there five survivors."  "There were."  1899 is doing the same thing to annoying excess.

My Grade: B

Update: In Episode 2, we discover that Krester is gay, and Angel and Ramiro are lovers, not brothers.