Josh Zuckerman: The teenage Faust saves Christmas twice, plays nebbishes and sinister ghosts. With his backside and Nick's d*ck

Link to the n*de photos

In the Disney Channel's Twas the Night (2001), irresponsible Nick Wrigley (Bryan Cranston of Malcolm in the Middle), fleeing from gansters, takes refuge at his brother's house.  While delivering presents, Santa gets clocked on the head, and the gangsters steal the time-dilation device that allows him to visit 1.3 billion households in a single night.

So Nick and his mischievous 14-year old nephew Danny (Josh Zuckerman) must deliver all of the presents and subdue the gangsters.

It differs from the standard "saving Christmas" plot in the real peril, and in Nick and Danny, who move from stereotyped uncle and nephew to classic 1930s Adventure Boy and adult companion.

It was enough to pay attention to this guy, born in 1985 in Stanford, California, and guesting on every conceivable tv series: Get Real,  Once and Again, The West Wing, Judging Amy, and so on,  Surely he had more gay-subtexts or maybe even gay roles in his future.

Nope.  Next he starred in  I was a Teenage Faust (2002), about a 15-year old boy (Josh) who sells his soul to the devil in order to win The Girl of His Dreams.  Heterosexist tripe.

I didn't have the stomach to see Josh in anything else for a few years, but evidently he starred with Ben Affleck in Surviving Christmas (2004): a rich dude pays a family to pretend to be his at Christmastime, and develops real feelings for them, of course.

And Balthazar Getty in Feast (2005): Bar patrons fight monsters.

 But the heterosexism continued, as Josh found his niche as a nebbish who can't get girls, but sometimes can.

He had a recurring role on Kyle XY (2008-09) ,  starring Matt Dallas as a teenage boy  who appears out of nowhere with no memory and no belly button (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends). I think he's a clone or alien or something.  Josh plays a nebbish with a crush on his adopted sister.  Eventually he wins her.

The Desperate Housewives (2004-13) were desperate due to their 15-year history of lies, scandals, murder, and semi-nude scenes.  Josh plays Eddie, a barista and aspiring comedian who kills the girls who reject him -- and they all do.  They're usually mean about it, laughing at the ridiculousness of the nebbish thinking he was worthy of human contact, but still, it seems a bit much. 

More after the break

Pablo the Penguin's p*nis: Jake Goldberg from "Backyardigans" and "Grown Ups" grows up to corporate, cooking, and c*ck shots

Link to the n*de photos  

Remember Pablo?  He was one of the backyard buddies on Nick Junior's Backyardigans (2004-2013) a high-strung, frenetic blue penguin best-buddying with the laid-back orange moose Tyrone.  Their friends included Tasha, a yellow hippopotamus best-buddying with the tomboy Uniqua, who has no animal species; and Austin, a purple kangaroo. 

Contrary to what commentators believe, gayness doesn't suddenly appear when you see your first drag queen. You are gay as a preschooler.  You may not be interested in physical intimacy yet, but you find some people and not others attractive, and form romantic bonds, early on.  In Backyardigans, Pablo and Tyrone were queer coded, although Pablo is more often paired with Austin on Archive of Our Own. 

A decade later, Nicholas Barasch, who played Austin in 20 episodes (2009-13), showed his physique on Riverdale.

Leon Thomas III, who played Tyrone in 25 episodes (2006-09), gave us a backside shot on Insecure.

 

But Jake Goldberg, a long running Pablo (60 episodes, 2006-13), has given us one better: shots of his d*ck,

Born in 1996, Jake grew up in New York, except for five years spent in Israel.  As a child and teenager, he appeared in episodes of 3D Rock, Law and Order: SVU, and Bull, and he played Adam Sandler's son in Grown Ups (2010) and Grown Ups 2 (2013).   

His character crushes on girls, but also buddy-bond (and gets n*ked) with Nadji Jeter as Chris Rock's son. He was nominated for a Golden Raspberry Award, which may have turned him off acting as a career choice.

More after the break.