For reasons I don't recall, I avoided Dark, the paranormal horror series on Netflix. But it has the same producer as 1899, which I am enjoying, and a review stated that there are "four queer characters," so I thought I'd give the first episode a try.
Prologue: Albert Einstein tells us that "the distinction between past, present, and future" is an illusion. While the narrator elaborates, we see a scary bunker in the woods, full of emergency supplies and photographs of people "yesterday, today, and tomorrow."
Scene 1: 21 June, 2019. A rustic house. Dour-looking middle aged man hangs himself in his workshop, leaving a letter next to a photo of his wife and kids: "Do not open before 4 November 2019, 10:13 pm." Very specific. A teenage boy awakens from a nightmare, and takes a prescription pill. Couild this be the son, or the teenage version of the dour-looking man?
Cut to: 4 November 2019: Suicide note opening day. The teenage boy (top photo) comes downstairs, checks the refrigerator, and yells: "Mom, the power's out again!" But she's busy having sex with a naked man named Ulrich (very muscular back and butt shot). They disentangle, discuss the meeting tonight, kiss a billion times -- weird kisses, like they're attacking each other's faces. He leaves -- through the window!
Scene 2: The teenage boy biking through a scary woods. He stops at a smoke-bellowing factory so we can see a poster for a missing boy, Erik Obendorf, about his age. We zero in on his face, so he must be important.
Meanwhile, Ulrich of the Muscular Butt (Oliver Masucci) jogs through the scary woods toward some dark, sinister caves. In this world, it's scary all the way down.
Scene 3: The teenage boy walking in the woods with a suit-clad man, who compliments him on doing well in group therapy. Must be his psychiatrist. "I still see him."." "Well, keep taking your meds." "I want to know why he hanged himself."
Meanwhile, Ulrich jogs home, where his wife is chastising their preteen son Mikkel for dressing like a skeleton when it's not Halloween. Another teenage boy, Magnus, thinks that Mikkel stole his black hoodie, and hits him in the head a dozen or so times. The teenage daughter is a social activist. Ulrich kisses them all on the top of the head and explains that he took so long because there was a line at the grocery story (and he stopped to have sex).
By the way, preteen Mikkel is an aspiring magician. I assume that this will be important later.
Scene 4: Having finished his 5:00 am therapy appointment, the teenage boy goes to school, where everyone stares and points in slow motion. His friend (Paul Lux) hits him in the head to welcome him back. I guess that's a display of affection in Germany? "Don't worry, I told everyone that you were on a study tour of France, not that...you know."
Meanwhile, Ulrich goes to work at the police station, where the missing boy's parents are yelling: "You don't do anything! Find our son!" A female police officer reminds them that they've scoured the woods and conducted 172 interviews. Whoa, Mom spits on her! In the U.S. that's aggravated assault! Ulrich handles the situation much better; the female cop roils with envy.
Scene 5: Magnus, Ulrich's teenage son (who lost his black hoodie), is behind the school, smoking pot, when a girl approaches. They flirt briefly. Plot dump: his mom is the school principal.
Meanwhile, teenage boy and his friend go to a start-of-school assembly. A girl approaches. The teenage boy grins, expecting a flirtation, but she kisses his friend! When are they going to give these people names? Stares all around. I deduce that she was previously his girlfriend, but switched during his absence.
The teenage boy continues to stare in jealous rage while the assembly starts: it's about Erik, the missing boy.
Scene 6: Ulrich and the female cop discussing case details that they certainly already know: Erik vanished after practice one day, leaving his money and cell phone behind. Ulrich thinks that he ran away, because the small town is boring. The female cop mentions his brother, and Ulrich rages: "He had nothing to do with this!' Plus Ulrich is dissatisfied with his life: it's "the exact opposite" of what he wanted. Big deal. I wanted to teach Gay Studies.
Scene 7: At the Winden Forest Hotel, very elegant for a small town, desk clerk Regina is panicking. She calms down enough to answer the phone. Unfortunately, it's a bill collector; she's behind on her loan payments. She pleads: "No one wants to come her on vacation because of the boy's disappearance." She screams; she curses; she gets hanged up on.
Scene 8: Magnus of the black hoodie (Moritz Jahn) in class, learning about black holes (which will be important later, I assume), and complaining about the girl who flirted with him earlier. His friend notes that, if Erik is dead, all of his drugs must still be in the cave. They could haul out a big score!
Scene 9: A working-class apartment complex. Ulrich visits his nearly-catatonic mother, who complains that she saw something in the woods: "a dark figure with a gigantic head. Also I found a Raiders candy bar wrapper. Mads loved those." Is Mads the vanished brother? We see a photo of the two brothers as kids in 1986.
"Everything is repeating," Mom concludes. "Erik is your brother all over again."
Switch to a rest home, where an elderly man with a weird ear starts yelling "It's going to happen again." Must be Ulrich's dad.
Switch to a flashback: On TV, a music video of "You Spin Me Around (Like a Record)," 1985. Cute animal wall paper, a panda in a rocking chair, milk and cookies on a tray, and a redheaded boy covering his ears, trying not to listen.
Scene 10: After school, Magnus, the friend, the girlfriend, and the teenage boy decide to investigate the drug cave. I've had enough of this refusal to say characters' names. I'm checking the IMDB: the teenage boy with the dead dad is Jonas, and his friend is Bartosz.
Meanwhile, Ulrich calls Jonas' mom about the meeting tonight. She doesn't want to go: everyone will be staring and pointing and gossiping about her husband's suicide. "Ok, then, I'll be at a training in Frankfurt this weekend. Why don't you come, and we can have sex?"
And at Ulrich's house, the wife notices a long black hair on his sweatsuit. And it smells like lady's perfume! Obviously Ulrich is a drag queen.
Scene 11: Jonas' Mom is massaging an old guy at the nuclear plant. He complains that he's been working there for 33 years, and now it's closing. She goes on to the meeting, which is about the missing boy. I don't think have town meetings about missing kids in the U.S. It quickly devolves into a snitting-and-name-calling match. The old guy bursts in and yells "It's going to happen again!"
Jonas' Mom goes outside to smoke a cigarette. Ulrich follows. They kiss oddly a billion times.
Scene 12: The four teenagers head for the cave, discussing Erik's disappearance and the nature of evil. Magnus brings his preteen brother, Mikkel (the aspiring magician), because his sister couldn't babysit.
At 10:13 pm, an old lady opens Dad's suicide letter. Wait -- is that Ulrich's Mom? Why would she have the letter, and not the dead guy's wife? She is shocked by what she reads.
The teenagers, joined by the girl that Magnus flirted with earlier, reach the cave, hear a mysterious wailing from inside, and run away. Jonas grabs Mikkel's hand, but he trips and falls and lets go for a moment, and the boy vanishes! Plus he sees his Dad, all bloody!
Scene 13: The parents and police arrive to hug their kids and search for Mikkel. Ulrich, his Dad, runs into the cave.
In the morning, the teenagers are home, still being hugged by their parents, except Magnus is at the police station. The police scour the area with metal detectors, and come across a child's body, covered by leaves. Ulrich rushes to the site; it's not Mikkel! It's a boy with a 1986-era walkman.
Back to the room with the cute animal wallpaper and the 1986-era music videos playing on the tv. The first missing boy, Erik (Paul Radom), is strapped to a chair, whimpering as a weird device is clamped to his head. The end.
Beefcake: Just Ulrich's back and butt.
Heterosexism: Ulrich's affair with Jonas' Mom. Jonas and Bartocz in love with Girl #1. Magnus having a sparring "you're arrogant!" romance with Girl #2.
Gay Characters: All of the teenagers have expressed heterosexual interest. There are photos online of Jonas kissing a guy, but that may be from something else.
Soap Opera: All of the adults have a history together.
My Grade: I'm interested in seeing how Erik ended up in the 1980s room, and why Mikkel was replaced by another dead boy (no doubt Ulrich's brother). But there are so many characters with interlocking, unstated relationships and so much weird kissing. And where are the four queer characters? C.
Update: I found out who the queer characters are: a pedophile murderer who likes trans women; a trans woman prostitute; a predatory lesbian; and her prey. That must be the reason I avoided watching the program. New grade: F
The teenage boy in the first photo is Louis Hofmann (he is one of the top leading characters in the show). He played a gay youth in Die Mitte der Welt (a lead part) and in The White Crow (a small part)
ReplyDeleteYes, I know. I looked it up on the IMDB. I was just complaining because his character is not called by name until 3/4ths of the way through the episode.
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