Brian Cage and Lance Hoyt, the "Disclosure Day" demi-gods: Which has n*de photos? Which is gay? WIth Riddle rising and Oberst pretending

 

 Link to the n*de photos

Disclosure Day (2026), about aliens finally announcing their presence to the world (after hanging around since the Roswell Crash of 1947), offers beefcake only in the first scene.  Danny (Josh O'Connor) stole tapes demonstrating the aliens' presence, and Boss Hogg of the Evil Corporation kidnapped his girlfriend to get them back.  They want to make the trade at a wrestling match.  

I haven't posted a profile of a muscleman for a long time, so I thought I would research the wrestlers, Brian Cage (blue) and Lance Hoyt (red).

Brian Cage, civilian name Brian Button, works for Lucha Underground and Impact Wrestling. Sometimes he performs as Mortis as an homage to his friend Chris Kanyon, who created the character.  As a bodybuilder, he won the 2026 Mr. Nevada competition.

 Other than wrestling shows, he has appeared in:

A fan film, The Fall of Greyskull  (2015), playing He-Man.

The Bloody Man (2020), about a boy who accidentally summons a monster.  Brian plays "Barbarian Man."

And Kill City Cup (2023): A sort of cage-fighting Hunger Games.  He plays a wrestler. 

Brian's Instagram consists almost entirely of selfies, photos from his wrestling and bodybuilding performances, and ladies with big breasts. I got the distinct impression that he is straight.   

Yep, the pro wrestling website tells us that he is married to Melissa Santos, a ring announcer and television personality who works with him in the Lucha Underground.

But at least we have a n*de photo.  Or two.  Or three (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends)

More after the break

Among Us: A crew of nonbinary bean-beings face a killer in their midst. With Park's backside, Elijah's junk, Korvo, and Yogi Bear

   

Among Us is an adult animation series based on a video game, filmed in 2024 and released on Paramount Plus in 2026.  Showrunner Owen Dennis has been associated with the gay-friendly Regular Show, Infinity Train, and AJ Goes to the Dog Park (and he has Pride wallpaper on his cell phone), so I expect some gay subtexts, or maybe even texts.

The premise: An alien shapeshifter is killing the crew members on the Spaceship Skeld as it travels toward its home planet with a precious cargo.  They have to identify the imposter before it's too late.  

The astronauts are bean-shaped,  about 3.5 feet tall, named after their color (which could present problems in a large group).  They have two legs, no arms, no mouths, floating hands, and large visors that change to express emotions. They are genderless, but they reference hookups and "childbirth," so something like human s*xual activity occurs.  

Since they are nonbinary, the astronauts are all LGBTQ.  But I'm going to gender them through the gender of their voice actors, and check for "same-s*x" desire.

I'm reviewing Episode 1.2, "You Can't Be Hot and Smart," which begins just after the first being, new crew member White (Patton Oswald) , has been sliced neatly in half.  

Scene 1: Everyone screams, retches, slips on the blood. Someone puts a "Wet Floor" notice. They try to notify MIRRA, their company, but comms are down.  Captain Red (Randall Park, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) cautions everyone, "don't panic."

And don't forget your towel (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Then Doctor Blue (Dan Stevens, Korvo on Solar Opposites) arrives, and everyone relaxes, because they inspire confidence.

Scene 2: In the med bay, Captain Red tries to avoid admitting that White was murdered;  maybe it was a work related accident?   Doctor Blue tells them that suddenly being cut in half is quite rare.  They perform some tests. We see swabbing, a petri dish, typing into a computer, and finally they conclude that...White is dead.

Scene 3: Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, everyone agrees that it was a murder. Did White have any enemies?  No, everyone loved them -- except Unpaid Intern Green (Elijah Wood, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) who wanted to steer the ship -- their lifelong dream -- but White stole the job. This aroused their bloodlust!

Green, mopping the floor, claims that they have "no l*st for anything, especially blood."

Scene 4: Captain Red asks Security Officer Purple (Ashley Johnson) to check the security cams for suspicious activity, but they only record in black and white, and without color, you can't tell who is who.  Maybe by costume?

Doctor Blue calls Purple into the medbay for an invasive body scan: they want to compare White's body with every crew member's, to see if the splitting-in-half was caused by an alien pathogen or mutation.  "I won't sleep until I know how to protect the crew!" they announce.

Purple swoons with romantic desire.  M-F voice actors

More after the break

Cloverfield: Come for the alien invasion, stay for Godzilla. With Vogel backside, Hud junk, and endless misdirection.

  

For movie night last night, we saw Cloverfield (2008).  I don't usually review movies from that long ago, but there are some nice n*de photos of the cast, the utter lack of LGBTQ representation requires comment (this scene is just a tease), and I have some questions.

The first is: we thought that it would be thematically linked to The Cloverfield Paradox (2018), about a space station that accidentally gets zapped into a parallel universe.  But there's no connection except the name.  Cloverfield (2008) is a "found footage" movie, presenting a videotape that was found in the ruins of what used to be called Central Park, no doubt dug up by archaeologists thousands of years after our civilization was destroyed by an alien invasion.

There's a prelude that is not connected to the rest of the movie in any way: An extremely wealthy middle-aged man films the ruins of New York from his apartment.  There are many fires below, so no doubt the Apocalypse has already begun.  He awakens his wife, and they discuss how much they love each other and kiss a lot.  He takes his shirt off, but this was a DVD, so I couldn't get a screen shot, and I can't find him in the cast list.  

We cut to an interminable party with a huge number of immensely rich young adults, all white except for the token black guy, having interminable boring conversations and being elitist (they're shocked when a lady knows who Superman is).  Are straight people's lives really this boring?  

The takeaways from the endless boredom are:

1. This is a going-away party for Rob (Michael Stahl-David, top photo and left).  He's moving to Japan tomorrow to take a huge, huge promotion with a massive, multi-million dollar pay increase.  We never find out what his job is, but I assume it will have something to do with saving the world from the alien invasion.  

2. His friends don't think he should go, because he'll have to leave his girlfriend, Beth, who is the most beautiful woman in the world, and way too good for him.  It's a miracle that someone that beautiful wanted to be with him in the first place, and he'll never find anyone close, so why would he give her up?

3. Ron and Girlfriend Beth argue, and she goes home.  Turns out that he had an affair with Lily. his brother's girl, so now Beth wants to dump him.  Fortunately his brother Jason (Mike Vogel, left) doesn't know. yet.

4. Rob's friend Hud (TJ Miller, below) is filming the party, and asking for testimonials from people, but mostly stalking the Girl of His Dreams, Marlena, who seems to be an extremely famous fashion model.   She is not at all interested, but he keeps trying.  All women have stories about that obnoxious guy who refuses to take "no" for an answer: that's Hud.

Suddenly there's a news story about an oil tanker that overturned in New York Harbor, near the Statue of Liberty.  The apartment is in Lower Manhattan -- they can see Harbor from the roof, so they all go up to look.  There's a power blackout, and rockets zoom over the city, some exploding.  They're being invaded!

Rob says "I know what started this. I saw it."  We flash back to the subway, where he's filming his girl, and accidentally catches a sinister-looking bald man, who gets up from his seat. That scene is repeated several times, but it is never explained.  It's an alien invasion, not a terrorist attack. 

Everyone runs outside.  Suddenly the head of the Statue of Liberty crashes onto the street!  With a stick up her nose.

More zaps from alien spacecraft zooming across the sky.  Plus a giant monster is  smashing into buildings, and smaller, human-size spider-beings are killing people.  This seems like an inefficient weapon for an  invasion.  

Everyone runs into an all-night bodega. That is, Rob, Brother Jason, Lily (Jason's girl, whom he had an affair with), Cameraman Hud (left), and the Famous Model. The promo says that there are six friends; this is just five.  Will they be joined by someone else later?

The other party guests scatter. 

The police or military tell everyone to evacuate the city by crossing the Brooklyn Bridge.  Except it is bombed by the aliens, and they have to return to Manhattan.

Rob talks on his cell phone to someone, but all we hear are clicks.  Then he says "I know what I have to do," and heads toward the monster!  Obviously he was talking to the aliens, and now is under their control.  This is never resolved.

They try to take subway tunnels, where they are attacked by the spider-monsters.  The Famous Model is bitten.  Fortunately, they find a triage unit set up in a department store, but it's too late for the Famous Model: she starts coughing blood, and dies.  

Brother Jason has already been killed, I forget how. So only Rob, Cameraman Hud, and Brother's Girlfriend Lily are left.

More after the break

Operation Taco Gary's: A gay video star, Keefe, the "American Pie" guy, the d*ck that got censored, tacos, and aliens. And everybody's gay.

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Tony Cavalero (yes, I still follow his Instagram) announced that Operation Taco Gary's, which he completed in 2023, has finally found a broadcast home, on Amazon Prime. I've been waiting for this for awhile, so here goes:

Scene 1: As the radio announces the death of actor Jason Biggs (best known for the American Pie franchise), a guy runs through the woods in his underwear, holding a book or a box.  He yells "F*k you, Biggs!"

Flashback to the child Underwear Guy and his buddy or brother trying to destroy their neighborhood.  As an old fat guy sunbathes in s Speedo, Child Underwear Guy accidentally pushes his buddy into a wall, knocking him out. He runs away, past a sign saying "Moving sale. Please buy my stuff." 

Scene 2: In a run-down house, a guy is lying on the bed, despondent, while his roommate or boyfriend, Luke (Dustin Milligan), sells off their stuff. They're moving to Ottawa. Wait -- the moving sale is in the present. What about the kids?  They weren't Underwear Guy and his buddy?

Someone asks about a painting of the Pope eating dinner with Big Foot.  "It's not mine.  I'm basically Jewish."

"That's not true," a voice calls from another room.  "I've seen his p*nis."  (Censored description).   

It's Underwear Guy, Luke's long-lost brother!  He's a conspiracy theorist who lives off the grid, and he brought the painting because the Catholic Church is supressing evidence of Bigfoot.

They discuss Luke's move to Canada.  "You got a girlfriend  up there?"

"No.  I wish." Heterosexual identity established at Minute 7.  "I'm a new paleontology researcher. I start on Monday."

Underwear Guy guilts his way into an invitation to come along.  Who was the roommate despondent over Luke leaving?  Maybe a random person trying out the bed?  A little confusing, director!.

Scene 3: Driving to Canada on narrow country roads through the woods.  On the radio: "Jason Biggs' death has been ruled a homicide"  Underwear Guy looks suspicious.

Left: Research reveals that Underwear Guy is played by Simon Rex, unrecognizeable from his early days in gay-ish videos.

They stop at Taco Gary's for lunch.  Undewear Guy claims that his days of scamming the Portuguese mafia out of Taiwanese ketamine are over.  He just wants to be a good brother.

Cut to the police breaking into Luke's empty house.  They find a Taco Gary's wrapper and conclude that Luke is now helping Underwear Guy. 

Scene 4: An ugly guy with a physique that's um...well, I'm sure he has a nice c*ck.  He awakens, brushes his teeth, and heads to the dentist office to protest the practice of putting microchips in our teeth.   

Getting gas nearby, Luke and Underwear Guy see him. So he's going to join the team?

Uh-oh, Underwear Guy sees a car, rushes over, and accosts the old lady driving with a hunting knife. He shows her a taco, and refers to the "TG Truce of '21."  She doesn't know what he's talking about.  "Sorry, I mistook you for a member of the Coalition."

While he's gone, Luke checks his backpack and finds that his brother is not taking is meds.

Scene 5: They zoom off.  Hey, what about the ugly guy with the sign?  You spent so much time showing him getting dressed, I thought he would be a major character.  

Luke confronts Underwear Guy for not taking his meds, destroying his cell phone, and attacking the old lady.   He can't accommodate his brother's craziness anymore, and orders him out of the car.  But Underwear Guy gives him an injection that knocks him out, and drags him into the woods.

Scene 6: He awakens at night, by a campfire, remembers what happened, and tries to run away, but Underwear Guy injects him again.  And a third time. Just tie him up, dude.

Underwear Guy explains: he needs Luke's identity to sneak into Canada.  He's already stolen Luke's passport, wallet, and car keys, so he can't say no. "You'll get them back when we cross the border, and you'll still be in Ottawa in time for your new job."  How are both of them going to get into Canada with the same passport?

He gives Luke a high-tech, alien-made homing device to use instead of a government-hacked cell phone.

"This is a Rubik's Cube painted black."

Uh-oh, the cops have found their car!  Underwear Guy yells "We are armed and extremely dangerous!"  They approach with guns pulled.  Run!

They run. Luke and the two cops all hurt their ankles on the same log (not funny, painful to watch). 

They stumble across a white-haired guy camping, and by taking off his pants, Underwear Guy convinces him to give them a ride. So he liked your underwear?  

"By the way, I've kidnapped my brother, and I'm forcing him to help me against his will."

"No problem," White-Haired Guy says, no doubt thinking that they both must have big d*cks.

Scene 7: They stop at a gym and ride the mechanical bull while waiting for a badger (someone who helps you illegally cross the border).  She descends the stairs in slow motion while Luke gapes in Girl of My Dreams squishiness. I was wondering when he would meet The Girl.

She actually works at the gym, at the smoothie bar.  While they are talking, Underwear Guy tells Luke, "I know that look. You're attracted to her, aren't you?"  Hey, that will ruin his chances with The Girl.

Turns out that she's not really a badger.   But she has nothing else to do today, and Underwear Guy always has "crazy, fun" ideas, so why not?

More after the break

"Solar Opposites": Skyler Gisondo and Kieran Culkin as a human and an alien bat-monster in love

  

Solar Opposites is an animated sitcom about a family of sentient slugs that crash-landed on Earth and must look for a way home while adapting to bizarre human customs like gender polarization.

Link to the NSFW version

  Korvo (Justin Roilland/Dan Stevens) is the "man of the house," resistant to assimilation; Terry (Thomas Middleditch) is the childcare expert, who eagerly adopts human culture;  Yumyulak (Sean Giambone), the teenage boy, a rebel who hates humans; and a teenage girl and pupa (infant).  

But this is a review of an episode where no one in the family appears except in flashbacks.  

Episode 4.9, "Down and Out on Planet X-Non," stars Glenn (Kieran Culkin, left), the family's snoopy neighbor, who got blasted into space.  He joined the SilverCops Space Force, but they framed him for murder.  He had to flee into the wilderness of an alien planet, fighting monsters and nearly dying many times.  And now his story continues in what seems to be the pilot for a spin-off.

Scene 1: After having an "expositional dream," Glenn awakens in a run-down office, naked.  Zy (Skyler Gisondo, top photo), a muscular being with a bat-head, found him in the wilderness, half-dead.  "What were you doing all alone in the woods?"

Glenn jokes.  "I got a thing for trees.  Why am I n*aked?"

"Your clothes were soaked" 

Zy infers that he has a "secred, f*cked-up past," so he'll be perfect for their group of multi-species thieves and con-men.  

Glen tries to leave, but outside the door, beings are robbing and killing each other, so he decides to stay.  First queer code; Zy puts his hand on Glenn's shoulder and leaves it there.

Scene 2: The tour.  Most of the group has holograms on their chest, which means "they need extra help." 

"But I don't have a hologram on my chest," Glenn complains.

"I'm sure you have a hologram in your heart."  Awww..getting a little crush on this human, Zy?

Second queer code: Hand on shoulder again.  Third queer code: Again.  Gee, Zy can't keep his hands off Glenn.

Scene 3:  Interview with the group leader, Skeletom, a hippie dude with a glowing green skeleton. Played by Daveed Diggs.

 He explains: "This place is for people who don't fit in."  Island of Misfit Toys, huh?  Queer code #3.  "No one else has our backs, so we have to be family to each other."

Scene 4: Glenn, Zy, a cat-being, and a Cthulhu-being on a scam run. Zy explains that the 'Raffs (sentient giraffes) took over and pushed the indigenous population into slums, using SilverCops to break heads:  "They claim they're keeping the peace, but they're racist as hell, and they play the natives against each other."  Cthulhu Lives Matter.  

Uh-oh, their last victim called the SilverCops.  Run!  Hiding in an alley, they discuss how much they hate the Sils.  And Glenn is one!  If they find out, he'll lose their friendship -- or worse.

More after the break

"Solar Opposites": Do Korvo and Terry act like a married couple? Do they say anything? Do they have sex?

Solar Opposites (2020-) is a Hulu animated series about two aliens, their replicants, and their pupa,  who flee from their doomed planet and crash-land on Earth.  During Season 1, showrunner Justin Roiland addressed the question of whether male adults Korvo (Justin Roiland, Dan Stevens, left) and Terry (Thomas Middleditch) were a gay couple.  He said that since their species practices asexual reproduction, they don't have sex, and therefore they can't be gay.  Jerk, thinking that being gay is purely about sex.  What about romantic partnerships? 

Link to NSFW version.

Apparently he changed his mind.  The fan wiki states that Korvo and Terry became a romantic couple between Seasons 1 and 2.  But how romantic are they?  Do they say anything?  Do anything?  Or do you have to just infer from gay subtexts? To check, I reviewed some episodes, either because the premise sounded interesting or because there was a hot guest star.

Episode 2.1: The Solar Opposites discover another refugee group from their home planet, in London!  But it turns out that they have a disturbing hidden agenda.  No indication that Korvo and Terry are romantic partners.  With the voice of Thomas Lennon, the grotesque gay-stereotype cop in Reno 911

Episode 2.2: Korvo hates dinner parties, so he declares them illegal and starts a police force to seek out forbidden dinner party paraphernalia.  Things turn deadly: people are turned into wine.  During the denouement, Korvo and Terry kiss.

Episode 2,3: Yumyulack, the "teenage boy" replicant, invents a ray that gives him a huge penis -- not for sex, for the power that goes with it.  He makes it bigger and bigger, until it threatens to destroy the world.  No indication that Korvo and Terry are a romantic couple.

Episode 3.2  Korvo wants to take up a hobby, but everything he tries, Terry is already doing, and doing better.  In frustration, he goes into a toy train shop.  The manager thinks that he's just pretending to be interested in trains to beat his "alien husband."

Episode 3.3 Terry shows Korvo the joy of standing in line, and introduces him to his "line husband," Linus (Adam Pally).  Line husband and regular husband jealously snipe at each other, until Korvo finally wins Terry's heart. 

Episode 3.8:  The Solar Opposites go on vacation.  First Terry references rimming.  Then, in a resort community, there's a museum depicting uncomfortable memories, including one of Korvo being screwed by a Red Goobler (callback to last season).  He moans that he is "cumming harder than I ever do with Terry."  At the time Terry said that the marital indiscretion didn't bother him, but now he claims that he was just suppressing his feelings.

Episode 4.4: The Solar Opposites can't get a real pet without eating it, so they create a cartoon dinosaur.  Terry mentions getting a blow job from Korvo. With Eugene Cordero.

Episode 4.5: The Solar Opposites try to prevent Yumyulack from discovering that it's his Birth-a-Day, when he will acquire enough power to destroy them all.  With Jerry O'Connell.  No indicaton that Korvo and Terry are a romantic couple.

Results: Five of eight episodes identify Korvo and Terry as a gay couple.  Two use the term "husband," two reference sexual activity, and one shows a kiss.  They aren't exactly "loud and proud," but it's better than a lot of "are they or aren't they" prevarication.

Some butts, a dick, and alien anal on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

"Killer Klowns from Outer Space": Gayer Than You Think

Why have I not seen Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) before? Other than the ridiculous premise, that is.  It's a gay-subtext classic.

We open at a lover's lane, where some of the parked cars are not occupied by boy-girl couples!  There are two guys, and two guys and a girl!

Mike (Grant Cramer) and his girlfriend Debbie (Suzanne Snyder) are parked, but not kissing!

Why have I never heard of Grant Cramer before? I thought I was up on all the 1980s hunks.  It was my decade!

Let's have another look at Grant Cramer before continuing.

An ice cream truck passes by, run by the Lenny and Squiggy-like the Terenzi Brothers, Rich and Paul (Michael Siegel, Peter Licassi):  "We'll give you the stick -- you give it a lick."  Promises, promises.

Mike notes that he knew the boys from high school.  "Whenever you want a good time, you call Rich and Paul.  A night out with those guys is a real adventure."

Um...so you like hanging out with guys? Is Debbie actually your girlfriend, or a buddy?

Meanwhile, at the sheriff's station, two college boys are brought in for "boozing it up in the park."  One is wearing a New York t-shirt.  They had a bottle of wine.  Were they, like, on a date?

The Sheriff roughs them up, and when Deputy Sheriff Dave intervenes, asks if he's got a"thing" for them.

And we're only 12 minutes into this movie

Deputy Sheriff Dave is played by John Allen Nelson, seen here on Baywatch, but with blond hair.

Ok, I've got to ask, who did the casting for this movie, and why did they hire two super-hunks, when neither actually shows any skin?

On camera, anyway.

Ok...um...the story.

Mike and Debbie stumble upon an alien spaceship that looks like a circus tent, where  aliens who look like scary clowns attack them with popcorn-guns and a balloon animal that comes to life.

You have to admire the dedication to the premise.

They barely escape, and rush to tell Deputy Dave. He leads them into the station, his arm around....Mike's shoulders.

They take Debbie home and go off to investigate, Mike's hand never far from Dave's shoulder.  Dave appears to be Debbie's ex-boyfriend, and goes into a little spiel about how he still loves her, etc., etc.

Meanwhile the Klown invasion is in full force. They shoot ray guns at people to encase them in cotton candy cocoons, feed them to popcorn-monsters.  They attack a woman in the shower. She's not naked.

Lenny & Squiggy join the battle, using the clown statue on their ice cream truck to distract the Klowns.

They act like a gay couple, too.

Somehow Debbie is cocooned but still alive, so they rush to Klown headquarters to rescue her, Mike's hand on Dave's shoulder  Did those guys only just meet?

Dave sacrifices himself to save the day. The alien spaceship takes off, defeated.  Then Dave appears, unharmed, in a clown car shuttlecraft.   Debbie rushes up to hug him.  Then Mike rushes up, and all three hug.

Fade out to pies in the face.

I count three gay-subtext couples and no heterosexual hijinks except for a brief kiss.  Not even any female nudity.

Producers/writers/directors Charles and Stephen Chiodo, along with a third brother, Edward, are well known animators, graphic artists, make up artists, and puppeteers, with projects as  I Go Pogo, Critters, The Lost Boys, Land of the Lost, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and The American Music Awards. This is their only full-length movie: apparently they created some scary clowns and wrote a script to go with them.  Gay subtexts were probably unintentional.

On the other hand, I was unable to find any reference to Charles Chiodo having a wife.  Maybe he's gay.

"Roswell, New Mexico": Soap Opera with Bi Characters and Out-and-Proud Aliens

 

Roswell, New Mexico is the site of the famous UFO crash of 1947, which the town has capitalized on ever since.   It was the inspiration of a tv series about teenage aliens, Roswell, and now apparently a series entitled Roswell, New Mexico: "A woman returns to her hometown after 10 years to discover that her high-school crush is an unusual foreigner."  Presumably he's an alien, although the episode synopses sound more soap opera than paranormal: "Rosa confronts Liz over her reputation; Maria digs into her family history; Isabel's outing leads to an unexpected encounter."  

Outing as in out of the closet?  I'm reviewing the outing episode, "Sex and Candy."

Scene 1: Isobel, a ponytail blond, is fighting with Evil Max (Nathan Parsons, top photo), using energy bursts.  She explains:  "You absorbed the toxicity of Rosa's death, and now you need to expell it! Cause an earthquake or something!"  So he punches the floor and causes an earthquake. Eventually Evil Max collapses from excessive energy expenditure, but his brother (Michael Vlamis, left) rushes in and uses his powers to revive him.  The rage gone, Max apologizes.

His Girlfriend rushes in, and is delighted to find the rage gone.  But there's a problem: Max doesn't recognize her!  

Scene 2:  Back at headquarters. Not only are Max's memories of the Girlfriend gone, he objects to a  "stranger" knowing  all their secrets, which distresses everyone.   I'm guessing that Isobel, Max, and his brother are aliens, but the girlfriend is human.  To avoid upsetting him further, Girlfriend leaves.

Scene 3: Twink Alex (Tyler Blackburn, left) meets Maria, an older woman, at a Mexican Market she has organized to draw business to the Pony (a tavern, I assume).  She introduces him to Forrest, who is helping organize an open-mic night.  They flirt over references to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but when Forrest asks him out, Alex hesitates.  "Maybe I misread," Forrest says, walking away.  "Wait -- you didn't misread."  Two gay guys in Scene 3!  Even if they don't say the Word, that's good news.  I thought Isobel was coming out, but she's dating Max's brother.

Scene 4: A Sarcastic Doctor (Michael Trevino) and a woman in a medical theater, watching the surgical separation of conjoined twins.  She notes that Roswell has a higher than average rate of twin births, and asks "Do you have a crush on me?"  When he says no, she gets angry and storms out. Attractive people with complicated relationships in a hospital -- soap opera!  "Days of Our Lives" with aliens.

Scene 5: the Girlfriend runs into Evil Max from Scene 1 at the Mexican Market, and helps him with his Spanish (he was asking for "carne sin preservativos," which means "meat without condoms").  He asks her out, but she refuses: "You don't really know me." "Right, no one ever goes out on a date with a near-stranger."  So she agrees. (Amnesia is another common soap opera trope.)

Scene 6: Back at headquarters, Isobel and the brother help Evil Max get ready for his date.  

Meanwhile, Twink Alex and Maria from Scene 3 do some sleuthing: when Maria's mother was found after her abduction (soap opera back story), she was wearing distinctive cowboy boots made only by a "weird cobbler" who lives in the desert.  Maybe he keeps records of who he sold them to.  On the way, they discuss past relationships: Twink Alex has never had one.  "What about Kellie?"  "No.  Every time I was with a woman, I was just trying to disappear.  Except when we kissed in high school."  They're the same age?  I thought that Maria was much older, a mother figure.  

Twink Alex doesn't like being gay: "I know what I'm supposed to say, but I don't feel it.  The only time I enjoyed touching someone, was when we kissed."  Um...that means you're straight, dude.

Scene 7: Max arrives at the soda shop where Girlfriend works.  She gives him a Little Green Man milkshake, his favorite since they started dating at age 14, hoping that it will restore his memory.  Nope!  And he doesn't like mint anymore, which upsets her.  "Your tastes have changed since you came back from the dead!"  So order something else.   The date involves riding horses. 

Meanwhile, Twink Alex and Maria are still driving through the desert (as Joel and the Bots would say, will they ever reach the fireworks factory?).  Why didn't she bring Michael along?  "No, I don't like him.  He lied."  "He lied to save your family from my family.  And he spent 10 years in prison for a murder he didn't commit, to protect Isobel."  More standard soap opera tropes. Wait -- I thought Michael, Evil Max's brother, was dating Isobel.  

Scene 8: Yet another character, a woman in heavy makeup, goes into the Planet 7 Bar and flirts with the female bartender.  "I feel like I'm over-dressed."  For a small town in the desert? Always.  "I just got out of jail, and I'm looking for trouble.  The good kind."  She sees Sarcastic Doctor from Scene 4, who groans. Not another woman who has a crush on me!  I have to bat them away!

Scene 9: Still driving through the desert, Twink Alex and Maria get a flat tire.  A scary guy with an axe wants to know why they're trespassing on his property.  Surprise -- he's Travis (David Anders, right), the weird cobbler. I was expecting Gepetto.

Inside the house, they try to call for a tow, but get no bars on their cell phones.  Travis tries to flirt with Maria, and offers them warm milk (weird!).  He remembers the boots -- Maria's mother bought them.  Mystery solved!  

Meanwhile, at the bar, Heavy-Makeup Lady asks Sarcastic Doctor, "Why aren't you at the Pony? Are you avoiding Liz (Max's girlfriend) because Evil Max returned from the dead?" Heavy intertwining of romantic relationships, innit?  He counters with "Why are you here?", and she explains "After Noah, I'm not into a bar full of straight guys on the prowl."  So Planet 7 is a gay bar?

They all start dancing: lots of grizzled cowboy couples.  Who knew there were so many gay people in a small town in the desert?  Sarcastic Doctor invites her to watch the meteor shower, but she refuses: "Meteor showers remind me of the night my entire family burst into flame upon entering Earth's atmosphere." Psych!  She's playing with him!  Are all aliens out and proud?  I thought Evil Max and his gang kept it a secret

I'm fast forwarding through the endless scenes of Evil Max and Girlfriend heart-to- hearting on their date.

Scene 10: At Weird Cobbler's cabin.  Maria goes off in search of cell phone bars, and Twink Alex snoops. When Weird Cobbler catches him, he explains: "Maria's Mom was abducted, and three weeks later she returns, wearing a pair of your weird boots.  Naturally we think you know more than you're letting on."

Weird Cobbler sings "I think we're alone now" and approaches in a threatening manner.  "Drink your milk!"  When Twink Alex refuses, he attacks!  Then he goes outside, tells Maria that Alex is dead, and chases her with an axe.  If they kill off the gay guy in Episode 6, I'm leaving.

She runs into a cornfield, and gets grabbed!  Psych -- by Michael!  (Evil Max's brother, the one she doesn't want to date.) Wait -- it's an hour drive from the city; their car broke down about 10 minutes ago.  He would have to leave shortly after they did.  How did he know to come?  Maybe his alien powers?  But before Michael can rescue her, Weird Cobbler conks him on the head. 

Scene 11: Back at Planet 7, Heavy-Makeup Lady asks Sarcastic Doctor to go into the bathroom with her for a quickie, but he refuses.  He's interested in someone else.  So Heavy-Makeup Lady starts dancing with the female bartender.  

Meanwhile, Weird Cobbler chases Maria through the cornfield.  She ambushes him, conks him with the axe, and runs away.  She grabs Michael; Alex, still alive, comes out of the cabin.  They all run toward the truck, chased by Weird Cobbler. Suddenly another Weird Cobbler emerges from nowhere and shoots...um, his clone?  He explains: hisevil  twin took part in a government research project that fried his brains.  He appeared three weeks ago, and locked the real Weird Cobbler up.  Fortunately, amid all of the axe-chasing, he managed to escape. 

After all the psycho-slasher shenanigans, with her friends and the evil twin in need of emergency medical care, Maria still asks the real Weird Cobbler about her mother!  "I don't remember her.  I get lots of customers.  Could you please call an ambulance?"

Scene 12: Evil Max has his memory back, Sarcastic Doctor actually was interested in the woman he rebuffed back in Scene 4,  Heavy-Makeup Lady smooches with the female bartender.  Michael uses his alien powers to heal Twink Alex's gunshot wound and then smooches with Maria, Twink Alex smooches with Maria, Michael smooches with Twink Alex.  Busy night!

Scene 13: Morning.  Twink Alex reports to Michael that the sheriff didn't find anything: Weird Cobbler and his evil twin had vanished, and their cabin had burned down.  They discuss last night: "If anyone had told me that I would be having a three-way with my best friend and my first love...."   Then Twink Alex leaves.  Michael returns to Maria.  They smooch again.  So, just a one-time thing?  Alex is alone again, naturally.

Meanwhile, Evil Max and Girlfriend smooch, say "I love you," and smooch again.  Six times.

Scene 14: The open-mic night.  I'm getting tired of the drama.  Forrest (Christian Antidormi), who got rebuffed by Twink Alex in Scene 3, is performing.  Twink Alex comes in and grins at him. 

Meanwhile, Max goes home.  Isobel, apparently his sister, presents him with a t-shirt: "I Got Probed at Planet 7."  She was Heavy Makeup woman from last night!   He goes to the bathroom to take a shower, sees weird markings on his back, and flashes back to the alien spaceship when he was a boy.  The end.

Beefcake: A little of Max.  Some of Michael as he undresses for the three way.

Gay Characters: Isobel, Alex, and Michael are all apparently bisexual.  Forrest appears in six episodes, so apparently Alex gets a semi-permanent boyfriend.

Gay/Straight Kisses: 30/2

Soap Opera Tropes: Exhausting.  

Aliens:  Are they in hiding, or not?

My Grade: B.

Addendum:  This was actually Season 2 (Netflix will do that to you).  I reviewed an episode of Season 1 back when it premiered in 2019, and forgot about it (over 300 reviews per year will do that to you).  See: Roswell, New Mexico: At Least the Gay Guys Kiss.

"Rim of the World": Missed Opportunity for Gayness

The first third of Rim of the World (2019) is a comedy about sardonic counselors at an elite summer camp:  the two black guys who discuss white privilege, the guitar-playing lesbian, the stoner, the one with a chest.

Then we shift focus to three mismatched kids, who for some reason are left behind during a camping trip:

1. Alex (Jack Gore), a socially awkward video game addict with a smothering helicopter mother.

2. ZhengZheng (Miya Cech) from China, who conned her way into the camp for reasons that are never explained, and who doesn't speak. Until she does.  Her reasons for pretending to be mute are never explained, either.

3. The bling-wearing, girl-crazy, ultra-rich Dariush (Benjamin Flores Jr.), who lives in a mansion with his ultra-rich father and his trophy wife.  With all that excess, one expects Dad to be a famous actor or musician, but actually he owns a car dealership.  Several statements make it clear that Dariush is scripted as Persian, but the actor is black.

Suddenly there are explosions in the air, a "mandatory evacuation" text appears on their cell phones, and this becomes an alien invasion movie.  They return to camp to find it deserted.  And a fourth kid appears:

4. The mysterious Gabriel (Alessio Scalzotto), who won't say where he came from and doesn't know some of the basics of modern society, like how to read numbers.  I thought he was either an alien in disguise or the actual angel Gabriel, but his secret is much, much more banal.

Aliens attack the deserted camp.  One of them has a dog, which results in a Jurassic Park raptor-in-the-kitchen scene.

Another extrudes a long tube from its head into Dariush's mouth and deposits something.  We expect that Dariush will develop super powers, or turn into a half-alien hybrid, or something, but nothing comes of it.

The kids find a key that can be used to destroy the alien mother ship, and have to cross 40 miles of deserted, destroyed Los Angeles to the Pasadena Space Center to use it (that's right, the entire greater L.A. area was evacuated in a few hours).

On the way, with no prior warning, Alex and ZhengZheng fall in love.  They hold hands; they spend the night cuddling; they kiss to lush triumphant music.  The closing montage that shows the kids being lauded for saving the world includes a prom picture.

Equally without warning, the sparring Gabriel and Dariush fall in love.  They hug; they almost hold hands; they spend the night spooning.  But just as we think that they're going to become a canonical gay couple, they break away, and spend the closing montage on opposite sides of Alex and ZhengZheng.

So are they a couple or not?

The spooning scene is worth the price of admission, but they could have been much more open.

Just another one of the missed opportunities in this movie.

Beefcake:  The counselor with the chest appears for about a second.

My grade: D

"Roswell, New Mexico": At Least the Gay Guys Kiss

The poster of the new tv series Roswell, New Mexico shows a man and a woman in a heterosexual embrace, and the promo shows four hetero lip-locks!

I'd be noping out of the room, but I heard that there was a gay male relationship, as rare as hen's teeth on tv, so I stuck it out, watching one episode and fast-forwarding through the rest, looking for gay romance.

The story involves three alien children who survived the spaceship crash at Roswell in 1947, were in stasis pods until 1997, and then emerged in the shape of human 7-year olds.  They had various traumatic experiences in high school (2004-2008), revealed in flashback:

1. Max (Nathan Parsons) killed a man who was attacking his sister.  The trio buried the body, and kept the awful secret.

2. Isobel (Lily Cowles) started a romance with Rosa, then for no apparent reason killed her and two other girls.  The trio made it it look like a car accident.

3. Michael (Michael Vlamis) started a romance with Alex (Tyler Blackburn), but Alex's homophobic father Jesse caught them together and attacked.  Jesse was not only homophobic but alienophobic, involved with a top-secret government alien-hunting project.

After high school the trio apparently just sat around for 10 years, waiting for the plot to start up again.

It starts when their high school classmate Liz Ortega (Jeanine Mason), a failed biochemist and Rosa's sister, returns to town.  She learns the truth about the aliens, and starts sniffing around about Rosa's death.

She starts dating Kyle (Michael Trevino), her high school boyfriend, who is investigating aliens on his own.

At that moment, Wyatt (Dylan McTee), whose sister died in the "crash" with Rosa, decides to start killing people, either in revenge or to keep them quiet about a secret of his own.

Oh, you're wondering about the three aliens:

1. Max, now the town deputy sheriff, starts dating his coworker Jenna.

2. Isobel is now "happily married" to Noah (Karam Oberoi), who unbeknownst to her, is also a survivor of the spaceship crash.  He lived for many years in Isobel's body (why she was dating Rosa -- it was all entirely heterosexual!).  Then he took over a male body (top photo).  Nice choice!

3. Michael, now a drifter, reunites with Alex, who discovers the truth and breaks up with him for his own protection.  Not dissuaded, Michael starts a relationship with Maria.  Then Alex returns and wants to be "friends."

Gulp.

 Well, maybe they will end up together in the next season.  If there is one.  The reviewers are panning the series for being derivative, convoluted, and silly, and for skimming over the interesting parallels:
Homophobia and alienophobia.
The government tracking down both spaceship aliens and undocumented aliens.

Beefcake: Not a lot.  Occasionally a guy will rip his shirt off.

Heterosexism:  Between two and four scenes of men and women kissing or having sex with each other per episode.  But at least Michael and Alex get a scene together in most episodes, too.

See also: Roswell, New Mexico: Soap Opera with Bi Characters and Out-and-Proud Aliens