John Stamos: From a gay-free San Francisco to a steamy shower scene (or two).

Gay boys all but ignored 20-year old John Stamos when he was playing streetwise Blackie on General Hospital (1983-84).  Not many watched soap operas, and his pleasantly slender physique seemed bit too androgynous as Nautilus-toned man-mountains came into style. Besides, he had a girlfriend.

Some started to notice when John starred as aspiring rock star Gino Minnelli on Dreams (1984-85), which aired after Charles in Charge on Wednesday nights.  It offered lots of shirtless shots -- by this time John had joined a gym -- plus buddy-bonding episodes like "Friends" and "Boys are the Best."  But it only lasted for 12 episodes.

After 25 episodes of You Again? (1986-87), playing Jack Klugman's estranged teenage son -- which was switched around so often that no one saw it -- John finally found television fame in Full House (1987-95) on the TGIF ("Thank God it's Friday") block of kid-friendly Friday-night shows. 

He played Uncle Jesse, who moved in with his brother-in-law Danny (Bob Saget) and another male friend, Dave (Joey Gladstone), to help raise Danny's three daughters after his wife died.  

Alternative families are a standby on tv, but aside from the basic non-heteronormative family structure -- and John's smile -- there was little to like.

He rarely took off a shirt -- when he did, the moments were mostly cute rather than hot. Only one episode showed him in a swimsuit.

 Nor did the friendships result in much buddy-bonding.  The guys all got girlfriends, and the daughters got boyfriends, and gay people were not mentioned, ever, even though the show was set in gay mecca San Francisco.  

More after the break

Michael J. Fox/Alex P. Keaton

Michael J. Fox was the first celebrity I ever  met.  Shortly after I moved to Los Angeles in 1985, I met a guy who knew him from acting class, and the three of us had lunch at a place on Melrose Boulevard.  He was very nice, and completely gay-positive (and heterosexual, even though my insanely jealous boyfriend Ivo claimed to have dated him).

 Unfortunately his sitcom Family Ties (1982-89) wasn't.

It was one of the 1980s "family values" comedies, like Growing Pains, Life Goes On, and Home Improvement. about liberal ex-hippies (Meredith Baxter Birney, Michael Gross) with politically conservative kids (Scott Valentine was daughter Mallory's boyfriend). Michael played the teen Alex P. Keaton, a Young Republican whose money-grubbing provides most of the jokes.


Gay people did not exist in the world of Family Ties -- if they did, Alex's ultra-liberal parents would certainly have had gay friends.  However, sometimes Alex plays the "is he gay?"  game.  In order to impress a girl, he dons an apron to cook dinner. When Dad criticizes this gender transgression, he counters "I hope you don't mind -- I borrowed your apron.  I got quiche on mine."  The joke plays with the expression "Real men don't eat quiche."


In "Little Man on Campus," he fails his first test, and asks his sister Mallory why she fails so often:

Mallory: When I take a test...my mind starts wandering.
Alex: What do you think about?
Mallory: Boys.
Alex: (Waits for the howls of laughter to subside). Let's hope it's different for me.

Pretending to be gay as a joke only works if you don't have any significant same-sex friendships, so Alex carefully avoids sidekicks.  Wacky next door neighbor Skippy (Marc Price) hangs around because he has a crush on Mallory; they become friends anyway, but Alex carefully polices the relationship, even rejecting the standard sitcom stage business of sitting pressed together on a couch (so they can both be in a closeup).  In one episode, they somehow fall onto the bed together.  Skippy nonchalantly continues their conversation, but Alex recoils in horror and jumps away.  Since no gay people exist, this rejection has an even greater emotional impact than the homophobia of Teen Wolf, marking even nonsexual friendships as bad, wrong, and disquieting.

A few episodes suggest -- but immediately reject -- the possibility of romantic love between Alex and a male friend. In "Best Man," Alex's friend Doug (Timothy Busfield) gets engaged.  He treats Alex and his fiancee as emotional equivalents, hugging them and squealing "You're both so cute!", but still, Alex feels threatened by the new relationship and refuses to be his best man.  When he finally understands that he will still be an essential part of Doug's life, he hugs Doug so tightly at the altar that the minister, in "jest," asks which couple is going to be married.

In the two-part episode "A, My Name is Alex," Alex's friend Greg (Brian McNamara) is killed in an auto accident, and Alex is so distraught that he requires psychiatric help.  But after digging into his subconscious, the psychiatrist fails to find any homoromantic feelings, just guilt because Alex refused to accompany Greg on the errand that killed him, and the recognition of his own mortality.

How does someone who is so gay-friendly play someone so anti-gay on tv?

It was the 1980s?

See also: My Date with Michael J. Fox. Plus Marcus and the Scary Bulgarian Bodybuilder.

The Hogan Family: Which heartthob was your favorite, Jason, Jeremy, or Danny?

During the 1980s, the buzzword was "family values," which meant that only people who had heterosexual nuclear families had value. We heard again and again that the only life worth living involved husbands and wives raising horny teenager and wisecracking preteens.  That's why Married...with Children was such a big hit, immersed in a pool of Family Ties, Family Matters, Growing Pains, The Wonder Years, and The Cosby Show.  

But there was a glimmer of inclusivity in The Hogan Family (1986-91), which began as Valerie, a star vehicle for Mary Tyler Moore Show second banana Valerie Harper  She played the matriarch of a nuclear family consisting of airline pilot husband Michael Hogan (Josh Taylor, left), horny teenager David (17-year old Jason Bateman, previously of It's Your Move and Silver Spoons), and wisecracking twins who looked nothing alike Mark (15-year old Jeremy Licht) and Willie (15-year old Danny Ponce).

After a season and a half, Harper left in the midst of a salary dispute -- and proved not indispensible.  Her character was killed, Aunt Sandy (Sandy Duncan) moved in, and the renamed series got top ratings for another three years.

As is common in nuclear family sitcoms, the kids soon took over.  The twins usually had episodes involving cheating, bullies, staying out past curfew, friends (notably Andre Gower), and the "discovery of girls."  By the last season, they were as heterosexually active as David.

Jeremy Licht had soft, androgynous features, and became the darling of the teen magazines.

More after the break

The Bodybuilder and the Nanny: Mr. Belvedere

An unconventional free spirit arrives out of nowhere, talks his/her way into a job as a maid, nanny, butler, or housekeeper for  a dysfunctional family, and ends up being "just exactly what the doctor prescribed."   It was the premise of a dozen sitcoms, beginning with Hazel and Nanny and the Professo in the 1960s, and going through  from Charles in Charge to The Nanny to Andy the Manny on Modern Family

Mr. Belvedere  (1985-1990) had the sophisticated, gay-coded British butler (Christopher Hewitt) intruding upon the household of macho, somewhat homophobic sports writer George Owens (Bob Uecker). Many episodes involved the journey of the mistrustful odd couple toward mutual respect and eventually friendship. Unfortunately, there were no actual gay characters, nor even a "college friend coming out" episode, though they did deal with juvenile AIDS, gender transgressions (George's young son Wesley studies ballet), and a boy who was "confused."

George had a standard sitcom family: wife, teenage son and daughter, and grade school son.  Oddly, 23-year old Rob Stone, who played high schooler Kevin, received little attention from the teen magazines, and gave gay kids only one beefcake shot, when he signs up to be a nude artist's model to impress a girl.  And even then, they didn't see a lot.

Brice Beckham (grader schooler Wesley) received more attention, even though he was barely adolescent when the program ended.  Maybe it's a reflection of the program's popularity among pre-teens.

Christopher Hewitt, who was gay in real life, died in 2001. Rob Stone is involved in many directing and producing projects, specializing in documentaries.

Brice Beckham has continued to act. In 2012 he organized a number of former child stars, including Jeremy Licht (The Hogan Family) and Maureen Flanigan (Out of This World), to produce a pro-gay response to Kirk Cameron's infamous homophobic comments.

Update: I looked for contemporary beefcake photos of Brice Beckham and Rob Stone, and came up with nothing.  But here are some other teen idols who grew up, bulked up, and showed us their d*cks:

Nathan Kress, Freddy from ICarly.

Shane Harper from Good Luck Charlie

Kurt Ostlund from Mr. Young

Vincent Martella from Everybody Hates Chris

Jonathan Taylor Thomas

Born in September 1981, Jonathan Taylor Thomas (JTT) became a star at age 11 through Home Improvement (1991-1998), playing Randy, the middle son of macho tool-show host Tim Allen. He was passive and somewhat feminine, gay-coded yet indefatigably girl-crazy from the start, and careful to rebel against any hint that he might be gay.

In “Groin Pull” (October 1992), Randy is cast as Peter Pan in the school play.  First he is horrified because he must “prance” rather than fly: as his father states, “Men don’t prance.  We walk, we run, we skip if no one’s looking. . .but we never prance!”  Then he discovers that Peter Pan is generally played by a woman, and almost drops out of the play, before Dad confinces him that he can re-create the role as heterosexual, “a man’s man. . .a man with hair on his chest.”  And it works: Randy comes home after the performance and exclaims triumphantly, “I saw Jennifer looking at me!"

The pubescent Jonathan Taylor Thomas soon began to dominate the teen magazines.  There are literally thousands of pin-ups and centerfolds, far overwhelming those featuring the more muscular Zachery Ty Bryan, who played his older brother, or Taran Noah Smith, who played his younger brother, or their various hunky friends (such as Josh Blake of Alf).

. His character became a teen dream operator, intensely attractive to girls -- never to boys -- and intensely heterosexually active and aware.

But Randy was not content to be just another of the girl-crazy hunks who populated 1990s tv.  He often supported liberal causes, in opposition to his conservative father, and his episodes often drew the series into serious themes, such as Randy questioning his religion or facing a possible cancer diagnosis. When JTT left the series in 1998, it was explained that Randy had been accepted into a year-long environmental study program in Costa Rica.

In his other projects, JTT more than made up for the "every girl's fantasy" plotlines of his conservative tv series.  He enjoyed a buddy-bonding romance with Brad Renfro in Tom and Huck (1995), and with Devon Sawa in Wild America (1997).  He played a bisexual hustler in Speedway Junky (1999), opposite Jesse Bradford, and a gay teenager in Common Ground (2000).

2 gay/bi roles in two years!  The gay rumors came fast and furious, but JTT, like his character on Home Improvement, always denied them: he said he didn't mind, but they made his elderly grandmother upset.

He moved into voice work, guest starred on Smallville, and went to college, graduating from Columbia University in 2010 with a degree in history. He has retired from acting, except for a four-episode plot arc on TV dad Tim Allen's Last Man Standing

 In 2011, tv personality Lo Bosworth re-ignited the rumors by stating that he was gay on the Chelsea Lately program.  He is not "yet" married.

Danny Pintauro: Gay Child Star Comes Out, Gets Engaged

We can roughly divide actors coming out into B.E. and A.E., before and after Ellen Degeneres said "Yep, I'm gay" in big red letters on the cover of Time Magazine (April 14, 1997).

B.E.: You may be out to family and friends, but you always pretended to be heterosexual in public.  If you were "accused" of being gay, you would issue an angry denial.  If you were outed by the media, your career was over.

A.E.: You would casually mention being gay in an interview, and continue to work, although you would never again be cast as action-adventure heroes or romantic leads.

Danny Pintauro came just at the end of the B.E. era.

Born in 1976, he was a popular child star of the 1980s, with a three-year run as Paul Ryan on the soap As the World Turns (1982-85), and starring roles in several movies, including the Stephen King thriller Cujo (1983), The Beniker Gang (1985), about five orphans on the run, and Timestalkers (1987), about time travel.

But he became famous for Who's the Boss (1984-92), starring Tony Danza as Tony Micelli, a housekeeper who brings joie de vivre to his uptight employer Angela Bower (Judith Light) and her horny mother (Katherine Helmond). 

Danny played Jonathan, a preteen who exhibits wide-eyed incomprehension to the sexual tension and double-entendre jokes.  As he entered adolescence, Danny's flamboyant femininity made it rather obvious that he was gay, but nevertheless he gamely followed the scripts and made Jonathan girl-crazy.

When Who's the Boss ended, Danny took time off from acting to finish high school and go to college, studying drama at Stanford.  He fully intended to resume his career.  

Then in 1997, the gossip magazine National Enquirer obtained pictures of Danny frolicking with a male friend, and threatened to out him.  Instead, he gave an interview: "I want Enquirer readers to be among the first to know I've 'come out' and am proud to say I'm gay."

Danny has had only three acting roles since, although he has appeared on Tony Danza's talk show and in a number of documentaries.  Former child stars often have trouble finding adult roles, and in 1997 coming out still made homophobic casting directors queasy. 

But on the bright side, Danny is living happily out of the limelight, managing a restaurant in Las Vegas, and engaged to travel agent Wil Tabares.

Who, by the way, is quite a hunk. 

Who's the Boss

Many 1980s sitcoms had an anti-nuclear family
message.  Moms and dads were utterly inadequate at raising children; it took an outsider -- a college kid (Charles in Charge), a proper English butler (Mr. Belvedere), a white guy (Webster, Diff'rent Strokes) -- or a hunky working-class schmoo from Brooklyn.

Who's the Boss (1986-92) transformed Taxi hunk Tony Danza into Tony Micelli, housekeeper to uptight Angela Bower (Judith Light) and her blond waif son Jonathan (Danny Pintauro, previously Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream).  Tony's daughter Sam (Alyssa Milano) and Angela's horny mother, Mona (Katherine Helmond) filled out the household.

Let's review: Tony Danza, who played a gay-positive character on Taxi and posed for the gay magazine In Touch. Judith Light, a tireless proponent of gay rights.  Gay ally Alyssa Milano. Katherine Helmond from the gay-positive sitcom Soap.  Sounds tailor-made for a gay-positive sitcom.

Nope.  No gay characters, no gay references.  At least Tony is cool with the kids' gender-transgressive interests; Sam's passion for basketball and Jonathan's for gymnastics. But the main plot arc involved everyone trying to set up Tony and Angela, who for some reason denied that they were attracted to each other.

Meanwhile everyone in the cast, including Jonathan, was busily falling for the wrong person, cheating on their partner, accepting and then rejecting marriage proposals, worrying about prom dates.

Fortunately, there was a lot of beefcake.  Angela kept stumbling across Tony in the shower or wearing only a towel. When Danny Pintauro became a flamboyantl gay adolescent, he got some shirtless and semi-nude shots in teen magazines.













Sam had a series of hunky boyfriends, such as Jesse (Scott Bloom left, with brothers Brian and Mikey).  And the super-stud Billy Gallo had a recurring role as "Mr. Al."

In 1997, five years after the program ended, Danny Pintauro was outed in The National Enquirer.  His tv family was supportive, except for Tony, who later said "The Danny I knew died last year."  But in 2005, they reconciled enough for Danny to appear on Tony's talk show. They discussed their memories of Who's the Boss, but carefully avoided any mention of "it."

"Family Reunion": Is Mazzie Gay...um, I mean Musical?

 

Family Reunion (2019) on Netflix is a throwback to the TGIF sitcoms of yesteryear that I never watched because I was living in West Hollywood, and had better things to do on my Friday nights than watch nuclear families erase gay people.  It seems to be a remake or reboot of an earlier series -- every episode title asks us to "remember" something from the past -- but I can't find the reference.

A TGIF sitcom?  No way will it have any gay representation.

The premise: An African-American family headed by Cocoa (Tia Mowry) and Moz (Anthony Alaby) travels from the South to the Pacific Northwest for a family reunion, and like it so much that they stay. 

A TGIF sitcom about an African-American family?  Hollywood assumes  that all gay people are svelte white men living in Manhattan.  Absolutely no way will it have any gay representation.

Plotlines involve mostly conflicts at school and church.

A TGIF sitcom about a religious African-American family.  Hollywood assumes that all gay people are anti-God, and all religious people are homophobic.  Absolutely, positively no way will it have any gay representation.

But I check the episode guide anyway.  One of the girls is upset because of a breakup with "Royale."  Obviously a girl's name.  She must be gay or bi or pansexual, from a new, inclusive generation of TGIF sitcoms.

Nope -- Royale is played by Tyler Cole.  Just a boy with a girl's name.

Later another girl or the same one is forced to hang out with "Keith," which she hates, but they become friends anyway.  

An internet fan blog suggests that the character of Mazzie is gay.  Is that the girl hanging out with Keith?  They suggest the episode "Remember Macho Mazzie."  Ok, I'll give it a shot.

Intro:  The family gives their names and chief character traits.  Mazzie is a little boy (played by Cameron J. Wright, 14 years old in 2021).  The announcer states: "Family Reunion was filmed in front of a live audience."  That brings back memories!  I'm getting verklept.

Scene 1: Moz and his wacky sitcom friend Daniel (Warren Burke, below) are watching the Big Game.  Grandma comes in and criticizes them for being loud and rowdy. and gives Daniel the TGIF standard "Go home, Urkel."

Daniel asks if Mazzi will be going out for football this year.  

Moz: No, he's not that kind of kid.

Daniel: Well, what kind of kid is he? 

Mozzie enters in an apron and asks "Who wants cookies?" in a feminine lilt.

Daniel: Got you. (Winks).

Mozzie protests that he wants to go out for football, but Moz insists that he should stick with what he's good at, like singing and baking.  

Scene 2: The B plot about the daughter competing in a beauty pageant.

Scene 3:  The football try-outs.  As Mozzie happily skips toward the starting line, an embarrassed Daniel tries to distance himself: "That poor kid.  I'm glad I'm not his uncle."  Coach Adkins assures Moz that he won't be giving Mozzie preferential treatment because his Dad is a famous football star.  

Mozzie gets the ball, and leaps and side-steps his way across the opposing team to the end zone (translation: he's good).  He explains that got his skills from modern dance class.  The other kids on the team laugh at him, but Coach Adkins berates them: "You all need to take that modern dance class and learn his skills."

Scene 3: The B Plot.

Scene 4: Moz is making celebratory pancakes.  Cocoa comes in, and hears that Mozzie made the team.  She's surprised...he's so...um...you know...little.

Scene 5: The C Plot, about Grandma doing yoga.

Scene 6:  Another football practice.  Mozzie's band club friends are cheering him on, but the football jocks advise that he shouldn't hang out with them.  He blows them off, but feels guilty.

Scene 7: The B Plot.

Scene 8: Moz, Daniel, and Mozzie watching the Big Game.  Mozzie is getting a big head, and acts disrespectful to his mother: "Get me a root beer."  "What's the magic word?"  "Now."  She banishes him to his room, and complains "If this is what football is turning Mozzie into, I don't like it."

She specifies: he's become affected by toxic masculinity, "overly aggressive, misogynistic, obsessed with his manly status."  She doesn't mention being interested in girls.

Scene 9: The C Plot.

Scene 10:  Moz and Cocoa at football practice. Coach Adkins complains that Moxie is being overly-aggressive and "needs to channel his energy into a more positive direction."  He growls and knocks over all of the cups of Gatorade.

Scene 11: The B Plot. By the way, Telma Hopkins plays Grandma's friend, and there are a lot of other familiar faces from sitcoms past in other episodes: Jaleel White, Garrett Morris, Tempestt Bledsoe, Jackee Harry, and of course Tahj Mowry, Tia's brother.

Scene 12:  Mozzie in his room, doing homework.  Moz comes in.  Mozzie criticizes a teammate for being "musical" (is that code for gay?).  

Moz: That's not a nice thing to say.

Mozzie: You and Uncle Daniel said it about me.  And you were right. I had to get tough.

Turns out that he just tried out for football so his Dad would think he was a "real man" (not gay?).   Dad says that they were just being dumb; "real men" can be fashion designers and musicians (so, they can do feminine things; that don't mean they're gay).  TGIF hug.

Scene 13: The C Plot.

Scene 14: The B Plot.

Scene 15:  All of the players in the three plotlines are sitting on the porch, eating the cookies that Mazzie baked and discussing the B Plot.

My Verdict:  It wasn't as awful as I expected.  I liked that Dad was ok with his son being feminine, but I didn't like the implied difference between "real men" and gay men: "real men" can do all sorts of feminine-coded things, including play music, without being "musical," which is an insult.  

And why use code, anyway?  If you don't like gay people, just say so.  Don't beat around the bush.

In a later episode, Mazzie gets a crush on a girl.

See also: The Coming Out Episode of "Family Reunion"

It's Your Move

Before Married with Children demolished the myth of the euphoric nuclear family, It's Your Move (1984-85) did the same for the teencom.  Matt Burton (Jason Bateman, who would go on to star on The Hogan Family) seems to be a perfect teenage boy, but he's actually an unscrupulous, amoral operator, running a variety of scams and illegal businesses with the assistance of his best friend Eli (Adam Sadowski).  His only soft spot is for his mother, Eileen (Caren Kaye), so some of his schemes involve doing things for her, like getting her a raise at work.

Then struggling writer Norman Lamb (David Garrison, who would go on to star on Married...with Children) moves into the apartment across the hall and starts dating Matt's mom.  It turns out that there is also an unscrupulous, amoral operator lurking under his "nice guy" facade.  But not to worry, he has only honorable intentions.

Matt and Norman begin a battle of wits, cons, and blackmail, as each tries to gain power and demonstrate the other's true nature to an oblivious Eileen.

It was a welcome surcease from the TGIF sitcom jungle. Plus beefcake (David Garrison in extremely tight jeans), gay symbolism (hiding a secret life), and a decided lack of girl-craziness in Matt. Though his relationship with Eli didn't quite make the intensity of a homoromance.

The producers had high hopes for It's Your Move.  A tie-in novel was authorized, and up-and-coming star River Phoenix had a guest shot in the pilot.

Teen magazines began nonstop gushing over freckle-faced Jason Bateman..

Unfortunately, the network shoved the series into a Wednesday night timeslot opposite the blockbuster Dynasty, with the sixth season of The Facts of Life as a lead-in.  I watched, but apparently nobody else did.  Only 18 episodes aired.  You can see them on youtube.

Gay Connections on "The Facts of Life"

The Facts of Life (1979-1988) was a TGIF sitcom (that aired on Wednesday nights) about four girls with disparate backgrounds who, for contrived  reasons, are working in the cafeteria of a private girls' school under their boss/mentor  Mrs. Garrett (Charlotte Rae)

In the first season, there were a lot of girls, and  "the facts of life" referred specifically to universal heterosexual desire ("when the boys you used to hate, you date"), but after that the show concentrated on the Fab Four and general Life Lessons.

When the world never seems to be livin up to your dreams
And suddenly you're finding out, the facts of life are all about you.

Wait -- I thought adolescence was a time of infinite possibility.  The world doesn't start squashing your dreams until your mid-20s.

Oh, well, the four girls were (clockwise from bottom left):

1.  Young, black, catchphrase-spouting Tootie (Kim Fields).  One episode I saw had her in a mania over pop star Jermaine Jackson, which caused Mrs. Garrett to reminisce about the Frank Sinatra mania of her youth.  She learns to be more cautious and less impulsive.

2. Spoiled rich girl Blair, whose parents basically own the school (Lisa Whelchel).  She learns humility.

3.Motorcycle-riding juvenile delinquent Jo (Nancy McKeon), whom everyone assumed was a lesbian, but she was straight (on the show, anyway).  She learns to solve her problems with words, not with fists.

4. Natalie (Mindy Cohn), who makes self-depricating jokes about being portly or Jewish, or both.  She learns to overcome her poor self-image.  Later in the series, she has sex with her boyfriend (after discussing it in detail with every character except Blair; a conservative Christian, Lisa Whelchel refused to be in the episode).

There were some men running around occasionally, such as George Clooney before he became a big star as a handyman-hunk, and Mackenzie Astin as a vulnerable kid that the girls sort of adopt.

No gay references, except in the first episode (August 24, 1979), when Blair criticizes another girl for being a tomboy, and insinuates that she is "strange" (hat is, a lesbian).  Mrs. Garrett takes control and helps the girl become more feminine.  Problem solved.

Also, there's the ongoing lesbian subtext with Jo, and for several seasons Cousin Geri (Geri Jewell, a comedian with cerebral palsy) was a regular, and more or less obviously lesbian,

Geri Jewell is gay in real  life, Mackenzie Astin is bisexual, and most of the other cast members are gay allies.  Even Lisa Whelchel; not all conservative Christians are screeching homophobes (see her interview in Chicago's gay newspaper, the Windy City Times).

Three's Company

Three's Company (1977-84) premiered at the height of the disco era, when sex was on everyone's mind,  so of course it was about people having sex.  Or, rather, about people thinking that other people were having sex:

Janet eavesdrops on Jack, the cooking student, talking to a girl in the kitchen.  "Ok, take it out, slowly...that's it...careful...work your hands more..." 

They're having sex right on the kitchen table!  Disgusting!  Outraged, Janet bursts through the door, to find Jack and his classmate...cooking.

No one actually had sex at any time during the eight year run, not even long-married apartment complex managers, Mr. and Mrs. Roper: joke after joke branded him impotent.  Nor, when they left, self-designated ladies' man Ralph Furley (Don Knotts of The Andy Griffith Show).

Certainly not the two single girls who occupied the apartment near the beach in Santa Monica: plain-jane Janet (Joyce DeWitt, right, next-door neighbor to one of my friends in West Hollywood) and dumb-blond Chrissy (Suzanne Somers, left, who was eventually replaced by two other blondes).

Or their roommate, Jack Tripper (John Ritter, who would later star on Eight Simple Rules with Martin Spanjers).

Wait -- a guy with two girls?  Mr. Roper/Mr. Furley is horrified.  This is the 1970s -- it's impossible for a man and a woman to be alone together without sex happening.  Jack can't live here!

Jack hits on a novel solution: he'll pretend to be gay!  Whenever Mr. Roper or Mr. Furley are around, he'll sashay about, limp-wristed and lisping, and maybe bat his eyes at them.   He'll have to hide his girlfriends, of course, or explain them as drag queens.

What could possibly go wrong?

Not much.  Most episodes ignored the pretending-to-be-gay angle in favor of "thinking someone is having sex" gags and heartwarming sitcom antics:
The roommates get a new puppy.
They buy Mr. Roper's car.
Jack and Chrissy take over Janet's babysitting job.
Janet has two concert tickets, and can only invite one of the roommates.

Jack's gay persona was a negative stereotype, no gay characters ever appeared, and at the end of the series, when Jack plans to get married to a woman, he explains to the landlord that he's been "cured."  The writers had apparently never met a real gay person.  But still, there was a lot for gay kids to like on Three's Company.

1. In the fall of 1977, Anita Bryant's Save Our Children campaign was in full force and our preacher had just discovered gay people, so all I heard about gay people was: subhuman monsters, bogeymen who lived only to seduce and destroy.  It was remarkable that anyone would pretend to be such a being, for any reason.

2. Or that a landlord would rent such a being an apartment.

3. Or that others would willingly flirt with the guilt by association. Even horndog neighbor Larry (Richard Kline) had no qualms about people thinking that he wa friends with a gay guy.

4. Jack eventually forgot to do the limp-wristed bit, becoming a conventionally masculine pseudo-gay guy.

5. You could hear the word "gay" frequently.

6. There were frequent muscular men as guest stars, such as Steve Sandor

In 2012, Three's Company was rebooted in the stage play 3C, starring Jake Silbermann.

Alf: from Melmac to West Hollywood

Alf (1986-90) was one of the "I've got a secret" sitcoms of the late 1980s (others included Harry and the Hendersons, Out of This World, and My Secret Identity).  It aired on Monday nights, opposite the female buddy-bonding Kate and Allie and the hunkfest MacGyver, so I rarely watched.  But you couldn't miss hearing about Alf, the sarcastic, irreverent Alien Life Form who crash-lands on Earth and imposes himself upon a nuclear family: nebbish Dad Willie Tanner, Mom Kate, eye-rolling teenage daughter Lynn, lonely preteen son Brian (Benji Gregory), and outcast Cousin Jake (Josh Blake).

Like all of the "family friendly" sitcoms of the 1980s, gay people did not exist.  Gay actor Jim J. Bullock had a recurring role as Uncle Neal, but his character was heterosexual.  Actually, every character was heterosexual.  Alf had a girlfriend back home, and started dating a blind woman (who didn't realize that he was an alien). Even ten-year old Brian had his share of crushes on girls (later photo, left).

Some teen idol attention fell upon Josh Blake, with some shirtless and semi-nude photos in teen magazines. His character was heterosexual, too, but his awkward attempts to form emotional connections with Alf allow for some gay readings.

Alf ended on a cliffhanger, with the government discovering Alf and carting him away.  Five years later, the movie Project Alf (1995) continues his story.  Fans were universally livid with rage; the Tanners were absent (none of the original cast wanted to be involved) and Alf was portrayed as far more antisocial and belligerent than in the tv series.  And he gets to make a homophobic crack about the army's "Don't ask, don't tell" policy.