Wake Up Dead Man: Daniel Craig's gay detective solves a locked-room murder, with a hot priest, some MAGA suspects, and a lot of Catholic c*cks

  

Link to the n*de photos

For movie night this week, we saw Wake Up Dead Man (2025), the third of the Knives Out mysteries starring Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig, left), a posh Southern-accented detective who draws inspiration from classic murder writers like Agatha Christie, Dorothy Sayers, and Ngaio Marsh.  

This one involves Father Jed (Josh O'Connor), a boxer who accidentally killed his opponent in the ring, and became a priest to expiate his guilt.  When he loses control and punches an a*hole deacon, he is assigned to a struggling parish in upstate New York. 

Left: Exteriors were filmed at the Anglican Church of the Holy Innocents, in Epping Forest, near London, built in 1873, praised as a masterpiece of Gothic Revival architecture.

It is struggling because of Monseigneur Wicks (Josh Brolin).  Monseigneur is an honorary title bestowed by the Pope, but this Monseigneur has bestowed it upon himself.  He has turned the congregation into an evangelical cult, preaching about the End Times and the War against Christianity, promising eternal damnation to anyone who challenges his authority, and screaming at visitors who he thinks are disobeying God's law: first a single mother, and then a gay couple.

The gay couple is played by HIV activist Hugh Wyld and Matthew Jacobs-Morgan, who runs Coven, a queer bar and art venue in Hackney.  

Father Jed thinks that the Church should be about love and forgiveness, a place where "everyone is welcome," but the Monseigneur sneers that he is ridiculously naive: why would you open the Church to the enemies of God? This is War!

In fact, the Monseigneur has only seven True Believers left.

More after the break:

Daryl Sabara: Juni grows up, fights cannibals, bikers, and Satanists, and show his stuff, but I'm still depressed

Link to the Daryl and Antonio Banderas n*de photos

Spy Kids (2001) stars gay actor Antonio Banderas (left) and Carla Gugino as a husband and wife spy team.  Well, actually, their son and daughter, Juni and Carmen (Daryl Sabara, Alexa Vega), who get swept up in an age-appropriate diabolical plot involving tv host Fegan Floop (Alan Cummings, who is bisexual in real life).   

Although everyone is ostensibly heterosexual, some reviews call the film a queer classic due to the extremely hot Dad -- and Mom, apparently, which led to the "queer awakening" of an entire generation of lesbians; the shy, bullied, gay-coded Juni; the kick-ass Carmen; and the gay-coded villain who turns out to be not all that villainous.

There were 3 sequels:

Spy Kids: The Island of Lost Dreams (2002) strands Juni and Carmen on a Jules Verne-Dr. Moreau "mysterious island," where they run afoul of a mad scientist creating animal hybrids.  Carmen gets a boyfriend, but Juni remains gay-coded.

I didn't see Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (2003) where Juni must venture into a video game to save his sister, but the queer coding ends with him meeting The Girl.  He also meets two guys, video game teammates Ryan Pinkston and Bobby Edner.

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

The 2011 Spy Kids: All the Time in the World minimized Juni and Carmen in favor of a new sibling team.  The brother is played by Mason Cook, who would go on to Speechless.

During the Spy franchise, Daryl Sabara appeared in the usual one-shot tv spots: Will and Grace, Fatherhood, House, American Dragon: Jake Long, and so on.

He has a starring role in the animated lion-drama Father of the Pride (2004-05) as Hunter, a shy, anxiety-ridden Lord of the Rings nerd. That is, basically Juni as a lion.  In one episode, his grandfather Sarmoti thinks that he is gay, or as the fan wiki says, "homosexual; but this is absolutely not true."  Rather homophobic, aren't you, fan wiki?

In a 2006 episode of Criminal Minds,  Daryl plays a teenager who charges men to watch him make videos.  So he has an OnlyFans site?  The agents convince him that what he is doing constitutes prostitution, and will put him in danger from predators.  It is all presented as extremely sleazy, and one can't help but conclude that being gay is always seedy and sordid.  

Normal Adolescent Behavior (2007) is an anti-hookup cautionary tale,with no gay content: three girls and three guys in a friendship group pair off randomly.  Daryl appears as Nathan, who crushes on the mother of one of the girls. Ugh.

Raviv Ullman, formerly Phil of the Future, plays one of the guys in the friendship group.

Next Daryl played Tim Scottson in 7 episodes of Weeds (2005-12), about suburban marijuana growers. He shot his stepmother Nancy Botwin because he assumed that she was responsible for his father's death, but she recovered and hired him as her assistant.

Worst. Prom. Ever. (2011) has Daryl planning the perfect prom for his girlfriend, but when her two friends tag along, things go crazy, with a car crash, armed thugs, Satanists, and an amorous lady biker.

In The Green Inferno (2013), some student activists go to the Peruvian jungle for ecological stuff, and are captured by cannibal tribe.  

A cannibal tribe?  I thought the "spear-throwing savages" trope went out with Johnny Quest. But at least the guy dragging Daryl toward the cooking pot has nice abs and a basket.

Daryl gets a girlfriend and shows his stuff before being eaten.

More Daryl after the break

David Faustino: Bud from "Married..with Children" is star-ving, humiliated, nekkid, and a gay ally

  

Link to the nekkid Bud Bundy

Everybody in West Hollywood watched Married..with Children (1987-1997) for its savage skewering of the heterosexist trajectory of job, house, wife, kids.  Al Bundy (Ed O'Neill, later patriarch Jay of Modern Family) is working at a soul-destroying minimum-wage job and, although he likes women in general, hates having s*x with Peg (Katie Sagal, later Leela on Futurama), a housewife who never cooks or cleans (although the house is always spotless).  His daughter Kelly (Christina Applegate) is constantly lambasted for being a "slut," and his son Bud (David Faustino), for being a "virgin."

Gay people only appeared in one or two episodes, always with a "har-har, they're gay!  Isn't that ridiculous!" comedic edge.  

But at least they weren't sleazoid serial killers.

When David began to bulk up, the writers obliged by making him extremely attractive, but still unable to acquire girls due to his abrasive personality.

After Married, David played a gay character in Get Your Stuff (2000), about a gay couple wanting to adopt a baby as a fashion accessory, and instead getting preteen brothers.  According to the trailer, there are a lot of jokes about the dads accidentally getting n*ked and the boys trying to get with a hot older woman.

In Killer Bud (2001): two down-and-out buds (David, Corin Nemec) try to burglarize a convenience store.  My first Faustino profile said that he played a gay character, but I can't see it in the synopsis.

Inn Ten Attitudes (2001), he played "himself," not gay but on the gay dating circuit (for a sleazy reason).

In 2008 he was cast as the lead in The Gay Robot, a pilot for a tv series about...um, a gay robot.  The project was never filmed, but the script might have been tweaked into the movie Robodoc (2009)

David hasn't played any specifically-identified gay characters since, but he often introduces gay subtexts deliberately into his work.

A lot of his movies feature stoner buddies, often David and Corin Nemec: Pucked, High Hopes, Puff Puff Pass, The Hustle, Not another B Movie.

In his web series Star-Ving (2009), he plays"himself" as a has-been, starving actor whose only source of income is a sleazy video shop.  There are cameos from various actors with a sleazy reputation, including Seth Green, Coolio, Ron Jeremy, and Kato Kaelin. 

There is a again a deliberate gay subtext in his relationship with Nemec, and a lot of backside shots, mostly an attempt to humiliate David or demonstrate how "ugly" he is. 

Here he wakes up after a night of debauchery with Ron Jeremy and some ladies.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.8: Baby BIlly sees a ghost, Judy becomes a mom, and Kelvin gets *** up. Plus n*de short guys and Jussie Smollett

Link to n*de dudes

Title:  "The Prayer of a Righteous Man."  James 5:16: "The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." Whose fervent prayer is going to avail some miracles?

This ain't the 1970s: In 1993 Memphis, Junior and his dad Glendon are watching midget wrestling featuring "heel" Chris Blanton, aka "Little Fabio." Glendon thinks that it's the wave of the future, but Junior complains that it's old-fashioned.  He wants to liquidate their gambling operation to raise money for some big wrestling promotions:"This ain't the 1970s.  Wrestling has changed. You need big money to go after big talent." Glendon nixes the idea.

Next complaint: Glendon was going to leave Junior the business when he retired, but he never retires:  "Look at me, Daddy: I'm going gray with my d*ck in my hand."   Look at him, with his jaunty hand on hip, similar to after spending the night with Eli earlier this season.  He's got some femme mannerisms going on  I'm looking at a middle-aged gay man.

Glendon wants to know how he can retire when his idiot son has terrible ideas and does everything wrong?  "You hurt my feelings," Junior exclaims, starting to cry.  The boy gets hurt feelings a lot, doesn't he?   Glendon mocks him.  But he agrees that he's been holding on too long: let's liquidate the gambling operation.

We cut to Glendon being upset while Junior loads the slot machines into a truck for Mr. Dukare (played by Dakare Chatman, who was playing a teenager in Season 1.) 

Later, Junior counts the money, annoucing that they will triple it with their new wrestling promotions.  

But Glendon has other ideas. Brandishing a gun, he orders: "Handcuff yourself to that inversion table and shut the fuck up."  He then moons Junior and leaves: "You ain't never going to see this old *ss again."  

Junior screams and cries. Glendon goes off to visit Eli and get murdered on Christmas Day, 1993. 

In the present, Martin visits the captured Cycle Ninjas in jail: a group of scruffy teenagers.  Sheriff Brenda tells him that they have fake ids, no fingerprints in the system, and they aren't talking.  Martin tries to use psychology: "We know who sent you. Now you tell us."  But it doesn't work; they just fart at him.

Cut to Baby Billy selling his health elixer in a nursing home. Afterwards the spirit of his sister Aimee-Leigh appears, and encourages him to visit his son Harmon, whom he abandoned in a shopping mall in 1993. "It's time," she tells him, and "You know I'm right."  He tells her to get lost.  Aimee-Leigh appears in the Seasons 1 and 3 finales, but doesn't interact with anyone.  I wonder if she is a hallucination here.

Eli's physical therapy:  Eli gathers the siblings, their partners, and Gideon to thank them for their role in his recovery.  Keefe is not present, but Eli tells Kelvin: "You and Queef have been such a help. I keep saying 'Go back to your house,' but you wouldn't hear it. You've stayed on, helping me get on my feet with physical therapy."  He gets Keefe's name wrong, but at least he acknowledges that Kelvin has a partner.  

Wait -- how could Kelvin administer physical therapy with his hand injury? I'm getting an image of Keefe being run ragged from caring for two invalids.  Surely there were nurses around, too. 

Of course, they had an ulterior motive for not going home: the God Squad has taken over their house.

Cut to BJ and Judy putting the very pregnant Tiffany on the bus for the 15 hour trip to her mama's house in West Virginia, where she can raise her son with no money.  At the last moment. Judy asks her to stay: she's family.

Cleansing the Temple: Later that day, Kelvin and Keefe spy on the God Squad as they dance, fight with sticks, run wild on a golf cart, and..um... pee into a watering can?   "It's time to cleanse the temple!" Kelvin exclaims.  How could the God Squad control the house for several weeks with no one noticing? There's a housekeeping crew and regular security patrols.  This must be another chronological mishap.

The guys burst into the gym, knocking over things.  "This was a house of prayer, but ye made it a den of thieves!" Kelvin exclaims. Torsten orders the men to put Keefe back in the tiger cage, but Keefe tries to fight back, Kelvin yells "No one re-cages Keefe," and they relent. 

Next he reminds them of all the good he's done. Before joining the God Squad, Torsten was "a little doughboy" who still lived with his parents. "I chiseled you into the sculpture you are today." 

When Cody had cramps, Kelvin "crawled into his yurt and massaged him until sunrise."  The guys stare at Cody, who shakes his head -- that didn't happen.  In a cult based on homoerotic desire, why would anyone disapprove of Cody and Kelvin getting busy?  There appears to be a major misunderstanding here. Maybe some of the God Squad musclemen are straight alphas, in it for the muscles, just tolerating the homoerotic activity of Kelvin, his boyfriend, and the guys he invites to the steam showers.

Torsten challenges "the Messiah of the Muscle Men" to another cross raising to determine leadership.

Whoa, there used to be twelve musclemen -- now there are 23.  The cross used to be about ten feet high.  Now it's over thirty!

As Kelvin grabs the crossbars, the casts on his hands fly off -- a miracle!  Although he is much smaller than the musclemen, he is able to get it up -- another miracle!  Keefe drops to his knees, apparently in worship.  He needs to decide whether he wants a boyfriend or a Savior.

When he has achieved leadership, Kelvin orders the God Squad to get out of his house, then pulls Keefe to his feet.  They hug and do their weird forehead press thing, but don't kiss.  I guess it's been decided for him: Kelvin is the strongest, but not the Messiah, and Keefe is an equal partner, not his disciple. 

Torsten: "It's your house, Bro.  You didn't need to get weird about it."  But of course Kelvin had to prove that he was strong, potent -- a man.

More after the break

Researching Lucas Brazzini, the obviously gay teen angst star from Brazil. How is he similar to Asher Angel? With a lot of teen angst d*cks

 

Link to the n*de photos

I was thinking of doing a profile of Asher Angel, whose Jonah  became the first canonical gay character on the Disney Channel in 2019, when he and his gay-subtext buddy Cyrus held hands in the series finale of Andi Mack (2019).  He later came out as bi.

 Just holding hands?  Kelvin and Keefe did that in "Righteous Gemstones" Season 2, right after the s*x scene, and fans continued to argue that they were straight buddies. 

But it turns out that I already reviewed Andi Mack.  How about Brazilian actor Lucas Burgatti who the teen idol website lists as "similar" to Asher Angel?  Presumably he played a gay character or is gay in real life.

Plus he has an impossibly buffed physique, and his Instagram photos are all about men.

Lots of men.

Hugging and kissing men.

And doing that weird duck-face thing where you suck in your cheeks and push out your lips as far as possible to look like duck beaks. My research indicates that the duck-face has a long history -- primates do it -- but most recently it is being used to imitate female social media influencers, who were trying to demonstrate how the lipstick they were promoting looked.

So when men do it, it's a femme/gay thing?

What about the very, very heavily publicized relationship between Lucas and Sophia Valverde in 2019, when they were both starring in the teen soap As Aventuras de Poliana?  It was mostly illustrated with photos of the two hugging while doing the duck-face, or Lucas kissing Sophia's cheek or the side of her head -- anywhere but her mouth.  I get it, buddy --  I was roped into a lot of dates with girls back in high school, and I always tried to avoid that gross kiss on the mouth.   

So obviously gay in real life.  Next, "Has he played any gay characters?"

Lucas is best known for hundreds of episodes of As Aventuras de Poliana (2018-2020) and its sequel, Poliana Moça (2020-22), "Poliana the Girl,"  with Sophia Valverde as the hapless orphan making friends and getting crushes on boys.  She has to choose between bad boy Eric  (Lucas) and poor-but-honest Joao (Igor Jansen).  

No gay characters.  Fans suggest a romance with Bento (Davi Campolongo), a "cultured, intelligent" boy who uses crutches and hides his piano-playing talent "out of shame."   But it would be purely subtextual.

More after the break. 

Mat Botuchis: The chest that launched a thousand fantasies plays gay-adjacent and sassy-pants, becomes an artist and puppeteer

This is the face and bare chest that launched a thousand romantic fantasies during the 1990s, as gay boys dreamed of holding hands, kissing and cuddling with Mat Botuchis (spelled with one t).

Unfortunately, Mat's only semi-shirtless shots came from the same photo shoot.  He didn't want to be a teen idol.  He wanted to be a serious actor.

Born in a suburb of Cincinnati in 1983, son of a radio salesman and a teacher, Mat got his start in local commercials, but at age 12 moved to Los Angeles to stay with his older brother -- and audition.  After two months and a few small roles, he got his big break, playing the werewolf-boy Eddie in the tv movie Here Come the Munsters, based on the 1960s movie-monster comedy. (Other Eddies include Jason Marsden, Mason Cook, Bug Hall, and the original, Butch Patrick).

Next came episodes of Goosebumps, The Journey of Allen Strange, Days of Our Lives, and Mat's second big break, 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998), the fourth in the franchise about a trio of ninja brothers named Rocky, Colt, and Tum-Tum.  (Other actors who played Rocky include Michael Treanor and Sean Fox).  It didn't fare well with critics -- Collider rates it as one of the "worst action-adventure sequels of all time." but it got Mat some teen idol attention -- and that bare-chest photo shoot.

Now 18, Mat moved directly from teen idol cuteness to young adult sleaze with MTV's Undressed (1999-2002) was an anthology series about the romantic and s*xual relationships of high school and college students.  It was controversial at the time for mentioning the possibility that high schoolers might do things in the bedroom, and for stating that gay people exist.  Mat played the jerk Spike, who got herpes from one of his many one-night stands, in Season 4.

10 Attitudes (2001) was a mostly improv romantic comedy about a 30-ish West Hollywood guy (Jason Stuart) who ends his decade long relationship after his boyfriend cheats on him.  He makes a bet that he will find romance with one of the next ten guys he dates, or go back to Cleveland.  Unfortunately, he finds something wrong with each of the ten attitudes: #1 is a druggie;  #3 (David Faustino, Bud Bundy on Married...with Children) wants a bisexual three-way; %6 goes to bathhouses; #7 yells at the bartender; and so on. So he goes home to Cleveland, and finds true love with his old high school bully (Fritz Greves), now reformed and out. Mat plays the bully in high school.

More after the break

Recker Eans: The gaydar boy on "Beyond Waverly Place" drums in gay-friendly videos, but is he gay in real life? With bandmate d*cks

Link to the n*de photos

In Season 2 of Wizards Beyond Waverly Place (2025),  the Dark Lord Morsus enlists one of his Orcs (Adam Nemet) to enter the human world, befriend Billie, the Chosen One, and when her defenses are down, bring her and her family to the dark realm.  

He appears as Quentin (Recker Eans), a middle school bad boy, makes contact, and grows to genuinely like her and her guardian, the wizard Justin (David Henrie).  At the school dance, accidentally reveals his true identity, but promises not to hurt Billie or her family. 

In the Season 2 finale cliffhanger, Billie's brother Roman (Alkaio Thiele) sees Quentin in his true form and, not realizing that he is an ally, banishes him to the Nowhere Zone, "a dark, cold realm of dangerous beasts."  They'll have to mount a daring rescue in Season 3. 

Although Billie has a crush on Quentin, it is unlikely that he has romantic feelings toward her, a being of another species who is 1/1000ths his age.  Actually, Quentin seems much more invested in establishing a friendship with Justin.  

Actor Recker Eans was certainly pinging my gaydar. Here he is tied up and terrified as actress  Janice LeeAnn Brown tries to lick him.  Just say no, buddy.

 

I started researching Recker, figuring that he would start with the usual community theater and commercial gigs, followed by a series of short films with odd subjects and guest spots on teencoms.  Not at all.

Recker was born in Gilbert Arizona on August 3, 2010, making him 15 as of this writing and 14 when he played Quentin.  

He got a drum set for his fifth birthday, and started taking lessons at the School of Rock (a real music school a few blocks from his house).  By the age of seven, he was featured in a drumming documentary, and interviewed in Gilbert Lifestyle.  

He started his own band, the Twits, and soon they were performing throughout the Phoenix area. Eventually they opened for Devo in Las  Vegas.  Plus he starred in three episodes of  a BBC science program, The Human Body: Secrets of Your Life Revealed; and an ad campaign for Gap Kids.

At the age of nine, Recker was featured as one of The Great 48, "The 48 most influential people living in the Valley Today," for Phoenix Magazine.

By age ten, he was drumming for Neffex, Volbeat and Signals.

I watched a couple of the music videos.

Neffex, "The Worst in Me" (2020)

Just yesterday I was making you laugh
How did things get so bad?
How do I make you so mad?
I look at you and I miss what I've seen
A smile so bright with your eyes so green
And I'll wait for the day it comes back to me

No girl-pronouns!  The lyrics could be addressing anyone. Plus, as the two guys (Bryce Savage, above, Cameron Wales) sing on an open truck bed, they attract the attention of an elderly woman, a young woman fixing a car, two bodybuilders, a girl on a bike, a skateboarder, and Recker getting a tattoo. 

Signals, "Disastermind" (2020):

The boy (Recker) tries to get the attention of his parents, but is ignored.  He makes a mess, and gets in trouble.  Finally, he makes a pair of angel wings and a sword, and runs down the street, while Michael "Jag" Jagmin and Jonathan Kintz sing:

Locked away in a tower above the sky
When I wake, am I still nothing?
Hate me, break me
When I wake, am I still nothing?
It's easy to flee when you feel like you're meant to be
On the other side

Gay boys growing up amid the constant  "what girl do you like?" interrogation can relate.

Of course, Recker had no control over the lyrics, but it is interesting that he gravitates toward gay-friendly or at least non-heteronormative work. 

More after the break.  

Jakob Winters: Would a gay actor agree to star in family-friendly, gay-free "Mayberry Man"? Twice? With his backside and co-star c*cks

Link to the n*de photos

The Andy Griffith Show (1960-68) focused on Andy Taylor, as the sheriff of small-town Mayberry, and his mildly wacky family and friends, n a world where hippies, the Vietnam War, and the Civil Rights Movement did not exist (although gay-vague people did).  I never watched by choice: even at six and seven years old, I thought it unbearably square.  How about some science fiction, like Star Trek, or a hip parody like Laugh-In, or at least a show with cute guys?  No one in Mayberry was cute.

Andy Griffith went on to play oldster lawyer Matlock, and his tv son Ron Howard, to become a director infamous for turning gay characters straight.  Ugh.

So why does Amazon Prime think I'll "love" Mayberry Man (2021), "a family friendly film" that "will have you yearning for a simpler time?"  Those are two heteronormative gender-polarized gay-free red flags.  

The premise: A-list, snobbish, sinful Hollywood actor Chris ("husband, father, and Chris follower" Brett Varvel) is arrested for speeding in Georgia. Somehow it's legal for the judge to sentence him to a week at the annual Mayberry Festival in North Carolina, assisting the celebrity guest -- his estranged father, who had a bit part in Season 3 (for a show that old, you take whatever cast members you can find).  

He arrives all Hollywood excess, with his star-struck assistant Shane (Jakob Winters) in tow.  Both are seduced by the small-town charm and "good old-fashioned values," and meet the Girls of Their Dreams.  And God. And Chris reconciles with his Dad. 

The gay exclusion is so hot, it burns.  And there are no people of color, either.  They do have a woman mayor.  Shouldn't she be off cooking something?

I hate-watched some of the sequel tv series (2024), where they save the town from an evil developer or something.  The evangelization comes on hot and heavy:

Shane: "I hope no one steals the Baby Jesus from the Nativity scene." 

The Woman of Chris's Dreams: "Who would steal the Savior of the world?"

At least it has a swishy-straight Black character (in L.A., of course, certainly not in Mayberry), played by "Honor Thy Father and Mother" Christian comedian Christian McCartney.

And Jakob Winter or Winters (top photo) piqued my interest. For biceps like that, I can handle a little gay erasure and family-friendly fundamentalism.

I can't imagine that a gay actor would agree to appear in Mayberry Man.  But there are lots of beefcake shots available, and who knows?  Maybe he's accidentally appeared in something with a gay subtext.

He doesn't have a lot of social media presence, so I only managed to put together a few biographical details:

He's from Kenosha, Wisconsin., of German ancestry (another Jakob Winters designs violin cases in Deutschland).   

His mother has a different name. 

In high school he was in the marching band.

He was chubby and bullied until he started working out.

In 2016 Jakob enrolled at Ball State University as an acting major.

He performed at the Richmond Shakespeare Festival in 2018, playing minor characters in Macbeth and Florizel in A Winter's Tale. 

In 2020, he received a BFA in Acting, and moved to New York.

No Jakob Winter appears in any search of Ball State University or Kenosha, Wisconsin.  I wonder if he is using a stage name.

Next, his seven acting credits on the IMDB:

In 2020, an episode of What Would You Do?, a reality show where actors perform scenarios, and real-life bystanders respond.  

In a restaurant, a Bisexual Guy (Bryce Koehl, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) comes out as bisexual.  His Straight Friend (Jacob) says "Bisexuality doesn't exist!"  Bystanders rush to correct him.

In another scenario, his Gay Friend (Jakob again) tells him, "You're just gay and afraid to come out." Again, bystanders rush to correct him.

Performing in some skits that educate us about bisexual identity?  I'm shocked, Jakob. 

More after the break

"Feast of the Seven Fishes": All of the tropes I hate, but I still liked it. With Skyler Gisondo and some bonus italian d*cks

Link to the NSFW version

 

The Feast of the Seven Fishes just dropped on Netflix.  All I know is that it's a Christmas movie starring Skyler Gisondo, so the likelihood of gay characters or even subtexts is minimal.  I'm going to watch anyway

Scene 1: Beautiful establishing shots of a mining town in West Virginia, winter 1983.  I loved that year!  Madonna, Michael Jackson, "I'm Coming Out," Tom Cruise, Family Ties, Mama's Family.  

Tony (Skyler Gisondo, left) is painting by the river and gazing at his acceptance letter from a prestigious art school.  Angelo (Andrew Schultz, top photo) and his d*ck, "Mr. Boner,: stop by to tell him about a party with girls desperate to go to bed with any guy who asks. 

 "Nope, I'm not going to the party."  Not interested in girls, buddy?

Well, how about coming along on his date?  There will be extremely horny girls there, too. 

"Nope."  If I didn't know from the plot synopsis that he has two girlfriends, I'd have definitely pegged Tony as gay.

"Please?  My p*nis hates being alone with girls."

"Ok, I'm in.  Just to please your p*nis."  He doesn't really say that.

Scene 2: Back in his shabby working-class home, someone named Pap tries to get Tony drunk on homemade hooch.  There's no Pap in the character list, but he could be Tony's dad, played by Paul Ben-Victor.
:

We cut to a super-elegant mansion, where a super-elegant rich girl named Beth yells at her even-richer  boyfriend Prentice (Allen Williamson, left) for backing out of his promise to spend Christmas with the family.  He's going skiing with his friends instead. Prentice, baby, the first rule of relationships -- never leave them alone at Christmas. They'll be screwing someone else by Boxing Day. 

Mom is upset: "You'll never land a rich husband with that attitude!  Like all men, he prefers the company of other men."  So all men are gay?  

Beth wants a husband who will spend time with her.  That's what gay bffs are for, girlfriend.

Scene 3: Beth hanging out with her Italian-American friend, complaining about this whole "get a rich husband" thing.  They smoke pot.  

Meanwhile, Tony's Uncles Carmine and Frankie, brothers, not a gay couple (Ray Arbruzzo, Joe Pantoliano) are stocking up on booze, when they see Tony's Ex-Girlfriend throwing herself at a truck driver.  They discuss her boobs for several minutes before getting around to complaining about her post-breakup downward spiral.

Cut to Tony's cousin Juke (Josh Helman, left) telling his buds about the Feast of the Seven Fishes, although they obviously already know -- it's a traditional Christmas Eve dinner consisting of seven types of seafood. I thought it was a religious thing, Jesus with the loaves and fishes.

He stops to complain about not having a girlfriend, which is especially tough at Christmas. Foreshadowing -- ten to one he gets with Tony's Ex-Girlfriend, the one throwing herself at truck drivers.

More after the break

Marcus Scribner: Junior on "Black-ish" and "Grown-Ish" grows up, plays gay-ish characters, shows his stuff in some n*de photos

   

Link to the n*de photos

Black-ish (2014-22) starred Anthony Anderson as Dre Johnson, the head of an upper-middle-class Black family.  They are black-ish because they have to figure out how to maintain their Black identity while living in a ritzy all-white neighborhood.

Son Andre (Marcus Scribner) announces that he's converting to Judaism so he can have a Bar Mitzvah like his friends.

He starts dating a Republican girl, to the consternation of his liberal parents.

The kids hate Dre's favorite restaurant back in the hood.

They go on their annual Martin Luther King Day ski trip.

There were no gay characters other than Dre's lesbian sister (played by Raven Simone of Raven's Home), who visited once or twice per season, but Junior was queer-coded in spite of his occasional girlfriends.  He was an outsider, with quirky tastes, interests, and mannerisms that his family variously ridiculed, ignored, and worried about. Sounds like my parents with their "Go to work in the factory!" and "Get married and have kids!" rants.   

He had gay-subtext buddy-bonds with several guys, notably Zach (Nick Carson, who has a lot of muscular men but no women on his Instagram).

Marcus Scribner continued to play Junior on the spin-off Grown-ish (2019-24), which sends the kids to college.  Although he has a "will they or won't they" romance with a girl named Annika, Junior also has a gay-subtext buddy bond with Doug (Diggy Simmons).  Oddly, Doug is involved with his own "will they or won't they" romance. 

Fans continue to speculate that Marcus is gay in real life, so I checked his non-Black-ish work for gay characters.

Marcus has 27 acting credits listed on the IMDB, including episodes of Castle, New Girl, American Dad, and most recently, rookie cop Jonah Silver on Boston Blue (2025).

  TV Insider says that he "became close friends" with Sean Reagan (Mike Amonson) after they were both injured in a fire, and now he is a regular guest at the Silvers' shabbat dinners.  Sean has a female "love interest," so he's straight.  Jonah doesn't have any hetero-romances listed in the plot synopses, so maybe he is gay-ish.

Marcus has also done a lot of voice work:

Bell Zettifar in 5 episodes of Young Jedi Adventures: Nothing specified.

D'Angelo Baker in 38 episodes of Dragons: The Nine Realms:Gay according to the fan wiki, but straight according to Reddit.

Bow in 57 episodes of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power: a female "love interest," but according to an interview in Queerty, he's "s*xually fluid."  So gay-ish, but they couldn't say anything.

So, Question #1, any gay roles?  Just some subtexts and closets.

More after the break

Nutcracker Beefcake

When I was a kid, our church forbade movies, theater, carnivals, circuses -- basically anything that had a plot.  And my working-class parents disapproved of anything "long hair."  So ballet and opera were completely alien.

Except at Christmastime, when we would go to see "The Nutcracker" at Centennial Hall on the Augustana College campus, or at Rock Island High School, or both.  One year the Youth Symphony participated, so I got to be in the orchestra pit for eight full performances.

The plot is heterosexist -- Elsa receives a nutcracker shaped like a toy soldier for Christmas.  He comes to life, fights an army of mice, and reveals that he is actually a prince.  They return to his kingdom, the Land of Sweets, where he makes Elsa his queen.

But who pays attention to the plot?  No matter what people tell you, they go to ballets for one reason, and one reason only: to celebrate male or female beauty.  Dances in form-fitting tights, swaying and twisting, making every curve and muscle visible.

No other art, not even bodybuilding, displays the male physique so openly and extensively.  You don't just get a glimpse or a hint -- everything is out there, through the entire performance.

No wonder every gay kid in town, even those who were otherwise obsessed with sports, couldn't wait for Christmas.

Ballet dancers have mixed feelings toward The Nutcracker -- it is so darn cliched. "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies" over and over and over. 

And the costumes are rather uncomfortable. 

More after the break