Lance Kerwin: The swimsuit boy of "James at 15" offers gay promise for about five years, then vanishes to Hawaii and fundamentalism

Link to the n*de photos

Fall 1977.  Thursday night meant staying downstairs with the family to watch The Waltons (ugh!) or going up to the room I shared with my brother to watch the ABC lineup of hip sitcoms on our small black-and-white tv: Welcome Back Kotter, What's Happening!, Barney Miller, Carter Country.  But if my brother wasn't around, I changed over to CBS before Barney Miller to watch the opening sequence of James at 15 

James (17-year old Lance Kerwin) jumps out of bed, checks for acne, does overhead presses (shirtless), swims across the pool (displaying his bare shoulders) -- practices the flute, goes skateboarding, photographs some iconic sights of Boston, walks in the rain, walks through a crowd -- and walks through the locker room (in his swimsuit). Teenagers had never seen so much teen idol beefcake.  

I didn't actually watch the show because it was almost entirely about girls: James dates a girl who is "easy," a girl who belongs to a cult, who's taller than him, who plays basketball for a rival team; "becomes a man" with a Swedish exchange student (whereupon the series becomes James at 16), has a disease scare. But just seeing James in a swimsuit was a queer code.

Lance had already been a busy child star, with roles in Emergency, Police Story, Cannon, Gunsmoke, Wonder Woman, and lots of others.  Even as a child, he specialized in contemporary angst drama, like:

The Loneliest Runner (child abuse)

The Death of Richie (drug overdose)

Four episodes of the Roman Catholic "contemporary issues" series Insight (on alcoholism, stalking, unemployment, and hydrophobia).

Five After School Specials (on bullying, stepparents twice, being short, and being poor).

The guy staring at Lance's chest in "The Amazing Cosmic Awareness of Duffy Moon" is Ike Eisenmann, who would go on to a future of jaw-dropping physiques.

But it was James at 15, with its controversial decision to make a teenage boy active with girls, that made Lance the Golden Boy of the 1970s.  He had one memorable foray into horror, a gay-subtext buddy-bond with David Soul in the tv-version of Stephen King's Salem's Lot (1979).

But otherwise it was a lot of angst with his shirt off: buddy-bonding with alcoholic high schooler Scott Baio in The Boy Who Drank Too Much (1980)

Dealing with his parents' divorce (in Children of Divorce, 1980)

Accidentally shooting Wil Wheaton in "The Shooting" (1982)

Being threatened by his murderous Dad in A Murder in the Family (1983). 

Eric Stolz played another threatened brother (n*de photos on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends)

More after the break

Gemstone Episode 4.5, Continued: Kelvin crashes, the Monkey fumes, and we find out who's bigger, Adam Devine or Joey Stefano

 Link to the n*de dudes

So far in this episode, we've learned that Vance Simkins has destroyed his parents' empire by being a violent, reactionary jerk; Lori's ex-boyfriends keep getting killed; and Kelvin's hubris is off the charts.  

Lori's Edibles: Lori and Eli want to give the siblings "some space," so they move to her house. Wait -- I thought she was living in Pigeon Forge.  If she's been living in Charleston the whole time, why hasn't she visited the Gemstones for years?

Corey meets them at the door: he dropped by to bring dinner, "Kung Pao Dynasty." Also, he left her edibles by the microwave.   Eli doesn't know what edibles are, so Miss Lori explains. Apparently he's ok with drug use now; he wasn't in earlier seasons.

Corey shakes Eli's hand and says "Have fun, you two," but as he walks away, he grimaces.  He's been killing the ex-boyfriends.

Meanwhile, Kelvin in a flamboyant costume is being photographed with the conservatively-dressed nominees for Top Christian Man. And it's time for the Live TV Roundtable.  

The full cast list is not in the episode credits or the IMDB, but I think the conservative minister being hugged by Kelvin is Chad Darnell, who is gay in real life.  He works primarily in casting, but he has 21 screen credits, and a lot of theater work, including the gay-themed Love! Valour! Compassion!, Forced, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Plus some gay-themed screenplays and two novels.

He's got a biopic coming out of of gay model and adult video star Joey Stefano (1968-1994), one of the icons of my years in West Hollywood.

By the way, Sean Ryan Fox will finally appear as Young Corey in Episode 4.6 .

No, I am not stalling.

How about a nice beefcake shot of Adam Devine?

Back to the roundtable discussion, led by Stevie from Eastbound and Down.  First question:"Should children be taught a comprehensive overview of all major religions in school?" 

Kelvin jumps in, but doesn't answer the question.  Instead, he blathers about "I teach my followers everything good about Jesus.  The Bible can be confusing, so we translate it for modern, cutting-edge times." You're not qualified to be a Bible translator.  How about explaining passages in their historical/cultural context?  

Vance complains about "a homosexual" being nominated for the award.  "God's Word is clear on this issue."  Uh-oh, how are you on the Clobber Verses, Kelvin?

He's not good on the Clobber Verses.  "Um...um..lots of parts of the Bible are outdated." No, they don't refer to contemporary gay people at all!  Get with your queer theology.

When I was just coming out, I jointed the gay-specific Metropolitan Community Church.  Most members were recovering from Evangelical trauma, so every sermon -- every sermon -- was about how being gay is not a sin or a defect.  Sometimes there was detailed exegesis of specific Clobber Verses (there are only five of them), sometimes just "God loves you."  

More after the break

Nude photos of Bobby and Jake Cannavale: father and son, not in prison or the Mafia, but sometimes gay

  

Link to the nudity

In the prison drama Oz, lawyer Tobias Beecher (Lee Tergesen) is sentenced to prison for a drunk driving.  He starts a romantic/sadistic relationship with the violent Chris Keller (Bobby Cannavale).  It's a homophobic portrayal, tawdry and sinister, juxtaposed with the bright, shiny innocent image of Tobias going on a picnic with his wife.  After he is released, Tobias wants to visit Keller, but Keller refuses: go back to your normal heterosexual life, and forget about the nasty stuff you did here.

Wait -- according to the Oz wiki, Keller is played by Christopher Meloni, not Bobby Cannavale

Ok, let's try again.  On The Sopranos, Mafia boss Jackie Aprile tries to get his son Jackie Aprile, Jr. (Bobby Cannavale) interested in the family business, but the boy would rather go to college.  He gradually drifts into crime with his gay-subtext buddy Dino, and...wait -- according to the Sopranos wiki, Jackie Jr. is played by Jason Cerbone, not Bobby Cannavale. 

So who the heck is Bobby Cannavale?

He has 124 acting credits on the IMDB, including regular roles on Nurse Jackie, Boardwalk Empire, Vinyl, Will and Grace, Angie Tribeca, Mr. Robot, Homecoming, Nine Perfect Strangers. and The Watcher. 

I've only seen him as Will's boyfriend on Will and Grace.  But apparently I mistook a lot of other actors for him.  I was going to write about his many gay characters, but I'm not familiar with any but Will's boyfriend.  Let's just skip to the dicks.

In Boardwalk Empire (2010), Bobby plays Gyp Rossetti, a Sicilian gangster who gets naked while killing a woman. 
He shows his butt in Win Win, a "sports comedy"

In Bupkis, a comedy series about the life of Pete Davidson, Bobby shows what is probably a prosthetic.

Bobby's son Jake has 16 acting credits on the IMDB, including a recurring role on Nurse Jackie.  He has been cast as gay ball player Aaron Hernandez in the upcoming American Sports Story.  

The Bobby and Jake frontal and rear pics are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also:

Johnnie Gordon: Black Mafia, Wicked Lips, Terror Lake, and Chick Fil-A.  With bonus Black Mafia d*cks

Kelton's Cute/Cool Photos, Part 1: chanting, wrestling, growing a beard, and going blond.  With a James Dumont bonus

Kelton's Cute/Cool Photos, Part 2: James Dean, Orson Welles, and Bam-Bam Rubble.  Plus more Daddy James

"Too Much": Jess moves to London expecting Jane Austen, and gets Will Sharpe. With bonus Gaz d*ck and Sharpe backside

  

Link to the n*de dudes

A show just dropped on Netflix with one of those instantly forgettable names -- Too Much -- but it sounds like a comedy, a welcome change of pace from those endless "after his wife dies, a detective tries to find a murderer"; "a detective solves murders in Chelsea"; and "a cleaning lady helps the police solve murders."  The icon shows a femme boy standing behind two women, so there must be gay content.  

Episode 1: "Nonsense and Sensibility"  Jane Austin reference, har har

Scene 1: Establishing shot of London. The woman  crosses Tower Bridge, telling someone named Wendy about the many women she could become here: Catherine from Wuthering Heights; Marianne from Sense and Sensibility; one of the prostitutes killed by Jack the Ripper; a detective solving murders in Chelsea. 

She goes back to her apartment to check Wendy's Instagram.  Oh no, a POV of her getting engaged to her boyfriend!  The woman sobs "No, no, no!" and screams "F*ck."  Wendy must be your ex-girlfriend.  Not over her yet?  

Brooklyn, one month earlier; The woman gets out of her cab late at night and heads to her ex's apartment, but the locks have been changed. So she breaks in. She finds a man and a woman in bed asleep and screams. Wait -- you didn't know they were there? The man yells "Home invasion!", then recognizes her: Jessica. Nice chest, buddy.

The man is her ex, Zev Goldstein (Michael Zegen) and Wendy is his new girlfriend.  Heterosexual identity established at minute 3.40, but that was a clever queerbait.  Wendy is tired of Jessica stalking, and warns that she's crossed a line.  Ex boyfriend starts crying. Why, was it an abusive relationship?  Were you a victim?  We don't pay much attention to male victims of domestic abuse. 

Jessica continues to rant: "Leaving me is the worst thing you have ever done!"  Looks pretty smart from here; lady is unstable. 

They threaten  to call the police, so she breaks a lamp and runs out.  

Scene 2: After Wendy "stole" Boyfriend Zev , Jessica was forced to move into "an intergenerational hell," her mom, grandma (Rhea Pearlman!), and sister, all of whom married goys, so of course the marriages couldn't last (let's see the goy boys already).  New York Jewish household: plastic on the furniture, a costume romcom starring Alan Rickman on tv.  Jessica says: "I want to take him out back and have him (censored)" 

Grandma thinks Jessica should work on being prettier and try to win Zev back.  "No, you do it.  Go (censored)."  I volunteer for the job.  

A child with no identifiable gender, maybe nonbinary, says that at age 13, they're not expected to have any plans for Saturday night, but adults should be out having a life.  Why are you such losers?  The ladies kick them out.

They may be Dash South, played by Oliver Nirenberg, who has no other acting credits on the IMDB.

While watching tv, Jessica dreams of Regency England -- the costumes, the drama, the romance.  The madwoman in the attic?

Scene 3: Jessica at her job, doing some sort of low-level production assistant stuff for a movie starring Jessica Alba.  She complains about the script, but director Jeff dismisses her (the name does not appear in the cast list)  

Jessica defends her: "You made a lot of changes in the script that she couldn't see until now."  He storms off.

Director Jeff may be Barry, played by Erez Rose, seen here with his boyfriend in Cambodia (well, to be closeted, he just refers to the guy as "my best friend" and "my favorite person in the world).

But if he's Barry, why do Jessica and Jessica call him Jeff?  For that matter, why name the character Jessica when a main character is Jessica Alba playing herself?  Didn't anyone think that might be a tad confusing?

The ladies buddy-bond.  Jessica suggest that they fire Jeff, and then she and Jessica can shoot it together.  Jessica is so overwhelmed by Jessica's offer that she runs away. See what I mean?

Her coworker finds her in the bathroom "gnawing on a Danish and trying to pull your hair out." 

When he mentions that he is her brother-in-law, she strikes back: "Ex brother in law. You left my sister to explore non monogamy with a couple that are both named... [disgusted expression] Cody."  Ooh, Jess definitely disapproves of gay/bi people!  

Brother in law may be Jameson South, played by Andrew Rannells, top photo.  He's gay in real life, although he's being intimate with a woman in the photo on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

"You used to slay!" he points out.  "And now you're matte!  What happened?"

"I had a terrible year.  You dumped my sister, my boyfriend dumped me, and we both moved in with our mother, who lost the house, so we all moved in with my grandmother."

He suggests a job producing a Christmas ad in London.

"Nope, I can't leave.  I love New York."  But what about the build-up of loving Regency England?

So she goes.  And she takes Astrid, a very ugly dog.

More after the break

Has "Phineas and Ferb" gotten more gay-friendly since 2007? With bonus Adam Devine and Malcolm McDowell

Link to the n*de dudes

I watched a few episodes of the Disney Channel's Phineas and Ferb when it first aired in 2007-2009, but was turned off by Mechanics Today vibe and the incessant heteronormativity.

The premise: 10-year old stepbrothers Phineas and Ferb (Vince Martella, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, top photo) spend their summer vacation creating technological marvels like time machines and space ships, thereby impressing their male friends and girlfriends (each has a heterosexual crush).  Their older sister Candace tries to tattle (either she's worried about their safety or she's just evil), but by the time Mom gets there, the elaborate devices have reverted into harmless toys; Mom therefore suspects that her daughter is suffering from a psychosis.  

Candace has a heterosexual crush, too: Jeremy, played by Disney teen Mitchel Musso, who has mental health issues.    

Meanwhile, their pet platypus, Perry (Dee Bradley Baker), has adventures as a super-spy.  Under the orders of Major Francis Monogram and his dimwitted assistant, he thwarts the plans of the evil Dr. Doofenschmirtz.  Most involve wacky evil-scientist inventions, making Doof and Perry sort of mirror images of Phineas and Ferb. 

In four seasons, there were no gay characters, although TV Tropes notes some Ho-Yah (queer codes used as jokes) shipping Doof/Perry and the bully Buford and his victim Baljeet.  

 Showrunner Dan Povenmire said that there were some LGBT persons in the universe, but "it's nobody's business" who they are.  Got it, heterosexual romance gets infinite space, but gay people must be invisible.  Can't have kids finding out that they exist.  

In June 2025, ten years after the last Phineas and Ferb, a new season dropped.  In the interim gay characters appeared on Craig of the Creek, Duck Tales, Big City Greens, The Hollow, The Bravest Knight, Jellystone, Kippa and the Age of the Wonderbeasts, Kid Cosmic, The Ghost and Molly McGee, and many others.  Surely Phineas and Ferb can have a gay friend without traumatizing kids for life.

Especially since voice actors Vincent Martella (Phineas) and Maulik Pacholy (Baljeet) are gay.

I reviewed two 2025 episodes:

"Sleepover":  The main five kids and Candace and her friends are having two separate sleepovers in the same house on the same night.

The kids' sleepover activities: a scary movie in a geodesic dome with a popcorn floor.

Candace wants to bust her brothers, but her friends sing about the things they could do instead: play truth or dare, wear monster masks, and so on.

More after the break

Camden Garcia: The swishy straight kid on "Raising Hope" grows up to play femme gay guys. With bonus Ben and Boris

Link to the n*de dudes

Raising Hope (2010-14) starred Lucas Neff as a teenager who accidentally becomes a father.  He has biceps, and a chest which he displays on occasion; his dad (Garrett Dillahunt, left) is on display quite often; and there's even a gay character, his boss Barney (Greg Binkley).  At least I think he was gay; he played a gay guy on the earlier My Name is Earl. 

Nope: his gayness was erased, like it was for this kid.

He's Camden Garcia playing Trevor, a young teenager who works at the grocery store, and gets a crush on Jimmy's girlfriend Sabrina.

A crush on a girl?  This kid?

In another episode, he's an actor starring in a show called Yo-Zappa-Do.  Still straight.

The grown-up Camden has a chest and biceps as impressive as Lucas Neff's.   His Instagram tagline is: little/rascal, kid comedian, child actor, bikini girl.

He has a personal website with headshots, publicity, and a resume: 

A BFA in Theater Performance from Boston University, plus training at the Eugene O'Neill Theater Center and Second City 

Skills include drag queen, balancing things on his nose and chin, baton twirling, and working with chimps.

Theater: Newsies, Morning in Freedonia, This Could Be on Broadway, and Stamptown

And a lot of standup comedy shows where he riffs on being gay and femme. 

Camden grew up in Calabasas California.  His dad Greg Garcia was the producer and head writer for several popular sitcoms of the 2000s ("Greg, move your head!"), so naturally his career began with guest or recurring spots on Daddy's shows.  In addition to Raising Hope:

More after the break

Jonathan Bennett: From Mean Girl to the King of Gay Christmas. Plus his d*ck, his husband, and a bonus Buddy backside

 

Link to the n*de dudes

A new d*ck pick of Jonathan Bennett popped up on one of my celebrity sites, so I checked out his Instagram to see if he was a good candidate for a profile.

Whoa, what a surprise. You can usually identify a gay actor from his social media posts (I only check Instagram and Facebook).  Straight guys begin their taglines with "married to the most incredibly gorgeous woman in the world" and post 3,000 pictures of the two holding hands, kissing, going to formal events, celebrating holidays, and discussing how much they love each other.  Gay guys keep  mum; they post a lot of photos with women, and maybe one in a hundred with their boyfriend, but they don't tell us who he is.  Even when they are out; I guess they don't want the homophobic pushback.

Take Buddy Keaton: The first 40 posts on his Instagram display no men at all, but 15 show him hugging, kissing, being licked by, and going to the beach with women.

He also invites us to gaze at his rear (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends),  but you have to really read between the lines to deduce gay identity from that. 

But Jonathan Bennett: the first 40 posts on his Instagram mention his husband 13 times and show him 10 times (including two kissing shots).

So who is this guy who is so completely out in an era where most gay guys closet their social media?

1. He's been around forever

Jonathan grew up in Rossford, Ohio, a suburb of Toledo, and got a few on-screen gigs while studying drama at Otterbein College.  Six months after graduating, he was in New York, playing bad boy JR Chandler on the soap All My Children (2001-02).

He played Aaron Samuels, football jock (of course) who is fought over by Cady and Regina in Mean Girls (2004).

The teenage Bo Duke, who joins forces with his teenage cousin Luke (Randy Wayne) to save Uncle Jesse's farm in the Dukes of Hazzard prequel, The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning (2007).

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 4.5: The dirt on Vance, Mitch, and Lori. With Gossip GIrl's Dad's d*ck and a n*de Teenjus

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Title: "You Shall Remember," from Deuteronomy 8.18: "You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you the power to get wealth,."  The Gemstones have forgotten that God made them rich so they can help people.  Tonight they'll get their comeuppance.  

The Dirt on Vance: Vance Simkins (Stephen Dorff) examines his burnt-out church and glares at the Gemstone satellite church across the street.  Cut to a Simpkins Commercial with him and his siblings, Craig and Shay, saying: "Grace.. .Praise... Rejoice..  Salvation."

Vance calls his siblings to his office, but Shay won't come ("she wants nothing to do with you") and Craig (Gogo Lomo David) is just there for his money: their parents' estate put Vance in charge, so he has to depend on hand-outs.  Vance gives him $10,000, and tells him to make it last.

Craig criticizes Vance for running the church into the ground,destroying their parents' legacy.  He keeps trying to open new churches when they're broke, just to compete with the Gemstones: "You can't admit you're beat, can you?"  

Vance protests that he's going to win the Top Christ Following Man Award. 

"You're a straight white man," Craig digs. "Your kind don't get awards anymore. Wait -- are you straight?  Never had a girlfriend, sweetie-pie."  Enraged by the implication, Vance slaps Craig and throws him onto the desk.

Uh-oh, a church deacon saw the attack.  Vance is violent, like Uncle Peter in Season 3 and Lyle Lissons in Season 2....he's the Big Bad of the season!

Vance had some queer codes back in Season 3, when he swished around with that tiny dog.  It would make sense for him to be gay and closeted.

Gogo Lomo-David is gay in real life, but there's no evidence that his character is gay.

Baby Billy and Kelvin in Decline:  Baby Billy finishes his screenplay about a teenage Jesus and his friends, changes the title from "Teen Jesus" to "Teenjus," and snorts some cocaine.  That's the Belly of the Beast in the Gemstone universe, buddy.

Cut to Kelvin and Keefe rushing through the crowd of queer well-wishers to a party to celebrate his Top Christ Following Man nomination.  Jesse, Amber, and Judy look angry; Eli, Lori, and Gideon look happy.  Abraham looks intrigued; Pontius sneers.  Abraham is the last of Jesse's kids to get a queer code.  I wrote a fan story where he comes out.

They begin partying.  Kelvin joins his siblings to gloat at the big turnout.  Judy sneers: "You're their little gay avatar."  Jesse: "You need to stop smelling your farts."  Translation: He's getting way too conceited about this award thing.

Lori drops by.  They criticize her for doing stuff with their father.  She promises to lock the door next time, and asks if they can start over and be friends again.  After all, she's known them all their lives.  Nope, "We reject this union."  

Lori: "All y'all little c*cksuckers better put on your big boy pants and get the f*uck over it."  Hey, that's homophobic, and at a LGBTQ event!  My estimation of Lori dropped 20 points. 

She continues: "I wanted to be y'all's friend, but if you want a wicked stepmother, I can do that, too."  

The siblings interpret "stepmother" to mean that Lori and Eli got married.  They are disgusted. 

Baby Billy is Doomed. Cut to Baby Billy and Tiffany cuddling in a swing, while the Nanny cleans the pool.  He describes their life as idyllic, but it's going to get better.  They'll make a fortune with his new project, Teenjus.

The Nanny notes that she likes teen dramas like Pretty Little Liars and Gossip Girl.  She would watch Teenjus.  Baby Billy yells at her.

Left: Matthew Settle, who played the Dad on "Gossip Girl."  His frontside and backside are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Tiffany suggests that Baby Billy retire so he will be around for their children growing up, but he refuses. He's got to seize this opportunity.  "I got to provide for you.  I don't know how much time I got."  Another precursor of doom.

BJ's Injury. BJ tries to make it from the toilet to his wheelchair, but fails and falls into the bathtub. Judy rushes in to help.  He complains that he can't even pee on his own. "I'm broken. I'm half a man."

Judy points out that the doctors say he will have a full recovery, but he won't believe it. When she tries to help him out of the bathtub, he angrily yells at her to go.  

Amber arrives to see how they are doing -- they're both miserable -- and to give Judy a service monkey named Dr. Watson.  She works with a charity that trains service monkeys for disabled veterans (first I'm hearing of it).

More after the break

"Superman" (2025): You'll believe a man can queerbait

 

Link to the n*de dudes

I don't usually review movies that are playing in theaters, but we just saw Superman (2025).  I went in with an internet full of complaints about "wokeness," so I expected a lot of LGBTQ representation.  Here's what I got:

The Wokeness: There are some nonwhite people around.  Big deal.

The Plot: The tyrannical leader of Boravia (mostly Russia, a little Israel) wants to invade neighboring Jarhanpur (mostly Palestine, a little Ukraine), and promises to make Lex Luthor  (Nicholas Hoult) king of half the country if he helps.  So he sells them $80 billion in arms for cheap. 

But Lex's main goal is to discredit and hopefully kill Superman (David Corenswet), because he doesn't like aliens, because he's envious of Supe's popularity, because...well, even he isn't sure. He's a movie villain, it's his job.  

Lex has a vast number of high-tech resources to help with the discrediting/murder:

1. The Engineer, who can fill your lungs with nanobots so you suffocate.

2. A prison in an unstable pocket universe, where he keeps political prisoners and people who criticized him on social media.

3. An interdimensional rift that can take down whole cities.

4. A lot of Superman clones.

5. Super-genius employees played by Terence Rosemore and Stephen Blackehart (left)

6. A monstrous kanju that grows to Godzilla-size and breathes fire.

7. The message that Jor-El and Lara sent along from Krypton. Supe always thought that they asked him to help the people of Earth, but they actually told him to rule Earth, and massacre anyone who resisted.  This is real, not fake, and when it gets into the media, people reject poor Supe.  Why do they care about the career his parents planned for him?  My parents wanted me to work in the factory.  

Supe has a number of allies this time around:

1. Food cart guy Malik Ali (Dinesh Thyagarajan), who jumps into a crater to help the injured superhero. Lex kidnaps him.

2. Krypto the Superdog.  Lex kidnaps him, too.  Spoiler alert: The dog doesn't die.

3.-5.  The bickering Justice Gang: Mr. Terrific (Edi Gathegi, left), Hawk Girl, and The Green Lantern (Nathan Fillion). In some of the comics and the tv series, Green Lantern is gay, but there's no indication here.

6. The superhero Metamorpho (Anthony Carrigan), who can transmute into any element.  Lex imprisons him to turn into kryptonite and torture Supe.

More after the break

"Chantal": The assault of the Mayor's "friend" in Wild West Flanders. Plus boxer brothers and Colossus

I'm getting tired of big-city detectives moving to quaint small towns to solve murders -- I don't even like murder mysteries -- but who could resist Chantal (2022-25) on Amazon Prime:  a tv series set in "the far west of Flanders," the region of Belgium where they speak Flemish (actually a dialect of Dutch, separated for political reasons).

The Quad Cities, where I grew up, had a large Flemish community --  you could even take courses in the language at the community college.  The Belgian Inn, a few blocks from our house, served a famous Vandereuben: ham, corned beef, sauerkraut, and French dressing on slabs of rye toast the size of a dinner plate. 

 There is also a Belgian-American museum, a Belgian bookstore, and an annual Belgian bookstore, but I'm sure you'd rather see the Vande  reuben.  

I'll review Episode 4, because "the mayor's friend is assaulted."  Maybe it will be a boyfriend.

Scene 1: Night. a man loads a gun and some stuff into his car, when two guys approach and ask if he's Etienne (Bernard Pieters).  Before they can answer, they kick and punch him many times.  One complains that he hurt his foot on Etienne's head.  They have a message for him, but he's unconscious, so they run to their car and drive away.  A blonde woman and a bald man watch.

Scene 2: In a field, the guys complain: "Colossus just told us to scare Etienne, not kill him!"  And even if he's not dead, he won't know why they beat him up: they didn't get to deliver the message.  "Just tell Colossus 'mission accomplished.'"  They drive away.

The guys are Rinus (Kenneth De Scheemaecker) and Quinten (Bjarne Devolder, who is gay in real life).  Maybe the character is gay, too.

Title: Establishing shot of the picturesque village, shots of the cast, and "Who the F*ck is Colossus?"

 Scene 3: A middle aged guy (Mathias Sercu) knocks on Chantal's door -- her boyfriend from 25 years ago!  So this is one of those series where the big-city detective goes back to her small hometown to solve murders.

She isn' t happy to see him, but at least he brought breakfast.  They discuss how he's getting tired of his wife, even though she's attractive, smart, and makes a lot of money as a model.  Hint-hint.

Chantal doesn't take the bait.  She tells her lovers that they can bring toiletries,but leave the suitcase at home.   Her hookup from last night appears, har har, and asks if he can leave some toiletries.

A cop who dresses as a cowboy (Dries Heynemann) comes rushing up: she's needed now!  "But it's my day off!" "Tough -- mayor's orders!"

Cowboy wants to know what Ex-Boyfriend is doing there.  "What do you think I'm doing here, on a Sunday morning?"  As the Hookup passes on the way out, Cowboy stares at him suspiciously, no doubt thinking that they had a three-way.

Scene 4:  On the way to the mayor, Cowboy gazes at Chantal's lady parts -- wait, he's into her, too?  --  and they discuss his attraction to Sylvia -- the Ex-Boyfriend's wife?  

The Case: Etienne, city councilman, head of the hunting club, and the mayor's friend (hopefully boyfriend) , was beat up in his driveway, and is now in a coma.

They interview the Mayor (Yves Degryse): "Etienne was supposed to pick me up at 5:30 for hunting, but he never came or called, so I went over, and found him in the drive way." 

He looks like he's about to cry.  "Are you ok?" Chantal asks.

"No, my friend was beat up."  Chantal is still suspicious.  Maybe she thinks they are boyfriends.

Scene 5: More about Etienne: Good guy, captain of the football (soccer) team, day job in real estate, partnered with the Mayor.  Chantal finds this suspicious.

At the station, Chantal wonders why Etienne was carrying a gun when he was attacked. Did he startle a burglar? Because he was going hunting?  Neighbors didn't hear anything.  No surveillance cameras.  "So we know nothing."

"Just like we know nothing about why your Ex-Boyfriend was at your house," Cowboy chimes in.  Why does he care?  Is this one of those series where every man gazes at the focus character like she's a pork chop?

As she is brainstorming, and the other cops are making fun of each of her ideas, the Mayor calls her and Cowboy into his office. He just got a threatening call from Schiettekatte (everyone knows who these people are except Chantal, who is new in town, so they have to explain it to her). 

Schiettekatte is a Very Important Man who put in an application to tear down a shrine to Tipsy Mia's dead son so he could build something.  They rejected him.  He just called and told the Mayor to reconsider his application "if you don't want to end up like Etienne."  Red herring.

More after the break

Skyler Gisondo's Hot/H*ng Photos, Part 5: A bathtub, a glory h*le, b*ndage with Scotty, bonus Corenswet and Hoult

   

 Link to the n***de photos

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of  Skyler Gisondo, star of The Santa Clarita Diet, The Righteous Gemstones, and Superman

1. "Another photo collection?  Haven't you seen enough of me?"

I can't help it, buddy.  You keep posting interesting pics.

2. And now that you're starring in Superman, we have interesting photos of David Corenswet to worry about, too.

3. And Nicholas Hoult

4. "Hey, I thought this was a photo collection about me."

Sorry.  How about a long-hair bathtub pic? 

5. "Have you met my girlfriend?"

Odd time to introduce her.

More after the break

Dino Martin: Bisexual Rat Pack Kid

Dino, Desi, & Billy was a 1960s teen trio formed from the sons of two celebrity musicians, Desi Arnaz Jr. and Dino Martin, and their friend Billy Hinsche.  They released five boy-band style albums between 1964 and 1969, plus a lot of singles.  Some of them charted, mostly because the guys were famous and rather cute.

Dino was Dean Paul Martin, the son of Rat Packer Dean Martin.  He was very rich, very famous, and sort of talented, but not very focused.  He was good at so many things that he couldn't decide on one.

After his group disbanded, Dino played professional tennis and semi-pro football; he got his pilot's license; he studied medicine; joined the National Guard.  He started calling himself Dean Paul instead of Dino. He changed into a blond. He developed a spectacular physique.

And he acted, of course.  Not a lot -- he was too busy.  7 movies, mostly in roles as playboys or a woman's illcit lover; some guest spots on tv shows (including his Dad's Dean Martin Comedy Hour), and some "as himself" appearances on talk shows and game shows.

His most substantial role was in Misfits of Science (1985-86) as Dr. Billy Hayes, the hetero-horny scientist who drives around in an ice cream truck with a group of rowdy teenage superheroes. Kevin Peter Hall (left) had the ability to shrink. A pre-Friends Courteney Cox played a juvenile delinquent with telekinetic powers

More after the break