"Dolly Parton's Heartstrings": The Gay Couple Two Doors Down

 

Dolly Parton, who died in August 2026, was a vocal gay ally, so it's not surprising that "Two Doors Down," an episode of her Netflix series, Dolly Parton's Heartstrings  featured a coming out story for Evangelical audiences.  It won a GLAAD Award in 2020, so let's take a look. 

Intro: Dolly explains that when she wrote the song "Two Doors Down" in 1977, she was on the road a lot, away from her family, but she found a new family with her crew, which was composed of "all kinds of people: different colors, gay, lesbian, transgender, different faiths, but we all loved each other.  Love is love."  

Scene 1: Singing "Two Doors Down," naturally, Ty (Broadway actor Andy Mientus) drives down country roads "to the place I belong" (sorry, wrong song). Switch to Mom busily micro-managing his sister Lee's upcoming wedding, and wondering why she looks so miserable. Could it be...Mom butting in?

Scene 2: They all arrive at the elegant hotel in the South.  I thought they would be hillbillies, but Mom is loaded!  Mom tells Ty that he's sure to get a lot of attention from the ladies at the wedding, because her Gay is buying his outfit: "that's the one thing gays are good for, right?  Fashion!"  

Estranged Dad (Ray McKinnon) arrives.  Now that's a hillbilly!  He looks like he just finished huntin' possums with Jed Clampett (there actually is a dead deer in the back of his truck).

Scene 3: Ty discusses his secret with his boyfriend, the uber-swishy Cole (Michael J. Willett), who coincidentally is the wedding planner.  "As you know, Dear, I'm not out to my family, due to Mom's homophobia.  When marriage equality arrived, she said it was the end of the world.  But I'm going to tell them all this weekend." During your sister's wedding? Wouldn't that be stealing the spotlight?

Back story: they are having a long-distance relationship problem. Cole lives in Atlanta, and Ty lives in Athens, 72 miles away.  

Ulp, Cole hides in the closet as Mom comes in.  She discusses the life-threatening Steel Magnolias disease that she had last year, which left her "a sentimental puddle," so she really wants Ty to find a girl.  

Scene 4:  In the absurdly elegant parlor, Sister and her fiance Digby are discussing their secret: "As you know, Sweetheart, after the wedding we are leaving small-town Atlanta for Los Angeles so I can pursue my acting career.  Don't tell Mom!"  Digby?

Scene 5: Mom and Estranged Dad discuss their secret: "As you know, Dumbbell, we hate each other.  I think you're a country bumpkin, and you think I'm a rich snob.  We're going to get a divorce.  But don' t tell the kids!" Uh-oh, dark secrets all the way down.

Scene 6: Ty comes out to Sister in the stupidest way possible: "Seeing you and Digby so happy has made me realize that I'm happy, too.  So happy that you might say I'm...gay."  

Sister is proud of him for having the courage to come out. Digby?  How did the poor guy survive middle school?  "You can tell Dad, but don't tell Mom.  She'll stick her head in the oven." 

Sister tells Ty her secret about moving.  Whoops, for a wedding present, Mom and Dad bought them a house in Atlanta, so how can they move to L.A.? 

Scene 7:  Sister trying on wedding dresses with Ty's boyfriend Cole and her gal pal, Mim Tinkelpaugh (and I thought Digby got bullied a lot!).  

Gal Pal Mim is trying to get with Ty.  Sister explains that he's...um...seeing someone, har har.

Mom comes in to complain about Cousin Renee (Aidan Langford) doing something weird "with her bridesmaid's dress."  Sister explains that they have come out as nonbinary, and prefer the name Ren.  Mom huffs: "More LGBT XYZ nonsense!  You give me one week with her, and I'll straighten her out!"

More after the break.

"The Bondsman": Kevin Bacon fights demons, sings country-western music, trunks Tater. With Kevin's d*ck and Will Robinson's muscles

A bail bond service will pay your bail, so you can stay out of jail while awaiting your trial.  If you don't show up, the service loses that money, so they hire a bail bondsman to track you down.  Regulations differ from state to state, but generally bail bondsmen cannot carry guns, enter property without permission, or use force to arrest the bail jumper.

But not this Bondsman, played by Kevin Bacon in the new paranormal drama on Amazon Prime.

Link to the d*cks and muscles

Left: Kevin being spanked in 1979

Scene 1: Night.  A pick-up truck drives down a desolate highway in rural Georgia and stops at the Holiday Hotel -- the kind where the rooms open right onto the parking spots, where you used to stay before the Holiday Inns took over. 

Left: Kevin about to get sliced and diced in 1980

The Bondsman looks at a photo of his target, - wraps his gun belt around his waist (nice crotch shot) -- and bangs on the hotel room door.  

The guy inside yells for him to "F*ck off," so he he puts a hornet's nest in the air conditioning duct, and when the guy rushes out, nabs him.  

But he's not the target, he's Billy Earle (Daniel Norris), who's supposed to be in prison. 

The tip was a fake, to lure him to the hotel!  Billy's brother appears out of nowhere and shoots the Bondsman across the parking lot, then slits his throat.  He dies a very bloody death.  Wait -- if it was a set up, why did Billy hide out inside the hotel room?  Shouldn't he be waiting to ambush the Bondsman the moment he gets out of his car?

Scene 2: The extremely dead Bondsman comes back to life, interred behind the dry wall in a hotel room.  He pushes through and examines the gaping hole in his neck.   Better start wearing ascots, buddy.

Tater (Mike Kaye) comes in, talking on the phone about how hardcore the Earle Brothers are, and his parents are starting to charge him rent.  He screams; the Bondsman knocks him to the ground.

He explains that the Earle Brothers hired him to burn down the hotel for the insurance money, but he didn't know there was an undead body inside.  

The Bondsman handcuffs him, shoves him in the trunk of his car, covers his neck hole with duct tape, and drives away.

Scene 3: The Bondsman driving recklessly down a two-lane highway.  I guess if you're dead, it doesn't matter.   He arrives at Halloran Bail Bonds, located in a gas station in Landry, "a fictional town brimming with cases of demonic possession"

Phone message: He' s joined the Pot o'Gold Corporate Family.  Pot o'Gold is the title of the episode, so it must be important.

Leaving the whimpering Tater in the trunk, the Bondsman goes to the bathroom and checks his neck hole -- it's healed.  

Scene 3: He rushes over to the house across the street and tells his Mama that he needs to find the Earle Brothers right away -- "Ugh, what's he doing here?" It's Pastor Ron (Dave Macomber), who kicked Mama out of the church.  She can come back, if the Bondsman stops detaining skips during the services.  Are there a lot of bail jumpers who go to Sunday services in Landry?

Mama: The Earle Brothers got out of jail; their bail was posted by Lucky Callahan, who is dating the Bondsman's ex-wife.  Mama hates the "damn Yankee"; she won't have her grandson raised by a Boston Red Socks fan!   So Lucky posted the Earle Brothers' bail and hired them to kill the Bondsman just so he wouldn't get back together with his ex?  That's a big grudge.

Scene 4: Dang it, let Tater out of that trunk!    The Bondsman forges Lucky's name on an arrest warrant.  Another robocall from Pot o"Gold!  He unplugs his phone, but they are calling all of his cell phones, too.

Next the Bondsman puts some murder and body-disposal tools in the trunk with Tater and drives to a nightclub, The Boxcar ("Hog Roast Hoe Down Next Week!").   Lucky's car is outside: "Boston Red Sox Fans."  

The joint is huge on the inside.  Ex-Wife Maryanne (Jennifer Nettles) is singing "When Will I Be Loved," by Linda Ronstadt:

I've been cheated, been mistreated.  When will I be loved?

I've been put down, I've been pushed 'round. When will I be loved?

She sings the entire song -- the high point of the episode.

Suddenly Hub spots Red Sox Fan Lucky, and follows him through the kitchen, past the line cook (Brandon Alston, left) into the back:

More after the break

"Country Comfort": Is seeing Ricardo Hurtado, Eddie Cibrian, and Eric Balfour worth the pain?

 

Ricardo Hurtado, best known for starring in Nickelodeon's School of Rock, has a perfect combination of face and physique.  I would definitely be asking him out -- if we were both single and he didn't include Bible verses on his Instagram.  Quoting the Bible doesn't necessarily mean that he hates gay people, but I'm not risking it.    

He hasn't had many tv or movie roles recently, so if I want to see him perform as an adult, it will have to be GlichTechs, Malibu Rescue: The Next Wave, or Country Comfort.

We'll start off with Country Comfort, which must mean something like "cold comfort." (something that is supposed to encourage you, but actually makes you feel worse).

Link to NSFW version.

Scene 1:  A rainy night in a small town.  We pan past a church (see, we're religious) to a middle class house.  

There's a knock on the door.  Tuck (Ricardo!) answers: it's Bailey (Katherine McPhee), a young woman with black hair wearing a black cowboy hat.  He gawks at her gorgeousness and says "Looks like they sent the right woman to do the job."  Did he call for a prostitute?

Bailey thinks she has been mistaken for a prostitute, and starts to bolt, but Tuck explains that he thought she was from the nanny agency. (He makes gross sexual come-ons to all of his nannies?  And why does he need a nanny at age 21?)

No, she's not a nanny.  Her truck broke down, her phone died, and she wants to use theirs.  But Tuck is so horny for her that he trots out his siblings for introductions: two little girls, 12-year old Dylan, and Brody (Jamie Martin Mann, left).  Wait -- he's 17 (20 now), and way too old for a nanny.  

While all three of the boys gaze at Bailey with unbrindled lust, Tuck explain that their mom died two years ago, and they've gone through 10 nannies since (do  they get tired of the sleazy come-ons and quit?)   

But Baily likes their sleazy come-ons: "You think I'm hot?  You have no idea how much that means to me!"  Two of those boys are jail bait, lady. 

Finally Dad, a middle-aged cowboy, arrives, accompanied by his blond bimbette child-hating girlfriend Summer.   (wait -- if they didn't need a babysitter while Dad was out, why do they need a nanny?  To, like, restore their joie de vivre, like Fran Fine and Charles in Charge?).  He's Beau (Eddie Cibrian, who played lots of lifeguards and teen hunks back in the day).

Beau asks: "Why are you so early for your nanny interview?" (Wait -- he's just getting back from a date, so it must be after 10 pm.  Why did they schedule an interview in the middle of the night?  Oh, right, the sex...)

Then: "If you're not the new nanny, what are you doing here?" Baily explains:

Scene 2:  Flashback to earlier that evening.  Bailey and her boyfriend Boone (Eric Balfour) are singing at a honky tonk, with a record producer listening.  We hear her entire song: "Dream baby got me dreaming sweet dreams the whole day long."  Ugh!  That's terrible!. And are they supposed to stare at each other instead of the audience through the whole song?

The record producer hates it, naturally. So Boone replaces Bailey with a boobalicious bimbette (yeah, that will fix those atrocious lyrics), and Bailey angrily breaks up with him.  Since they live together, she has no place to stay (um...a friend's house?  A hotel?  Let her stay there until she finds a place?).  She starts driving aimlessly.  Then her truck conks out right outside the home of a family that needs a nanny.  Well, it worked for Fran Fine.

Boone is played by Eric Balfour (left), who played many hunkoids back in the day.

Scene 3: Dad offers to call Bailey an Uber (to take her where?  She's driving aimlessly, remember?).  At that moment there's a tornado alarm, so everyone rushes to the basement.   Beau jokes about the last nine nannies being buried there (whoa, creepy! If I was Baily, I'd take my chances with the tornado.)  But Bailey is too overwhelmed by the love and togetherness of this family to be scared.  

Hey, there are musical instruments in the basement.  Could the family be...coincidence of coincidence -- country-western singers?   

Yep -- they join her for an impromptu song: "When Will I Be Loved."  The kids know all the words to a song that last charted in 1975?

One of the girls -- Cassidy -- gets upset because her mom was a singer, and this is bringing up old memories.  Beau tells her to get over herself.  Great parenting, Beau -- why not let the girl be sad?

Now Tuck is upset -- since their Mom died they haven't been allowed to touch their instruments.  Why not?  This family gets more and more screwed up.  Fortunately, Bailey has come to the rescue. 

Scene 4: Cassidy runs out into the storm.  Bailey follows her into the barn and apologizes for the "singin'" (of course it's singin', not singing).  I fast-forward through their heart-to heart, which no doubt solves the psychological trauma that no therapist has been able to handle.  And no doubt Mom will never be mentioned again.

Scene 5: Morning.  I fast-forward through this scene, too.  Obviously Bailey will agree to become the nanny, get the Partridge Family band back together, and start dating Beau.  And the ex-boyfriend will be around in some capacity.

Beefcake: Probably.

Gay Characters: Are you kidding?

Teens Out of a 1980s Sex Comedy: 2

Creepy Lines: 7

Absurd Coincidences: Too many to count.

Bible Verse that Ricardo Quotes; Hebrews 11:12: "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Is seeing Ricardo Hurtado worth the pain of Country Comfort?: Heck, no.

There are some frontal and rear photos of Eric Balfour and a bulge shot of Eddie Cibrian on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends

Hometown Holiday: A Gay Subtext Where You Least Expect It

 Hometown Holiday (2018) is advertised on Netflix with two guys gazing shyly at each other.  The plot synopsis tells me that it's based on a Harlequin romance, and a turnaround of the usual Christmas romcom plot: instead of a driven Big City woman finding love with a small-town guy, it's a driven Big City guy finding love with a small town woman.  

But maybe the two guys gazing shyly at each other form a homoromantic subplot.  And according to IMDB, one of the stars is....ulp...Joseph Cannata.  

Excuse me, I need a moment,

IMDB Photos reveals more intel.  The two guys gazing shyly are Kevin McGarry and Bradley Hamilton.  Kiroh Peterkin gets married to Rebecca Lamarch.  There are two sisters.  I'm completely confused. I'll have to go through a scene-by-scene to determine if there's a gay subplot or subtext.

Scene 1:  Winter in the country. Frosty, snow covered roads.  A Hunky Singer named Wes Gently  (Kevin McGarry, left, but with longer hair and a cowboy scruff) is practicing a song about lost love and "time to try again."  Holy foreshadowing, Batman!  His kid records him. Must be a dead wife back there somewhere.

Scene 2: New Year's Eve.  An elegant party full of beautiful people.  Racial diversity.  No gay couples that I can see. .  Two sisters, Blond and Brunette, complain that the holidays are almost over (I usually say Thank God!). They've both just broken up with boyfriends -- too boring, too old (31!), and they're running a business, Forever Flowers. 

Scene 3: Labor Day.  A lot of closeups of flowers, and an aerial shot of Los Angeles. Driven Agent (Bradley Hamilton, left) walks into a glass-and-steel building and watches Hunky Singer from Scene 1 on his computer.  Turns out that he was just an ordinary rancher singing a song to his dead wife, when his kid recorded him and uploaded the  video to the internet, and it became a smash hit.  Driven Agent is going to offer him "the full deal": records, endorsements, talk shows.  Based on one song?

So the guys gazing are Driven Agent and Hunky Singer

Wes Gently happens to live in the same (unnamed) town as Driven Agent's pregnant sister, so he'll combine a visit with a contract offer.

So the guys gazing are Driven Agent from the Big City and small-town Hunky Singer.  But if they find love with each other, who will the sisters hook up with?

Scene 4: The iconic small town.  While Blonde sits on the porch, Brunette throws out her lying, good-for-nothing, cheating airplane pilot boyfriend -- a shirtless Joseph Cannata!  Sigh!

Ok, that's all the Big City guys for Brunette!  They're all lying, cheating scumbags.  Only small town guys from here on!  So she's getting Driven Agent from the Big City -- no, wait, that's her brother. 

 .  Meanwhile, Blonde sings the Wes Gently song she heard on the internet.  "I like that song," she explains.  "Are you sure you don't like the guy?"  So she's getting Hunky Singer. Who's Drven Agent going to get?  And who is the woman  marrying Kiroh Peterkin?

Scene 5:  The sisters arranging the flowers for a country wedding held in a barn.  Closeups of wheat fields and cows as Driven Agent approaches the Small Town.  He greets Brunette and her husband Darryl (Stephen Huszar, sigh).  "I've come to visit my wonderful sister and her perfect husband."

Darryl grins at him.  Are they sharing a moment?

They invite him to a wedding -- he doesn't know the bride or the groom, but who cares?  Hunky Singer will be there. This clears up the mystery of Kiroh Peterkin -- he's the groom in the wedding they all go to.

"But you can't wear a suit to a country wedding," Darryl says.  "Here, come up to the bedroom, and you can borrow my second-cleanest lumberjack shirt."  They don't take their shirts off on camera, but still, it's a homoerotic moment.

Driven Agent's girlfriend calls.  Ok, he's got a girlfriend back home, so he doesn't get anybody.

No need to continue the scene by scene.  I'll just go through on fast-forward to see if there are any gay subtexts amid the heterosexual shenanigans.

Minute 17: Driven  Agent approaches Hunky Singer about the contract.  He's not interested.  Shucks, he'd have to leave his small town and move to the...shudder...Big City!   A girl comes up and flirts with Driven Agent.  I guess he'll hook up after all.

Minute 40:  Driven Agent has to pretend to be small-town for some reason, so Darryl gives him some tips: take off your hat when you enter a house, say "yes ma'am," and never complain about anything except Big Cities.  He tests him with the job of chopping wood, and says "You're starting to grow on me."  Another homoerotic moment!

They go into the Christmas party.  Darryl touches Driven Agent's chest and puts his arm around him. But you're married to his sister!  Drama!

Who Hooks Up with Whom: Hunky Singer gets Blonde (and signs the contract).  Driven Agent gets Brunette (wait -- that's his pregnant sister.  Another brunette woman lookalike must have appeared out of nowhere).  He decides to stay in the country with her...and his actual sisters..and Darryl.  A subtext where you least expect it.  

The Hager Twins: Picking and Grinning

What can you say about twin brothers who grew up in Chicago but claimed to be cowboys?

Who were discovered working at Disneyland, and signed on by "pickin' and grinnin'" Buck Owens to 16 years of the hayseed "family values" variety show Hee-Haw (1969-1985).  Yet posed nude (and coyly hidden) in Playgirl in 1973?

(But not to worry; fully clothed, their tight cowboy jeans left nothing to the imagination.)

Who released singles like "Gotta Get to Oklahoma (Cause California's Getting to Me)" and an album entitled Motherhood, Apple Pie, and the Flag,  yet had a fast-paced, self-deprecating comedy routine, like a country-western Sonny and Cher?  In glittery, rhinestone-enlaced costumes, like country-western Liberaces?

Who sang mournful songs about cheating girlfriends and absent wives, but never married and were never seen with women?  They lived close together through all of their lives (except for a 3 1/2 year separation), and died eight months apart in 2008 and 2009.

Not many gay kids looked to Hee-Haw for role models.  But maybe they should have.

In addition to Hee-Haw, Jim and Jon starred in the tv movie Twin Detectives (1976), about twin detectives, and on a 1978 episode of The Bionic Woman, as evil twin clones from another planet.

The handsome, photogenic duo spent the last twenty years of their lives appearing at county fairs, nostalgia events, and the annual Twins Day Festival in Twinsburg, Ohio.  Singing, riffing, and signing autographs for their thousands of devoted fans.

Hank Williams: A Dynasty of Homophobia

Hank Williams (1923-1953) was an Alabama boy who suffered from poverty, heartbreak, physical injury, alcoholism, all of the woes that fuel the ballads, meanwhile writing mournful songs that formed the genre.  Some are recognizable even to people who hate country-western music:

"Lovesick Blues"
"Why Don't You Love Me Anymore"
"Lonesome Whistle"
"Hey, Goodlookin'"
"Honky-Tonk Blues"
"I'll Never Get Out of this World Alive"

He was a lifelong Republican who proclaimed it an "honor" to support President Eisenhower.  We don't know about his attitude toward gay people, but one can probably assume that he didn't cotton to them much.

Here's a photo that seems to show him nude.

He died of a heart attack on January 1, 1953, at the age of 29, leaving a son.

Hank Williams Jr. (born 1949) began his career by covering his dad's songs, but soon struck out on his own, blending country with blues and rock.  More experimental, he has not had quite the impact of Hank Sr., but he has won some accolades for songs like:

"Born to Boogie"
"My Name is Bocephus"
"Ain't Misbehavin'"
"All My Rowdy Friends are Coming Over Tonight"

A lifelong Republican, his extremist views have caused controversy.  He has called President Obama "the Enemy," compared him to Hitler, and claimed that he's "a Muslim who hates America and loves gays."

Naturally he hates "queer guitar pickers," proclaiming homophobia as an American tradition.

Hank Williams III (born 1972) does country-western, capitalizing on his uncanny resemblance to his grandfather, but he is primarily interested in punk and heavy metal.  He is principal vocalist for the punk band Assjack, and he has also performed with the punk-metal groups Arson Anthem and Superjoint Ritual.

His albums have won some acclaim, too:
Straight to Hell
Thrown Out of the Bar
Rebel Within

As crazy...um, I mean conservative...as his dad, he disapproves of liberal actor Tom Hiddleston (top photo) playing the original Hank Williams in a biopic, and includes the line that he "don't want no faggot looking at him" in his anthem "Dick in Dixie."

Well, here he is.  Take a look.

But at least his sister Holly, Hank Jr's daughter, is a gay ally who loves her lesbian following.

 "Growing up, my best friend was gay," she tells Nashville Pride.  "He was invited to all of my slumber parties."

Hear that, Hanks?  There was one of them in your house!

The uncensored photo of Hank Sr. is on Tales of West Hollywood.