When I first met Fred the Ministerial Student during my sophomore year at Augustana College, I tried to determine if he was gay by examining his bookcases for books by gay authors -- I only knew about Tennessee Williams, Oscar Wilde, and Shakespeare. I didn't find anything.
In the open, anyway.
One day a few months after we began dating, Fred asked me to get something from his bedroom closet, and I found a secret bookshelf, facing away from view, so even if the door was ajar, you wouldn't know what was there.
Curious, I pulled a book out. Familiar Faces: Hidden Lives: The Story of Homosexual Men in America Today, by Howard Brown.
I had never seen a nonfiction book about gay people.
"There are a few others," Fred told me. "I have almost all of the nonfiction, I think. Of course, it has to be hidden."
"I've never seen a gay book in a bookstore."
"Not likely. They wouldn't stock any -- it's illegal to put them out on the shelves -- and besides, who would walk up to the counter and try to buy one?" "It's all by mail. You don't have to give them your name, just a money order and post office box."

1. Familiar Faces, Hidden Lives.
2. Greek Homosexuality
3. The Homosexual Matrix
4. Is the Homosexual My Neighbor?: Another Christian View
5. Jonathan Loved David: Homosexuality in Biblical Times
6. Iolaus, An Anthology of Friendship, by early gay activist Edward Carpenter
7. A slim hardback, On Being Different: What it Means to be a Homosexual, by Merle Miller.
(Fred was actually mistaken; there were about 30 nonfiction books about gay people in print in the U.S. in 1980.)
The only author I recognized was Merle Miller. My English and journalism teachers were always praising him:
Born right next door to Rock Island, in Marshalltown, Iowa, a graduate of the University of Iowa, and now look at him! A famous journalist, novelist, and historian, biographer of presidents!
Read his books for a model of good writing.
Novels like The Winter, Island 49, and The Sure Thing.
His book on the television industry, Only You, Dick Darling (1964).
They didn't mention, or they didn't know, that in in January 1971, Merle Miller came out in an article in The New York Times Magazine: "What It Means to Be a Homosexual."
It was a response to Jacob Epstein, who wrote in the September 1970 issue of Harper's that "If I had the power to do so, I would wish homosexuality off the face of the Earth. I would do so because I think it brings infinitely more pain than pleasure to those who are forced to live with it..and because, wholly selfishly, I find myself completely incapable of coming to terms with it."
In What it Means, a two-person play that premiered at Wilton's Music Hall in London in 2023, Miller (Richard Cant) speaks directly to the audience about "the importance of standing up for what you believe in andd taking a courageous step onto the platform that is offered to you."
The Boy from Pittsburgh (Cayvan Coates) isn't so sure. Coming out was not a major risk for the wealthy, famous Merle Miller. He could just retreat to his summer home in upstate New York. For the Boy, coming out could lead to rejection by his family, homelessness, assault, murder. In London or Pocatello. In 1971 or in 2022.
Cayvan kissing his boyfriend in Alfie's Island. The first male-male kiss on American television was in 2003. It's still extremely rare.
When Merle Miller died in 1986, the New York Times refused to mention his partner of 22 years, David W. Elliott (who, paradoxically, wrote a novel entitled Listen to the Silence, which is not about being gay).
And especially Plain Speaking: An Oral Biography of Harry S. Truman (1973).
They didn't mention, or they didn't know, that in in January 1971, Merle Miller came out in an article in The New York Times Magazine: "What It Means to Be a Homosexual."
It was a response to Jacob Epstein, who wrote in the September 1970 issue of Harper's that "If I had the power to do so, I would wish homosexuality off the face of the Earth. I would do so because I think it brings infinitely more pain than pleasure to those who are forced to live with it..and because, wholly selfishly, I find myself completely incapable of coming to terms with it."
Merle Miller responded, “I am sick and tired of reading and hearing such goddamn demeaning, degrading bullshit about me and my friends." Being homosexual" caused pain only because of bigots like Epstein.
His rebuttal received 2000 responses (back when you had to write physical letters), many positive, and was reprinted, with an afterward, in On Being Different, the slim hardbound volume that I found on Fred's hidden bookshelf. It was republished again in 2012, with a foreward by conservative gay columnist Dan Savage.
His rebuttal received 2000 responses (back when you had to write physical letters), many positive, and was reprinted, with an afterward, in On Being Different, the slim hardbound volume that I found on Fred's hidden bookshelf. It was republished again in 2012, with a foreward by conservative gay columnist Dan Savage.
More after the break
In What it Means, a two-person play that premiered at Wilton's Music Hall in London in 2023, Miller (Richard Cant) speaks directly to the audience about "the importance of standing up for what you believe in andd taking a courageous step onto the platform that is offered to you."
The Boy from Pittsburgh (Cayvan Coates) isn't so sure. Coming out was not a major risk for the wealthy, famous Merle Miller. He could just retreat to his summer home in upstate New York. For the Boy, coming out could lead to rejection by his family, homelessness, assault, murder. In London or Pocatello. In 1971 or in 2022.
But the other option is to stay invisible, negated daily by the cloud of heteronormativity. How many times, researching an actor, have I heard that "he's every woman's fantasy," or that his beefcake photos were posted "for the ladies"? How many times, researching a movie, have I heard that it's about "every boy's discovery of girls"? In my own life, I'm asked if I have a girlfriend, or to rate the attractiveness of a passing woman, almost every day.
Cayvan kissing his boyfriend in Alfie's Island. The first male-male kiss on American television was in 2003. It's still extremely rare.
When Merle Miller died in 1986, the New York Times refused to mention his partner of 22 years, David W. Elliott (who, paradoxically, wrote a novel entitled Listen to the Silence, which is not about being gay).
See also: My First Visit to an Adult Bookstore
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