Eddie Ramos: Teen chimera with a boyfriend, gay cage fighter, probably-gay artist, DMV short guy. With his backside and c*ck, of course.

  

Link to the n*de photos

In DMV Episode 1.10 (2026), Department of Motor Vehicles employee Colette is upset because she's not part of the Hot Gurlz Friend List that her coworker Ceci maintains.  She spends the day making inept attempts at sexual double entendres, but it doesn't convince Ceci to let her join.  

Finally she sees the electrician Miguel (Eddie Ramos) standing on a ladder to repair something: Ceci's favorite cousin, and the family's "pride and joy."  After a brief conversation, MIguel asks Colette out.  She agrees: this could get her a place on the Hot Gurlz list.

Uh-oh, when Miguel descends the ladder, he turns out to be short -- 5'7".  A massive turn-on for me, but for some reason Colette is no longer attracted to him.  But she has to go through with the date to ensure her place on Ceci's list.

After seeking the advice of DMV weirdo Vic (Tony Cavalero), she decides to trick Miguel into refusing future dates, so it won't be her fault and she can stay on the list.   Sitcom complications follow, but I was busy researching Eddie Ramos. 

Eddie grew up in Queens, received a BFA from Syracuse University in 2013, and participated in the ABC Diversity Showcase in 2014. Diversity because he's Hispanic, because he's gay, or both?

The good news: Of his 29 acting credits listed on the IMDB, at least three are gay roles.

On a 2015 episode of Teen Wolf.  high schooler Corey (Michael Johnston) tells the gang that his new boyfiend Lucas (Eddie) suddenly turned into a chimera-werewolf-scorpion hybrid and stung him.  This turns him into a chimera, too.  The evil Lucas then goes to a gay club, picks up Mason (Khylin Rhambo), and tries to sting him.  But the good guys arrive, and he is killed in the ensuing fight.  Not to worry Corey and Mason start dating, and stay together through the two seasons.

The short B*tch, Please (2016) doesn't have a plot synopsis online, but presumably it's about gay guys throwing shade.

Incorporated (2016-17) stars Sean Teale as a "little guy" trying to take down an evil corporation in 2074.  Eddie plays Theo, a gay street kid turned cage fighter who becomes his ally.. He starts dating Anthony (Matt Landry, left).

Plus he appeared in six episodes of the gay-friendly Animal Kingdom (2018-19) as Tupi, a straight gang member who gets killed while n*ked.

More after the break

Stranded on the Isle of Dogs, and Other Hassles, Horrors, and Hookups of My First Visit to England

 

Link to the n*de dudes

Sorry if you love London, or call it home.  I'm not a big fan, in spite of the architectural marvels and fascinating history.  I always get lost.  It's cold.  The streets are all dirty.  Everyone is rude all the time;  I've never seen anyone in London ever smile.  And the food's not great.

In 1993, my partner Lane was a delegate to the World Congress of GLBT Jews, to be held in London!  He invited me along as his guest.

This isn't him.  I have lots of pictures, but no n*des.  But he was (and still is) a husky, hairy bear with nice arms, like this guy.

I had been to France, Spain, Germany, and the Netherlands, and Lane spent a year in Israel, but for some reason neither of us had ever been to Britain before.  So we planned lots of sightseeing: The Tower of London, the Sherlock Holmes Museum, Stonehenge, The Rude Man of Cerne Abbas, Canterbury Cathedral.  Not to mention the Gay Village of Soho.

Customs

The problems started the moment I arrived.  At customs I was questioned extensively about my reasons for coming to Britain, who I was staying with, did I know anyone here, and again, why did I come here???  He wouldn't believe that I was a tourist.  No one ever came to Britain as a tourist.  It was a tiny, backwater country with absolutely no sites of historical or artistic interest!  I must be planning something criminal.

I still wonder why he was so suspicious.  Do I have the same name as a terrorist?  Was it my leather jacket?  

The Isle of Dogs

If you were planning a World Congress with delegates from all over the world, most of whom have never been to Britain before, wouldn't you pick a hotel that was centrally located?

Nope: The Royal Britannia Hotel was on the Isle of Dogs, an industrial sleugh on the East End of London, surrounded by the Thames on three sides.  No pubs, no shops, nothing but block after block of dark industrial buildings.  

And no subway.  You could catch a bus into town -- about six miles to the Tower of London -- but it stopped at different places, depending on the whim of the driver, anywhere between six and twelve blocks from the hotel.

So you were standing at a bus stop, and it would drive past you and stop two blocks away.

On Thursday and Friday, while Lane was busy with meetings, I chased after a bus getting into town, visited the Tower, the British Museum, the Sherlock Holmes Museum -- and Clapham Common, because I took the wrong metro and ended up in the far south.  

Saturday was Shabbat, so no meetings were scheduled.  Lane and I returned to London to visit Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, a science fiction bookstore, and  a gay sauna (for a gay conference, there was very little hooking up).  

We missed the last bus, so we had to take a taxi back to the hotel.

On Sunday the buses didn't run, so another taxi into London, where we found almost everything closed, and a taxi back (straining our resources).  

The Gay Jewish Conference

I didn't realize that by signing on as a guest, not a delegate, I was forbidden to go to any of the meetings, or any of the dinners.  

On Thursday night, there was an evening boat tour of the Thames, with box dinner provided.  Except for guests.  I stole one to avoid starving to death.

On Saturday night, they held a dance for conference delegates -- no one else, not even the partners.  I spent the night watching television -- the "Crazy Americans" hour, with four episodes of a tv sitcom that I never heard of (and don't recall the title of; it takes place in an office, but in one episode they're on a life boat for some reason).

On Sunday night they had a dinner -- for delegates only.  I'd have to make do with the hotel restaurant.  Whoops, it was closed on Sundays.  I would have starved to death again, but someone with a car drove into town and brought me (and the other guests) some fish and chips.

Is this any way to run a gay Jewish conference?

At least Lane brought a hookup back from the dance (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

It gets better after the break.  Sort of.

Pilot Bunch: Unbreakable boyfriend, zombie boyfriend, teen Jesus manager. With n*de dudes from New Orleans and Hawaii

Link to the n*de dudes

I may have met Pilot Bunch, who played the best friend of the teenage Jesus on The Righteous Gemstones, at a Halloween party a few years ago.

Today he looks very much like my niece before she began transitioning. And, coincidentally, their boyfriends look similar, too.

Pilot was born in Kazakhstan, but grew up in Atlanta, where he graduated from the Woodward Academy in 2025.   His first acting role was in The Lion King, performed at his elementary school.  He got an agent at age 11, and began appearing on tv at age 14.  To date he has twelve on-screen credits  listed on the IMDB, including:

Four episodes of Drama Club (2021), a Nickelodeon mockumentary about a middle school drama club recruitng a football player (Chase Vacnin).  Sounds like "High School Musical."

Pilot plays Colin, the chem-class lab partner of focus character Mack (a girl).  In an interview in TresA, he says that he loved the character: "witty, sarcastic, and always messing with Curtis (Reyn Doi).  Reyn Doi usually plays gay characters, so we can assume that Colin is gay-subtext or gay-vague.

In 2021, Pilot played Vincent, a resident of the Alexandria Safe Zone, in  the post-apocalyptic Walking Dead.  "A reckless, immature bully," he and his friends play "chicken" with a child zombie (Augustus Morgan, son of Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who plays antagonist Negan).  He says that the role was fun because he got to hang out with Augustus in his zombie makeup. 

He also has roles on The Wonder Years, 115 Grains, The Hill, and Red One, and some theater, including Shenandoah.  He plays Robert, who is kidnapped by Union soldiers during the Civil War (right, with Caleb Baumann as Gabriel)  Robert isn't dead; Gabriel is his best friend, not an angel.

More after the break

Drake Bell: A lot has happened since "Drake and Josh," including some gay videos

   

Link to the n*de photos

    

You probably remember Drake Bell from Drake and Josh (2004-2007), the Nickelodeon teencom about mismatched stepbrothers, with Drake the schemer ("let's break into the school and stack all the desks upside down") and Josh (Josh Peck) the stick-in-the-mud ("but we have to study for our math test").   It was loaded down with gay subtexts, including an nearly-out gay couple, Craig and Eric.  (Dudes even hold hands during a crisis).

You may have gone to his first post-Drake movie, College (2008), where he and his three friends head for a "college weekend" (a weekend of fun activities to convince high schoolers to apply).  Theirs involves nonstop shenanigans, all intensely heteronormative. At least Drake is taped to a statue of the founder with his backside exposed to the world. I think it's supposed to be humiliating.

You may have watched A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner (2011), to see how Nickelodeon would handle the gay-subtext classic.  They flubbed it.  Timmy is absurdly girl-crazy 

And then you probably relegated Drake to nostalgic memories, not paying a lot of attention to what he's been doing for the last few years.

I checked.  Brace yourself.  It's a lot.

More Fairly Oddparents movies.

A lot of stuff with former coster Josh Peck 

A lot of voice work, especially Spider-Man in various cartoons, even Phineas and Ferb, and a video game.

An Elf named Snowflake

Ben the Wizard in Bad Kids of Crestview Academy

The reality series Splash, where celebrities dive for charity.

The paranormal series Silverwood

Damian in American Satan

A career in music, with six studio albums, eighteen singles, twelve music videos, and sold-out concerts.  Some songs in Spanish that top the Mexican charts. 

Drake's personal life after the break.  Warning: it gets rocky.  

Gemstones Episode 4.2: Baby Billy's d*ck, BJ's pole, Kelvin's pipe, and the Clobber Verses

Link to the NSFW version

Title: "You Hurled Me Into the Depths, Into the Very Heart of the Sea." Jonah 2.3: Jonah is in the belly of the great fish, praying for deliverance (not a whale -- there are no whales in the Mediterranean Sea).

Gemstone Roll Call: A gold-and-purple Baby Billy announces Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin in angel costumes.  The rest of the family joins them on stage for the Aimee-Leigh Birthday Give-A-Thon (in case you're interested, she was born on September 21, 1955).   Keefe does a high kick.  

The siblings appear in jetpacks, and rise up over the stage, but things go wrong and they crash.  Fortunately, it's just a rehearsal.

Baby Billy's D*ck:  In the dressing room, the siblings want to cut the jetpack bit, but Baby Billy insists: this is too important. So he's in charge now? And where the heck is Eli?   Somewhere in Florida. He won't answer their phone calls. 

Baby Billy then drops his trousers to flop his d*ck around: "This is what a real man looks like.  I booked all these people to the Give-a-Thon, so Eli has to be there!"   Fans were complaining that the stunt guy had no balls.  Who's looking for balls?

Eli Hooks Up:  Somewhere in Florida (actually the Keys), a grotesque long-haired Eli awakens on his boat, Nice Mussels, and cooks eggs for the lady he entertained last night.  She wants more of his "thick breakfast sausage" instead, but he explains that he is not ready for a relationship.  He's still trying to figure out what he wants.  Dude, you're 73.  Better hurry.  Besides, "I don't like you."  

She rushes off, but Eli struts down the dock, smoking a cigar, cruising the ladies.  Easter Egg: he has a cap from Adams College, a call-back to "Revenge of the Nerds"

Uh-oh, it's the siblings, for some reason dressed in their Cape and Pistol society costumes.  Judy has an unexplained bandaged hand.  They yell at Eli for drinking too much, and when they find a bra, hooking up with ladies.  "Am I supposed to be in mourning all my life?"  "Yes!"  They had the same argument with him in Season 2, when Junior arranged for a hookup with a lady.

He refuses to go to the telethon.  The siblings annoy him by saying "p*ssy" over and over, and making the tongue-through-fingers gesture, until he consents.  How does Kelvin know about that?

Time to set up the sibling conflicts for the season:

BJ's Pole:  BJ (not pictured) is in a pole dancing class otherwise occupied entirely by women (the casting call asked for men, too, but I guess none showed up).  Judy disapproves of him spending so much time aroiund hot ladies, or having any life outside of her, but he explains that the "physical rigor and slightly taboo nature of pole dancing" has keyed into his obsessive nature, like pickleball in Season 3 and skating in Season 2. BJ's story arc always involves trying to become his own person, distinct from Judy.

It turns out that pole dancing is a competitive sport, with men and women participants.

Living Loud and Proud: Kelvin and Keefe in glittering green hold their all-inclusive Bible study in a glittering green hall.  Applause by a drag queen, a butch lesbian, a couple of gay guys.  Kelvin explains that Prism, "where diversity sparkles," involves "looking at the Bible in a different light."  They talk all around it, but they don't say "gay."  I'm concerned. 

They see the Bible differently from "older, lamer generations."  They omit the yucky stuff and concentrate on the good stuff, with the Kelvin Gemstone Edition Bibles.  So they're censoring the text?  You're not allowed to do that. Why not discuss the contemporary scholarly consensus that the Five Clobber Verses have nothing to do with contemporary LGBTQ identities:

1. The story of Sodom: their sin was being inhospitable to strangers, not being gay.

2. "Thou shalt not lie with man as with woman": A reference to temple prostitution.  Anyhow, the next passage says that eating shrimp is an abomination, too.

3. "Men, leaving the natural use of women, burned with l*ust."  It's a story about l*ust, not a condemnation of gay relationships.

4. "Strange flesh."  Dating angels.

5. "Homosexuals," a mistranslation of arsenokoitai and malakoi: slang swear words like motherf*ker, not meant to be taken literally

Back home, Keefe helps Kelvin de-flamboyant himself by taking off his shirt and rings.  Kelvin is happy that he can finally "be myself and be worshipped for it," and their success is something that he can "throw in Jesse and Judy's faces."  I liked you better when you were buying d*ildos, buddy.

Left: a cute devil plushy on Keefe's side of the bed.

Keefe wants to be more open, like "kissing more in public," or maybe..... getting married?   Keefe's story arc always has him trying to push a resistant Kelvin to the next stage in their relationship. Doubtless there'll be a Kelvin/Keefe wedding in Episode 4.8.

Kelvin is alarmed by the idea of marriage. Maybe if you did it right, on one knee, with a ring?  

Being more open would hurt the ministry.   What about Sigfried and Roy? "They were lickin' each other's d*cks just like you and me do, but they didn't...put in the pipe with each other in front of the audience."  He wants to kiss you on stage, not put his pipe in  you.  It's not the same thing.

Siegfried and Roy performed magic acts with a white tiger in Las Vegas from 1967 to 2003.  They never  denied that they were romantic partners, but they never actually came out either.  When Roy died of COVID in 2020, Siegfried announced that "I have lost my best friend."

To assuage Keefe's hurt feelings, Kelvin becomes "the kissy monster."  Annoyed, Keefe complains that he doesn't have time for the kissy monster right now, but Kelvin chases him across the room.  He starts climbing, presumably onto the bed. Dude, he said no, and that "kissy monster" shtick is not at all sexy.

More after the break

Nick Vardakas: Adult toy guy, lucky f*king dude, Atari spirit, Dillon's boyfriend, IT major. A lot of n*de pics, but is he gay?

 

Link to the n*de dudes

 In Righteous Gemstones Episode 3.1, Kelvin and Keefe start a Smut Buster project with the teens, buying up adult toys (so adults can't get them?).  Nick is shown examining a toy that gay men are particularly fond of.

In Episode 3.3, Nick is one of the teens making anti-smut signs as Kelvin invites Keefe to Cousin's Night, and in Episode 3.4, he appears at the Parents-Teens United Party where Keefe is outed.

His father is Nick Arapoglou, who later confronts Kelvin about the "rumors swirling around" (after confiscating the toy from his son's room?).

Our Nick grew up in Charleston and attended Wando High School in Mount Pleasant, where the Gemstone Salvation Center is located (in fiction).  He appeared in Way Off Broadway and Dracula: A Radio Play, and participated in Army Junior ROTC and the swim team.  

He also posted a video of a school film project where he tries to get the courage to talk to a cute boy.

Wait -- talk to a cute boy?

Nick's social media up to that point consists entirely of buddies -- no girls except his mother.  No mention of a senior prom.

No girls at his graduation party in June 2021.  

Those are some interesting femme rings, buddy, and did you get your hair frosted?

But he's interested in mechanics and ROTC.  He and his buds visit a Porsche Museum.  These aren't the typical gay guy's interest.

Nick's first professional acting job, on The Righteous Gemstones, came while he was a student at Triton Technical College in North Charleston.  He also started a career in modeling (in case you are wondering, 6'0", waist 32", shoe size 12"). 

He received a certificate in cyber security in 2023, and transferred to the College of Charleston, where as of this writing he is majoring in IT.  His "About Me" page says that he has experience in acting, mechanics, cooking, IT, and customer service, and speaks English, Spanish, and Italian. Not Greek? Vardakas is a Greek name.

And three more acting credits:

In Lucky F*king Kid (2024), an ad for Lucky Energy Drink shown "on all social media," Nick plays a 23-year old "no money loser" who is paid to deliver a "totally unpaid testimonial."

The Hitchhiker (2024) was written and directed by Ben Beauchamp and Timons Flower (who directed  Spider-Man: The Dark Age with Jak Kristowski) and stars Gemstone alum Dillon Brady as the Hitchhiker.  Nick plays his boyfriend or victim (it's hard to tell from the trailer).

More after the break

Jonah Beckett: Sean Hayes' godson does bottom stuff, faints, s*cks, gets n*ked. And that's just on tv. WIth Trevor d*ck and Milo backside

 

Link to the n*de photos

When I was looking for gay actors in Rooster, the MAX comedy with Steve Carell as a trashy novelist roped into becoming Writer in Residence at an elite private college, I identified Jonah Beckett.  He gives his pronouns (he/him), which seems to be an LGBTQ identifier, and he says that he is the godson of gay actor Sean Hayes of Will and Grace.  No doubt he means the comedic godson.

Besides, he's cute.

In Rooster Episode 1.2, creative writing student Eva states that she writes about "real life," by which she means "(censored)...(censored)...(censored)...Eli!"

She is addressing Eli (Jonah), who has just come in late.  "Hey, do you want to (have stuff done to your bottom)?"

"I have asthma!" he exclaims, embarrassed.  How would that disqualify you?

"Well, bring your nebulizer."  He glares at her and takes a seat.

Later, the trashy novelist attacks his former son-in-law while he is being interviewed live on the BBC.  Eva, watching in bed on her laptop, starts laughing, and invites Eli to watch.  He's lying n*de beside her.  Apparently he did want stuff done to his bottom.

It was a hetero act, of course, but if he likes bottom stuff, who's to say he doesn't like it with guys?   I'll identify him as bi.  

I'll profile Jonah with the standard three questions:

#1: Any (other) LGBTQ Roles?

He has five acting credits listed on the IMDB:

A 2012 episode of the sketch comedy series Sketchy.

The short S*ck Hard (2022): After she is dumped, a girl prepares to return a box of her ex boyfriend's stuff, with the help of her three friends, two girls and a boy (Jonah).  Presumably he's gay.

A 2025 episode of The S*x Lives of College Girls.  In a subplot, extremely femme college student Norman (Jonah) keeps complaining to Resident Advisor Bela that the guy in the next dorm room changes the "chore wheel" to "chode wheel" and plays his music too loud. The offender doesn't hear her knocking because he's wearing an Oculus headset -- in his underwear.

He is not mentioned by name, but I've narrowed him down to Danny Max, Derek Chatwick, or Trevor Tordjman (left, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

In a 2025 episode of St. Denis Medical.  , college student Kyle (Jonah) collapsed during a frisbee game.  Doctors Serena and Matt (Mekki Leeper, left) test him for everything, then discover that he faints every time he sees his crush, Jeff (Jeremiah Brown).  "Well, tell him how you feel," they advise.  

He was just shy? 

At least two gay roles on screen.  Let's check Jonah's theatrical work.

More after the break

"The Carol Burnett Show": Some 1970s beefcake and gay subtexts amid the boring dinosaur songs.

Variety shows, combining comedy sketches and songs,  are out of style now -- only Saturday Night Live survives -- but in the 1960s and 1970s, they were all the rage.  At least among the adults.  In 1970, they could watch twelve hours of variety per week, with hosts Leslie Uggams, Dean Martin, Carol Burnett, Red Skelton, Glen Campbell (left),  Jim Nabors (who was gay but not ouht), Tom Jones, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, and Andy Williams.

Kids and teenagers hated variety. Passionately. They were always on opposite something good.  If your parents forced you to watch The Jim Nabors Hour, you had to miss That Girl. If you were forced to watch The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour, you had to miss The Mod Squad.

And the shows were horrible.  Slow songs from dinosaur times!  Comedy sketches about characters popular on radio a thousand years ago!  Bathetic closing numbers involving sad clowns or cleaning ladies!

I usually managed to get out of watching variety shows by claiming homework, or when my brother and I got our own tv set, watching something else -- anything else.  But for some reason I saw a lot of The Carol Burnett Show (1967-78).  Carol, who got her start in the Broadway musical Once Upon a Mattress, played a charwoman, a ditzy secretary, Queen Elizabeth, and Vickie Lawrence's sister.  She and her comedy troupe parodied soap operas ("As the Stomach Turned") and classic movies ("Went with the Wind").  

I had no idea what they were parodying.

Famous guest stars like Rock Hudson, Tony Randall (left),  Sid Caesar, and Robert Goulet played parodies of themselves or sang.  I remember Tony singing "Have some Madeira, M'Dear," about a creep trying to get a girl drunk so he can take advantage of her.  

That was comedy in the 1970s.

There were only three reasons to watch:

I liked three things about the show:

1.  Co-host Lyle Waggoner, a former male model who appeared n*dee in Playgirl.  He played the leading-men and hunks in comedy sketches.  Unfortunately, because they were comedy, he never appeared n*de or even shirtless on the show.

More after the break

The Face of Pure Evil at Denkmann Elementary School

 Link to the n*de photos ( subjects over 18)

This is the Face of Pure Evil
 

And the House Where Evil Dwells.

When I was a kid, it was painted grey, and that attic window had bars on it.

I lived on 41st Street, the the north side of Denkmann Elementary School  My boyfriend Bill lived two blocks north, by 18th Avenue -- a busy street that I was not allowed to cross.

To the east was Darry's house (we hadn't met yet), and eventually  Country Style Ice Cream.

To the south was Dewey's Candy Store, Gary's house, and  eventually the Nazarene Church.

To the west was Schneider's Drug Store, where you could buy comic books. 

But we never took the direct route to Schneider's.  We walked all the way up to 18th Avenue and around to the back, to avoid The Maniac and his house.

There were lots of Mean Boys at Denkmann who would steal your lunch money, call you names, or pound you for infractions of the rules of grade school behavior. Like Dick, who hung out by Dewey's Candy Store and pounded you for being a "girl."  Or Mark, who hung out by the south door, and challenged smaller boys to fight him.  But The Maniac was by far the worst.

Most bullies choose one or two victims to torment; everyone else is safe.  But the Maniac was indiscriminate, targeting everyone except girls and bigger boys.  He interpreted the most innocent statement or gesture, even standing too close to him, even looking at him, as an insult that must be redressed: "Now we have to fight!"

If you refused, he attacked on the spot, or if you were inside the school, ambushed you on the way home.

If you agreed to fight, you met your doom later, on the west side of the school yard, a desolate space of dead trees and yellow grass across the street from his house.

Snarling like a rabid dog, The Maniac punched and kicked you everywhere, in the face, the chest, the belly, the balls.  When you collapsed, bloody and sobbing, he poured dirt on you, spat in your face, and moved on.

When you tried to tell teachers, they simply said "No one likes a tattle-tale."

When you tried to tell parents, they  simply said "You have to learn to fight your own battles."

The only escape was to avoid the Maniac: don't sit near him in the cafeteria, don't stand near him at recess, run home as fast as you could after school, and at all costs stay away from the House of Evil.  Don't go anywhere near 40th Street.

But one day during the summer after third grade,  I was stupid.  Mom asked me to return a cake-decorating kit that she borrowed from the Old Lady Schoolteachers for some PTA event.  They lived on 40th Street, two houses south of the House of Evil.

 I should have walked all the way around Denkmann School, but it was hot, Cartoon Showboat was coming on soon, and besides, the Maniac might not even be home.  So I cut diagonally across the parking lot and the schoolyard and came to 40th Street exactly parallel to the Old Lady Schoolteachers' house.

I peered at the House of Evil -- it looked deserted -- took a deep breath, and crossed the street.  I was in the yard -- almost up to the screen porch.  Almost safe.

"Hey, Fairy!"

The Maniac!  He must have been lurking in the shadows, waiting for a victim to appear!  And now he was standing right next to me, fists clenched, a snake ready to strike....

The full story, including what happened to the Maniac, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends 

See also:  Oliver!, the Boy with Soft Hands

The Boy on the Prospect List

How to Eat Fried Worms: They Tease You Because They Like You. With gay subtexts and Luke Benward grown up

Finn Kaifur: Icelandic college student studies ballet, takes a polar plunge, shows his stuff. With bonus Pete White and n*de model Shaun Ross  Mentions bullying

Björn Mosten: His "Love and Anarchy" n*de hugeness made him a star, but he's also played a gay boarding school bully and Oddgeir's buddy.

Gemstones Episode 4.1: Elijah scoundrels, Winston dies, and Kelvin screams. With Bradley's bottom and Jackson's junk

Link to the n* de dudes

The Righteous Gemstones Season 3 finale was a perfect ending to an imperfect series.  But fans wanted more, so:

Title: "Prelude."  This is not really an episode of The Righteous Gemstones at all.  It's a full theatrical movie starring Bradley Cooper, who you know as Ben in Wet Hot American Summer and Rocket  Raccoon in Guardians of the Galaxy.  So I'll do a scene-by-scene.

Scene 1: A small country church in Virginia, 1862.  Pastor Adam Grieves (Josh McDermitt) preaches and takes an offering.  After the service, rogue Elijah Gemstone (Bradley Cooper) shoots him and steals the offering money and his gold-plated Bible (this will be important later).

Uh-oh, before he can escape, Confederate troops arrive at the church and, mistaking him for the pastor, announce that he's been drafted to be chaplain for their division, heading to Fredericksburg.  It pays $50 per month ($2000 in today's dollars), plus room and board.

Overjoyed, Elijah asks for a moment to gather his things.  He changes clothes with Pastor Grieves, bashes his face in so no one will recognize him, and writes a note: "This is the body of a crook who tried to rob me.  He was handsome.  His name was Elijah Gemstone."   He was handsome?  Got yourself some same-sex desire going on, buddy?

Scene 2: A battle, with lots of Confederate soldiers being killed. Their grim faces flash by.  A boy gets his leg blown off.  600,000 soldiers died, plus about 1,000,000 civilians. 6% of the young adult men from the North, and 18% from the South

Captain Cane (Jim Cummings) approaches Elijah with the rumor that he was gambling and drinking with the guys last night, inappropriate behavior for a Man of God.  He denies it, and further threatens the Captain with hellfire for spreading rumors. Does this remind you of Jesse's s*x-and-drugs party from Season 1?

Scene 3: Elijah is called to pray with the boy who got his leg blown off (Alex Saxon).  He is dying and afraid, but Elijah just pretends to pray.  

Cut to night, with Elijah is drinking and gambling with the guys.

Scene 4: Time to preach the Sunday sermon.  Elijah can't do it, so he just says "God doesn't expect us to be perfect.  We make mistakes, but we're trying to be good, and that's good enough."  In Baptist theology, you don't need to try: once you are saved, you are incapable of committing new sins. But Elijah doesn't know that.

Cut to more drinking and gambling, followed by trying to avoid praying with another dying soldier, Winston (Jackson Kelly).  This one is worried that he won't go to heaven, because he's killed people, but Elijah assures him that God has made an exception on his "Thou shalt not kill" policy for soldiers who are forced to fight. 

Left: More Jackson

Scene 5: Elijah and the soldiers bathing in the river (blurry d*ck shot).  Afterwards Ned Rollins (Kimball Farley) announces that he recognizes Elijah from before the War. "It took me awhile, but I saw the way you shuffle the deck of cards, with your pinkie out like a woman."  So Elijah has some femme/gay characteristics? Does he remind you of Kelvin?

His cover blown, Elijah attacks, but Ned just wants to partner with him: Major McFall (James Landry Hebert) is coming to camp tomorrow.  He's starting a card game, and he is loaded.  They could take him.

Left: I couldn't find any shirtless photos of James Landry Hebert, but he plays a lot of cowboys, so...

Cut to the card game.  They take him.  Then, worried that he will say something, Elijah kills Ned and stuffs his body in one of the coffins. And now he's Judy

More after the break