Dec 16, 2017

12 Current and Future Beefcake Stars of "Freaks and Geeks"

Freaks and Geeks (1999-2000) was a high school comedy-drama created by Paul Feig and Judd Apatow.  Although it won a lot of critical acclaim and regularly appears on "best tv" lists, it couldn't find an audience -- an hour long comedy that kept switching time slots, competing with Veronica's Closet, Ally McBeal, and Everybody Loves Raymond, then dumped to Saturday night?  18 episodes were produced, but only 12 were aired.  All 18 are now streaming on Netflix.

I find it derivative of 1980s high school nerd movies, complete with sneering bullies, sadistic teachers, and The Girl walking across the room in slow motion while every guy in the class stares at her in rapture.  Hetero-horniness is endemic; gay people do not exist.

And I have a lot of nit-picks:
1. It's Michigan, but always warm and sunny, even in winter.
2. Characters are introduced, then vanish, never to be seen or mentioned again.
3. The fundamentalist Christian girl crosses herself -- only Catholics do that.
4. And her church holds a dance -- fundamentalist Christians do not dance.
5. The time frames make no sense.  They go trick-or-treating for hours in broad daylight.  Lindsay goes to dinner at the Mean Girl's house, hours of plot time pass, and she goes home -- where her family is just sitting down to dinner.  Do they eat at 9:00 pm?

Still, the characters have an endearing quality, the 1980s references give me a nostalgic glow, and there is ample beefcake.

Here are the top 12 beefcake highlights:

The Freaks: a group of slackers and stoners (although they never mention pot).

1. Teddy bear Ken (Seth Rogen)













2. James Dean wannabe Danny (James Franco)













3. Aspiring musician Nick (Jason Segel).

If these three sound familiar, it's because they've been starring in each others' movies for 17 years.

Plus Mean Girl Kim (Busy Phillips) and focus character Lindsay Weir (Linda Cardellini)







The Geeks: a group of underdeveloped, non-athletic Star Wars fans:

4. Tall, thin, laconic Bill (Martin Starr).  He's still tall, thin, and laconic.














5. Jewish stereotype Neal (Samm Levine).  The hottest of the cast, then and now.

















6. Prepubescent focus character Sam (John Francis Daley) was 18 at the time, although he could easily pass for 14.  He's grown up a lot since.










More after the break.





Other Students: Bullies, jocks, or miscellaneous colleagues who don't belong to a clique:

7. Alan (Chauncey Leopardi), the bully who antagonizes the Geeks, although, as they point out, they're walking home in a group of friends, and he's all alone.















8. Eli (Ben Foster), a special ed student.

















9. Jock Todd (Riley Smith).











Adults: the creepy guidance counselor, various parents, teachers, and near-peers.

10. Hunky coach Ben (Thomas F. Wilson).









11. Howie (Jason Schwartzman), who sells the Freaks bad ids.  The second-hottest cast member, then, not at all attractive now.











12. After the jaw-dropping gorgeousness of Jason Schwartzman, no one else can measure up.  But Kevin Tighe as Nick's martinet "You're joining the army!" Dad comes close.










1 comment:

  1. To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ...No, wait, sorry, wrong thing. What I meant to say is:

    To be fair, it's not like people in California ever visit Michigan. They think the whole Midwest is the Footloose town, mostly.

    ReplyDelete

No comments that use abusive or vulgar language or point out that a character is Not Wearing a Sign.

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