Life is Still Unfair: "Malcolm in the Middle" returns, with a super-jerky Malcolm, a n*de Hal, and a nonbinary sibling. Plus Francis and Alex d*cks

 

Link to the n*de dudes

Malcolm in the Middle (2000-2006) starred Frankie Muniz as Malcolm, the genius son in a struggling, working-class family with four boys.  I watched mainly because it was inserted into the must-see Sunday night lineup on Fox: Futurama, King of the Hill, The Simpsons, Malcolm in the Middle, Family Guy, American Dad. 

 I don't remember many of Malcolm's plotlines, but I liked the delinquent older brother Francis (Christopher Masterson) in military school amid hunky gay-subtext dormmates, then moving to Alaska with his...um...best buddy.

Christopher c*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

And middle brother Reese (Justin Berfield), who had so many queer codes that I expected a coming-out episode -- until the spineless writers lost their nerve and gave him a girlfriend. 

20 years have passed, and three of the four brothers (plus their parents, buddies, marital partners, and kids) are back in a four-part miniseries on Hulu.

Scene 1: Suited 40-year old Malcolm tells a reporter that his company does tech stuff to hook up grocery store chains with food banks, so their unsold merchandise goes to people who need it.  Then, addressing the audience, he brags that he is rich, successful, and infinitely happy. And he did it all by cutting off his family. 

I'm not happy about the "Looking at me, I'm so much better than you!"  And your family was not abusive. Cutting them off is cold.

Scene 2: At the house, Mom Lois is shaving Dad Hal's back hair, while he stands n*de  in front of a laptop, face timing with youngest son Dewey. We're supposed to find this disgusting, but Hal has a perfectly presentable physique for a 70 year old (butt after the break).

Dewey (now played by Caleb Ellsworth-Clark) is performing before King Carl Gustaf of Sweden.  And he brags about his numerous girlfriends. Was the original series this annoyingly heterosexist?

Did you remember that Hal and Lois had a fifth child in a late-series "Why not have a wacky birth?" plot arc?   I didn't, but, but here they are: the young adult Kelly (Vaughan Murrae), who is nonbinary.  

Hal makes a big show of not understanding their pronouns: "We're going shopping.  Does them want to come?"   But Kelly fights back: "Him can't come with we. Us have homework."

In other news, Lois and Hal's big anniversary party is coming up.

Scene 3: On the way home, Malcolm continues to brag about how cutting off his family changed his life: "I don't act like a sociopath.  I'm less angry, more mature. But whenever I'm around them, I revert."  Montage of Malcolm yelling at a family dinner, at a funeral, when his brother criticizes him for bragging about his car.  Now he lives far away, and avoids holiday visits, but a stream of phone calls and emails makes them think that he still cares.

Cut to Hal and Lois at a big box store, looking for a ruby garland.   Craig (David Anthony Higgins), who used to be Lois's boss with a crush on her, pops up to explain why he's no longer working at the drug store.

Suddenly Hal and his old musical group perform an a capella love song -- right in the aisle!    Well, not a love song, precisely: "Your bedroom activity takes me to paradise..."

 I remember that group vaguely -- he's the only white member, but he feels left out because the other guys are more successful.  Didn't they also prank Lois's racist mother?

Musical group member Alex Morris d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Lois is embarrassed by the "romantic gesture."  Could they do something likes, for a change?  

Scene 4:  Back to Malcolm.  He introduces his daughter Leah, "a trophy I won for attending my first kegger in college Her mother left three days after giving birth.  I'm a single father, but I'm good at it!"

Cut to Leah crying in her room.  She addresses the camera, explaining that she doesn't cry all the time. She usually does depressed apathy or rage.

Malcolm wants to know what's wrong: she's isolated at school, with no friends, and Mean Girls prank her. 

"Don't worry, it will get better once you go away to college and cut me off."

Mom Lois calls, insisting that they come to the anniversary party. This is her third text, so Malcolm has to strategize, explaining why he didn't answer the others in a way that makes it look like he cares.

More after the break

Caspian Diament: With a name like Caspian, can we expect Narnia? Or at least some gay roles? With n*de Dylan and Danish dudes

  

Link to the n*de photos

I wanted to profile Caspian Diament (not Diamant)  because of his unusual, rather scary eyes, and his odd name -- was he named after the Caspian Sea, which would make him Russian, or maybe Persian? 

No, he's American, born in Los Angeles, son of Debra Diament, former lead singer for The Januaries.  She is of Danish ancestry.

Ok, then, Prince Caspian in the Chronicles of Narnia?  

Caspian was born in 2006, and began acting in 2012, with roles in Faerie Tales and Dragons, Toy Shop, and Peter Pan, a lot of print ads (for "straight" jeans, har har), and some tv commercials.  

 He begins his on-screen career in 2013, playing  a variety of kids.  According to the demo reels on his resume:

Scared of a monster in the closet

An obnoxious gamer kid

Responding to a friend who has killed someone.

A supportive friend offering comfort

A touching father-son moment

Angrily confronting his parents

And a confident young prince in a school play.

He doesn't mention which of his 13 IMDB credits correspond to each performance, but I surmise that the Confident Young Prince  is from an episode This is Us (2016-22), about the problems of three adult siblings.  Tess, the daughter of Randall (Sterling J. Brown, left), is cast a Snow White in the school play.  She is black. The white parents laugh, leading to a discussion of racism. 

Later the teenage Tess comes out as gay, and starts dating the nonbinary Alex.

A lesbian co-star?  Caspian is gay-adjacent, anyway.

As far as I can tell, Caspian's movie and tv characters have all been hetero or hetero-by-default.  Plus I found an annoying heterosexist reference: "Chicks dig me."  His Mom responds "That's what I've been saying since you were born."  When he was born, how did you even know that he liked chicks, lady?

But there are also gay references. In 2018, Caspian posts a video of his hip-hop class, with the taglines "Cute Boy.  Gay.  Artist."

Gay hiphop artist Milan Christopher, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

More after the break

Robert Rhodes: The visual difference hasn't kept him from playing a dragonrider, a cultist, and a thug. Or from finding a boyfriend (or two).

 

Link to the not fully clothed photos

In House of the Dragon, the Game of Thrones prequel, the crowning of King Aegon II (Tom Glynn-Carney) has led to civil war in the Medieval fantasy world of Westeros, and several dragons left without masters. In Episode 2.7  (2024), a group of Dragonseeds is  ordered to try to claim them.   

Silver Denys (Robert Rhodes) volunteers to go first, but as he reaches out to touch Vermithor the Bronze Fury, it breathes fire on him. Most of the other dragonseeds are likewise demolished. Finally a blacksmith named Hugh managed to trick the dragon into obedience.

Silver Denys was on screen for only about a minute, and had no lines, but he became the subject of extensive fan debate.  Was he brave or foolhardy?  Some fans also criticized his appearance: the stage makeup was amateurish, not realistic, grotesque, an obvious symbol of his parentage, and so on.  Others stepped up to "defend" him: it's his real appearance, he's  "d*formed."

Robert called them out: "Call it a scar or a difference. The word d*formed isn't very pleasant and insinuates I am half formed/incorrectly formed.  I'm not incorrect, just a bit different."

For a long time, Robert responded to the stares with anger, but now, if he's not tired from telling the story 1,000 times a day, he'll say "Is there anything you want to ask about?"  

The story: he was born with a congenital melanocytic nevis -- a birthmark that covered half his face.  Doctors worried that it would become cancerous, so he spent his childhood in and out of hospitals, undergoing tissue expansions and skin grafts.  He had his last surgery at age 17.

When he was in high school, Robert realized that he was gay, and worried that he'd be doubly stigmatized when he tried to make connections.  Would he ever be able to find a partner? Was he going to live as an perpetual outsider among his own people?

Then he auditioned for Hairspray -- and won the part of Link Larkin, the hunky heartthrob  (played by Zac Efron in 2007 and Garrett Clayton in 2016).   That's when he decided to become an actor, to have people look at him for his hotness and acting talent, not for his scar.

After high school Robert attended the Mountview Academy of Theatre Arts in South London, where he received a B.A. in Performance in 2018.  He started filling up a resume with acting roles:

Commercials for Enterprise  and Kandar 

The lead in the music videos Heroist (left)  and God for a Day 

Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame 

Bill Sykes in The Invitation 

It was a little harder to break into on-screen acting.  Robert is an ambassador for Changing Faces UK, which combats the stigma around people with visible difference.  Especially in mass media, where they are portrayed as "shy, broken, desperate" outcasts, or more commonly as villains:

Kylo Ren in the Star Wars universe

Tony Montana in Scarface   

Scar in The Lion King

The Joker.

So he tries to find roles where his visual difference is irrelevant to the character.

 His first  professional acting role was in a tv adaption of the Agatha Christie novel Why Didn't They Ask Evans? (2022).  Will Poulter plays as a golfer who stumbles upon an injured man. His last words are "Why didn't they ask Evans?" I don't know what Robert's character does.

More after the break

Freddie from ICarly Finally Shows Us His Chest

Remember Freddie, the nerdish video engineer on Nickelodeon's ICarly (2007-12)?  It had some rather homophobic scenes, including a queer-coded Big Bad, but at least Carly and Sam had a gay subtext relationship, big brother Stuart was obviously bisexual, and Freddie was cute.

Then actor Nathan Kress started to bulk up.

Fans waited patiently for some shirtless shots, if not on the show, then on Instagram, Facebook, Myspace, Snapchat...anywhere?  On the beach?  Demonstrating your workout?  Taking a selfie?

Nothing.  Nathan never even wore a sleeveless shirt.

Did he think muscles were incongruous with Freddie's nerd image?  Or as a fundamentalist Christian, was he worried about his body sparking lustful thoughts in teenage fans?

Who knows?  Physique aficionados eventually gave up on him, and moved on to guys who weren't so stingy with muscle displays.

Well, it's been six years since ICarly ended,  and Nathan is 26 years old, still buffed, still fundamentalist, only now with a beard, wife, and kid (I mean an actual beard).

He's done guest shots on other Nickelodeon shows, some voice work, some directing, and some acting.  His major projects include disaster (Into the Storm), horror (Tell Me How I Die), something about teen dancers (Breaking Brooklyn),  and a web comedy about an Apocalypse that didn't happen (Alive in Denver).

His new show, RadioActive Dads, will premiere on July 24th.

He's still shy about displaying his physique, but there are two shirtless shots amid the hundreds on his Instagram site.  Both taken at the same time.

Here he seems to be saying, "Ok, fine, here I am with my shirt off.  Happy?"













Not really.  I mean, you're hot and all, but was it worth all the secrecy? What's the big deal? Everybody has a chest.

See also:

Nathan Kress, Freddie from ICarly, grown up. Is he still homophobic? Is he still shy about showing his d*ck?

ICarly

The Top 16 Short Guys from My Collection, from Ryan Pinkston to Gerran Howell, with d*cks, backsides, and exceptional gorgeousness

  I like them short, the shorter the better.  My boyfriend in West Hollywood was 5'4", and my current partner is 5'3".  If you're pushing toward 6'0", I'm not really interested.  So I've compiled quite a collection of short guy profiles.  Here are the top 16, some old favorites, some new discoveries.

Link to the n*de photos

1. Ryan Pinkston: Hottest of the Short Guy Brigade, martial artist, gigolo, gay cop. With some costar d*cks

2. Jason Marsden (left): Second hottest of the Short Guy Brigade, Steve Smith, Max Goof, and Robin. With Marsden d*cks

3. Joe Mande: The incredibly gorgeous Ben on "Modern Family" writes for tv shows that I don't like, shows his frontside but not his chest.

4.  Shayne Topp (left): Nickelodeon teen, Barry's buddy, bodybuilder, sketch comedian who pretends to be gay and have a massive d*ck. We'll see.

5. Travis Turner: Short Guy Brigade, gay subtexts, cutesy cartoons, Christmas romcoms, and hip-hop. With n*de photos and Drake Bell

6. Yani Xander (left): Headless ghost, Speechless body double, Telugu cop, hottest guy on the planet has a boyfriend and a tree-trunk

7. Matt Crabtree: Shy, quiet, stuttering Southern boy grows up to "Modern Family," "Will and Grace," one-man shows, and p*nises

8. Eddie Ramos: Teen chimera with a boyfriend, gay cage fighter, probably gay artist, DMV short guy. With his backside and c*ck, of course.

More after the break.  

Comic Books and D*cks at the Furniture Story. With Cousin Buster and bonus Desi guys

 Link to the n*de guys

 When I was a kid, we drove to northeastern Indiana to visit my parents' relatives at least twice a year.  I loved it: haunted houses, hidden rooms, long-ago ghosts, endless fields and country roads, magic, glamour, the rough cold beauty of my uncles going hunting, the sleek shivering beauty of my cousins in the swimming pool, the delight of cuddling against Cousin Buster as we fell asleep in his narrow bed in the Trailer in the Dark Woods.  A sense of almost mystical belonging.

But as I grew, the sense of belonging faded away.  I began to find the visits boring or uncomfortable,  the world of northeastern Indiana more and more alien.

It wasn't just that I couldn't go home again.  What really hurt was, I didn't want to go back.

All tied up with that world was Harvey Comics  -- the ghosts, witches, devils, and other paranormal beings in the bucolic Arcadia of the Enchanted Forest.

You couldn't get them in Rock Island.  I had only the few that my Indiana relatives gave me, and memories of reading as many as possible in Cousin Buster's room while spending the night.

It never occurred to me for an instant that the stories were supposed to be funny.  I found them deadly serious.  Casper, Spooky, Wendy, and Hot Stuff fight space aliens, mad scientists, evil wizards, save their friends or the whole world countless times.

But really, the stories were irrelevant: it was the comics themselves, the physical books that I could hold in my hands and remember what Indiana used to mean.

One day when I was about ten years old, I asked Cousin Buster where he got his collection of Harvey Comics.  Were there stores with huge racks of them on open display?

"I get them at the Walgreens."

"We have Schneider's Drug Store in Rock Island, but all it has are Gold Key and superheroes.  Anyplace else?"

"Whenever I go to a movie, I check the comic books at Manuel's Newsstand next door."  

"No newsstands in Rock Island.  Where else?"

He thought for a moment, and then said "The furniture store."

"Furniture? Like davenports and dining room tables and junk?"

"They have comic books, too."

It didn't seem logical, but Cousin Buster was two years older than me, and not a Nazarene, so he knew about all sorts of "worldly" things that I was kept from.  

"When I was a little kid, I didn't know that you could actually buy furniture," I told him.  "I thought it came with the house.  How could a store be big enough to display it?  What car could big enough to carry it home?"

"It comes in a big truck."

I started to fume.  Of course I knew that now.  Did he think I was a baby?

"And the guys who unload it -- they take their shirts off," he said in a low conspiratorial voice.

I was shocked.  Where did Cousin Buster get the idea that I liked looking at guys with their shirts off?  Only my boyfriend Bill knew about that.  It was shameful, a sissy thing, just for girls.    

I had to deflect, restore my masculinity.   Maybe with wieners?  Everybody liked looking at them.  Cousin Buster and I once climbed up into the loft in the barn to peek down at my uncle as he "cleaned his gun." 

"Do they take their pants off, too," I asked, "So you can see their wieners?"

He shrugged.  "Sometimes, if they're big enough."

So I could get Harvey comic books and see some wieners at the same time?

But how to convince Mom and Dad to take me to a furniture store? I couldn't say that I wanted to buy comic books there.  Or see n*ked men.

I had to talk them into buying a piece of furniture.

A new bed!

"I'm getting too big to sleep in the same bed with Kenny," I told them.  "I have a later bedtime, so every time I go to bed, I wake him up.  And he kicks!"

"Maybe you're right," Mom said.  "Boys your age shouldn't sleep together.  We'll go pick out two twin beds for you on Saturday."

Uh-oh.  Mom and Dad never took us shopping, except to buy new school clothes every August.  They left us with the neighbors, or one went shopping and the other stayed home.  But I had to actually go to the furniture store to get my comics and see the n*ked men!

"No!  We want to pick them out!  Me and Kenny.  To see..um....if it's cool enough."



I spent the week imagining the furniture store, with its racks of Harvey Comics, Casper, Spooky, Hot Stuff, Ghostland, Devil Kids, Witch World, an endless array of intriguing, brightly-colored covers and evocative stories.

I didn't spend any of my 25 cent allowance all week, and there'd be another 25 cents on Saturday morning.  Plus I found a dime on the floor, and I borrowed 50 cents from Bill for a total of $1.10.  I'd be broke for nearly a month, but I could buy 9 comic books!

On Saturday after breakfast we drove to a place called Carson Piri Scott, in Moline.  I remembered their ads on tv.  It was huge warehouse like structure with entire living rooms set up, like a hundred houses all crammed together.

"The beds are on the second floor," Mom said, steering us toward the escalator.

"Wait -- um...." Where were the comic books? The huge display case must be against an outer wall.  "Um....I have to go to the bathroom."

"Ok.  Do you want Dad to take you?"

"No, I see where it is.  I'll be up in a minute."

The full story, with n*de photos, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

"Sunny Nights": Will Forte sells tanning spray. With a lesbian sister, some gay gansters, Aussie backsides, and Vincent Rodriguez III in his underwear

Link to the n*de dudes

 I'm running low on tv series to review, so I went to Hulu and clicked on the first fictional series that popped up: Sunny Nights.  Wait -- how can nights be sunny?  We'll find out.

Scene 1: Dawn in a horrible industrial area in Australia (I know because the logo says Screen Australia). A woman watering her lawn, two joggers.  An crocodile crosses a golf course and suddenly gets exploded into a bloody mess. 

Cut to a shirtless man (Will Forte of The Four Seasons) being rubbed by a woman wearing gloves, and telling the gathered men in suits that he works out; he just likes to rest between sets (no more than one minute, buddy).  His product can be used by anyone, anywhere, regardless of age, gender, or natural beauty: tanning goop!

One of the potential investors is about to make an offer, when the hotel manager rushes up: he's using a hotel for his demonstration without getting permission, and he and his assistant Vickie are not guests. 

They are forced out, and the potential investors reject them. 

Hey, they're not romantic partners, they're siblings.  That means the brother could be gay.  Plus sister Vickie is played by D'Arcy Carden, the bisexual actor from The Good Place.

Scene 2: Brother actually booked them into a horribly run-down, pink-brick hotel with outside doors: Sunny Nights.  As they squeak in, a ruffian knocks on a door above them.  No one answer, so he bursts in and beats on the male occupant.  

Now it's a house, not a hotel room, with a woman saying "Hello, Gorgeous" to a tanning booth.  Or are you the sister?  Why is your hotel room a huge apartment with many personalized decorations?

Back to the hotel room.  I'm getting whiplash from these split-second cuts.  The occupant (maybe Harry Greenwood of Charmed) recognizes the Ruffian from a sport: he had to drop out because he got his head injured.  Ths does not ingratiate the ruffian, who knocks him out -- but at least gives him a pillow

The Ruffian is played by Willie Mason, a former  soccer player for the Sydney Roosters with a long list of troubles, including assaulting another player, failed businesses, drunk driving, and urinating in public, though he didn't mind the widely-publicized crotch grab by a rival player.   This is his first acting role.

Down in the siblings' room, they discuss their back story. The brother's girlfriend or wife broke up with him, so he's come to Australia in a grand scheme to win her back.  Grrr...hetero identity established at Minute 6.  He calls and tells her that he happens to be in the country on business, so could they get together?

Scene 3: Meanwhile, the sister Vickie goes to the beauty convention, and tells her entire life story to the clerk.  It includes a "gorgeous but mean hula-hooper," so maybe she's a lesbian.  She doesn't like her booth -- too small, and right by the bathroom. So she spends all of their money for a bigger one.

Cut to dinner with the Brother and his ex.  She is suspicious: "So you quit your job, started a tanning company, and came to Australia to sell it -- as a purely business decision? Not to try to win me back?"

"Well, it may have crossed my mind as a side benefit of becoming wildly successful."  She explains why she left him (doesn't he already know?): the usual vague reason wives give when they are broken up just so they can get back together again.  

Scene 4: At the bar at the Beauty Convention, Brother wails that the attempt to win her back didn't work. That was your grant scheme?  Just dinner?  

Sister Vickie tells him to man up and start networking.   She acquires an A$750 bottle of wine and heads off to pretend that they're successful.  Susi, a tarted up woman at the bar, is impressed, and starts flirting with Brother.  She guesses right off that he's in tanning, because she goes to a lot of beauty conventions (then why is your makeup so hideous?).  

Brother gives his back story again (omitting the grand scheme to win back the ex)  Susi invites him to the wine bar down the street, but he refuses: big presentation tomorrow.  This devastates her: "Oh, God, I came on too strong!  I always do this!"  So Brother agrees.  Sneaky move, lady!  

Meanwhile, Sister Vickie is sharing her expensive bottle of wine with a tableful of attractive ladies.  You trying to get customers or find a hookup?

Scene 5: The wine bar interspliced with energetic bedroom activity, and the next morning, waking up in her fancy hotel room.  During pillow talk, he gets a text from the ex: she wants to try that reconciliation thing, tonight.  Uh-oh, torn between two girlfriends!

At breakfast, Susi admits that she filmed their s*xual encounter, so now Brother has to do what "he" says: the sleazy-looking Kash (Miritana Hughes), who wants A$10,000, or the video goes on the internet.  But the activity is legal.  Brother wasn't cheating.  Why should he care?  

He cares because if his ex-wife sees the video, she won't want to get back together.  Why not?  Did she expect him to not see anyone else for the rest of his life?

After they leave, Sister Vickie comes in to announce that she found a model for the presentation.  She wants to show him the n*de photos she took.  Wrong time, girl.

Scene 6: Family Fun Time, a deserted amusement park. Sleazy Kash is holding down a new guy while his goons play miniature golf at his mouth.  They miss, so Kash pulls out a tooth. The Ruffian appears and announces that he couldn't get the money from the Hotel Room Guy earlier, so he punched him and gave him two extra days.  Kash doesn't like this, and hits him in the head. He blacks out.

Scene 7: Brother and Sister Vickie in a bar.  The Model, wearing a bikini, approaches to show Vickie her stuff.  Brother is not impressed: she already has a tan, so how can they demonstrate a tanning product on her?   Nope, she's hot, and Vickie wants her...um...as an employee.  "She can model a darker shade."

Meanwhile, the Ruffian is examined by a mob physician.  Headaches, vision problems, mood swings, erectile dysfunction...before he can diagnose, Ruffian says "Just give me my pills."  

More after the break

Pablo Castelblanco: The OCD guy from "Happy's Place" beefcakes, plays gay, but closets his Insta. With Steve Howey and Pablo p*nis

  

Link to the n*de photos

I was running low on tv series to review, so I clicked on Happy's Place on Netflix, in spite of the annoyingly manipulative title.

Making your way through the world today takes everything you got

Taking a break from all your worries sure would mean a lot

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name...

Whoops, wrong sitcom. 

Sometimes it feels like a big ol' fight

To get through the day and sleep on through the night

You can't complain because no one's here to hear it

But here you'll surely find a place that will lift your spirits...

Happy's Place (2024-) currently airing on NBC, stars Reba McIntyre as a woman (not named Happy) who inherits a Tennessee bar from her father.  Her co-owner is a much younger half sister that she never knew about.

I watched Episode 1.7, "Ho-Ho Howey," because of guest star Steve Howey, who played Reba's son-in-law on her earlier series (Reba, 2001-07),  and has played gay characters (and shown his stuff) often in movies and on tv.

His stuff is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

I wasn't impressed.  An old-fashioned sitcom plotline with jokes requiring your familiarity with the earlier Reba.  It reminded me of the Saturday-night shows that the old folks used to watch while we were out at the clubs.  

And only one cute guy in the regular cast. 

  

Not Tokala Black Elk as the sardonic bartender.  The n*de photo on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends must be of a different Tokala Black Elk; the guy behind the bar was grizzled, gaunt, and craggy.

The cute guy was Steve (Pablo Castelblanco, top photo), the bar's full-time  accountant, shy, awkward, germaphobic, suffering from OCD.  Could I hope that he was gay?

To explore further, I watched Episode 1.17, "The Doctor is Out": Steve has improved so much, moving from a giant bottle to a small bottle of hand sanitizer, able to handle someone else's pencil, that he gives up therapy.  But then he starts using Reba as a substitute therapist, and reverts, rearranging the spices in the kitchen.

Steve  doesn't express any heteros*xual interest in either episode, nor is a girlfriend mentioned in the Seasons 1-2 episode synopses.  Could a character in a sitcom for old people, set in Knoxville, Tennessee, starring a lady who tells us to seek out God's help for our problems, be canonically gay?  

Reba is an outspoken gay ally, so maybe...

I read two interviews, one from just last month.  Pablo Castelblanco says only that Happy's Place is the best gig he's ever had, he hopes it runs for years, and in future episodes he would like to explore Steve's "love life." 

That's a little vague, buddy.  Do you expect him to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?  Which will the writers permit?

The articles also mention that Pablo is gay in real life.

Pablo Castelblanco, aka Pablo Esteban, grew up in Colombia, doing the usual school plays and watching Reba's earlier show.   His parents planned on him becoming an accountant, but he thought of engineering -- or acting. He studied at El Bosque University in Bogota and then the AMDA College of the Performing Arts in Los Angeles, where he appeared in Sálvese Quien Pueda, Yerma, Stage Door, Metamorphoses, and The Diary of Anna Frank.  

Pablo's first on-screen role was Tristan St. Pierre in a 2016 episode of Scream Queens: he writes lesbian fan fiction about the Chanels  (the It-Girls of the school), and is finally invited to join them, becoming the first male member.  According to the fan wiki, he is "homos*xual." 

A good start, buddy.

Then came some artsy shorts (Sedation, Admission, There's No Such Thing as a Dragon) and guest spots on some comedies (Dear White People, New Girl), and in 2022, a starring role on Alaska Daily: Hilary Swank plays a journalist seeking a "fresh start" in Anchorage after a career crash. She ends up investigating the murders of several Native women.  Philip Lewitski (left) played her photographer colleague Miles.

Pablo played another reporter, Gabriel Martin, aka Gabriel Tovar,  The show is no longer available on Hulu, and he's not mentioned in the plot synopses, so I can't tell if he is gay or not. 

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 4.7: Kelvin and Pontius have their nards threatened, Teenjus meets the Devil, and Jordanians show their junk

  

Link to the n*de photos.

Title: "For jealousy is the rage of a man," Proverbs 6:34, KJV.  

The full verse, NIV: "For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.  Husband? I think we're going for Cobb as the Big Bad.

Left and below: Michael Sayfou, who plays Ash, Pontius' friend (and Abraham's boyfriend in my fan fiction).

The plotlines in this episode are not thematically linked, so I'll separate them by character.

Cobb's Story

We open with the gaping mouth of an alligator!  Various hooks, tools, skins, and Lori's ex-husband Cobb practicing boxing on a mannequin labeled "Feel the Pain."  

Lori drives up and yells "Nope!  We're not doing this again!"  She yells at him for trying to scare off every man she gets involved with.  She's probably referring to the brick through the her window and the car set on fire, but you never know.

He tries flirting with her - "You can't stay away.  Must be my animal magnetism."  But she says next time she's calling the cops. Next time?  I'd be calling the moment it happened.

Later, Cobb puts on a show at the Gator Farm. He rings a bell to signal "dinner time" to his favorite gator, the huge, ornery Big Gus.  "Gators are territorial.  Invade their territory, they'll bite you."  Uh-oh, Eli is in the audience!  The connection to Eli and Lori is too easy.  It must be a misdirection.

Cut to Cobb bagging up a toy alligator in the gift shop.  Shouldn't he have someone working during the show?   Eli approaches and explains that Lori is with him now, so "no more trouble." 

Cobb lays into him, noting that Lori has been with a lot of men since the divorce, and she was doing "sick, nasty stuff" up in Pigeon Forge.  He hands Eli a newspaper ad for her escort service: "Adult companionship -- wealthy men.  Call, click, connect.  First half hour free."

Ok, this has to be fake.  Prostitution is illegal in the U.S., so she couldn't advertise openly.  Escorts usually work from a standard client list.  You would neveer specify "wealthy men."  And what does "first half hour free" mean?  You charge by the act, not by the hour.

Cut to lunch. Eli asks Lori about the escort business ad. She claims that it's fake: "Cobb made up those ads to try to smear me."  There's not much call for 65-year old hookers in Pigeon Forge.

Eli also ran a credit check.  "You're broke.  You declared bankruptcy last year."

This makes Lori angry.  Accusing her of being a "who re," and then of being a gold-digger!  "Aimee-Leigh used to tell me how much you care about money.  I thought she was exaggerating."  She throws some money on the table to pay for her lunch and walks out. 

Kelvin's Story

Keefe arrives at Kelvin's treehouse, but the rope ladders and platforms have been pulled up, so he can't get in. 

Kelvin: "This is what cowards do.  They hide in their forts."  In what way was the round table debacle cowardice?  

Keefe points out that everyone at Prism is worried about him, but Kelvin doesn't believe it: "They're not concerned.  They just realized that I am a failure."

Tonight is the final event in the Top Christ Following Man promotion: the Night of Testimonies. "Nope, not going.  Now go away."

Cut to Keefe morosely turning off the lights at the Prism Prayer Room and puting a sign up: "No Prism today.  Maybe tomorrow or maybe another day or something."

The Monkey's Story 

In the kitchen, the Monkey feeds BJ pretzels, gets him some water, and kisses him on the lips -- five or six times, yuck! -- while Judy fumes.   

Later, she is in her bathroom, primping in front of the mirror, when the Monkey starts flinging its treats at her.  Then it jimps onto her vanity and throws her makeup onto the floor.  She rushes out into the dining room to tell BJ what's happening -- he's cleaning the Monkey's butt.  Gross!  

BJ says that it's not a competition.  He loves both Judy and the Monkey.

Then he brings up Kelvin's round-table debacle: "Poor guy.  Vance Simkins is a self-righteous bigot and a homophobe."  Judy is angry with Kelvin due to his insults earlier, so she refuses the Monkey's suggestion that she visit and talk to him.

Vance's Story

At the Cape and Pistol Society, Vance gloats: "Getting rid of Kelvin gives me a clear path to victory (in the Top Christian Man Contest).  He was the only real competition."  Plus, he enjoys hurting Kelvin, because it hurts Jesse. 

But Jesse counters that he hates Kelvin due to his insults from earlier, so "it doesn't hurt me at all.  It strengthens me."

Vance continues, evoking the Night of Testimonies: "I'm going to ruthlessly dismantle Kelvin tonight."  The ensuing conversation is censored.  It's on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Gideon's Story

At the back entrance to the Salvation Center, Pontius and his friends, including Ash (Michael Sayfou) and Edge (Alexander Matoussian), are skateboarding and getting high on air duster spray. 

Jesse, Amber, and the kids arrive.  Jesse yells at him for disrespecting a sacred place, and Gideon agrees.  

Pontius: "What happened to you, man?  You used to be cool.  Now you're just like them -- a sellout."  

The conversation that follows is censored.  

He and his friends walk away jeering.  Jesse: "I hate Pontius so much!"

Cut to another of Gideon's inept Prayer Time powerpoint presentations, this one on "The Lord's Divine Power."   It looks like he proved that God exists and is eternal, and that Jesus made an expiatory sacrifice -- all in 40 minutes?  And the takeaway from all that complicated theology: "Love one another." 

He concludes: "You can stay or you can go, but it's over."  Agreed.

Afterwards Amber praises the clarity of his speaking voice, but Jesse found the sermon boring.  Too much crammed in.  Make it simple.

Next Amber asks about his feud with Pontius.  "I don't know.  I tried being nice to him for a long time, but now I sort of keep my distance."  Try "love one another"?

"You need to work it out."

'But he says the most awful things to me."

"That's the problem with siblings,"  Jesse says.  "hey know your weaknesses, and can f*ck you right in the a-hole with them."  It wouldn't be the first thing that's been in Gideon's a-hole.  Seriously, why has this guy never expressed any interest in men or women since Season 1.  

Amber suggests that Jesse reconcile with his brother Kelvin, to be a role model for Gideon and Pontius.

Cut to the freeway underpass where Pontius and his friends are skating to the song  "Suck my d*ck.  Suck my mf*ing d*ck."  Do you mean that literally, dudes?

Gideon appears and invites them to church. But you lead Prayer Time, not the church service.

 "Go back to Sunday school and start doing stuff with your Daddy."  Sure, no problem.  Tell Jesse I'm free around 10:00.

Gideon tears up his notecards, takes a skateboard, steals a dude's sunglasses, and does some harsh shredding, proving himself a bad dude.  Pontius and the guys are shocked, and hug him.  Dudes, don't you remember the blackmail schme with Scotty?  The Cycle Ninjas?  Smashing the militia compound? Gideon has always been a bad dude.

They all  hug him and say "Sick!"  This is why Gideon was terrible at preaching: he was trying to be a "good Christian boy."  In every season, he is torn between Charleston and California, the life his family wants for him and the life he wants for himself.  I can relate, having grown up with a constant litany of "job, house, wife, kids."   Like Kelvin, he has now found a way to meet family expectations while being true to himself.

Reconciled, Gideon and Pontius hug.

Jordanian junk after the break

Topper Guild: The youtube star breaks into tv. With Kaido Roberts, muscle men, Nick d*ck, and Topper doing stuff.

 This post was completely innocent, but it got one of those idiotic "sensitive content" tags for no reason.  So I added some n*de photos and s*xual content, and moved the whole thing to RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Link to the "sensitive content."

Daniel DiMaggio: The queerbaiting son on "American Houswife" grows up to play Count Chocula and post selfies

 

Link to the NSFW version

You may be familiar with Daniel DiMaggio, no relation to Joe DiMaggio, as Oliver Otto on American Housewife (2016-21).  I never heard of it, but I wouldn't have watched anyway.  Who wants to watch a sicom about June Cleaver or Donna Reed?  

It starred Katy Mixon as Katie Otto, a housewife who, although not pretentious herself, is immersed in the ultra-pretentious world of ladies who lunch in Westport, Connecticut, along with her husband (Diedrich Bader), two daughters, and son Oliver (Daniel). 

She has a lesbian best friend, and there's a gay character (Jake Choi) in Season 5, so there's a bit of representation.  The main problem fans had was queerbaiting Oliver.  

He is presented as gay, with everything from pictures of muscular men on his bedroom wall to an interest in ballet to a boyfriend, the wealthy, femme Cooper (Logan Bell).  Everyone thinks they are boyfriends, including Cooper, who is upset every time Oliver claims that they are not dating.  But then he backs off and gets a girlfriend.  

Logan Bell (the femme one) is gay in real life, and states that he played Cooper as gay.  So why five seasons of "crumbs" that led nowhere?  Fans were irate when the showrunners were too cowardly to let Oliver come out.

Daniel already has two strikes against him (baseball metaphor, har har) for five years of queerbaiting.  Let's check on his other projects.

He was born in 2003 in Los Angeles, and began acting at age nine in the short Geisho (2010): a man (Horatio Sanz) wants to become the world's first male geisha.  Kind of gender-fluid.

Next, a 2013 episode of Burn Notice, which, I discovered today, is not about a hospital burn unit, in spite of the misleading title.  It's about a spy who was "burned" (fired). How the heck are potential viewers supposed to know that?   Daniel plays the young version of focus character Michael (Jeffrey Donovan). 

More after the break