Give Me a Prehistoric Man

Modern man is not for me, 

The movie star and dapper Dan

Give me a healthy Joe from ages ago --

A prehistoric man.

-- On The Town

When I was about eight years old, my Grandma Davis came to visit, and took us to the store to pick out any toy we wanted. My brother Kenny asked for a bicycle, and I asked for a Cave Man Toy Set.

"Are you sure you don't want a bicycle, too?"  Grandma asked in surprise.

Certainly not.  What fun could you possibly have with a bicycle?

But just look at Cave Man Toy Set: hard-muscled guys in loincloths throwing spears and rocks at gigantic dinosaurs!  (This was before toymakers realized that dinosaurs and prehistoric humans didn't coexist).

My boyfriend Bill agreed with my decision.  We spent many hours with that Toy Set, imagining jungle explorations, nick-of-time rescues from warring tribes or brontosauri, and "my hero" hugs.

Cave men were more fun than other action figures.  Our church taught that the world was created about 6,000 years ago, so evolution was a lie, there was no prehistory, and there had never been any cave men. So in addition to the beefcake, you had the thrill of blasphemy.

My Grandma Davis wasn't entirely opposed to the idea of prehistory.  One day in her attic I found this Van Loon Story of Mankind, published in 1926, with some muscular cave men on the cover.

It looks like a children's book, but in 1926, she was 23, and she and her husband wouldn't adopt my dad and his sisters for over a decade, so I don't know who it was for.

Most museums had exhibits featuring full-sized statues of prehistoric bodybuilders.  In the Putnam Museum in Davenport, they were wearing loincloths, but in the Museum of Natural History in Chicago, they were naked!

You almost never saw or heard of a cave woman.  I got the distinct impression that our ancestors were all male, roaming around n*ked in hunter-gatherer bands.

Maybe this was before Adam and Eve, so women hadn't been created yet.

See also: Andrew Keegan: From "Teenage Caveman" and "The Broken Hearts Club" to...well, he got to kiss Dean Cain

"Journey to the Beginning of Time": Four boys fight dinosaurs in the early years of their lives, before Jules Verne, Sinbad, and "What girl do you like?"

Alley Oop: The Time-Traveling Cave Man

Björn Mosten: His "Love and Anarchy" n*de hugeness made him a star, but he's also played a gay boarding school bully and Oddgeir's buddy.

  

Link to the n*de photos

In the Swedish comedy Kärlek och anarki (Love and Anarchy, 2020-22), middle aged publishing house consultant Sofia (Ida Engvoll) and young IT guy Max (Björn Mosten) fight a "dare war,"  trying to one-up each other with increasingly drastic dares:

Dress like pop singer Cyndi Lauper.

Walk backwards for a day.

Get too drunk

Mimic people

Walk into a restaurant and pretend that you work there.

Dribble

Do everything as fast as you can

And:  Get n*de in front of your family.

Uncensored on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.  Hint: Our buy is huge.

Frontside and back.

This was the 23-year old actor's only n*de scene in the series (he takes off his shirt a few times), but it was enough to seal his popularity among gay men in Sweden and abroad.

His cuteness and his acting ability too, of course.

The cover story of Kupe tells us that he is "An Overnight Star."  

Björn wasn't planning to become a star.  He was a small town boy, from Dvärsätt in central Sweden (the nearest big city is Trondheim, Norway, three hours away).  In the summer of 2019, he was just finishing up his degree in engineering at Uppsala University, and enrolled in the master's program in Computer and Information Engineering.  Lisa Langseth was casting an IT guy for her new comedy drama.  He had done some modeling, so why not audition?

After Love and Anarchy, Bjorn starred in the theatrical play Jakten (2022), at the Stockholms Stadsteaterat.  

It means "The Hunt," as in "Witch Hunt": a grade school teacher (Henrik Norlén) is falsely accused of assaulting a child in his class.  Bjorn plays Marcus, his teenage son.

Next came the tv series Ondskan ("Evil," 2023): Erik (Isac Calmroth) is expelled from public school due to being a violent thug, enrolls in an exclusive private school, becomes a bullying victim, and commences an affair with the lunch lady. 

More after the break

Peter Berlin: "That Boy" uses his physique and d*ck to show us the wonders of the Gay World

Link to the n*de photos 

His actual name was Peter Berlin, but all you needed to say was That Boy, and the old guys of West Hollywood (that is, men over 30) would remember: the Boy sunning himself on the beach, the "Dancing Queen" at the disco, the leatherman glaring from the back bar, all blond hair, bronze muscles, and c*ck

He was not handsome -- actually, he had an unremarkable long horse-face.  Nor was he blond. And the world he traveled was more often graffiti- and gang-strewn Tenderloin than the Fire Island of the A-gays.  But that didn't matter.  You saw him half on screen, half in your dreams

.

There was no such thing as a closet in Peter Berlin's world, no such thing as homophobia.  Only endless nights of cruising -- but not the meaningless, destructive tricks that the straights condemned us for.  A glorious freedom that was, in itself, fulfilling enough to be the sole purpose of life.

That Boy (1974) was a defining moment of my coming out, the first gay film I ever saw, in 1984, during my second year in grad school at Indiana University.  My friend Viju and I drove into Indianapolis to go to the bars, and someone invited us to see it with him.  There was a midnight showing in a sleazy theater near Monument Circle.

Peter is not actually the boy of That Boy.  He plays an unnamed Everyman who wanders through the Castro and the Tenderloin of  a straight-free San Francisco, cruising on the street and in back rooms, looking at men, and being looked at.  He finds the gaze, being the object of desire, more glorious than the acts themselves.  But then he looks at That Boy, but the boy does not look back

Could this be the one person in the Gay World who does not desire him?  No, the boy is blind!  Peter is intrigued, and invites him for coffee and conversation. They walk hand in hand through the park and sit by the pond to look at (or hear) the ducks, making a romantic connection before heading to the back room.

Peter was born Armin Hagen Freiherr von Hoyningen-Huene. the son of a baron, in December 1942, and raised in Berlin, in a family of diplomats and fashion photographers.   After secondary school, he worked as a photographer for a German interview program, met famous people like Alfred Hitchcock and Brigitte Bardot, and cruised.  

A double life, respectable by day, sleazoid by night, was a standard part of the gay experience in the 1960s, when straights and gays alike believed that we were destined to be permanent outsiders, constantly hiding, denizens of a seedy underworld.  But Armin took pride in being gay.  He cruised in outfits of his own design, photographed himself and his tricks, turned the gay activity into a work of masculine beauty,

More after the break.  

Not Suitable for Work: A 2020s "Friends" with two breakups, two meet-cutes, three d*cks (two visible), fashion, finance, and a gay guy turned straight.

Link to the n*de dudes

The first three episodes of Not Suitable for Work (2026) just dropped on Hulu.  It's advertised as "five twenty-something professionals" in Manhattan struggling with careers and relationships.  

Sounds familiar.  I've already seen New Girl (with Max Greenfield, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) Happy Endings (with Zachary Knighton),  Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (with Victor Rodriguez III), and the grandad of them all, Friends:

The first episode synopsis of the new series gets all creepy: "Whoa -- two girls live across the hall from three guys. Yeah, I'd watch that, leer leer."  But according to Decider and Meecham Meriweather's blog, there's a gay character, Kel, played by Nicholas Durvenay.  So I'll watch for gay representation.

There are five interlocking plotlines.  I'll separate them for clarity.

Dudebro Davis

Behind a giant stock ticker, Dudebro Davis (Will Angus) is getting yelled at by HR for having an office romance: "relationships with coworkers are forbidden." 

"If I have to choose between love and work, I'll choose love!"

The next morning, Dudebro tries to bring his girl breakfast in bed, but she's dumped him.

He asks his roommates why girls keep breaking up with him, even though he has a great body and a high-paying job.  

"Maybe you come on too strong, falling in love instantly."

He heads to work. Coworker Jocelyn (queer actress May Hong) notes that she hurt her Achilles tendon, but the nurse at Urgent Care was kind of cute.  She doesn't specify a male nurse, and most nurses are ladies.  I'll bet she's queer.

Coworker Dileen renewed his vows with his wife over the weekend.  Dudebro responds with "God, I'm so lonely!"  You had a girlfriend like 30 seconds ago.  You haven't had a chance to become lonely yet.   Dileen advises him to start off as a friend, then move gradually into romance.

But when Dudebro walks into work the next day, he is so stunned by the sight of the Girl of His Dreams that he drops his coffee.  And she turns out to be his new coworker!   He stumbles over himself trying to "welcome" her, introducing her to the coworkers, giving her the company password, and so on.  But when he offers to help with her assignment, she's offended: "I graduated from a top university with a degree in this, and I've done it 38,000 times on two internships with top firms!  I don't need help!"  Uh-oh, you're blowing it.

Gay Dude Kel

At medical school, the teacher announces that today they'll be examining cadavers, including their genitals, "which may be swollen."  Gay Dude Kel doesn't want to do it: "Is there a vegan option?" No.  He removes the sheet and exclaims "That dude's real dead" -- and faints. Haven't you studied anatomy, bro?

 

Cut to Gay Dude discussing a call-back for an acting job with Rich Kid Josh (below). 

"How can you handle acting and med school?"

"It's easy.  I just don't sleep."

On his call-back audition, he is asked to do a monologue where he tells his dad "I'm nothing.  I'm useless."  Next he is asked to do a freestyle rap.  It wasn't mentioned in the audition call. He tries, performs badly, and is ushered out.  

Back in the cadaver lab, Gay Dude decides that he doesn't want to cut open an "uncircumsized cadaver." So it would be ok if he were circumsized?  He doesn't enjoy med school, so he's quitting.  Right now.

When Gay Dude breaks the news to the guys, they are shocked.  "But you don't have a job, and when your mom finds out, she's going to kill you."

"Who cares?  Now I can concentrate on my acting."

The next day, Gay Dude meets his sister  at the coffee shop and explains that he hates medical school, and is droppping out.  "I just need you to help me think of how to tell Mom."  Uh-oh, the sister invited Mom.  Here she is, wanting to take the Christmas card photos with her talented doctor children.  Gay Dude chickens out of telling her.

Rich Kid Josh

Rich Kid Josh (Jack Martin) and his girl are doing stuff. Shirtless, but he moves around too much for a good screen shot  He stops to check his cell phone, which annoys her. It would annoy me, too.  You're literally in the middle of the act.  But he has to check the time of his interview --a PA job on The Wes Dryden Show, a big deal. 

You've seen Jack Martin as the villainous RA in Pizza Movie.

Later, his roommates complain about the girlfriend taking up so much space, so he offers to move with her into the apartment next door.  It's occupied by Fashionista Abby (below), but she's living there illegally, so he'll order her to move out.

In the morning, Rich Kid appears at his interview.  He tells Boss Patricia that even though he's the CEO's son,  he wants to go through the ranks like anyone else.  "Nope, it's not going to happen. You're not qualified.  Next!" 

On the way out, Rich Kid runs into Wes Dryden (Victor Garber), flatters him, and drops CEO Dad's name. "Oh, and I'm applying for a PA job on your show."

Cut to Rich Kid announcing to the guys that he got the job!  

The next day, Wes Dryden introduces Rich Kid as the new PA. Boss Patricia is angry: she wanted to hire a girl who's been interning there for two years.   She calls Josh into her office and asks "Do you know how I got this job?  I married Wes."

Victor Garber's d*ck is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Update: it was very small and blurry, so I got rid of it.

"But you're both gay."

"It was the 1990s.  He needed a lavender marriage for his career, and I needed a promotion."  The point is, she's angry that all Rich Kid had to do was say his name, so she's going to keep him from moving up in the industry.

That night, the girlfriend brings Rich Kid  "his favorite" (that's so annoying; all anyone ever eats on tv is their favorite). 

In other news, she's dumping him.  She fell in love with a real estate agent, brother to The Property Brothers (stars of a Canadian DIY show). 

More after the break

Beefcake and bonding in British boys' annuals

From the 1930s through the 1980s, British boys spent Christmas day unwrapping and reading "annuals," thick hardback books with stories and pictures derived from weekly story papers: Hotspur, Champion, Knockout, Perfect Book for Boys, Best Book for Boys, dozens of titles.

There were also annuals for girls and children, but the boys' annuals were notable for two reasons.

1. Shirtless and semi-nude covers and interior illustrations.  Hundreds of muscular teenage boys and men on display, many more than in the American adventure boys series.

They were playing sports, camping, fighting monsters. They were alone and in pairs.  Their muscles glistened in the Christmas firelight.

2. The stories inside did not involve the dating, romances, and overall girl-craziness that obsessed American teen stories in the 1950s and 1960s. They were about boys meeting, being rescued by, and establishing permanent relations with other boys and men.

More after the break

Will Trent, Episode 4:10: Who is murdering n*ked fratboys? Detectives think it's about a girl, but...With fratboy c*cks and Jeff East

  

 Link to the n*de photos

I don't watch a lot of detective shows -- who cares about "the body in the library" when you can change the channel and see ghosts, zombies, time travel, and parallel worlds? But Episode 4.10 of Will Trent, on Hulu, pinged my gaydar: "A fraternity star and his friend are murdered."  Friend is often code for boyfriend.

Title: "You're Only as Sick as Your Secrets."

Scene 1: Girl legs walking across the campus of Georgia Atlantic University at night, discussing their boy problems.  Heterosexual identity established instantly.  They stop at a fountain to puke, and see a n*ked boy floating in the water, his mouth taped up and marked with the word "loyalty." 

Cut to a Pregnant Detective and her husband (Scott Foley, left) at a class for expectant parents, in an ongoing plotline.  They keep accidentally "killing" their baby.  I'm fast forwarding.

Scene 2: Will interviews the ridiculously-dressed Chancellor about the victim, Paxton Cole.  Shouldn't it be the Dean of Students, or the President?  "He was a campus leader, honor role, president of the Delta Chi Kappa Fraternity."  

Left: The actor playing Paxton does not appear in the cast list.

Will thinks that it was a premeditated murder, but the Chancellor scoffs: "The boy was just  mugged, or he interrupted a drug deal."  

"Then why was he stripped, and tape gagged with the word 'Loyalty'"?

He harrumphs, then leaves to go to Boozy Booster Brunch,  the biggest fundraising activity of Homecoming Week, except for the Wine and Winners Dinner Party. Will is suspicious.  Dude should be more concerned about the murder of the college goldenboy.  Or any student, for that matter.

Scene 3: Will's team crosses the campus, complaining about the laziness of Generation Z and how college is a worthless rip-off.  As someone who has been teaching at a college for over 20 years, I am disturbed by that sentiment.  They find the frat pledges cleaning the porch with toothbrushes, a red flag about hazing abuse. They are not allowed to speak, another red flag.

Frat member Sean/Legacy  (Jacob Buster, left) invites them in. Will looks disgusted at the frat guys drinking beer. Griffin/Badger sees them and tries to run out, but they ambush him.  "It's not my fault!" he exclaims.

Scene 4: At the police station, Griffin/Badger (Tyler Patrick Smith) explains that he didn't hurt Paxton, but he was afraid that his illegal id business would be implicated.  Last night at the party, he gave Paxton/Doorbell and Greg/Sharkey fake ids so they could pick up some kegs of beer.  They never returned.

He's not implicated in the murder, but he's arrested for selling fake ids.  These people are disgustingly judgmental.  

They interrogate everybody else in the house, but no one had a beef with Paxton/Doorbell or Greg/Sharkey, and no one knows where they went to get the beer.

"Did you ever see them argue, fight over a girl?"  How do you know they were straight, heteronormative a-hole?

"No, they were best friends."  Tell me more.

Scene 5: Being dismissisve and insulting isn't getting them any intel, so the Pregnant Detective tries the sympathy approach.  Sean/Legacy opens up, complaining that his dad wants him engaged by next year and married with a kid soon after graduation.   I got that pressure all the time growing up: "What girl do you like?  What girl do you like?  What girl? What girl?"  Resistance to the heterosexist trajectory is a queer code. 

Fake ID Griffin/Badger's d*ck is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

This strategy works: Sean/Legacy reveals that several months ago, Paxton shared a private video to group chat.  It got leaked, and the whole campus saw it.  Dang, it was with a girl.  Hereosexual identiy established at Minute 12..

Scene 6: Pregnant Detective visits The Girl, Sorority President Britt. She can't talk about the video, because she signed an NDA and got a Porsche.  But she won't say who asked her to sign it.

Other sorority girls come forward to reveal that the fratboys are all scumbags, but they can't report on any of their misdeeds because Sean/Legacy's dad is the Chancellor.  Curiouser and curiouser.

Scene 7: Back at headquarters, after some stuff about the ongoing plotline, they find out where Paxton/Doorbell and Greg/Sharkey bought the beer: at the Beer Depot (makes sense).  They drop by, and find his pickup truck, with the beer kegs still there.  The killer must have abducted them here.

Will finds two sets of clothes in the trash -- the killer stripped them here! And no one noticed?  And in the ice machine, Greg/Sharkey's body, with a tape gag reading "Fortitude." 

They figure out that the words on the tape gags are the mottos of the frat: Loyalty, Fortitude, Integrity, Diligence.  Two murders left?

Scene 8: Ongoing plot stuff, then the bodies in the morgue. Paxton/Doorbell was drowned, and Greg/Sharkey died of hypothermia (so he was dumped in the ice machine while alive). They both had Goldenkranz (gold-infused liquour) in their stomachs, and high levels of Xanax (an anti-anxiety medication that causes drowsiness).  The killer spiked their drinks so they would be more compliant.  Which means that he (or she) was at the party last night.

More after the break.  

Cullen Moss: two drag queens, two homophobes, a security guard, a fairy, and some n*de photos

  

Link to the n*de photos

Cullen Moss is one of those actors who you've seen in a dozen tv shows and movies, but he is so completely immersed in the role that when you see him again, you don't recognize him.  

Born in Brooklyn but raised in North Carolina, he graduated from Mount Tambor High School in 1993 and moved immediately into local North Carolina theater.  A lot of iconic and gay-positive roles:

Stanley in A Streetcar Named Desire

Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream

Alan Strang, the one who gets n*de on stage in Equus

Clifford Bradshaw, the Christopher Isherwood character, in Cabaret

The drag queen Albin in La Cage aux Folles

The closeted, homophobic Roy Cohn in Angels in America

His tv career began with some voiceovers in the 90s, followed by a starring role in One Tree Hill, 2003-2012, as Junk Moretti, a high school boy with a "girlfriend who lives in Canada" (gay kids have all been there; mine lived in Paris). 

Later Cullen has played a detective in Your Honor, a cop in The Walking Dead, and ..his list of credits on IMDB goes on like that.

In a two-episode story arc on Eastbound & Down in 2013, Cullen played Mark, "the smarmy, slow-motion punching, donut-gifting smuck of a rental car company manager," boss of Danny McBride's washed-up baseball player.

This led to a role as Brock, head security guard of the Gemstone Compound in Righteous Gemstones Episodes 1.6 and 1.7.  Scotty, Gideon's "friend from California" and co-conspirator in the blackmail scheme, flirts with him to get easy access to compound, even asking for shirtless photos.  We see him reading a gay magazine later.

Brock returns in Episode 1.9, to deny BJ admission after he and Judy break up, criticize his name, and act like a macho jerk. 

In Episode 2.3, he announces that Eli's friend Junior is at the front gate.  Eli says to not admit him, and they argue.

More after the break.

Cloverfield: Come for the alien invasion, stay for Godzilla. With Vogel backside, Hud junk, and endless misdirection.

  

For movie night last night, we saw Cloverfield (2008).  I don't usually review movies from that long ago, but there are some nice n*de photos of the cast, the utter lack of LGBTQ representation requires comment (this scene is just a tease), and I have some questions.

The first is: we thought that it would be thematically linked to The Cloverfield Paradox (2018), about a space station that accidentally gets zapped into a parallel universe.  But there's no connection except the name.  Cloverfield (2008) is a "found footage" movie, presenting a videotape that was found in the ruins of what used to be called Central Park, no doubt dug up by archaeologists thousands of years after our civilization was destroyed by an alien invasion.

There's a prelude that is not connected to the rest of the movie in any way: An extremely wealthy middle-aged man films the ruins of New York from his apartment.  There are many fires below, so no doubt the Apocalypse has already begun.  He awakens his wife, and they discuss how much they love each other and kiss a lot.  He takes his shirt off, but this was a DVD, so I couldn't get a screen shot, and I can't find him in the cast list.  

We cut to an interminable party with a huge number of immensely rich young adults, all white except for the token black guy, having interminable boring conversations and being elitist (they're shocked when a lady knows who Superman is).  Are straight people's lives really this boring?  

The takeaways from the endless boredom are:

1. This is a going-away party for Rob (Michael Stahl-David, top photo and left).  He's moving to Japan tomorrow to take a huge, huge promotion with a massive, multi-million dollar pay increase.  We never find out what his job is, but I assume it will have something to do with saving the world from the alien invasion.  

2. His friends don't think he should go, because he'll have to leave his girlfriend, Beth, who is the most beautiful woman in the world, and way too good for him.  It's a miracle that someone that beautiful wanted to be with him in the first place, and he'll never find anyone close, so why would he give her up?

3. Ron and Girlfriend Beth argue, and she goes home.  Turns out that he had an affair with Lily. his brother's girl, so now Beth wants to dump him.  Fortunately his brother Jason (Mike Vogel, left) doesn't know. yet.

4. Rob's friend Hud (TJ Miller, below) is filming the party, and asking for testimonials from people, but mostly stalking the Girl of His Dreams, Marlena, who seems to be an extremely famous fashion model.   She is not at all interested, but he keeps trying.  All women have stories about that obnoxious guy who refuses to take "no" for an answer: that's Hud.

Suddenly there's a news story about an oil tanker that overturned in New York Harbor, near the Statue of Liberty.  The apartment is in Lower Manhattan -- they can see Harbor from the roof, so they all go up to look.  There's a power blackout, and rockets zoom over the city, some exploding.  They're being invaded!

Rob says "I know what started this. I saw it."  We flash back to the subway, where he's filming his girl, and accidentally catches a sinister-looking bald man, who gets up from his seat. That scene is repeated several times, but it is never explained.  It's an alien invasion, not a terrorist attack. 

Everyone runs outside.  Suddenly the head of the Statue of Liberty crashes onto the street!  With a stick up her nose.

More zaps from alien spacecraft zooming across the sky.  Plus a giant monster is  smashing into buildings, and smaller, human-size spider-beings are killing people.  This seems like an inefficient weapon for an  invasion.  

Everyone runs into an all-night bodega. That is, Rob, Brother Jason, Lily (Jason's girl, whom he had an affair with), Cameraman Hud (left), and the Famous Model. The promo says that there are six friends; this is just five.  Will they be joined by someone else later?

The other party guests scatter. 

The police or military tell everyone to evacuate the city by crossing the Brooklyn Bridge.  Except it is bombed by the aliens, and they have to return to Manhattan.

Rob talks on his cell phone to someone, but all we hear are clicks.  Then he says "I know what I have to do," and heads toward the monster!  Obviously he was talking to the aliens, and now is under their control.  This is never resolved.

They try to take subway tunnels, where they are attacked by the spider-monsters.  The Famous Model is bitten.  Fortunately, they find a triage unit set up in a department store, but it's too late for the Famous Model: she starts coughing blood, and dies.  

Brother Jason has already been killed, I forget how. So only Rob, Cameraman Hud, and Brother's Girlfriend Lily are left.

More after the break

Ethan Wacker: The former teen spy, Bizaardvark manager, and Vanderbilt fratboy looks good in a suit. And out of a suit

 

Link to the n*de photos

I only knew three things about Ethan Wacker before beginning the research: 

1. At 5'7", he's a member of the Short Guy Brigade

2. He has an amazing physique.

3. He has a lot of male friends.  

A lot of male friends.

Actually, I'm getting tired of posting photos of Ethan and his male friends.  Let's check his biography.

Born in Connecticut in 2002, moved to South Korea and then to Hawaii.

His acting credits begin in 2006 (at the age of four!) with a video game called Papa Louie: When Pizza Attacks

More video games and animation followed, plus two episodes of the teencom KC Undercover (2015-18), a Disney Channel teencom about "an outspoken and confident technology whiz and skilled black belt" who becomes a spy.   

Ethan played the son of the Vice President of the U.S. 

Then he appeared in Hawaii Five-0, See Plum Run, Tour of Mythicality, and 63 episodes of Bizaardvark (2016-2019).  

More after the break

Pablo the Penguin's p*nis: Jake Goldberg from "Backyardigans" and "Grown Ups" grows up to corporate, cooking, and c*ck shots

Link to the n*de photos  

Remember Pablo?  He was one of the backyard buddies on Nick Junior's Backyardigans (2004-2013) a high-strung, frenetic blue penguin best-buddying with the laid-back orange moose Tyrone.  Their friends included Tasha, a yellow hippopotamus best-buddying with the tomboy Uniqua, who has no animal species; and Austin, a purple kangaroo. 

Contrary to what commentators believe, gayness doesn't suddenly appear when you see your first drag queen. You are gay as a preschooler.  You may not be interested in physical intimacy yet, but you find some people and not others attractive, and form romantic bonds, early on.  In Backyardigans, Pablo and Tyrone were queer coded, although Pablo is more often paired with Austin on Archive of Our Own. 

A decade later, Nicholas Barasch, who played Austin in 20 episodes (2009-13), showed his physique on Riverdale.

Leon Thomas III, who played Tyrone in 25 episodes (2006-09), gave us a backside shot on Insecure.

 

But Jake Goldberg, a long running Pablo (60 episodes, 2006-13), has given us one better: shots of his d*ck,

Born in 1996, Jake grew up in New York, except for five years spent in Israel.  As a child and teenager, he appeared in episodes of 3D Rock, Law and Order: SVU, and Bull, and he played Adam Sandler's son in Grown Ups (2010) and Grown Ups 2 (2013).   

His character crushes on girls, but also buddy-bond (and gets n*ked) with Nadji Jeter as Chris Rock's son. He was nominated for a Golden Raspberry Award, which may have turned him off acting as a career choice.

More after the break.  

Lox Pratt turns the gay subtexts to texts in "Lord of the Flies" and "Harry Potter." WIth Flynn and Felton backsides and Cornwall c*cks

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Lox Pratt is the breakout star of the 2026 Lord of the Flies tv series.  He brings a a sinuous, snakelike menace to the choirboy Jack, who rebels against Ralph's attempts to maintain order and civility on the desert island, and leads his choirboy/hunters into war-whooping, body painted savagery.

But there is a fragility to Lox Pratt's Jack that is missing in previous versions of the character.  As they prepare for the evacution, the other boys hug their parents, but Jack stands alone on a vast expanse, watching.  

He is so wounded that he can't reach out to others except through manipulation and control.  He treats Simon, who is obviously in love with him, as an underling rather than a partner, and he has no idea how to act on his explicit attraction to Ralph.  Even when Ralph takes the lead.

All versions of Jack are queer-coded, but Lox seems struggling to push it from subtext to text, from his first appearance in an androgynous choir uniform, to his last,wearing an animal skin that looks much like a mink coat, eyes downcast as Ralph explains to the rescuing Navy officer, "We were together -- before."

Next Lox is starring as Draco Malfoy in the upcoming Harry Potter tv series, premiering in December 2026.  He says that while the earlier movies and books were Harry-centric, this new series will expand on the Potter world.  He was able to dig deep  into Draco's character: he's "not just the sneering bad guy in the corner — he’s got a lot more depth.” 

Johnny Flynn, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends, plays Draco's dad, Lucius Malfoy.

Draco doesn't express any interest in girls in the books or the movies, although he has a wife in the culminating flash forward.  Maybe Lox will be allowed to present him with even more queer codes.

Tom Felton's backside on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

More after the break