After the horror of half an episode of The Valley, with its shrieking, nastiness, and straight drag queen, I want a nice, normal sitcom where people are likeable, speak in a normal tone, and act like human beings, not Daffy Duck and Pepe LePew. I don't even care if there are any gay characters. Just give my eardrums a rest.
The first normal-sounding sitcom I found on Netflix was Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce. One of my pet peeves is the use of "girlfriend" to mean a straight woman's female friend, with its sexist presumption that women can't be friends with men and heterosexist presumption that no lesbians exist.
And how did a show that premiered in 2019 get five seasons?
Good enough. I'm in.
Episode 1: "Rule 23: Never Lie to the Kids"
Scene 1: Exterior shot of Los Angeles, night (I feel better already!) Abby McCarthy, author of the bestselling Girlfriends' Guide book series ("real advice from a real mom!"), lies in bed, watching herself being interviewed on tv. Husband Jake (Paul Adelstein, top photo) arrives. Abby: "You smell like sex." Jake: "Screw you."
Scene 2: Morning. An adorable little girl, whom Abby calls Bun-Bun, comes into the bedroom. They kiss, hug, rub noses, and discuss how much they love each other (sickening, but at least they're not being nasty). Meanwhile Jake kisses the top of the head of the teen daughter.
Down to breakfast. Whoa, gorgeous kitchen. This lady is rich! Teen Daughter wants to go to a sleepover in London. Bun-Bun needs help with her "special person board" (a school project?). Jake and Abbey text mean things to each other.
Scene 3: Abby drops off the kids at the ultra-elite school. Shots of Beverly Boulevard, the Miracle Mile, the Pacific Design Center (home! I used to live five blocks away!).
I think Bun-Bun's real name is Charlie.
Abby asks Lyla (Janeane Garofalo), another ultra-elite mother, if she told anyone about the d.i.v.o.r.c.e. Meanwhile, Lyla is having problems with her ex: when it's his night with the kids, he leaves them with a sitter to go out with some floozie.
Scene 4: The two talk to some divorced moms, three blonde, one black, at an ultra-elite cafe (exterior shot -- I'm not complaining!). Abby's brother Max (Patrick Heusinger, left) is also there. They want to know why, if Abby and Max are so close, she hasn't told him about the d.i.v.o.r.c.e. "He's incredibly traditional about some things." But, because she's hanging out with the Divorced Crowd, he's bound to suspect....
She hasn't told the kids, either. Jake has moved out, but he is always home in bed when they get up, so they won't suspect.
Scene 5: Lyla's mansion. Her ex-husband, Dan (Michael Weaver), drops off the kids. He tells her that he's met someone new. Has he given up his BDSM excursions? No, he loves being humiliated, like when they were together.
Cut to Lyla and Dan having sex (not BDSM) and drinking. When he leaves, she immediately calls the police and reports him as a drunk driver. (To humiliate him?)
Scene 6: Morning. All of the parents congeal at the school for "special person" day. Including Abby's brother Max and his husband (a gay couple! and they kiss and everything!). Abby tells him: "Jake and I are taking a break. We're keeping it secret." Max disapproves: "You guys can work it out. Just don't hang out with the Divorced Crowd. They're encouraging you."
Scene 7: Time for Bun-Bun's "special person" presentation about her Mommy, who writes books that help people. Afterwards, Abby calls someone she calls Mama and says "You win. Get me laid."
Scene 8: Mama (I think her real name is Phoebe) and Abby at a red-draped bordello with women dancing in cages and a lady in a 1920s costume at the bar. The owner asks a hustler named Will to open the "special door," which I assumed would lead to a bedroom. In fact, it opens into a gigantic disco. Shouldn't that be the other way around?
Abby asks what's up with Ralf. Mama states that although they are divorced, he still wants sex, so she charges him for it. "Now, how about getting Abby laid? Lots of hot guys here -- pick one. Are they all hustlers? Or we could just do it." She kisses Abby, who is shocked.
Scene 9: Abby goes out onto the terrace, with a spectacular view of downtown L.A. and a gay couple on a couch. Will approaches to see if she's just into girls, or... no, she likes boys. They kiss.
Apparently he's a waiter, not a hustler. I don't know why you get to the disco through a "special door" in a bordello. Aren't hundreds of people traipsing through every nighit?
Scene 10: Back to Will's house, where three guys and a girl are playing video games. Into the bedroom. Abby is nervous: she hasn't been with anyone but Jake for a long time, and never with someone so much younger. But Will is into cougars, so....they have sex. Nice chest shot.
Afterwards, Will wants her to spend the night and have breakfast in the morning, but Abby hurriedly dresses and leaves without giving him her phone number, while the roommates stare (harsh, dude).
Scene 11: Back home, Abby and Jake argue about their mutual infidelities and keeping the divorce a secret. Finally the older daughter, having been awakened by the ruckus, comes in and yells at them.
Scene 12: Morning. After dropping off the kids at ultra-elite school, Abby chats with her brother Max about the d.i.v.o.r.c.e.: "It's done. He's gone. He's banging some actress from the CW. And I have a book signing today. How will it sell when people realize that I'm a fraud?"
Traditionalist Max advises her to not give up: "You made a commitment. You have to stick with it. Unless he hit you or is an alcoholic, you have no excuse for a divorce." Abby storms off.
This is refreshing. When was the last time you saw a conservative gay character on tv?
Scene 13: The book signing. Abby reveals that her book is "a pile of horseshit." Happy marriage, indeed! It was all a lie! "But...um...well, there's still some good advice in there..so who wants their book signed?" She slinks out. Friends: "Well, she's screwed."
The end.
It wasn't exactly a sitcom; more like a dramedy version of Cougar Town. But there was ample beefcake, a gay main character (conservative, yet!), a bisexual character, some spectacular sets, and a surreal bordello out of Twin Peaks. And best of all, no screeching.
By the way, Charlie is apparently a boy, not a girl, and in the last episode (when he's around 12), it is implied that he is gay. That might make me forgive him for being named Bun-Bun
I can only remember Rule 1, Rule 2, and Rule 34.
ReplyDeleteRule 1: You do not talk about /b/.
Rule 2: You do NOT talk about /b/.
Rule 34: There is porn of it. No exceptions.