On the Street
1. When you're walking alone on the street, why do people walk very fast and overtake you, as if they're planning to attack? They should keep their distance!
2. When a group is standing around, why do they wait until the exact moment you have passed to start laughing hysterically? It's really disconcerting.
3. Why do parents let their toddlers run wild, bumping into people with their chocolate stained hands, saying "hi" 50,000 times, or just staring?
4. When there are double doors going into a building, why does everyone clog one side? Are they afraid to try the other side, for fear it will be locked and they'll look stupid?
1. Why do cars zoom around and cut you off? Are they trying to demonstrate their macho superiority? Sometimes I just move into the other lane, so they can go past without cutting me off. Or I follow a truck, so they'll cut them off instead.
2. Conversely, why do they drive 10 miles under the speed limit, when there's no traffic and the weather is fine?
3. I don't understand why anyone would listen to music while driving anyway -- it's incredibly distracting. But why revv it up to ear-splitting levels when you're stuck at an traffic light?
4. Why do driving apps take you on the absolute shortest route, even though the tiny, meandering side street with fifty stop signs is 5.3 miles from your goal, and the limited access highway 5.2.?
2. On the Plains, it's even worse. He asks "How is everything tasting?", precluding the possibility of you asking for more water or a new fork.
3. Why does the server snatch your plate away the second you're done eating? It's disconcerting to have a plate suddenly vanish from in front of you!. I always leave a little food on my plate, to keep it there.
4. Why would anybody ask for a bit of food from someone else's plate, or a sip of their soda? It's disgusting! Get your own!
1. Why do floorwalkers latch onto you the minute you walk in the door, and won't take "Just looking!" for an answer?
2. Why does the person ahead of you in line always have a cartful of crazy, nonsensical items, like 8 Gatorades, 3 bags of donuts, eyebrow tweasers, and a can of bug spray?
3. And he doesn't realize that he has to pay. When he is informed, he looks confused, then slowly fishes around in the big bag for the little bag, fishes a checkbook from the little bag, and writes a check. Which requires the manager's approval.
4. Why do salesclerks always make sarcastic comments about your purchases, like "Going to do some heavy reading tonight?" when you buy a magazine? Isn't buying things what the store is all about?
5. And try to sell you a rewards card, a 10% off card, a subscription to the newsletter, a membership, a chance to win a prize, and a duck, when you just came in to buy batteries?
1. Why does everyone assume that everyone is a drunk, so when they invite you over for dinner, they have nothing but booze and seltzer to drink, and they serve some disgusting booze-laced concoction like soup with beer in it?
2. And, if your appetite isn't already ruined, they insist on playing the most depressing whiny torch songs they can find as "dinner music."
3. Why would someone go out with you with the expectation of hooking up with someone and abandoning you in some bar? When you go out together, you come home together, no exceptions.
4. Why would you leave a room without saying "excuse me"? Don't just vanish and have everyone wondering where you went and waiting around like idiots for you to get back!
5. When you spend the night with someone, you get breakfast the next day. Take them out, fry some eggs, slap down some Cheerios, something. Don't just kick them out the door on an empty stomach!