NYSocBoy's Beefcake and Bonding: The Top 10 Hunks of "The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance"

Sep 3, 2019

The Top 10 Hunks of "The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance"

I never saw the original Dark Crystal movie. In December 1982, I was in the middle of my first year in grad school at Indiana University, and I didn't have time for "The Lord of the Rings with Muppets." Seriously, why didn't the estate of J.R.R. Tolkien sue?

And I'm not actually planning to watch the prequel series, The Dark Crystal: Age of Reason (2019). The opening monologue is ridiculously long and complicated, the Hobbits look ridiculous, the characters are impossible to keep track of, and the plot is the standard yawn-inducing defeat the Darkness.

As far as I can figure, the plot involves capitalist vulture-monsters called Skeezix or something, who oppress the gentle, nature-loving Hobbits...um, I mean Gelflings, who don't even realize that they are being oppressed (talk about false consciousness!). The Skeezix are all dying, but they've found a way to stay alive by eating the pink soup that is the Gelfling life-essence.

Meanwhile Darkness is coming, some sort of eco-catastrophe, and it's up to the Chosen One and her ragtag band to defeat it and the Gelfling-eating vulture-monsters. The maguffin is the Dark Crystal, which used to be the source of all life on the planet, but has recently gone over to the Dark Side.

I read ahead -- at some point between the end of the series and the start of the movie, all of the Gelflings are killed. No parallels with the Holocaust there.

But apparently the tv series is gay-positive. Deet, one of the main characters, has two dads, and there's a lesbian relationship between Tavra and Onica.

No beefcake in a show featuring Muppets, of course, but I thought maybe some of the voice actors or puppeteers would exude some hotness.

1.Harris Dickinson (top photo) as Gurjin. He previously starred in Beach Rats, about a teenage boy who identifies as straight but has sex with men.

2. Charlie Condou (left), previously of the British soap Coronation Street as Mitjan. Charlie is gay, adding to the long list of gay actors in the series, everyone from Harvey Fierstein to Benedict Wong.

3. Taron Egerton as Rian. He played a young Elton John in Rocketman (2019), and is apparently gay, also.

4. Jason Isaacs, best known in a blond wig as Lucius Malfoy in the Harry Potter series, as the Skezix Emperor.

5. Victor Yerrid, shown here in the midst of furry S&M cosplay, as the puppeteer who portrays Hup.

6. Theo James as Rek'yr (don't worry, the apostrophes don't have any phonetic significance, they just look cool). He played Four in the Divergent-Insurgent-Allegiant movie series.