"Middle Lower Bogans": Wacko Aussie Mom in one story, wacko race car guys in another. With bonus Aussie blokes

 

Netflix thinks I'll "love" something called  Upper Middle Bogan or Rogan, hard to tell from the font.  Why would I "love," or even click on, a tv program with an icon of a lady's breasts?  Sounds like a hetero-sleaze fest with gyrating ladies on poles.  

Ok, let's take a look, but at the first female body parts, I'm leaving. 

Story #1: Lady is driving through an Australian city, applying makeup and nail polish.  She stops at an elegant suburban house and brings coffee to Hubbie -- Patrick Brammell, below -- who is still asleep. Fully clothed.  Wait - why would you put on makeup and nail polish on the way home?  Are you pretending to go somewhere?

He smooches her all over, but she stops to ask if she looks yellow today, and if she might have bony metastasis. Is something wrong?  Do the breasts on the icon signify breast cancer, not hetero-horniness?  Or is she a hypochondriac? He doesn't care; he still wants some.

Later, they bring lots of birthday presents to the rooms of Oscar and Edwina.  The kids argue over whose room they will celebrate their birthdays in.  Parents note that they dropped Oscar on his head a lot, and besides, he has an e____-- so it will be his room.  Edwina is outraged. Something creepy is going on here.  Do the kids have an immune system disease, or is Mom delusional, and keeping them locked in their rooms?

They compromise with the kitchen, where the kids interact normally.  So all of that creepiness was just to make viewers uncomfortable?  Oscar continues to hide his e___, which makes the parents proud.  They're proud of it?   

Grandma appears, not phased by Oscar's e___ but offended by Dad in underwear -- although she sneaks a peek.  She criticizes everyone else, and gives Oscar a maths tutor for his present.  This enrages Mom -- the monster made her childhood a living hell, and "look how I turned out!  I won't let that happen to Oscar!"

Dad counters that he likes the way she turned out, especially her breasts, which he fondles.  Can't you think of anything else, jerk?  Seriously, though: "I know you're a wacko, but Oscar will be fine.  Besides he's seriously stupid."   He makes an offensive "I'm stupid" face.  Good God, call Child Protective Services.  Dad is seriously abusive.

Mom goes back to the kitchen to prove that Oscar's not stupid by asking him to add 13 and 13.  The answer he gives: 27?

Whoops, Grandma has collapsed, crashing through a glass table.

Story 2: In the emergency room.  You don't get separate cubicles; everyone is in one big room.  The guy in the bed next to Grandma is jerking his arms up and down. 

Mom goes to the lab and checks on Grandma's bloodwork.  Wait -- this seriously mentally ill hypochondriac is a doctor?  How does she examine anyone without freaking out and thinking that she has what they have?

Mom argues with the technician, Sam, about Grandma's diagnosis: "You got the bloodwork wrong. My Mom can't  have Type A, because Dad was Type O and I'm Type B."

"Nope, I drew the blood myself.  She's Type A."

Sam is played by model Kane Felsinger, who doesn't show his chest on screen.

Mom jabs herself to prove that she's Type B.  How is that possible?

She rushes out to confront Grandma: "You can't be my mother. I'm adopted."  After a lot of mishegas, Gradma admits to it.  This is a completely different story from the psycho-parents imprisoning their kids in Scene 1.

At home, Mom breaks the news to the family.  "So she's not our Grandma, she's sort of a friend of the family?"  "No, we'd never want her as a friend."

 Later, in bed, Dad wants to feel her breasts, as usual, but Mom refuses: "What part of you thinks I want to have s_x right now?"  His d*ck, obviously.  "I wonder what my birth parents are like?"  Dad suggests that her mother must have incredibly gorgeous breasts.

More stories after the break

Black Friday: Devon Sawa fights holiday shopper-monsters and wins the Girl. WIth a nude dude from the other movie.

 

Devon Sawa was the wunderkind of the 1990s, starring in some iconic coming-of-age movies with strong gay subtexts --  Night of the Twisters, The Boys Club, Wild America -- while getting the full Tiger Beat Fave Rave teen idol treatment.  In the 2000s he moved on to sleazy horror, like many former teen idols, and audiences moved on.  

After filling my review of Hacks with photos of the grown-up, bulked up, heavily inked Devon, I realized that I hadn't seen any of his work since Final Destination.  So I checked out his more recent work on the IMDB, looking for gay characters or subtexts.

No luck: a lot of gritty, hard-bitten cops, criminals, and cowboys who have sex with ladies. Two TV series: Nikita, with the icon of a lady showing her legs and the phrase "Looks do kill": and Somewhere Between, with an icon of a lady's face and bare shoulders looking bemused as she's floating in the air.  

 

The only one that appeared to have gay content was the horror/comedy Black Friday, about the day after Thanksgiving in the U.S., when shoppers mob the big box stores, jostling each other in search of deep discounts on Christmas presents. 

In this case, the shoppers turn into real life monsters, so toy store employees have to fight them off. I can imagine a lot of comedic bits, like a monster shopper using its disembodied arm to pull toys off a high shelf.  The Google AI notes that one of the characters is gay, and mentions a husband back home. 

Note: two movies called Black Friday, both about shoppers turning into monsters, premiered in 2020 and 2021.  This is the 2021 version.

Of course, I need to watch the trailer before investing in the whole thing.  

Scene 1: Pre-dawn, the morning after Thanksgiving. Toy store manager, horror veteran Bruce Campbell, says  "Happy Black Friday" over an intercom as Christmas music plays.  Horndog Devon Sawa makes a date with The Girl to get pancakes after the big rush is over.  It wouldn't be Christmas without the protagonist devoting his first scene to demonstrating that he's not gay.  

Femme Stephen Peck  assigns New Guy Ryan Lee to the registers.  Ryan Lee played Sue's gay friend on "The Middle," but most likely Stephen Peck, second from the left, is the one with the husband.  Unfortunately, the internet is full of another Stephen Peck, film legend Gregory Peck's son, so research is impossible.

Louis Kurtzman, who wears a flowery shirt, skates over to Gruff Michael Jai White,and announces that he's temping tonight. Flowery shirt -- maybe he's the one with the husband?

Left: Michael Jai White's physique.

Scene 2: Store Manager announces "There's no day more harmful than today." I thought stores made 30% of their sales on Black Friday.  New Guy, Gruff Guy, and a third employee pour booze into their coffees.

Scene 3: Showtime!  Everyone takes their places. They keep saying "tonight," but it must be before dawn on Friday.   

After a few shots of beserk, grabby shoppers, The Girl notices a shopper with head injuries growling about.  He rushes toward New Guy, who overturns a display of balls to stop him.

More after the break.

Dakare Chatman: Ballroom dancer, conservative spokesperson, Christ follower, gay ally

  

Link to the n*de photos

Charleston, South Carolina resident Dakare Chatman has four acting credits on the IMDB:

1. Two episodes as an unnamed high school student on the serial-killer drama Mr. Mercedes, 2019.

2. "Youth Group Teen" in Righteous Gemstones Season 1.  He is especially noticeable in Episode 1.9, where Kelvin tells the youth group that he has transformed himself into "something dark."

3. "Kook," uncredited, on an episode of Outer Banks, 2020.

4. In Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.8, 2022, he returns as "Mr. Dukare,"who  buys Junior's defunct video arcade games.   

More about Dakare: he's a singer, ballroom dancer, Christ-follower, traveler, and optimist, active in the AME Church.  He was on the National Youth Advisory Board of the John Locke Foundation, a conservative think tank, and won their Constituting America Contest twice. This got him an interview on the conservative news show Fox and Friends

Dakare is now the artistic director of Practice to Perform, a semi-pro ballroom dancer, and still active in politics.  In 2024, he was the manager of the re-election campaign for Sheriff Kristin Graziano of Charleston, the first lesbian sheriff in South Carolina history. 

Wait -- Kristin Graziano is a Democrat.  Has Dakare changed parties?

Conservative think tank, AME church, Christ-follower, and gay-positive. A very unusual combination.

This photo from Christmas is rousing my gaydar.  Dakare's Instagram contains no photos of him with any ladies except some friends and dance partners.

Gay or not, I'm sure he won't mind fans appreciating his cuteness.  And that cool, campy cutlery on his kitchen wall.

More after the break

"The Other Two" Episode 3.8: The guy from "AP Bio" tries to bond with an especially jerky Cary. With Ben Platt bonus

Link to the n*de photos

I wanted to know more about Eddie Leavy, below, who plays the queen Anthony on AP Bio, so I reviewed his guest role on The Other Two, Episode 3.8, "Brook Hosts a Night of Undeniable Good."

The premise: The less-than-famous older brother and sister of teen idol ChaseDreams (Case Walker) live in his shadow.

The episode has three plotlines.  I'm reviewing only the third.

A Plot: Chase is getting kickback from his latest bad-boy stunt: "I hate ChaseDreams.  What a loser!"; "Asshole!"  "Everybody thinks I'm a bad guy, he complains.  "And I'm not.  It's giving me anxiety and depression."

His manager gets dollar signs in her eyes as she hatches a new scheme: Chase can become "the face of mental health" and make a fortune!  He's not really suffering from a mental illness, but who cares when there's money to be made?

Sister Brook likes the idea, too.  She has an altruistic boyfriend, and feels guilty about being so selfish, so this will give her an opportunity to prove that she is a good person -- while making money.  

She arranges a telethon to raise money for mental health awareness. Ben Platt, left, and Cameron Kasky, the founder of March for Our Lives, appear as themselves.

B Plot: Mom went from single mother with a famous son to hosting her own talk show to owning a billion-dollar network.  After months in the spotlight, she excitedly plans a trip back to her home town in Ohio, to return to her roots and enjoy everyday activities.

Jacob Dickey, left, appears as Nate.

She hates it.  The small town is boring, her old friends are dolts, and the food is awful.  You can't go home again.

 

C Plot: Cary, Drew Carver, has a 20th year class reunion tonight, but he doesn't want to go because he's not successful enough.  He's in Windweaver, a sword-and-sorcery tv series on Netflix, but it's just a recurring role as "an elf serf," who doesn't even speak.

Then his agent calls: Netflix has picked up the show for three more years, and invited him to be a regular. Turns out that the "elf serf" is actually the Windweaver, orchestrating the events. He'll be speaking.  And he's gay.

Thrilled that he can now "win the reunion." Cary tries to make the eight-hour car trip in six hours by not stopping -- he pees into a bottle and throws it out the window.  Couldn't you use one of your billionaire mother's private planes?

More after the break

"AP Bio": Glenn from "Always Sunny" as a rascally philosophy prof turned high school teacher.

Link to the uncensored review

The television series AP Bio was broadcast on NBC in 2018-19, and then on Peacock in 2020-22, and is now streaming on Netflix.  It stars Glen Howerton, who plays the amoral sociopath Dennis Reyolds on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, so I imagine his AP Biology teacher will be similar.  It may be a nice break from looking for gay characters in endless Christmas romcoms.

Scene 1: Whitlock High School, home of the Rams.  The stereotyped students sit in the classroom, waiting.  Crash!  Jack, played by Glen, has just hit a bicyclist and crashed into the school sign. The biker wants to argue, but Jack scares him away with a crowbar.

In class, he explains that he's an "award winning philosophy scholar" with a free year, so he took a job teaching Advanced Placement Biology.  Ok, that's impossible. College professors can't teach high school; you need a degree in education, plus student teaching experience.  And philosophers can't teach biology; you would need a degree in biology.  How do these tv shows get off, thinking that anybody can be hired as  a teacher?

But he won't be teaching biology.  He also won't be doing any sharing and caring. He's going to be spending the year trying to steal the job of his nemesis as head of Stanford Philosophy, so he can sleep with every woman in California.  I already hate this douchebag.

Scene 2: The students have some questions.  He promises to give them all As if they keep quiet about not learning biology. Upon discovering that a student is named Sarika Sarkar, he starts lecturing on philosopher Prabhat Ranjan Sarkar, but stops when they pull out their notebooks to take notes.  He won't be teaching them philosophy, either. 

Uh-oh, the Principal, Patton Oswalt, would "like a word." At 5' 3", he's a member of the Short Guy Prigade

The Principal is angry about the accident that wrecked the school sign, but Jack fast-talks him into apologizing and promising to be more laid-back.  They hug.  He  asks Jack out for a beer tonight, but Jack will be busy trying to bang his ex.

Scene 3: At home at his "dead mother's house," amid pictures of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, and himself as a geeky teen, Jack is getting drunk-er.   He calls his friend Miles in California while giving 0 stars to his bestselling book of "philosophical rubbish." 

Miles: "It's a shame you were kicked out of Harvard, but stop by anytime you're on the West Coast." Aha, the nemesis!

Next Jack showers.  Beefcake, no nudity.

Scene 4:  The next day, the School Bully, Spence Moore II, knocks down the Troubled Loner Devin,  Jacob McCarthy, and throws his backpack into the river. 

Cut to three lady teachers having lunch and discussing their sex lives: "So my date comes to my house in a sopping wet t-shirt, talking he had just got out of the bath.  What kind of baby-man takes baths?  Let's hear more about that wet t-shirt.

Jack introduces himself, and is asked if he has any interesting dating stories. "No, but tonight I'm going to bang my high school ex."  They are delighted.

Turns out they're all jerks.  "I make the students take a photo of me and show it to their dads." "I make them clean my car to learn about recycling."  Jack is delighted to discover that as a teacher, he make his students do whatever he wants and call it "education."

Scene 5: In class, the students have prepared a rap number about how much they like biology, but Jack cuts them off.  He has a new project: they're going to work together to destroy Miles.  "It's basic utilitarianism.  Jeremy Bentham..." They open their notebooks. "No, don't write that down.  I'm not teaching you!"

The project: catfishing.  Make up fake profiles with pictures of beautiful women, and send him flirty messages.  How will that destroy him?

Scene 6: The students find a video online explaining why Jack was kicked out of Harvard: at his tenure hearing, he attacked an elderly professor, who defended himself and put him in a headlock. Embarrassing tenure fail.

Jack enters and wants to hear their catfish messages.  First up: Troubled Loner Devin: "Dear Miles, you don't know me, but you will. We will marry under the black sun of Satan's breath.  I'll be the final face you see as I wrap my hands around your neck and suck your soul into my mouth."  

Jack likes it, only "make it a bit more feminine."  Sounds like Devin is gay.

More after the break

The Top 10 Hunks of "The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina"

I'm about halfway through The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, the Netflix series revamping Sabrina the Teenage Witch from Archie Comics, although I must admit to fast-forwarding past the many smarmy scenes where Sabrina and her boyfriend Harvey discuss how much they love each other, care about each other, can't live without each other, would die for each other, etc., etc., etc.

The setting is beautifully realized.  Everybody in town lives in a creepy old house; teachers have offices full of heavy furniture and antique books; it's an antique horror movie bathed in sepia light.

I like the witches' religion, an over-the-top Satanism complete with Black Masses, names signed in blood, cannibalism, human sacrifices, and a grunting, goat-hoofed Dark Lord.  But it comes with many realistic, mundane touches, like casually saying "Praise Satan" the way fundamentalist Christians say "Praise the Lord."

I like the over-the-top acting, especially Sabrina's aunts, the dour "what will the other witches think?" Zelda and the cheery "have a cuppa" Hilda, who seems too nice to be evil.  I guess that's the point? 

Sabrina's Scoobies are also drawn with a very broad brush. There's Roz, the freethinking intellectual, who happens to be the daughter of the town minister (except everybody is Catholic); Suzie, the gender-fluid women's rights activist, who happens to be the daughter of a conservative farmer; and Harvey, a working-class jock whose father is downright abusive.  Daddy issues, anyone?

I'm not a big fan of Sabrina,  however: 16 years old, half mortal, half witch, torn between two worlds, gleefully using her magic to right the wrongs of her high school, while scheming to take down the Dark Lord himself.   Really?  Granted, she is the prophesied Chosen One.  Everyone has a vested interest her witchcraft success; Madame Satan, an Archie comics character from the 1950s, returns from oblivion to guide her; but still, that's a staggering amount of hubris.  Even Luke Skywalker waited until he was old enough to vote.

I really disliked a homophobic scene in which Sabrina and her allies get revenge on some bullying jocks (led by Ty Wood, left) by casting a spell to make them hug and kiss each other, then blackmailing them with the photographs.  Threatening to reveal that someone is gay?  Is being gay that shameful?

But, on the plus side, Cousin Ambrose gets a boyfriend, not a girlfriend.

And there's nearly as much beefcake as on Sabrina's sister show, Riverdale.

1. Longtime shirtless aficionado Ross Lynch as Harvey (top photo, right)

2. Ty Wood as the bully.

3. Chance Perdomo as Cousin Ambrose.

4. Darren Mann (left) as the boyfriend.







More after the break

"It's a Wonderful Knife": Psycho-slasher "Wonderful Life" homage with six queer characers and Depner selfies

Link to the n*de photos

It's a Wonderful Knife, appeared on my Hulu feed with an interesting premise: A year after Winnie saves the town from a psycho-killer, she wishes she had never been born, and gets her wish.  So she never existed, and the town is still saddled with the psycho-killer.  She must team up with "town misfit" Bernie to defeat him.

Sounds heteronormative, as usual, but call-backs to It's a Wonderful Life might be fun.  Besides, it stars Justin Long, one of my 1990s crushes.

Scene 1:  Establishing shot of the town of  Angel Falls -- Wonderful Life was in Bedford Falls, har har -- , with Mayor Henry (Justin) extolling the benefits of his new housing development.  Switch to a Christmas festival, with Henry making a speech.  Check out the creepy masked nun-angel atop the Christmas tree -- it will be important later. 

As Main Girl Winnie and her Dad (Joe McHale, top photo) and brother walk home, Mayor Henry and his Adult Brother Buck  (Sean Depner, left) grab them to ask what they thought of his speech.  Brother Jimmy notes that Buck has started an OnlyFans page -- where you subscribe to see a guy's selfies.

He asks "Buck, do you remember me?  You were my PeeWee Football coach!"

Buck ignores him.  Disappointed, Jimmy says "Please shoot me." A very subtle queer moment, but better than nothing: Jimmy is gay.

Sean Depner, who is gay in real life, actually does have a MyFans account, or at least some selfies online.

In other news, Mayor Henry needs an Old Guy to sign over his house so he can build his housing development.  He drags Dad off to  help talk him into it, even though it's Christmas Eve.

Scene 2:  The Old Guy refuses to sign, because his family has lived there for generations, and it goes to his granddaughter after he's gone.   Henry: "You're the past.  I'm the future.  Get with the program, Boomer." Actually, he looks more like the Greatest Generation

Granddaughter Cara comes downstairs, tells Grandpa how much she loves him, and notes that they're both invited to dinner at Main Girl Willa's house tomorrow . Mayor Henry creepily says "You be safe, now," and she's off to the big Christmas Eve party.

Scene 3: At home, Mom gives a rainbow ornament to "my gay son."  Ok, Jimmy is outed.  Aunt comes in with her wife, annoyed because her in-laws won't believe that they are married, not roommates.  Ok, she is outed in her first sentence. That's three gay characters, plus two LGBT cast members -- Willa is played by nonbinary actor Jane Widdop.  This is turning into quite a queer-friendly movie.

Winnie runs out to go to the party with Best Friend Cara -- the only thing standing between Mayor Henry and housing development plan, remember?   Their boyfriends, Eddie and Robbie, will meet them there. 

Back at the ancestral house, Grandpa is staring morosely at the fire, when there's a knock on the door.  It's a psycho-killer dressed like the creepy masked nun-angel!  Why not just steal his heart medication?

Scene 4: At the big party, Winnie wants to make friends with the Town Outcast, but a Mean Girl pulls her away  -- guess what?  Outcast Bernie is a girl.  I bet she was a boy in the first draft, but they changed her gender so...wait...Boyfriend Robbie and Brother Jimmy arrive and brag about their scores at the big football game.  Then Jimmy goes off to cruise a "brooding, artistic type,"  Best Friend Cara and the Mean Girl go off with their boyfriends, and Winnie is left alone.

Scene 5: Cut to Jimmy and the Brooding, Artistic Guy smooching in the woods. Uh-oh, a twig snaps.  It's the Nun-Angel, leaving them alone.  Not a homophobe, anyhow.

Jimmy is played by Aidan Howard, who is gay in real life.  Three queer cast members.

More after the break.