Revival: The dead return in small-town Wisconsin, with zombies, a gay character, a lot of hunks, and four d*cks

 

Link to the d*cks

Netflix just dropped a tv series called Revival, with an icon of a woman "under conviction," heading to the altar?  Sounds cool.

When I was growing up in the Nazarene Church, hearing the same preacher screaming about the same topics (the Second Coming, The Book of Jor-shua, Homa-Sekshuls) three times a week for month after month got a little tedious.  So twice a year we invited an evangelist in for a week-long "revival" to get us revved up again.

Scene 1: Christmastime at the crematorium of Wausau, Wisconsin.  Randy the Creepy Mortician (Graeme Barrett) wheels a cremation box past a dead girl while a female reporter sets up.   He explains the procedure, but wonders if anyone really cares about a story on cremation.  

"It's a piece on unusual jobs, so..."

Suddenly warning lights flash, and inside the dead guy starts yelling "Let me out!"   As the mortician tries to override the system, the door bursts open, and the dead guy jumps out, covered in flames. He runs around screaming.  The corpses in the other chambers are screaming and yelling to be let out, and someone in a body bag sits up. 

Wait -- this isn't about church revivals, it's about the dead coming back to life!  

Scene 2:  Sheriff Wayne (David James Elliot, d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) is arguing with his grown daughter, Dana: "This ain't my fault!  You've been running ever since you fumbled the Black Deer case!"  

"I'm doing what's best for me and Cooper!  After all we've been through..."  

The Sheriff gets a phone call, but can't deal with it, because he's trying to guilt his daughter into not moving away.

But the phone starts ringing "off the hook." "You'll have to come back to work --- it's an emergency.  Go see Randy the Creepy Mortician." 

Scene 3: Dana drives through the rainy December night, listening to 10-33 (emergency) calls.  Suddenly she screeches to a stop, staring in horror.  A bunch of people in suits are walking through the cemetery toward her, asking what's going on.  A n*ked man rushes by (he was buried without clothes).    A little girl wants to know where her mommy is.

Scene 4: TV report: It's been about a month since Revival Day, December 18th, and Mayor Ken (Conrad Coates, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) is finally lifting the lockdown order, but the town is still under quarantine while the CDC investigates the 47 people who revived.  All of them died during the two week period before Revival Day.  I looked it up.  In a town the size of Wausau, Wisconsin, about ten people will die during any two-week period.  This is way too many.

Cut to the Mayor interviewing one of the Revivers.  He felt pain in his arm, collapsed, and then he was in the funeral home, as if no time passed.  

Cut to Dana taking a gross milky bath.  Her friend comes in and complains that: she was supposed to visit her brother at Northwestern, not get quarantined with zombies; a girl she hates was revived; Dana never cleans up; and the lockdown is over, so get out!

Time to send her son Cooper to school.  The mean, aggressive, barbaric boys make fun of the girl who revived, but Cooper thinks she's nice. (Heterosexual identity established at age 11).

Left: Hudson Wurster (Cooper) has a femme affect, but he is surrounded by girls in most of his Instagram photos, so I'm going to identify him as straight.

Scene 5: Nellie's Bar.  Dana stumbles out, smooching with a guy (I can't find him in the cast list). They jump into her cop car and fumble around, trying to do it through heavy coats.  Then the Sheriff calls: she has to go investigate a dead horse.

"So, can I call you?" The hookup asks.  "Sure."  But she doesn't give her number.

Cut to the dead horse, on the property of a rich jerk who writes books about how to live to 100 (cut out red meat, and walk a lot).  There's also a dead coyote on his property, and some small objects that Dana finds disturbing.  I can't tell what they are.

Scene 6: Dana arrives at the sheriff's office, which is swamped by people wanted to know if their loved ones were revived. We meet several quirky small-town deputies, including McCray (Nathan Dales, top photo), a condescending jerk with bad breath; and her ally, Gunderson (Mark Little), "quirky, kind-hearted, the lead bowler of the Pinsconsin Pride."  

Dana wants the list of the Revived, but the Sheriff won't let anyone else see it.  In other news, she's been assigned a partner, and Gunderson calls him "a cutie patootie."  Gay identity established instantly.

Left: Mark Little seems to be straight in real life, but he is inclusive in his comedy routine.  Among the phrases he suggests for "the nonchalant man" to say during bedroom stuff: "Whoa, buddy, that was awesome."

In his office, the Sheriff is arguing with the Mayor about bringing in a guy from the CDC to help investigate the Revived. Shouldn't they have done that weeks ago?  

 More after the break

Best Medicine: Josh Charles as a doctor in small-town Maine, with three gay characters, Josh's backside, and Segarra d*ck

 

Link to the n*de photos

I don't care for tv medical dramas (or comedies, which are medical dramas with jokes), but I remember Josh Charles from Wet Hot American Summer and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and there are some gay actors in the cast list, so I'll give Best Medicine on Netflix a try.

Ugh, the guy's name is Dr. Best.  Having the main character's name in a pun in the title?  That cliche was already ancient in the days of Get Smart and Hart to Hart.  I'm going to just call him Josh.

Scene 1:  Josh arrives at the picturesque town and stands in a long line at the bait store.  A woman gets in line behind him.  The cashier asks if she's ok.  She says she's fine, but starts to break down, and runs out.

Cut to Josh being interviewed for the job offf town physician.   The committee likes the font on his resume.  Uh-oh, the crying, "I'm fine" lady rushes in.  She's on the committee, too.  Love Interest: I called it.

They're ready to offer him the job, because he's the only one who applied, but Love Interest wants to ask a few questions, like "Why do you want to leave the Big City for a small town?"  Yeah, it's mostly women who do that, at Christmastime.

"Um...er...I...um..wanted a change..."  You burned some bridges back home, didn't you, Josh Baby?

Josh's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

The father and son janitors (Carter Shimp, John DiMaggio) come in to break down the wedding arch.  "There was going to be a wedding," head interviewer explains, "But..."  

John DiMaggio voices Bender in Futurama.  Carter Shimp (left) may be gay in real life.  "So how's your bedside manner?" Love Interest asks.

"I don't have one. I use my incredible intellect to cure people of crazy diseases that no one has ever heard of.  They're usually happy."  

Everybody but Love Interest votes to hire him.  He starts immediately, and there are sandwiches.

Love Interest: "I don't trust you. You're sexy...um, I mean arrogant. I'm keeping my eye on you."

Josh: "Speaking of eyes, you might have glaucoma in your left eye.  See your opthamologist right away."

Scene 2: Josh arrives at the Salty Breeze, where proprietor Greg has keys to his office for him.  He introduces his "partner in work and in life," George (Jason Veasey)

Stephen Spinella is gay in real life, and was in the original production of Angels in America.  Jason Veasey keeps his s*xual orientation a secret, but he's on the board of directors of the LGBTQ youth organization Live Out Loud.  Good job of staying closeted, buddy.

They go into detail about why they left the Big City, their pet pig, and the wedding between the Sheriff (Josh Segarra) and Love Interest that got called off. 

The Sheriff arrives with more details: Love Interest dumped him two weeks before the wedding, but he's fine, he's enjoying his freedom, and he's planning a big party for the night he was supposed to get married. So they installed the wedding arch in City Hall two weeks in advance? 

The Sheriff's d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Scene 3: Josh arrives at his office, actually a house, tries to shoo away a dog, and talks to a group of teenagers.  "Dr. Best?  More like Dr. Worst!"  "Is there a Mr. Dr. Best?"  "No, girl, he's from Bougie Boston."  "He's giving off hetero vibes!"  

Another gay character, maybe Liam, played by Josh Hoon Lee, who has a BFA in Musical Theater. Here he's playing Theo, best friend to Jack Hale's Pippin, at the Timber Lake Playhouse.  

Back to Josh: Inside his house/office, he meets his incompetent, content-creating receptionist and his first patient: Gilbert (Michael Potts) has gynecomastia (lady stuff).   "But don't tell my wife.  It's too humiliating."  Wouldn't she notice?

 Josh assures him that it's quite common in older men.  He wants to run some tests, but Gilbert will have to come back after Josh hires a nurse to draw some blood. 

"Why don't you do it?  The needles and tubes are right over there."

"Nope."  Josh rushes out.  Are you too good for phlebotomy, or are you afraid of blood?  A weird fear for a physician.

More after the break

Sterling Point: Queerbaiting, dark secrets, a guy with changing ages, a lot of lesbians, "Heated Rivalry," and some Canadian c*cks.

  

Link to the n*de dudes

When Amazon Prime recommended the 2026 tv series Sterling Point, I searched on its name and "gay," and got an interview where the two male stars, Jacob Whiteduck-Lavoie and Daniel Quinn Toye, said that they were having a Heated Rivalry-type romance.  That's enough for me: I'm in.  

Scene 1: A young woman awakens in her luxury apartment, vigorously scrubs herself while growling, and sits at the kitchen table with her laptop , looking angry.  Her roommate Connor (Keen Ruffalo) is in love again.  Could he be gay?  Nope, "what's her name?"  

She's stressed out because she's waiting to see if she got into the summer program at Wharton, the most prestigious business school in the world.  So you're a high schooler, and the dude is your brother?  I had you figured as a grown up.

"Forget college.  It's the summer before your senior year.  Spend it going buck wild."

Dad Steven pops in with bagels, and asks about Wharton.  She gets word: "No.  My dreams are shattered. It's the end of the life I've been imagining for myself."  Couldn't you, like, get into a good college even without the program? On TV they're always getting into Harvard.

We finally get the girl's name: Annie.

"Now you can have fun this summer," Brother Connor says.  "Why don't you go to Thailand with your 100% straight heterosexual boyfriend?"  

"I can't break up with him until he's ready to come out."  It's 2026.  Nobody comes out. Parents just say "Someday you'll meet the man or woman of your dreams."

Scene 2: Establishing shots of New York, and then Annie's Glee-era gay-stereotype boyfriend Oliver (Luke Avoleda) asks if she wants to watch Cynthia Erivo sing "Edelweiss" at the Kennedy Center.  You're super-femme, you live in New York, and you're not out?  Girl, everyone has known since you were in kindergarten.

"What am I going to do all summer, now that all of my dreams have been crushed?" Annie asks.

"I don't know.  Go on anti-depressants?"

She suggests going to Thailand with him, but he doesn't like that idea.  No getting his gay on with a beard hanging around.

Annie tries to get him to come out, yet again, when Brother Connor bursts into the room: "Grandpa died -- but not the one we like.  Gordon, Mom's Dad, the one who was shady as f*ck, and everybody hated him, so Mom and Dad cut him out of their life, and we've never met."

Scene 3:  Meeting with the lawyer.  Grandpa Gordon left Dad nothing.  The kids get a trust, which they can access when they turn 18, and property in Canada.  He also left them letters, but Dad snatches them up and won't let the kids read them.  Weird family history.  

Left: A professor from Toronto and his hookup, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Cut to Annie trying to sleep.  She looks at a photo of their Mom, who died when she was little (of course).  Why did she hate Grandpa?  Why is Dad so secretive?   

In the morning, she breaks into Dad's safe (never make your birthday your password), and finds dozens of letters -- Grandpa was writing to them all along.  

The one that came with his will: "I'm sorry I didn't fight harder to see you.  I shouldn't have agreed to the plan.  I hope Sterling Point will reveal the truth. Find her."  Obfuscation for its own sake.  Any normal person would reveal who she is.

Downstairs, Brother Connor is being fed and smooched by his girlfriend.  Gross -- I hate adults feeding each other, like they were babies.  She reveals the new intel.  "We have to go to Canada and investigate!"

"What for?  We're adopted, so he's not even our biological grandfather."  

"Ok, I'll go by myself, but cover for me.  Tell Dad I went to Thailand."  So Connor and the gay boyfriend won't be back?

Scene 4: On the plane, Annie pops an Ambien and asks for a blanket and a pillow, not realizing that the flight to Toronto is only 45 minutes long.  Didn't she look at a map?  

At the airport, drowzy, she meets Ellis (Jacob Whiteduck-Lavoie), who will be flying her to Muskoka, the island her grandpa owned.  He's the one in the Heated Rivalry romance.  She's afraid of the seaplane but the only other way to get there is by car, and it would take forever (the real Muskoka Lakes are just 2 1/2 hours from Toronto).

Scene 5:  Establishing shots of Muskoka Island.  Ellis notes that Grandpa Gordon, who owned the whole island, said that he would never rent this house, so it's weird to see Annie moving in.  Isn't she the new owner?

Next question: Nope, no stores on the island, so you have to take a boat to the mainland to get groceries. You could have stocked up before leaving Toronto.

Inside, the place is a mess.  Annie finds her mom's old room, and...a squatter! Nope, just squirrels bringing nuts in to store. 

Next stop: The Marina, where she has to rent a boat to get to the mainland.  She asks Joe the Boat Shop Guy (Negan from The Walking Dead) if he knew Gordon who owned the island.  "Yes.  He was great.  Everybody loved him."

"Did he have...um...family around?  A daughter maybe?"  Terrible sleuthing, girl.  

Problem: She doesn't have a driver's license (many New Yorkers don't bother, because why would you ever drive in the City?  It takes five times as long as walking).  Or a boater's license.  So she can't rent a boat, but his son will give her a lesson. How will that help?  She needs groceries now, and it will take a lot of lessons to get her license.

Wait -- the son isn't around, so the teenage Oona offers to teach her.  "Oona -- beautiful name for a beautiful girl!" Sounds like we got some lesbian representation. But Annie is straight.  Or was that why she was happy with a boyfriend who didn't want to do bedroom stuff -- she's not into guy parts. 

"But you're a terrible boat driver!"

"No, I'm not.  I can handle her," she counters, gazing at Annie.  I'll bet you can...

The lesson begins.  "You handle the tiller -- this thing that looks like a d*ck --  just like a (censored), except twist more."  Are you sure you're a lesbian, Oona?

She tries it, but they start spinning in circles, and she doesn't know how to stop.  Let go?

More after the break

Jacob Tierney: Former teen idol produces homophobic and gay-positive work, has a husband and two wives, but is not a sea monster.

  Note: this got censored for either the non-fully-clothed word or the unalive word, so I've gone through and scrubbed them out.

 Link to the not fully clothed  photos

As the younger generation says, "I was today years old" when I discovered that Jacob Tierney, producer of Heated Rivalry (2025), about gay hockey players, did not voice the gay sea monster in the Disney-Pixar Luca ( 2021).  That was Jacob Tremblay.  They're both gay, their names are almost identical, and I thougt that Luca came out in the 2010s, so it's an understandable mistake.

Correction: Tremblay (not-fully-clothed pic on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) has played only girl-crazy since Luca, and there's no significant boy hugging on his social media.  He may be straight.

But I was sure that I remembered Jacob Tierney as a teen idol somewhere.

Turns out that I remember the other Jacob from the indie film Josh and S.A.M. (1993).  13-year old Josh (Jacob) is upset by "accusations" that he is gay, so he concocts a wild scheme to prove his straightness, including convincing his 7-year brother Sam (Noah Fleiss) that he is a cyborg.  How does having a cyborg brother make you straight? 

They go on a bizarre road trip similar to the one in Motorama, and meet The Girl (Martha Plimpton of The Goonies)

As a child star, Jacob appeared in many other Canadian movies and tv shows.  He was best known for playing 10-year old vampire hunter Max in Dracula: The Series; Greg in the teen soap Watatow; and the sarcastic Eric, who was cut after the first season of Are You Afraid of the Dark?

As a teenager he was best know for The Neon Bible (1995), based on the book by Confederacy of Dunces author John Kennedy Toole.  I thought that guy only wrote the one book, and his mom found it in his room after he stopped being alive, and had it published, to the protests of readers everywhere.

Back to Neon: Shy, awkward David (Jacob, Drake Bell), growing up in an awful Southern Gothic town, finds comfort in the visit of an eccentric aunt.   Critics called it "unrelentingly downbeat": "it starts off dark and gets darker."

In adulthood Jacob began writing, directing, producing, and often  starring in his own films.  He came out at some point, so we should expect some LGBT representation:

Dad (2002): After a year in Africa, Mark comes home to find his Mom dating his best friend (Jacob).   I guess we're not there yet.

Twist (2003): A queer Oliver Twist set in contemporary Toronto, with Nick Stahl as Dodge (The Artful Dodger).  Here's the gay stuff, finally.

The Trotsky (2009): A Montreal high school student (Jay Baruchel) believes that he is the reincarnation of Trotsky.  He starts a revolution and kisses The Girl.  Wait, that's heterosexist...

Good Neighbors (2010): Three friends in Montreal, all straight, one a bad guy.  Hey....

He Hated Pigeons (2015): A man (Pedro Fontaine, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) drives from the north to the south end of Chile to keep a promise to a not-fully-alive boyfriend.  Back to gay content.

More after the break

Deadloch: A Lesbian detective, a n*de male body on the beach, a chunk brother, Luke Hemsworth, and a seal. In Tasmania, probably

 

Usually tv series about a small-town murder begin with a a dead woman (whose naked body is featured), and a male and a female detective are assigned to the case, and fall in love.  In Deadloch, on Amazon Prime, it's a dead man and two female detectives: a big genre change.  

Scene 1: Night.  Two women walk through the town of Deadloch to the beach, where they stumble upon a n*ked man, dead, face up.  One accidentally drops her cigarette onto his extremely impressive p*nis (don't worry, he's not really dead, so it's ok to look).

Cut to the mayor being interviewed on tv about Deadloch's summer festival, an important event for the Tasmanian coastal community.  We see a lot of underwear hung up to dry.  Two women, Dulcie and Cath, are doing bedroom stuff  (fully clothed, thank God). Then Cath goes to workat Deadloch Veterinary Services, and Dulcie (pronounced DULL-CEE) gets a call  about the murder!

Scene 2: Dulcie, the head Constable, and her team, Abby and Sven (Tom Ballard, left), examine the body.  

He's got tattoos from the Deadloch Football (Soccer) Club, and another  of footballer Trent Latham.  So he's a football fan.

The Commissioner calls and refers to the body as "she."  Dulce informs him that it's a "he."  Surprised, he muses: "This sort of thing, you expect a woman." 

 99.99% of the time, yes/  I can't tell you how often a tv series or movie blurb on Netflix begins with "When a woman's body is found."

"Forensics is coming, and we've recruited a detective from Darwin, to lead the case.  Until they arrive, you're in charge."  Darwin?  But that's on the other side of the country from Tasmania, a 7-hour plane flight.  Maybe they mean Darwin Street in Hobart? But that's just a residential street, with no police department.    Did I make a mistake, and this is actually set in the Northwest Territories?

Scene 3: The Deadloch Football Club.  "Where's coach?"   Cut to forensics examining the crime scene.   Constable Dulcie calls her wife to tell her about being assigned to the case.  "But you promised, no more detective work!"

The teenage Tom (Harry Radbone, left) shows up, and recognizes the body as his coach.  Coach's Wife and her son have been notified, and show up screaming.  Someone tackles the Wife to to keep her from seeing the body -- unsuccessfully.  

Dulcie interviews the Wife about their movements last night: "We ate tuna mornay, watched Ninja Warrior, and went to bed and made love."  

"Can anyone verify that?"  Um...the making love part?  "Yes, my son heard us." 

"Did The Coach go to the Beast Master Gym that his brother Gavin co-owns?"  Notice how skillfully they engage in plot exposition?  "No, Gavin was at the harbor putting decals on the boat for their new business, Pro-Bro (protein for bros)."

More after the break

"Crap Happens": Many gay/bi/trans actors, a gay boy, father-son bonding, puppies, a talking duck , and some Deutsch d*cks

 

Link to the n*de photos

After the death of his mother, failed rapper Toni (played by real-life rapper Fatoni, aka Anton Schneider) returns to his backwater Bavaria home town with the charming name Kacken an der Havel, "Pooping on the (River) Havel."  So basically Schitt's Creek.

 He deals with endearing/annoying townsfolk, his mom's much younger boy toy, and Charly, the 13-year old son that he didn't know he had.  While trying to jump-start his rap career.  Hey, Crap Happens.

Right: Anton Schneider.  I don't think he's the same one.

Preliminary research revealed that Charly is played by the nonbinary German actor Sky Arndt, and voiced in the English dub by trans actor Greg Vinciguerra (left, with a post from his tv series  Wolf Pack).

Surely Charly is trans on the show, too.

More LGBTQ representation: The Boy Toy, Johnny Carrera, is played by straight actor Dmitrij Schaad (left), but voiced by JP Karliak, founder and president of Queer Vox, an organization for LGBTQ voice artists.

Vincent Redetzki, who plays school band leader Paule, is gay in real life.

Showrunner Alex Schaad won an Queer Lion Award for Skin Deep (2022), about body swapping and s*xual identity.

That's enough for me. I'll  reviewing Episode 1.3, which is Charly-centric: he experiences "his first heartbreak" and meets his first arch-nemesis.

Scene 1: Fleischer's Towing Service (his Mom's company). Asleep on a day bed, Toni is awakened by his son Charly: he had a nightmare. Can he sleep in Toni's bed?  There's no room, but Charly squeezes in anyway.

The narrator, a talking duckling named Tupac, explains that Charly didn't really have a nightmare.  He just wanted to cuddle with his dad.

Scene 2: Toni is exhausted after getting no sleep, but Charly is energetic, and makes breakfast for him, the duck, and the Boy Toy: Chocolate-ketchup fountain, sausage water coffee, green farfalle, and chocolate scrambled eggs.  Does Charly have a learning disability?   Boy Toy insists that they try it to avoid hurting Charly's feelings, and it turns out to be delicious. 

Boy Toy: "It feels like love in my mouth."  This is completely innocent of double-entendre.

In other news, is it weird to be in love with your cousin?

Boy Toy: It's normal in Mexico.  Toni: It's weird in Germany.

Charlie announces today's plan: Paddleboard limbo (a real sport where you stand on a paddleboat and negotiate a barrier).

Toni: "Sorry, no time.  I have writing to do today." Ms. Muller-Muller has commissioned him to write eight rap songs.

Meanwhile, the evil Mayor Veronica and her son are surveilling them, cooking up mischief.

Scene 3: Toni starts to work on a rap song, but is distracted. Narrator: "He hasn't finished a song in 18 years."

At school, Charly heads for Sascha, his girl cousin. She is played by Sherine Ciara Merai, who is gay in real life, and voiced by Jonna-Lynn Alonso, a bi/pan, genderfluid, femme presenting voice artist. 

Apparently they've considered dating before, and he is reporting on his research.  Genetics: No problem with their offspring.  So Charlie must be cisgender. A trans boy doesn't produce sperm, so...wait, is Sascha a  trans girl?  

 Social attitudes: A problem in Germany, but they can always move to Mexico.

Nope, Sascha breaks up with him.  Narrator: "The first heartbreak of his life."  

More after the break

Panchayat: Gay Subtext Series (With a Little Tweeking) from India

Indian mass media has a rather poor record on gay representation, but that doesn't mean you can't queer the text.  I'm going to go into the Indian tv series Panchayat cold, without any research, because the star Jitendra Kumar is cute.  And I'm going to assume throughout that, no matter what, that the protagonist is gay.

(After watching the episode, I discovered that Kumar plays a gay guy who marries his boyfriend in the 2020 comedy Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan).

Scene 1: A bus through  the desolate Indian countryside of Uttar Pradesh (Americans: think Kansas).  Abishek cuddles against his boyfriend, who wears a fluffy white sweater tied around his neck.  They both ask the conductor when they will reach Phulera.  

Cut to Abishek at the mall, now in a blue sweater with a feminine silver bracelet, explaining to his chubby friend Prateet why he took a job as Secretary to the Village Pachayat (Office of Rural Development).  In a small town 100 miles from the nearest gay bar!  "What choice did I have? I should have gone to a better college."  

Prateet looks on the bright side: "It's not teaching Gay Studies in Paris, but you'll be digging sewers, building roads. Imagine the hunks in your crew, girlfriend!  You'll be getting more action than any of the big city queens.  Come on, I'll buy you a striped shirt.  They're slimming!"

Back to the bus.  Cuddle Bear was just a trick -- Abishek is alone when they finally reach Phulera -- or rather, the dry desolate outskirts. 

Scene 2:  Chubby Prahlad and svelte, stylish Vikas are sitting on a bench outside a run-down government building, waiting for Abishek's arrival:  Prahlad says: "I hope he's a top -- and hung!" Vikas scoffs: "And into you?  Please!"  

Abishek drives up on his motorcycle.  They check out his bulge while Vikas introduces himself as his new assistant.  "And Prahlad is the Deputy Pradhan (deputy mayor, I think). I sent you his profile on Grindr, remember?"

"Sure," Abishek says.  "I'm into chubbies.  We'll talk later."

They are moving Abishek into a spare room in the building.  It's all furnished, but the bed might be too big  -- they didn't know how...um...big Abishek was.

Scene 3: Town rich guy Brij Bushan, husband of the Pradham (mayor?), arrives.  First he makes Vikas wash his hands for him, and then search in his pockets for the key to the building.  Obviously he expects Vikas to grope him.  Abishek is shocked -- what a closet case!  This is the 21st century.  Just come out!

Scene 4: Brij lost his key, so they head to the fields to look for it.  Abishek gets squirted by a water jet and steps in ox poop, and there aren't any hunks around!  He thinks: I wish I was back in Delhi, cruising the waiters at the Cafe D'Etoile!

They can't find the key, so Vikas drives into town to fetch a locksmith.

While they are waiting, Brij invites Prahlad home for "um...a cup of tea."  He refuses.  Not into Daddies!

Scene 5:  Brij's house.  He tells his battleaxe wife: "I'm thinking of inviting the new Secretary over for dinner."  She yells: "Sure, invite the Secretary, and those two queens from the office, and all of your Grindr hookups ! Turn this house int a gay bar!  I don't mind!"

Scene 6:  Abishek is walking through the disheveled, rundown, old-fashioned village, where women still wear saris and carry water jugs on their heads, and the men are all homophobic: "You dress mighty fancy.  Where are you from, San Francisco?"  Or else they try to grift money from him.

Scene 7: Abishek waits at the office.  Finally Vikas returns, with no locksmith and a convoluted story about how he got into a motorcycle accident.  They have to break the lock to get into the building.

Cut to Battleaxe Wife yelling: "You're not breaking my lock, you worm! Let the office stay closed!"

"But the Secretary will have no place to stay -- unless he stays with us."

"What?  You want to move one of your boyfriends into my house?  No way! Just break the lock!"

Scene 8: Night.  Abishek arrives at Brij's house for dinner.   Brij cautions him: "The situation inside is delicate, so be careful.  Stay in the closet, ok?"  

The two eat.  Wife cooks, but is too homophobic to join them.

Scene 9:  Back at the office.  Vikas didn't break the lock -- he broke the whole door down. 

A horrible, dark, dusty room, with papers and furniture scattered everywhere.  An antiquated computer.  Beefcake pictures of Rama and Vishnu on the walls.  

They leave Abishek to his squalid digs.  He calls his friend Prateet in the city. "This is much worse than I expected!  I want out!  I want to come home!"

"But sweetie, the only way you can get another job is to clear CAT (the Common Admission Test for graduate management training)" Prateet tells him. "Besides, this experience will look good on your resume.  You've seen the real India, the down-to-earth Middle America of India!"

"The Middle America of India is full of closet cases and homophobic idiots.  I'm studying for the CAT.  Send me the books, in care of Vikas Khan."

"You have a boyfriend already?  Girl, I told you there'd be wall to wall hunks!"

"Just write down the address."

We zoom out to the utter darkness of the countryside.

The end.

I changed a tiny bit of dialogue, but otherwise this is a major gay subtext series.

See also: Deli Boys: Brothers discover a secret about their Dad.  With lots of gay characters and some random Pakistani d*cks

Never Have I Ever: Indian teenage meets the bulge that can raise the dead

Twin Peaks: The owls are not what they seem

In the spring of 1990, many tv viewers were persuaded to turn away from the Thursday night juggernaut of The Cosby Show -- A Different World -- Cheers -- and Wings to watch Twin Peaks, a tv series created by surrealist director David Lynch, to learn "Who killed Laura Palmer?"

No one knew that the answer would become so darn convoluted.

The premise: popular high schooler Laura Palmer of Twin Peaks, Washington, is found murdered.

FBI Agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan, best known for Lynch's homophobic Blue Velvet) is called in to investigate, and works with local sheriff Harry S. Truman (Michael Ontkean, best known then as the gay guy from Making Love).

Gradually they discover that everyone in town has multiple dark secrets.  There are weird alliances and interconnections.  A middle-aged woman regresses to a teenager.  Laura's psychiatrist commits suicide.

Cooper has a dream of a backward-talking dwarf who is From Another Place, who makes cryptic utterances like "when you see me again, I won't be me" and "everybody is full of secrets."

Laura had several secrets of her own.  One wonders how she found time to hang out with her boyfriend  (played by Dana Ashbrook, left), when she was having affairs with several older men, as well as working as a prostitute to support her drug habit.  (In David Lynch's world, prostitution is the Ultimate Evil).

After seven episodes, the first season ended, with lots of clues but no answers.

During the summer of 1990, The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer was published, and became a must-read.  It offered no new clues.

You could also get Twin Peaks: An Access Guide to the Town, with tourist information about the town, including the cafe where Cooper got his "damn fine coffee!" and cherry pie.

In September 1990, the second season began, on Saturday nights.

A giant who may be an alien warns Cooper that "The owls are not what they seem."

Whatever that means.

Laura appears in a vision and says "Sometimes my arms bend back."

Whatever that means.

Cooper learns of Black Lodge, which can manipulate world events.

There was no way to unite all of the plot threads into a coherent whole, so in December they threw in a lame explanation -- Laura was murdered by her father, who was being possessed by a being named BOB, who was working for the Black Lodge, who...or something like that.  And everyone scratched their head and said WTF?  All this to murder a teenager?

This was the homophobic David Lynch, so of course there were no gay characters, other than some leering effeminate villains, and some unintentional gay subtexts in the interaction between Truman and Cooper.

No beefcake to speak of.

So why did Twin Peaks gain so many gay fans?

Maybe it's the sinister small towns.  In West Hollywood many of us came from small towns, and remembered them as prisons where everyone had lots of secrets.


Maybe it was wishful thinking.  We were waiting for one of the "secrets" to be about being gay.

Or maybe it was our own hidden knowledge.  Before the 1980s, and often after, kids grew up unaware that gay people exist.  There was a conspiracy of silence that could be overcome only through seeking out subtexts, euphemisms, things left out, clues hidden from view.  We knew more than anyone that "the owls are not what they seem."

See also: Josh Fadem: From Tulsa to "Twin Peaks," with coffee, zombies, a corrupt lawyer, a glory hole, and his d*ck

Twin Peaks: The Return: Paranormal weirdness 25 years later.  See if you can figure out what's going on.

Jamie McGuire: The Smiley Creature from "From," with Halifax hunks and a nude Dylan Sprouse

Link to the nude photos

From, on MGM+, is set in the ruins of a small town, with a diner, a police station, a hotel, a farm, and some houses, where stranded travelers from various parts of the U.S. get stuck.  Every night humanoid creatures appear, dressed in 1950s costumes -- mechanic, nurse, librarian, tv cowboy.  They try to lure you outside, or trick you into letting them in, whereupon they turn into monsters and kill you.  

The Creatures are the main threat, and one of the biggest mysteries, in From. They are impervious to most weapons, but they don't have paranormal powers.  Their physiology is human, but dessicated, as if they've been mummified.  They were once regular humans: a Creature named Jasmine says "I didn't ask to be this way."  My theory is that some sort of dark magic went wrong during the 1950s, zapping the town into a pocket universe and transforming some of the townsfolk into Creatures.

Jamie McGuire's Smiley Creature has become a fan favorite, due to his especially huge, creepy grin and his quirky personality: he  seems delighted to be part of the world again.  He feels furniture, picks up objects.  He climbs aboard a stalled bus and plays at driving it.   

He was killed in Season 2, but Creatures never really die, so chances are he'll be back in Season 3.

Without the creepy grin, Jamie is quite handsome, so I wanted to know more about him.  

He's been interviewed a dozen times, but mostly about the Smiley Creature -- and he doesn't know any more than we do.  He just puts on a creepy grin and follows the director's instructions.

Researching Jamie McGuire turns out to be extremely difficult.  A Google search yields 3,000 entries about a romance novelist named Jamie McGuire, mostly reviewing two of her books that have been made into movies, Beautiful Disaster and Beautiful Wedding.    Dylan Sprouse, top photo, stars as an inked bad boy boxer. 

More Jamie after the break

"From", on MGM Plus: "Lost" in a Small Town, with Real Men Protecting their Wives and Kids

 

Amazon Prime has been pushing me to watch an episode of a series called From, a one-word title that's impossible to research, but apparently it's about a small town where "you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave." LGBT people who grew up trapped in homophobic small towns can relate. 

 It stars Harold Perrineau, Michael on Lost, so doubtless it has some intriguing mysteries inside mysteries.  And hopefully, 18 years since Lost premiered, more gay characters.

Only problem: this is a drug-dealer "first taste is free" setup.  One free episode to get you hooked, and then you have to pay.  I'm not paying, but I'll take the first taste.

Opening: MGM tells us that this is a MGM production, that MGM has always produced the world's best movies, that this is a MGM production, and that you need to subscribe to watch the other episodes.

Scene 1: A very run-down rural community, rusty cars, unpainted buildings.  Michael from Lost walks down the dirt road, ringing a bell.  People walk toward their houses. A waitress kicks two customers out of the diner -- closing time -- and touches a strange icon handing from the wall.  Michael passes a terribly cliched little girl on a swingset holding a doll. She's obviously a goner, but the background song broadcasts it: "Little girl, so young and pretty, you'll be dead before your time is due."  

In an old person's home, Deputy Kenny (Ricky He) tries to convince his eldery father, who has dementia, to go into the basement.  The nurse pulls him down; Kenny flirts with her and leaves.  

Some hippies are playing with a ball outside an old mansion.  They drop it and go inside.

Deputy Kenny joins Michael from Lost -- I guess the character is named Boyd -- and asks if it is all clear.  Yep.  Sheriff Boyd goes into the post office -- "96 nights without incident."

Scene 2:  A bearded guy tries to rouse the drunken, sleeping Frank.  His boyfriend?  No such luck -- he's the father of the swingset girl.  Bearded guy can't rouse him, so he puts tarps over the window and touches his weird icon.

Meanwhile, Swingset Girl and her Mom are wondering what's keeping Frank -- it's getting dark!  Mom sends Swingset Girl upstairs to say her prayers  -- "If I should die before I wake," hint hint.  Suddenly Grandma calls to her from outside the window: "Let me in!  I'm so lonely!"  The idiotic Swingset Girl opens the window, whereupon Grandma turns into a screaming monster.  

Opening Theme: Ahh!  It's most horribly sad, depressing song ever recorded! End of the world, end of everything, no hope, darkness, despair.  Who in his right mind would use that song for an opening theme? Do they want the audience to commit suicide?  I fast forward past, but still, I heard a few words... Now I'm going to be depressed all day.  

No, I'm not going to tell you what the song is.  That would require me to think about it.  

Scene 3: Ok, on to the much less disturbing show.  A nuclear family driving down the highway in a huge RV -- the behomoth actually has a hallway!  Teenage daughter is torturing her little brother by claiming that one of his finger puppets is dead, killed by a monster.  Foreshadowing, anyone?  Mom calms him down by pointing out that monsters don't exist, so the puppet must be alive. Foreshadowing, anyone? Dad (Eion Bailey) congratulates her on her parenting skills. 

Scene 4: Morning.  Frank (Bob Mann), who was too drunk to go home, stumbles toward his house.  Everyone is gathered round.  Sheriff Boyd attacks him: "You're a Man!  A Man takes care of his wife and kids!"  How stultifyingly sexist.  "Your wife and daughter were killed last night, and it's your fault!"  How could he have helped?  Swingset Girl let the monster in.  Sheriff  Boyd sentences him to lock-up, which will become a death sentence if he is detained overnight.

Meanwhile, the Nuclear Family is stopped by a giant tree blocking the road. Dad, who is a Man, tries to muscle it aside, but is unsuccessful.  They have no choice but to turn around. 

Scene 5:  Sheriff Boyd visits the hippie commune.  Head hippie Donna points out that he's not welcome there, but he asks to see his son.  Ok, just this once. Ok, the sheriff is hetero, but maybe the son is gay?

No such luck: Son Ellis (Corteon Moore) is in his art studio, painting a lady's portrait.  He points out how beautiful she is.  At least his shirt is open, so we get some beefcake.

Son Ellis is shocked to find out that they lost "Lauren" to the monsters last night. "Lauren is..." "I know who she is!" Lost-style mystery for its own sake.  Most of them were never resolved. 

Scene 6: The Nuclear Family driving back the way they came.  But it looks all different. Where's the highway?  They end up at the town, where everyone is gathered for the funeral of Swingset Girl and her Mom, with a priest giving the eulogy (tv tropes: all Christians are Catholic).  They all glare at the newcomers and scatter.  Sheriff Boyd gives them directions back to the highway.

They drive, but end up back at the town!  They stop to ask for directions again, and are ignored.   A girl in a 1930s sun dress complains to her overall-wearing brother that it's always bad for the new arrivals, who think that they will be able to leave.   He goes out to the barn to feed the animals.  I was wondering how they eat in this town.

The Nuclear Family ends up back in town a third time!  They argue.  Mom criticizes Dad's ability to follow directions, a major insult for a Man.  They turn around and head out again, while the townsfolk watch.  Deputy Kenny: "You think they're ready?"  Sheriff Boyd: "Go get the strip." Comic strip? No, he means a spike strip, used to stop cars.

Scene 7: During their fourth try, they hit an oncoming car and crash into a ravine!  They are all ok, except for the preteen boy, who has a table leg through his thigh! (Another inch, and he'd have been castrated, which might have impacted his chances of growing up to be a Man).  

The driver of the other car (Tobey), dazed from a head injury, stumbles toward town.  Deputy Kenny takes him to the clinic, while Sheriff Boyd investigates.  A passenger, Jade (David Alpay, left), is unhurt but obviously high.  "You have an amazing face," he tells the Sheriff, who recoils in homophobic disgust and handcuffs him to the car door.  So Jade is gay?  No such luck: Jade says that all of his rescuers are "so beautiful!"  

The Sheriff then tries to rescue the Nuclear Family. Son Ellis, Town Priest, and an EMT help.

Meanwhile, at the clinic, 1930s Sun Dress girl approaches Tobey, the driver of the other car, and reassures him that the accident wasn't his fault.  She kisses him, then stabs him through the jaw!  

Scene 8:  The Nuclear Family is all rescued, except for the preteen son: it will take two hours to extricate him from the table leg, and the sun will set in one hour!  The Sheriff tries to convince Dad that a Man takes care of his family, so his wife and daughter should go into town, where it's safe.  Ok, but Dad is staying.  So they block the windows and put up the weird icon (gee, even upside-down, that RV is the size of a house!).

Meanwhile, on the way back with  Mom, Daughter, and "You're all so beautiful!" Jade, Son Ellis and the Town Priest accidentally run over the spike strip!  And it's almost dark!  They have to run to the hippie commune: "No matter what you see, no matter what you hear, do not stop!"  So the monsters have to lure you?  They can't just grab anyone outside? 

Scene 9:  Back in the RV,  Preteen Son has a seizure.  While Dad and the EMT try to help, Sheriff Boyd looks out the window.  "They're coming," he says, as the monsters converge.  They look like people: a blond woman in a dress, a guy in a workman's suit, an old-fashioned lady librarian-type.  The end.

Beefcake: Just Son Ellis semi-shirtless.

Heterosexism: Two nuclear families, two boy-girl flirtations.

Sexism: Male-female gender polarization everywhere, with a lot of patriarchy, strong, powerful men protecting weak, passive women.

Drinking Game: Every time someone says one of these phrases, you take a drink.  You'll be drunk by minute 45: each appears about 20 times per episode.

1. Can I ask you something?

2. Are you alright?  Not really. 

3. It's not your fault.

Also closeups of people holding hands.

Gay Characters: The town doctor has a girlfriend back home. Fatima makes out with men and women both.  Daughter Julie has a crush on Fatima.  Lots of lesbian/bi women, no gay men.

My Grade: I might continue watching, just for the mystery, and it might be interesting to see the characters' lives before they were trapped on the Island (um,..I mean, in the small town).  If it weren't for the horrible sexism.  And the paywall.  And that depressing theme song....

Update after three episodes: Jade and Deputy Kenny have a little spark, but they both express heterosexual interest as well.  No beefcake except a guy having sex with a woman, and she's on top.  I think the monsters decide to bring people into the village that they think will be fun to hunt; like when the nuclear family mom and daughter got killed, they immediately brought in a new pair.

"The Dead Don't Die": By-the-numbers Zombie Apocalypse with some gay subtexts and Josh O'Connor nude

 

Link to the NSFW review

The problem with Movie Night is, I'm asked to choose something from the "new selections" on Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime,  and MAX, with no research, just a cover blurb.  Then, if it turns out to be awful, I get blamed: "You picked this!"  

Last night I selected The Dead Don't Die on Hulu, because it starred Bill Murry and it was about zombies in a small town.  I was wondering if anything new could be said about zombies after so many years of being blasted by Zombie Apocalypses.  

No. Other than a few absurdist touches, like characters being aware that they're in a movie and an alien spaceship that appears out of nowhere, picks up Tilda Swinton, and vanishes, it's the standard. Due to..um...fracking?,,, day and night get mixed up, cell phones don't work, and the dead re-animate.  

They crawl out of their graves, fully corporeal,  even though some have been dead for centuries -- and eat the living in a small Pennsylvania town.  Maybe everywhere in the world. The only suspense is wondering who will get eaten next.

This movie needs an editor.  Cop #1 enters the diner to look at the two zombie-eaten waitresses. We see one, then the other, with their innards turned into spaghetti.  Cop #2 enters to look.  We see one, then the other again.  Cop #3 enters to look.  We see one, then the other a third time!  

But on the bright side, there is no hetero-romance, and we see many gay subtexts.  Probably unintentional.

The main zombies and zombie-dinners are:

1.-3. Three big city hipsters:Austin Butler, top photo; Luka Sabbat; and Selena Gomez.  They stop for gas and for some reason decide to stay overnight in the town's decrepit hotel instead of continuing on to Pittsburgh. Selena flirts with every guy in sight, even when she doesn't want to get something from him, but there's no indication that she's dating either of the guys.

4-7. Police officers Bill Murray and Adam Driver, second photo.  Adam asks the female police officer at the station for a date, and Bill had an affair with town drunk Carol Kane.  But the two end up together, with a sort of buddy-bonding going on before they are killed.

8-9. Neither racist farmer Steve Buscemi or cat-loving hotel manager Larry Fessenden have wives at home, mention dead wives, or flirt with the gals at the diner.

10-12. Caleb Landry Jones, who runs the gas station/horror movie memorabilia shop, seems to have a crush on delivery  driver RZA.  He almost asks him for a date, but loses his nerve. Later he is trapped in a hardware store with Danny Glover, and almost grabs his hand before they are eaten.

13-14. Iggy Pop, who was famous a long time ago, is a hippie zombie who, along with a girlfriend, invades the diner, kills the two waitresses, and drinks coffee.

15. Sid O'Connell, a guard at the juvenile detention center

And the survivors:

1-3. Jahi Winston, an inmate at the town's juvenile detention center, keeps hanging out with two girls.  The guards punish him for it and ask if he wants to be a girl.  We can conclude that he's gay, hanging out with a lesbian couple.  The trio actually survives, or at least we don't see them being eaten.

3. Tom Waits is a grizzled old hermit who watches the events through binoculars, and ends the movie with an annoyingly self-rightous diatribe about how it's our own fault for...um...having stuff like tv sets and cell phones?

I thought the movie was a lengthy commercial for Sturgill Simpson's song "The Dead Don't Die."  It plays on the radio like twelve times, and everyone stops their zombie-fleeing to comment "This is a great song!"  They latch onto CDS as if they are the Holy Grail, even stealing them from zombies.  But it turns out that Simpson wrote this song for the movie, and only released it as a single, then an album, when fans started yelling for it.

So what's the point of everyone lapsing into orgiastic ecstasy over it?

My Grade: B

Nude photos of Iggy Pop, Caleb Landry Jones, and Jack O'Connell on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends