I do not love thee, Justin Long. With an homage to "Green Eggs and Ham," and Justin's d*ck and backside and such

 

     Link to the n*de photos

I first saw Justin Long in the slasher movie Jeepers Creepers (2001): the teenager's sister states specifically that he is gay.  But he's straight.  Grr.

Then Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008): he plays gay porn star Brandon St. Randy, an interminably offensive stereotype sleaze.  Grr.

Then Strange Wilderness, F is for Family, Drag Me to Hell, Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, It's a Wonderful Knife....almost every one of his characters grates on my nerves.

 In Latin class we learn the famous story of Oxford student Tom Brown, who was constantly getting in trouble.  The tyrannical dean Dr. Fell ordered him to translate the 32nd epigram of the Roman poet Martial.  So he said:

I do not love thee, Dr. Fell.  The reason why, I cannot tell.

But this I know, and know full well: I do not love thee, Dr. Fell.

That's where I got my title, "I do not love thee, Justin Long."  But for the poem, I think I'll use Green Eggs and Ham,

I do not love thee, Justin Long

I do not love thee as a tease

I do not love thee as a sleaze

I do not love thee carrying books.

I do not love your nasty looks.

I do not love thee climbing a rock;

Why would you need to hide your c*ck?

I do not love thee being hugged by a  dude.

You didn't hug back; it just looks rude.

I do not love thee you getting down.

Not with a girl's legs all around.

I do not love thee in Robin's tights.

After Burt's bulge, it doesn't look right.

More after the break

I do not love thee in boxers or briefs.

All you do is bring me grief.

I do not love thee on a date.

With the girl in a shirt, it's just a queerbait.

I do not love thee with a map.

I do not love thee taking a nap.

I do not love thee soaking wet.

I'd only go down if I lost a bet.

You've got a nice chest; I'll give you that.

But you're a queer-baiting, gay-joking, turncoat brat.

So get out of town, and let me be.

Wait -- what night did you say you're free?

See also: 

"Weapons": Mysterious disappearances, a positive gay couple, a scary clown lady, a femme boy, and a lot of n*de dudes. What's not to like?

"It's a Wonderful Knife": A "Wonderful Life" psycho-slasher homage with six queer characters and Depner d*cks

Holy Mortadella, Batman: The Boy Wonder's Beneath the Belt Bulk

Jay and Silent Bob are Still Alive, Still Life Partners, and Gay-Positive

The Gay World of Dr. Seuss