Link to the n*de photos
The Landlord: Young, extremely successful business person Harper Marlowe drives 4 1/2 hours from London to a village in Herefordshire, where she will be renting a huge mansion from landlord Geoffrey, who has bad teeth (an important character trait). He is shocked that Harper can't play the piano, and upset that she reserved the mansion as "Mrs.," but there's no husband with her.
The Screaming Being: Harper takes a walk through the woods, and finds a huge tunnel going nowhere. Suddenly a being appears at the other end, and runs toward her, screaming in anger or terror. She runs.
The N*ked Man: On the way back, she walks through an abandoned village. There's a n*ked man following her: a mid-40s bear type with a hairy chest, a little belly, and a nice c*ck.
She runs back to her mansion, but the N*ked Man follows. He peers in the windows, pulls apples from the tree, and shoves his hand through the mail slot, trying to get in. He appears unable to speak. He is not threatening, just curious, as if he's never seen a house -- or a human being -- before.
Harper calls the police. They arrive, handcuff the guy, and lead him off.
The Green Man: Harper takes another walk, and stumbles across an old church. Strangely, the altar contains a stone carving of the Green Man on one side, and on the other a man giving birth.
The Back Story: Harper kneels, starts sobbing, and flashes to her back story.
In an elegant apartment near the Tower Bridge in London, Harper tells her husband (Paapa Essideu) that she wants a divorce. He begs, pleads, yells, and threatens self-harm. Finally he punches her, and she kicks him out. A few moments later, he comes plummeting past the window. Apparently he broke into the apartment upstairs, and either jumped or tried to climb down to her balcony, and slipped. Either way, he glares at her accusingly as he falls.
The Mentally Disabled Boy: Outside the church, Harper encounters a person wearing a creepy Marilyn Monroe mask. The mask comes off -- it's a mentally disabled boy, asking her to play hide and seek. She refuses, so he calls her nasty names.
More after the break
The Vicar: The Vicar, who has long silver hair, comes to the rescue, telling the Mentally Disabled Boy to sod off. Harper tells him the back story, and the Vicar responds that she should feel guilty, since Husband's death is obviously her fault. After he hit her, she should have talked to him and given him a chance to apologize.
He then tries to make it with Harper, who tells him to sod off.
Whoops, the N*ked Man is back, walking around, trying to get into the mansion. Now he is covered with marks, as if he's been cutting himself.
The Pub: That night Harper walks to the local pub, where everyone glares angrily at her. I've been in English pubs. That's exactly what happens: "How dare a tourist invade our space?"
She tells Geoffrey the Landlord about her problems with the N*ked Man, and he promises to protect her.
The Cop who arrested the N*ked Man enters and explains that they let him go: nothing to charge him with. Um...criminal trespass? Stalking? Indecent exposure? This upsets Harper, but she's not going to let one crazy guy (actually, several crazy guys) ruin her holiday.
Everybody at Once: That night the lights flicker and go out, the wifi goes, and the Cop and the N*ked Man appear outside the mansion.
The Mentally Challenged Boy smashes a window and throws a dying raven at her, while calling her names.
She runs upstairs to the bathroom, but the Vicar follows. He recites the poem "Leda and the Swan," and tries to r*pe her. She stabs him and runs away. Maybe she can jump into her car and leave?
On the way out she hits Geoffrey the Landlord, He pulls her out of her car and tries to run her down, but she avoids him. He crashes and is killed.
The N*ked Man appears again, this time pregnant. He gives birth to a bloody thing, and dies. The thing turns into Geoffrey, already pregnant. He gives birth to another bloody thing, and dies. And on like that: Mentally Challenged Boy, the Vicar, the Cop...
Hubbie's Ghost: Harper is back in her apartment with the ghost of her Husband. She asks what he wants. "I want you to love me."
The next day, Harper's female friend arrives from London and follows a trail of blood to an old stone amphitheater, where Harper is sitting by herself. Smiling. The ordeal is over.
Beefcake: A lot of the N*ked Man, of course. The Husband, but he's all bloody. All of the guys giving birth, if you like seeing c*cks while someone is bloody, bloated, and screaming.
While researching this review, I discovered that all of the men in the village-- the Landlord, the Cop, the Mentally Challenged Boy, the Vicar, everyone in the pub -- were played by Rory Kinnear. They look completely different, so you'd never know. So why not hire different actors to play them?
Gay Characters: The Mentally Disabled Boy in the Marilyn mask is sort of a drag queen. Men giving birth is gender-transgressive.
WTF: I have two theories. The various men of the village are aspects of Husband's personality, conjured up after his death to punish her for the breakup.
Or: When she arrives, Harper picks a pear from the tree. Landlord is upset by this, calling it "the forbidden fruit." Maybe they're all emanations of the Green Man, seeking revenge for...um...daring to eat a pear.
See also: Gangs of London: A gay assassin, his boyfriend, a gay mafia son, some parties, and a lot of violence and d*cks. With Paapa Essidue.Julian Hilliard: A gay superhero and two gay-subtext boyfriends, but is he gay in real life or just teasing? With some co-star c*cks. With Rory Kinnear.
"The Third Day": Jude Law in "The Wicker Man," with scissor goblins, a dead son, and Will Rogers
No comments:
Post a Comment
No offensive, insulting, racist, or homophobic comments are permitted.
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.