Link to the n*de photos
Who can resist an old guy? A silver fox, 50 or 60 or 70, with the tight toned body that comes from spending every day at the gym, decades of experience in putting things in all the right places, and a huge disposable income ("I'm going to China next week. Want me to bring you anything?" ) . So I'm looking forward to The Boroughs, a new Netflix series about paranormal shenanigans in a creepy retirement community. There will probably be an elderly gay couple hanging around, and there will certainly be a lot of elderly beefcake.
Scene 1: A creepy cul-de-sac of ranch-style houses, surrounded by desert, with a mountain in the background. We zoom into one, where an elderly lady (Dee Wallace of The Stepford Wives) is eating a tv dinner and watching Jeopardy. She facetimes her husband Edward (Ed Begley Jr.) at the Manor. He wants to come home, but she won't permit it. He says "The owls are in the walls."
Ed Begley Jr. played the physics professor mentor on Young Sheldon, starring gay actor Iain Armitage.
She falls asleep watching The Golden Girls. Suddenly the tv turns itself off, and scary tentacles creep down the walls. A monster attacks! And I thought Edward at the Manor was facing paranormal.
Scene 2: A lady and her husband Neill (Rafael Casal) drive
"Welcome to the Boroughs,, where you'll have the time of your life."
Grandpa (flatly): "Ironic slogan for a place people come to die."
They cross the town square, full of grinning oldsters, and on to the isolated cul-de-sac. Movers are already putting his furniture in, plus whatever was left behind by the last resident -- the lady who was eaten. Her husband is still in an assisted care facility.
Their AI assistant, Seraphim, asks "What can I do to make your day more enjoyable?" Grandpa isn't having it; he pulls the darn device out of the wall. Back Story: His wife wanted to move to the Boroughs, but she recently died, and he doesn't want to be in a square coffin by himself.
Daughter suggests that if he really hates it there, he could come live with them. No, their place is too small. Besides, he sunk all of his money into this retirement community, and signed a contract. He's stuck.
Grandpa is played by Alfred Molina, the murdered boyfriend of playrwright Joe Orton in Prick Up Your Ears (1987).
Scene 3: As Grandpa unpacks, he sees a commercial featuring the CEO of the community. Maybe if he asks nicely -- or angrily -- the guy in charge could release him from his contract and return some of his money.
Next door neighbor Jack drops by with a "welcome wagon" six-pack of beer. He starts spewing about his golf game, sleep apnea, "touch of the gout," and difficulty maintaining his goal of entertaining ladies every night. Girls, girls, girls! Heterosexual identity established at Minute 13. Finally he invites Grandpa to a neighborhood barbecue. "No thanks, I hate barbecues. And people. And...well, just about everything."
Left: Jack is played by Bill Pullman, known for his underwear scene (and torture) in The Serpent and the Rainbow
Scene 4: Grandpa awakens in bed with his wife (Jane Kaczmarek). I thought she was dead? They hug, kiss, close-up hold hands (so you can see their wedding rings), and discuss their plans for the day (gender polarized shopping/working on the car). It goes on and on, and becomes more and more soppy-maudlin. Is this a dream, or is an evil succubus trying to control him?
Jane Kaczmarek played the Mom on "Malcolm in the Middle" and the 2026 sequel "Life's Still Unfair," which has gay and nonbinary characters.
It was a dream: Grandpa awakens to revving - the Girl Next Door (Geena Davis) trying to get her car started.
The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in the Media sponsors research on female and LGBTQ representation.
There's also an old guy doing tai chi, which disgusts Grandpa. You basically hate everyone, don't you? Oh, wait, you already told us that.
Scene 5: Tai Chi Guy (Clarke Peters) goes into the house, where his wife (Alfre Woodard) has intel on the new guy. So, is she in charge of the nefarious plot? No, she's just a retired reporter, passing the time with social media stalking. I'd better get some nefarious plot soon, or I'm leaving.
Grandpa goes to the company headquarters, a huge building with a giant atrium. Apparently this community is much more extensive than the isolated cul-de-sac we've seen so far. The receptionist tells him that the CEO is out today.
Suddenly he flashes back, or has a new memory, of yelling at his wife for picking up the wrong kind of onions. She calms him down, they dance, things get sickening, with lots of smooching and fast-forwarding -- and suddenly he's back at headquarters. He wonders if he's going crazy.
Scene 6: Two security guards, Hank and Paz (Eric Edelstein, Carlos Miranda), are sent to the Community Center, where the Girl Next Door is teaching an art class. She complains that a bag of rose quartz has been stolen, but they don't want to report it. Head Guard Hank warns that if she insists, they'll claim that she's losing her memory, and should be sent to the dreaded Manor.
Scene 7: That night, Grandpa falls asleep on the couch watching an old movie. In the morning, he's awakened by the revving of the Girl Next Door's car. He fixes it for her, but won't say "You're welcome" in exchange for her "Thank you." So she yells at him.
Back in the house, he finds Edward, from Scene 1 (the one whose wife was eaten). He yells that the owl is in the wall, blames Grandpa for taking away his wife, and attacks. After subduing him, Grandpa wants to call the police, but the security guards explain that this is unconsolidated territory, with just a sheriff, so for most things they depend on security. And the CEO wants to talk to him.
More after the break
Scene 8: The security guards take Grandpa to the Manor, a surreal place where residents are reliving moments from their lives, like waiting for a bus. That's not what assisted living is like. CEO Blaine Shaw (Seth Numrich, below) explains that Edward, his attacker, has Maxwell's Syndrome, not Alzheimer's, so his memories are eroding. In othe news, he has the paperwork that will let Grandpa get out of his contract and have most of his money refunded. Blaine mentions his wife. Heterosexual identity established at Minute 35.
Seth Numrich played a military school cadet having a gay "awakening" in Private Romeo (2011).
CEO Blaine pushes for Grandpa to stay. Loneliness is a major problem for the elderly, and you're never alone in the Boroughs. That sounds like a threat. Grandpa says he'll think it over, and that night tells Neighbor Jack that he wants to come to the barbecue (mentioned in Scene 3).
Scene 9: Daughter calls to ask about an old record (vinyl), but Grandpa can't look for it, he's getting ready for the barbecue.
"But you hate everybody, and everybody hates you. How did you get an invitation to a barbecue?"
Later, Grandpa stands in front of the house, afraid to go in. New character Wally (Denis O'Hare, who played gay characters on True Blood and American Horror Story) pauses and tells him "I have stage four prostate cancer." Small talk for the elderly? "I don't have much time left, so I'd rather spend it at the party than standing outside." Oh, he's trying to encourage Grandpa.
"I'm not good with parties. I have everybody, and everybody hates me."
"Well, I'm beloved, so stick with me, and you'll do ok."
The other guests at the barbecue are Neighbor Jack, Tai Chi Guy, his Wife, and Girl Next Door. Cut to the dinner, with discussions of Carlos Castaneda and the question of who is schtupping more ladies, Prostate Cancer Wally or Neighbor Jack. Grandpa interrogates Tai Chi Guy's wife about Edward. "He was an a-hole."
They adjourn to the backyard firepit to smoke sativa and discuss their various hip replacements, fused spines, arthritis, and so on. Do old people really spend all the time discussing bedroom stuff and surgeries?
Suddenly Grandpa sees his wife, actually at the barbecue, standing by the fire pit. She's screaming. He flashes back to a memory of her collapsing and dying.
Uh-oh, Tai Chi Guy's wife is choking! This triggers Grandpa, and he runs away. Jack follows to ask what's wrong.
"My wife is dead, and people keep on laughing and eating and living their lives, and I hate them for it." So no one should ever have fun again,because someone they never met has died? You're sort of narcissistic, aren't you, babe?
I'm fast-forwarding past Jack's revelation that he has a dead wife, too, so every moment is an agony of grief...
Scene 10: Grandpa calls CEO Blaine with his decision to stay in the Boroughs.
That night he awakens to a beeping sound, and follows it to Neighbor Jack's house. It's his sleep amnea machine, beeping that he's not breathing. He's being eaten by a malevolent creature, nearly humanoid, but with six legs, pale skin, and beady red eyes. It spider-walks away. The end.
Beefcake: None here. I'm including some random old guys from my files on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.Heterosexism: Constant, over-arching, annoyingly excessive. Every guy is either aching with sadness over his dead wife, or getting with every lady he can find, or both. This is made more egregious by the numerous cast members who have played gay characters in the past, and by the producers, the Duffer Brothers, who permitted gay and lesbian characters on Stranger Things.
Gay Characters: Hetero desire/practice is universal. Gay desire does not exist.
My Grade: I was expecting more Stepford Wives-style brainwashing and a lot of dark secrets, like in Twin Peaks: "The owls are not what they seem." But all we have here is a monster who occasionally eats residents. With the constant heterosexism and the absence of beefcake: D.
See also: Iain Armitage: Young Sheldon grows up, hugs guys, celebrates Pride. With n*de Galecki, Fisher, and Simon Rex
M. Emmet Walsh: Daddy who didn't mind showing his d*ck. With bonus old guy hotness
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