"The Neighborhood": Two nuclear families and a kid who may or may not be trans. With bonus chubby black men

  

We'll start with a chubby black man.  Just keep him in mind

I was going to give The Neighborhood, on Hulu, a miss.  Next door neighbors, both heterosexual nuclear families, dealing with race issues, and not a gay person in sight.  But 14-year old Hank Greenspan, who plays Grover, has long hair and a femme look, so I checked his Instagram to see if he is gay in real life, I found this:

"Together we win."

I'm not familiar with this symbol, but one of the comments was: "Another trans actor or just brainwashed."  

So presumably Hank or their character has come out as trans, and love wins.  

But when I searched for  "The Neighborhood," "Cedric the Entertainer," and gay or transgender, nothing came up.

When I tried "Hank Greenspan" and gay or transgender, I got an article on cultural appropriation that doesn't mention either, and a reddit post that called him a "child actress," but was being homophobic.

So who is winning for trans equality?  

Seasons 6 and 7 are not available on Hulu, so I'm reviewing a Season 5 episode that looked Grover-centric, "Welcome to the Working World." 

Scene 1:  The chubby Marty (Marcel Spears, below), and a woman are cuddling while watching a movie.  He says "God is good." Then his Brother Malcolm (Shean McKinley) wants to know why it's dark in here, and he groans "The devil is active, too."  The deadbeat used up all of the woman's strawberry -mango body wash, and when they're not looking, steals their snacks.

Their Dad, Calvin (Cedric the Entertainer), and Mom, Ticina Arnold of Everybody Hates Chris, knock, wondering why the door is locked   Wow, Cedric is chubby, too.  If you're a chubby chaser -- and who isn't?  - this is the series for you.

 Chub Marty and his girlfriend scurry to fix things so Mom and Dad won't know that they were getting busy.  Then the oldsters insist on barging into their movie night, so no smoochinig or sex!

Everybody Hates Chris also starred Tequan Richmond, now grown up and hung, as Chris's younger brother, whom everybody in the world fell in love-at-first-sight with.  It allowed him to score free desserts at lunchtime, and he never got detention, but around Valentine's Day, the truckloads of cards and presents began to arrive.  

Sorry,  not sorry for the digression. Back to The Neighborhood after the break

"Cheaper by the Dozen": Twelve Kids, Some Beefcake

This is one of the iconic beefcake scenes of the 1960s, at least for the kids in the era when bare chests were as rare as gay characters in the movies: the hunky 18-year old Tim Matheson takes his shirt off, for no apparent reason except to give teenagers something to look at.  The movie is Yours, Mine, and Ours (1968), about a  widow with 10 kids who marries a widower with 8 kids, resulting in a very large blended family,  The Brady Bunch times three.

It's all very heteronormative, promoting the value of excessive reproduction, in spite of world overpopulation and the economic problems of feeding that many people.  But who cares?  There was a hunk.

The 2005 remake stars Dennis Quaid and Rene Russo as the highly prolific parents.  Sean Faris, playing the oldest son, gets an extensive beefcake scene.  He's in the midst of shaving when he's called away for an emergency, so there's lather all over his face, but still, beefcake is beefcake.

The 1950 movie Cheaper by the Dozen, based on the memoirs of Frank Gilbreath, has a similar theme: Myra Loy and Clifton Webb star as the parents of twelve kids.  No blended family here; they actually reproduced twelve times.  Clifton Webb was gay in real life, and extremely swishy, so it seems difficult to imagine him having sex with a woman at all.  But that was probably the point: to "redeem" him by demonstrating that even swishy guys are heterosexual.

No beefcake here; the teenage children are both girls.  

In the 2003 remake and its 2005 sequel, Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt became the parents of the brood.  I haven't seen them -- I avoid movies starring Steve Martin -- but apparently Tom Welling as the oldest son gives us a requisite beefcake shot.  Some of the actors playing the younger kids have also grown up into hunks, such as twins Brent and Shane Kinsman.

Disney+ released heir version of Cheaper by the Dozen in 2022, with Zach Branff and Gabrielle Union as the parents.  It's modernized -- the family is interracial, the parents are divorced rather than widowed, and some of the kids are adopted.  But not too modernized: signs tell us that Black Lives Matter and that we should Resist Hate, but everyone is still heterosexual.  

I had high hopes for Luke Prael as the troubled teenager Seth.  But he displays no interest in boys or girls.

At least Zach Branff takes off his shirt a lot.

And his last name is actually Braff, not Branff.  It's just pronounced with an n, like that town in Canada.

See also: James Dumont's teen idol career, with Tim Matheson, Rob Lowe, and Andrew McCarthy

"Oz, the Great and Powerful": A walking p* enis (not in a good way) finds true love, two wicked witches, and a flying monkey

"The Santa Clarita Diet": Witty dialogue, zombies, gross-out humor, and Skyler Gisondo

 

Someone on a fan board said that Skyler Gisondo's character on The Santa Clarita Diet, Eric Bemis, is gay, but after a glance at the fan wiki, I can't see how.  He has a will-they-or-won't-they romance going on with Abby, the daughter of the zombified Sheila Hammond,  that lasts through three seasons before becoming canonical in the series finale; plus he has sex with other women and  female zombies.  But I'm game, so I'll review the first episode. 

See the NSFW version of this review

Scene 1: Establishing shots of the stereotypic "idyllic" Santa Clarita. Heterosexual husband Joel (Timothy Olyphant) awakens and sniffs Sheila, signaling how aroused he is, but she only likes to do it in a romantic setting -- no "humping."  

Anyway, time for breakfast: toast and a green liquid. They have two different conversations without interacting with each other. Teenage daughter Abby enters and demands a car, because they live in the middle of "freakin' nowhere."  I know the feeling.

Suddenly Sheila keels over with sharp pain in her stomach.  Abby wants to know if she's dying, but she insists that it's food poisoning. 

Scene 2: As everyone leaves for the day, they run into snoopy heterosexual neighbor Dan (Ricardo Chavira, left), and his wife.  They want to know why the light in the study was on all night; didn't Dan and Sheila have sex?  No, Sheila couldn't sleep, if it's any of his business. 

Dan points out that he's in the L.A. Sheriff's Department, far superior to the "dickless" cops, like Rick (Richard T. Jones), who happens to be walking by with his wife and baby.  Geez, they are establishing that everyone is heterosexual at first introduction.  What are they afraid of?  

Dan calls Rick "honeybunch," suggesting that he is a woman because he has such a feminine job.  Being a cop is feminine?  Then: "Suck me!", an insult, because of course gay sex would be terribly humiliating.

The men all leave, while Dan's kid Eric (Skyler Gisondo), in his Mom's car, gazes wistfully at Abby.  Mom tell her, "He worships you.  You're the queen of his spank bank."  So much for Eric being gay. Wait -- did his mom just tell his crush that he masturbates while thinking about her?  How would she know?  Why would she think this information was important to share?

She then invites Sheila for a girl's night out which may or may not involve "banging dudes."  Sheila refuses.

Are we done introducing the heterosexual characters yet?  I'm getting bored.

Scene 3: Whoops, more players.  They're really piling on the cast: A realtor, Sheila runs afoul of her mean-tempered, sexually-harassing boss and Gary West (Nathan Fillion, left), her new coworker. "Sell the Peterson house!  Do it today!" 

Scene 4: Sheila and Joel showing the house to a heterosexual couple. Disgust alert: suddenly she throws up green gunk. Joel pushes the couple into continuing the tour, and Sheila goes to the bathroom to vomit.  

When the couple finally manages to leave, Joel checks: Sheila is unconscious in a bathroom splattered with green gunk.  No pulse: dead.  Joel hugs her and says "no" while grinning enthusiastically.  Now he can call off the hit man? But she awakens and feels fine.

Scene 5: They've been waiting at the Emergency Room for three hours, due to being low priority ("Your wife threw up."),  Joel gives up and drives Sheila home. She sniffs him.  Weird -- a lot of sniffing in this show.

Gary, their new coworker, appears with get-well flowers.  He called a cleaning crew to take care of the mess in the house.  Sheila thanks him; Joel is jealous and possessive.

When she leaves, Gary reveals that the homeowners disliked their house being vomited on, and fired Sheila and Joel. They will be working with him now.  Listing poaching -- the biggest sin in realty.

Scene 6:  Joel brings Sheila chicken soup in bed.  She wonders why she has no heartbeat. When he checks, she pushes him down into oral sex. But I thought she only liked sex in a romantic setting.  She's changing into...

Cut to Joel buying a stethoscope. He opens up about Sheila's physical and mental changes to the bored clerk. 

Back to Sheila.  No heartbeat.  She tries to push him into sex again, but he complains that his jaw is sore.  Wait -- I thought your jaw only got sore when you had to open wide to accommodate a guy.  Ladies don't have anything big.....never mind, I've thought about lady sex way more than I want to already. 

Scene 7: Daughter Abby tries out the stethoscope. No heartbeat, and Sheila's blood is black.  Also she wants to eat raw hamburger.  But she doesn't want to go to the hospital: she feels great, and they're having spectacular sex.  Well, if Joel is a bottom, I guess. Wait -- did she tell him this in front of their daughter?

Abby suggests that they consult a creeper -- a nerd who specializes in disturbing, gruesome stuff. 

Scene 8: Yep, its Eric, the next-door neighbor who masturbates while thinking of Abby.  He interviews her, hears about the spectacular sex, and concludes that she's undead ("zombie" is demeaning, so they agree not to use it), living totally in the moment, controlled by her id.   Just keep her fed, and realize that if she deteriorates, you will probably have to kill her.

On the way home, Sheila is enthusing over the sky and flowers and a snail, when macho, sexist Sheriff Dan drives up.  Eat him first!  He's a jerk!  He wants to know why they were visiting his teenage son (reasonable). 

Joel: "Um...um...we found a football in our yard, and thought it might be his."

Dan: "That pussy pansy little feminine girly boy?  No way!"  I may have added a few adjectives, but you get the idea. He's macho.  

Scene 9:  Joel wants to discuss how to keep the Zombie Secret.  What if Eric blabs?  "No -- he hates his stepfather."  With good reason. 

Sheila interrupts his planning with "I'm hungry!" (Pure id, remember?)  Joel promises to get her something.  Is there a butcher shop nearby? Or a fraternity house?

Scene 10: While Joel is out buying hamburger, Sheila and Abby test-drive a Range Rover, driving way too fast while the dealer cringes. Then she decides to take up the offer of a girl's night out (Remember Scene 2?).  Sheila praises everything.

Ulp, Gary (her new co-worker) is giving her the eye.  The girls get up to dance together, with Gary still staring.  Why doesn't he go over and say hello? Just staring is pervy.

Joel appears to drag her away.  Gary gets the wrong idea and rushes to the rescue: "She doesn't want to go with you." Macho posturing, chest butts, but Joel leaves, and Gary grabs on Sheila.

Scene 11:  The next day, Sheila is gardening when Gary drops by to see why she refused sex with him last night.  "I had a lot on my mind."  He tries to force her, so she pretends to acquiesce (grossness alert -- she licks his fingers! Yuck!), then bites his fingers off.  kills and eats him. He's a jerk,too, but I was really hoping to see Dan offed.

Joel returns to see Sheila bent over Gary's body, with all his entrails out. "I really want to make this work!" she exclaims. 

Beefcake: A little of Gary's chest as she pulls his shirt open to eat his guts.  These butt photos are from other projects.

Gay Characters: Not a one.  Every single person is identified as heterosexual from the get-go, either through having a partner or making sleazy innuendos. Eventually we discover that next-door-neighbor Lisa is bisexual, and dating sheriff's deputy Anne.  Plus Liv Hewson (Abby) is gay and nonbinary in real life, but a cisgender woman on the show.  Doesn't help.

Left: Matt Shively, who appears in three episodes. He played the gay son on The Real O'Neals, but is straight in real life.

Heterosexism: Yep.

Grossness:  The finger-licking was too disgusting for words.  There's also a lot of vomiting, entrails, and blood.

My Grade: The dialogue is actually very funny, but the lack of gay representation and the grossness are too much of a turn-off for regular viewing.  D

The NSFW version of this review on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends contains at least three rear nude shots of the cast members.