Dakota Lotus: The Disney Channel's Coop sings, shows his pitts, brings on Christmas depression. With ice cream, Peltz tush, and Dakota d*cks

I was searching for former Disney teencom stars to profile, and this guy popped up.  

A great name: Dakota Lotus.  

And a great physique.

Unattractive face, but with biceps like that, who cares?

And obviously gay: his Instagram posts show him hugging, gazing at, dancing with, and asking to pitt-lick a boyfriend named Joaquin.

Wait -- that was just a tease.  The other 1,360 pics and reels show Dakota with a girl, hugging, kissing, frolicking in London, posing in formal wear, eating, celebrating Valentin'e's Day, and saying things like "I've never met anyone like you" and "you don't meet your soulmate by chance."

Ok, so he's straight.  But no doubt he's done a lot of gay and gay-subtext roles.  

Dakota was born in 2004 in Santa Barbara, where his mom Autum Lotus performed for the Cirque de Soleil.  He started classes at  the Adderly School for Performing Arts when he was only five years old, and appeared in an unspecified number of plays.  The only one mentioned in his bio is Peter Pan and Tinker Bell: A Pirate's Christmas at the Laguna Playhouse in 2019.

Dakota played John Darling, one of the young Darling kids, who gets to play pirates and sing.  Meanwhile Peter (Lincoln Clauss) is torn between girl-next-door Wendy and pixie-licious Tinker Bell.  

Lincoln Clauss is gay in real life, and played the nonbinary Evan on Batwoman.

Dakota's first on-screen acting job was in the Disney Channel's Coop & Cami Ask the World (2018-20): Dakota as Coop and Ruby Rose Turner as Cami host a show within a show, Would You Wrather?, in which fans get to solve their problems by voting on two options, or vote on what prank they should do (the wikipedia article is unclear).  

Their friend Fred (Albert Tsai), younger brother (Paxton Booth), and widowed Mom all have problems, too.  

Left: Paxton Booth.  I just liked the ice cream cone.

All of them are heterosexual, and get one or more boyfriends or girlfriends.  Cami's two boyfriends are played by heterosexual actors who fill their social media with pictures of their girlfriends and wives.  Actually, all of them do, except for Albert Tsai, now a Film & Media Studies major at Columbia University.

More after the break

Dakota has also appeared in:

The music videos Stay (2019) and Lonely (2020), as singer Ana Dubec's boyfriend.

Ok, no gay connection there.

The short Moonshine (2021).  No synopsis is available, but it also stars David Kepner, best known as Wes in The Ladies.   And writer/director Joseph Wise is known for Virgins for Satan (a horny Christian girl wants to get laid) and D-Day for Denise (an elderly woman longs to reunite with her dead husband).

Definitely no gay connection there.

In the upcoming Thena, "a young musician spirals into addiction while her brother searches for her."  I went through the top five male cast members, and every one of them has a social media full of pictures of their wives and girlfriends.  Every single one.

Although Will Peltz has a gay romance (and shows his backside) in The Deleted.

Dakota's Youtube Channel has a lot of music videos.  He sings:

"Isn't She Lovely?"

"Dancing with a Stranger"

"Love Lies."

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"

Wait -- "Have Yourself," that soul-destroying monstrosity? Even hearing that first infinitely drawn out "Haaaaaaaave" sends me into a deep depression.  

It was first spewed upon the Earth by Judy Garland, the queer icon of your grandparents' generation.  But that's nowhere near an adequate gay connection.

What about the ersatz boyfriend, Joaquin E.?  He graduated from UC San Diego in 2024, a theater major, and does content editing and customer service.  There are many other Joaquins with the same last name out there, including a murderer in Illinois and a County Supervisor in  Los Angeles, so research is a bit difficult.  I'll say probably straight.

Two hours of internet rabbit holes and weird tangents, and all I could come up with was a gay costar in one play, a straight costar who played a gay guy once, and the monstrous "Haaaave."

Thus giving Dakota the prize for a nearly complete absence of gay connections.  

Back to Dakota Lotus, giving us a final heteronormative zing: "You'd probably rather be with your gf anyway."

No, Dak Baby, I'd rather see your biceps again.

See also: Noah Centineo: The Boyfriend of Your Dreams, with five butts, three bulges, one d*ck, and no gay characters.  Mentions Will Peltz

Blake Michael: The "Dog with a Blog" brother starts a band, stalks a teacher, vanishes into corporate. With Blake and Dano d*cks

15 Reasons to Skip Christmas

Preston Oliver: Teen idol with four tv roles, two boyfriends, "Ask Me" Toney, and some n*de costars