There are three families on Cherry Lane on Christmas Eve
Family 1: John and Lizzie, who is due in two weeks, just moved into the house, and are planning a quiet Christmas alone. They put up the tree and sing "Oh Come, All Ye Faithful," with a Hallmark Tree Trimmer ornament. This will become important later.
Suddenly Lizzie's Mom and Dad arrive, and announce that they invited her brother and his family, too! But John and Lizzie haven't even unpacked. Where will they put all those people?
Dad Frank's d*ck is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends
Family 2: Regina and her friend Daisy, not shown, unpack Christmas decorations. Her back story: she's a widow with adult children, and a boyfriend named Nelson.
The adult kids, Winnie and Conrad, arrive in a horrible car. Why does he keep it, now that he's making a ton of money? Because his Uncle Ham gave it to him after Dad died. This will be important later.
Sister Winnie doesn't have a job, except singing at open-mike nights for tips, but she'll be a famous singer one day, she says. Mom wants her to try business school.
Mom announces that she's getting married to her Boyfriend, and she's selling the house and moving to Florida. The adult children do not like this at all, and plot to break them up.
Family #3: Zian, left, and Mike, who works as a chef at a restaurant called Repair. They just moved into their house, too, and they're planning a Christmas Eve party tonight with twelve people. Except contractor Quinn and his crew haven't finished remodeling the kitchen yet. He brings them a plate of Christmas cookies, complements them on what a cute couple they are, and asks if "that famous singer" is coming to the party. This will be important later.
Mike is freaking out. Maybe they could move the party to the restaurant? No, this is the first Christmas in their new house, where they're going to raise their family, so it's important to hold it here. They walk outside and sit on lawn chairs in the cold and sing "Silent Night." All of it.
Speaking of starting a family, the lady from the adoption agency tells them that the foster family they were placing a girl with backed out, so they're getting a child tonight -- on Christmas Eve. With twelve people coming for a party. Hopefully a family-friendly party. How are they going to get a bedroom ready?
More plot complications after the break. Spoiler alert: it's a big plot twist.
More Plot Complications:
Family #1: Lizzie's brother and his wife appear, and then her sister and her husband! Where will they put all those people? Besides, Lizzie is due in two weeks. The stress isn't good for her.
The women cook while the men try to put a baby crib together. Gender polarized, aren't they?
Family #2: Winnie and Conrad try to talk Mom out of marrying her Boyfriend. When that doesn't work, they get the idea of recreating the Christmases they used to have with their Dad. She'll get so nostalgic that she won't want to leave.
Left: Conrad
Their friend Daisy comes in to tell Mom Regina that she'll be sad to see her go, but she's excited for her new life in Florida.
Family #3: Zian returns to the home with the kid toys he bought, and hears Mike's anxieties over becoming a foster on Christmas Eve and having to cook, when Contractor Quinn is sitll working on the kitchen. Their friend Daisy appears. She is delighted that they are going to become dads tonight, but they have a lot of work to do. She helps Zian fix up the bedroom. Daisy seems to be a friend to everybody on the block.
Left: Mike's physique.
Zian notes that he was adopted, and spent one Christmas with foster parents. He doesn't recall their name anymore, but he wants this to be special for...uh-oh, the counter collapses, and the turkey spills all over. "We can handle this..."
The Big Reveal:
Family #1: The extended family, including the very pregnant Lizzie, goes Christmas caroling -- in broad daylight. Their first house -- Daisy, home from college for Christmas. Wait -- Daisy is an old lady. What...wait...these aren't different families on the same block, they're living in same house in different time periods!
Back home, John reveals that he owns a gas station, and due to the 1973 oil embargo, everyone is angry with him, and he's barely getting by with auto repairs. So why did you buy a house? Oh, for the plot. Uh-oh, a call from the police. There was a break-in at the gas station he owns, where he does repairs. He has to go board up the broken window.
Family #2: To convince their mother to not marry her boyfriend, Conrad and Winnie push her to make a snowman and play a Christmas carol game. But Mom sees through them: "This little trip down Memory Lane is not going to make me change my mind. We're going to Florida." Conrad gets mad and leaves.
Family #3: Zian and Mike return, having bought a new turkey. Mike is stressed: there's so much at stake, he can't buy canned cranberry sauce. Zian sings "The First Noel" to cheer him up. Whoops, the power just went out.
Ok, Mike and Daisy will take the stuff to the restaurant -- called Repair -- cook it there, and come back by 7:30. Their foster daughter will arrive at 8:00. Plenty of time.
Family #1: A cop helps John check to see if anything was stolen. It was probably just some guys upset because of the oil crisis. They bond over discussions of crazy families and pregnant wives -- his first child is due in March.
Left: The Cop
John introduces himself as John Hamilton. As in Uncle Ham? Is the Cop Conrad and Winnie's dad?
Family #2: Conrad visits his friend Ivy. She's stressed because she's having a party later, but there's a little boy named Sam who needs fostering for a few days, and he's arriving tonight, too. Zian said that he was fostered on Christmas Eve, but this boy is named Sam...um.... They discuss the 1999 Y2K bug. It's 1999
He goes home and reconciles with his family, hugs the Boyfriend, and passes a photo of -- the Cop from 1978, his Dad! They sing "O Holy Night."
Family #3: Contractor Quinn has a heart to heart with Zian. He thinks they'll be good parents.Meanwhile, at the restaurant -- in the old gas station that John owned -- Mike and Daisy have finished cooking, but the car won't start! Now what!
Suddenly Winnie arrives, now a famous singer -- she was passing by on the way to the party at Zian and Mike's house, when she saw his car with the front hood raised, and figured something was wrong. "I loved your Christmas album," Daisy tells her.
Conrad is in the car, too. Don't they have other partners by now? They're over 50. Of course she knows the way to their house -- she grew up there. She's the one who told them to buy it when it came up for sale.
Family #1: Uh-oh, Lizzie has gone into labor. There's a blizzard, so she can't get to the hospital, so the Cop drives John home in his police car, and they help her give birth...to Ivy.
Family #2: Ivy and her husband meet the young boy, Sam, that they'll be fostering -- who will grow up to become Zian -- and give him the Christmas tree ornament that her father -- John/Winnie and Conrad's Uncle Ham -- put on the tree in 1973.
Family #3: In 2023, Mike and Zian introduce themselves to the foster girl -- and Zian says that his name is hard to pronounce, so he goes by the nickname Sam. Got it.
Everybody sits down to Christmas dinenr in three different time periods in the same house. Couples smooch. The end.
Beefcake: None.
Gay Characters: Zian and Mike are completely assimilated. Homophobia absolutely does not exist. I think the purpose of Contractor Quinn was to reiterate to the viewers that these two are exactly the same as the heterosexual couples.
Left: Ivy's husband Hector
My Grade: I watched on the day after the red wave election. A
See also: With Love: A Gay Bachelor Party in Las Vegas, with Vincent Rodriguez III and a lot of bonus butts.
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