The 18 biggest, hottest, or most surprising d*cks of the musclemen and bodybuilders from Arnold to Slab, with bonus Brian

Link to the n*de photos

I've dated/hooked up with a few musclemen, and seen lots more at the gym, at my old job as an editorial assistant (actually gopher) at Muscle and Fitness, and in various backrooms, darkrooms, saunas, and bear parties.  To be honest, their pecs are usually more impressive than their packages.  It's as if the universe allows you to be massive in one place or another, but not both.  But there are exceptions, and besides, what's wrong with having a small one?  It gets the job done just as effectively as a big one.

Here are 18 bodybuilder/musclemen whose d*cks are extraordinary due to their size, the guy's hotness, or the surprise of seeing it on screen or in a video.  

1.`. Arnold Schwarzeneggar.    Everything starts with Arnold, who moved bodybuilding from a  subculture into the mainstream and opened the way for dozens of man-mountains to grunt and flex as they saved the world (or just America).  I saw several n*de photos in a friend's apartment in the 1980s, but 40 years later I can only find one online.

2. Peter Berlin (top photo).  You could argue that That Boy almost single-handedly changed depictions of gay stuff from sordid, furtive and guilt-ridden to bright and joyful.  

3. Angel Mock Curiel: After playing L'il Papi on Pose, the gay and trans ally vanished into civilian life.  But not before he posted some n*de photos.

4. Nate Stone (left).  I had to research a dozen Nate Stones before finding the former Bunk'd hunk, having a friend photograph him in his parents' house.  Points for the obscurity and the chutzpah.

5. Bridger Buckley.  I'm not sure that the Hot Pizza Guy from The Neighborhood really belongs to the anonymous donkey-stuff, but how could I not post it? 

6. Tony Cavalero has bulked up considerably since his days as Keefe on The Righteous Gemstones, but he hasn't posted any new shots, so all we have is the isolation tank d*ck in Episode 1.9.

7. Brock O'Hurn.  Torsten from The Righteous Gemstones, Zeus, Hulk Hogan, Super Hot Warrior Man who displayed his massive salami on Euphoria.  Are you tired of seeing it by now?  

I didn't think so. 

8. Bill Cable.  The guy posed in Drummer and Playgirl, dated both Pee-Wee Herman and Elvira, Mistress of the Night, buddied with Christian Brando, and appeared in Basic Instinct with Michael Douglas.  Actually, name anyone famous in the 1980s, and he was there.

9. Sylvester Stallone.  In the 1990s, it was shocking to discover that the grunting, scowling Rocky and Rambo made an adult movie in his early days.  It was also shocking to see his backside in Tango and Cash (1989).

More after the break

Jake Silbermann: Coming out on a soap, crushing on a dude off-Broadway, with some film roles and a beautiful, humongous...

  

Link to the beautiful, humongous...

Two Jakes with familiar-sounding names had impressive photos on the celebrity d*ck  subreddit.  Yesterday I profiled the first Jake, McDornan, from Quints, Greek, What We Do in the Shadows, and Mrs. Davis. The second Jake, Silbermann, is not instantly familiar, but I know him from somewhere.

Researching him proves problematic: a comedian/ musician named Jake Silbermann is much more famous, and gets 99% of the internet search hits.  I'll have to go with the IMDB biography for our Jake:

Born in New York City in 1983, and received a B.A. in Theater Arts from Syracuse University in 2004.  After some commercials and guest spots, he landed his most significant role to date, Noah Meyer on 222 episodes of As the World Turns (2007-10).  

Noah and Luke were praised as soap opera's first gay power couple, Nuke.  But it doesn't seem like they were together very often, or for very long.  I'll try to piece together their convoluted storyline.

1.Noah is a student at Oakdale University and intern at WOAK television, dating fellow intern Maddie.  he thinks that Luke (Van Hansis) is after his girlfriend, until the dude reveals that he is gay.

2. Noah and Luke start dating on the downlow.  Maddie finds out and dumps Noah.

3. Noah's Dad (Daniel Hugh Kelly) finds out and disowns him , tries to "cure" him, and finally tries to end Luke.  He ends up paralyzed, but eventually recovers.

4. Noah marries a young Iraqi woman so she won't be sent back to her country, but she falls in love with him and wants to make the relationship physical.  Then she disappears, but it turns out that she has been kidnapped by Noah's Dad.  In the ensuing confrontation, Dad is killed.  Or is he?

5. After some skulduggery, Luke realizes that he still has feelings for his ex, Kevin (Karl Girolamo), and breaks up with Noah.

6. Later Luke starts dating Reid, but when Noah is in critical condition in the hospital, he rushes to his ex-boyfriend's side.

7. Luke gets back together with Reid, who then has a car accident and expires. Meanwhile, Noah gets back with his ex-girlfriend, Maddie.

8. Noah is blinded in an accident. Luke starts dating Brian (Lawrence Lau), the doctor in charge of restoring his sight.  

Or is Brian his grandmother's new husband?  Wikipedia and the fan wiki give different stories.  I guess it doesn't matter: everybody that Luke dates is a goner. 

So naturally Noah calls off the latest attempt to start a relationship and leaves town. Just before the soap opera ends, cancelled after 54 seasons.  But at least they got to kiss twice.

More after the break

Kelvin/Keefe memes: Cooking, honeymooning, testifying, sinking. With Jack from "Will and Grace" and some random nude dudes

 

I've had nothing but trouble with this post with memes -- jokes -- featuring Kelvin and Keefe of The Righteous Gemstones and friends.  First the G-rated version gets slapped with a "sensitive content warning," and then I accidentally save the G-rated version on the other site.  I hope these memes are worth it. 

Link to the not entirely clothed photos

1. I like my coffee hot and black, like my...

Wait, that won't work for the G-rated photos.  Go back in the bedroom; I'll think of a joke later.

2. BJ and Keefe go to church

BJ: Praise Jesus!  Testify!  I got the Spirit of God in me!

Keefe: When will this be over so Kelvin and I can go home and make out?

3. The Men's Room

Keefe: During my Satanist days, I spent a lot of time in the men's room of that truck stop off Highway17. Want to give it a try?

Kelvin: You always have the best ideas for Date Night.

4. The honeymoon

Kelvin: You want to go sightseeing?  But Keefe, this is only the fifth day of our honeymoon.  The Eiffel Tower can wait.

5. I got your Eiffel Tower right here.

More memes after the break

Jake McDorman: Ryan Pinkston's brother goes on to date a superhero, a vampire, and a nun. With some not-fully-clothed photos

Link to the n*de dudes 

 The celebrity p*nis subreddit usually doesn't offer much of interest, famous shots that we've seen a thousand times and obscure actors showing their stuff while kissingladies.  But yesterday it offered very impressive photos of actors that I've actually heard of, Jake McDorman and Jake Silberman.

McDorman got his start on the Fox comedy Quintuplets (2004-05), as the tall, athletic, popular quint.

Ryan Pinkston played his shorter, much hotter brother. 

Left: Ryan in the shower.

Jake went on to Greek (2007-11), playing a wealthy collegiate preppy, president of his college fraternity (Greek, get it?).  I watched on occasion for the gay character.

After Greek, Jake became a fixture on network tv, with recurring or starring roles on Manhattan Love Story, Limitless, Murphy Brown, The Right Stuff,  Mrs. Davis, and Class of '09.

With many opportunities to show his physique and backside.

According to the IMDB, Jake is "most famous" for:

Lady Bird (2017): The unfortunate title kept viewers away, thinking that it was a biopic of Lady Bird Johnson, President Johnson's First Lady. It's actually a coming-of-age story about a girl in contemporary California with that name. Jake's character does not appear in the plot synopsis.

Watchmen (2019): A tv series about the incredibly homophobic comic book vigilante. Jake plays 1930s superhero Captain Metropolis, who starts a romance with regular character Hooded Justice. 

I checked: Hooded is a guy, played by either Cheyenne Jackson or Jovan Adepo, depending on whether you believe Wikipedia or Decider. 

I'm probably going to go with Jovan (photo on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Hey, what  happened to the homophobia?  The Watchman comic was impossibly offensive.

More after the break

Robert Rhodes: The visual difference hasn't kept him from playing a dragonrider, a cultist, and a thug. Or from finding a boyfriend (or two).

 

Link to the not fully clothed photos

In House of the Dragon, the Game of Thrones prequel, the crowning of King Aegon II (Tom Glynn-Carney) has led to civil war in the Medieval fantasy world of Westeros, and several dragons left without masters. In Episode 2.7  (2024), a group of Dragonseeds is  ordered to try to claim them.   

Silver Denys (Robert Rhodes) volunteers to go first, but as he reaches out to touch Vermithor the Bronze Fury, it breathes fire on him. Most of the other dragonseeds are likewise demolished. Finally a blacksmith named Hugh managed to trick the dragon into obedience.

Silver Denys was on screen for only about a minute, and had no lines, but he became the subject of extensive fan debate.  Was he brave or foolhardy?  Some fans also criticized his appearance: the stage makeup was amateurish, not realistic, grotesque, an obvious symbol of his parentage, and so on.  Others stepped up to "defend" him: it's his real appearance, he's  "d*formed."

Robert called them out: "Call it a scar or a difference. The word d*formed isn't very pleasant and insinuates I am half formed/incorrectly formed.  I'm not incorrect, just a bit different."

For a long time, Robert responded to the stares with anger, but now, if he's not tired from telling the story 1,000 times a day, he'll say "Is there anything you want to ask about?"  

The story: he was born with a congenital melanocytic nevis -- a birthmark that covered half his face.  Doctors worried that it would become cancerous, so he spent his childhood in and out of hospitals, undergoing tissue expansions and skin grafts.  He had his last surgery at age 17.

When he was in high school, Robert realized that he was gay, and worried that he'd be doubly stigmatized when he tried to make connections.  Would he ever be able to find a partner? Was he going to live as an perpetual outsider among his own people?

Then he auditioned for Hairspray -- and won the part of Link Larkin, the hunky heartthrob  (played by Zac Efron in 2007 and Garrett Clayton in 2016).   That's when he decided to become an actor, to have people look at him for his hotness and acting talent, not for his scar.

After high school Robert attended the Mountview Academy of Theatre Arts in South London, where he received a B.A. in Performance in 2018.  He started filling up a resume with acting roles:

Commercials for Enterprise  and Kandar 

The lead in the music videos Heroist (left)  and God for a Day 

Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame 

Bill Sykes in The Invitation 

It was a little harder to break into on-screen acting.  Robert is an ambassador for Changing Faces UK, which combats the stigma around people with visible difference.  Especially in mass media, where they are portrayed as "shy, broken, desperate" outcasts, or more commonly as villains:

Kylo Ren in the Star Wars universe

Tony Montana in Scarface   

Scar in The Lion King

The Joker.

So he tries to find roles where his visual difference is irrelevant to the character.

 His first  professional acting role was in a tv adaption of the Agatha Christie novel Why Didn't They Ask Evans? (2022).  Will Poulter plays as a golfer who stumbles upon an injured man. His last words are "Why didn't they ask Evans?" I don't know what Robert's character does.

More after the break

Best Medicine: Josh Charles as a doctor in small-town Maine, with three gay characters, Josh's backside, and Segarra d*ck

 

Link to the n*de photos

I don't care for tv medical dramas (or comedies, which are medical dramas with jokes), but I remember Josh Charles from Wet Hot American Summer and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and there are some gay actors in the cast list, so I'll give Best Medicine on Netflix a try.

Ugh, the guy's name is Dr. Best.  Having the main character's name in a pun in the title?  That cliche was already ancient in the days of Get Smart and Hart to Hart.  I'm going to just call him Josh.

Scene 1:  Josh arrives at the picturesque town and stands in a long line at the bait store.  A woman gets in line behind him.  The cashier asks if she's ok.  She says she's fine, but starts to break down, and runs out.

Cut to Josh being interviewed for the job offf town physician.   The committee likes the font on his resume.  Uh-oh, the crying, "I'm fine" lady rushes in.  She's on the committee, too.  Love Interest: I called it.

They're ready to offer him the job, because he's the only one who applied, but Love Interest wants to ask a few questions, like "Why do you want to leave the Big City for a small town?"  Yeah, it's mostly women who do that, at Christmastime.

"Um...er...I...um..wanted a change..."  You burned some bridges back home, didn't you, Josh Baby?

Josh's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

The father and son janitors (Carter Shimp, John DiMaggio) come in to break down the wedding arch.  "There was going to be a wedding," head interviewer explains, "But..."  

John DiMaggio voices Bender in Futurama.  Carter Shimp (left) may be gay in real life.  "So how's your bedside manner?" Love Interest asks.

"I don't have one. I use my incredible intellect to cure people of crazy diseases that no one has ever heard of.  They're usually happy."  

Everybody but Love Interest votes to hire him.  He starts immediately, and there are sandwiches.

Love Interest: "I don't trust you. You're sexy...um, I mean arrogant. I'm keeping my eye on you."

Josh: "Speaking of eyes, you might have glaucoma in your left eye.  See your opthamologist right away."

Scene 2: Josh arrives at the Salty Breeze, where proprietor Greg has keys to his office for him.  He introduces his "partner in work and in life," George (Jason Veasey)

Stephen Spinella is gay in real life, and was in the original production of Angels in America.  Jason Veasey keeps his s*xual orientation a secret, but he's on the board of directors of the LGBTQ youth organization Live Out Loud.  Good job of staying closeted, buddy.

They go into detail about why they left the Big City, their pet pig, and the wedding between the Sheriff (Josh Segarra) and Love Interest that got called off. 

The Sheriff arrives with more details: Love Interest dumped him two weeks before the wedding, but he's fine, he's enjoying his freedom, and he's planning a big party for the night he was supposed to get married. So they installed the wedding arch in City Hall two weeks in advance? 

The Sheriff's d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Scene 3: Josh arrives at his office, actually a house, tries to shoo away a dog, and talks to a group of teenagers.  "Dr. Best?  More like Dr. Worst!"  "Is there a Mr. Dr. Best?"  "No, girl, he's from Bougie Boston."  "He's giving off hetero vibes!"  

Another gay character, maybe Liam, played by Josh Hoon Lee, who has a BFA in Musical Theater. Here he's playing Theo, best friend to Jack Hale's Pippin, at the Timber Lake Playhouse.  

Back to Josh: Inside his house/office, he meets his incompetent, content-creating receptionist and his first patient: Gilbert (Michael Potts) has gynecomastia (lady stuff).   "But don't tell my wife.  It's too humiliating."  Wouldn't she notice?

 Josh assures him that it's quite common in older men.  He wants to run some tests, but Gilbert will have to come back after Josh hires a nurse to draw some blood. 

"Why don't you do it?  The needles and tubes are right over there."

"Nope."  Josh rushes out.  Are you too good for phlebotomy, or are you afraid of blood?  A weird fear for a physician.

More after the break

The Top 16 Short Guys from My Collection, from Ryan Pinkston to Gerran Howell, with d*cks, backsides, and exceptional gorgeousness

  I like them short, the shorter the better.  My boyfriend in West Hollywood was 5'4", and my current partner is 5'3".  If you're pushing toward 6'0", I'm not really interested.  So I've compiled quite a collection of short guy profiles.  Here are the top 16, some old favorites, some new discoveries.

Link to the n*de photos

1. Ryan Pinkston: Hottest of the Short Guy Brigade, martial artist, gigolo, gay cop. With some costar d*cks

2. Jason Marsden (left): Second hottest of the Short Guy Brigade, Steve Smith, Max Goof, and Robin. With Marsden d*cks

3. Joe Mande: The incredibly gorgeous Ben on "Modern Family" writes for tv shows that I don't like, shows his frontside but not his chest.

4.  Shayne Topp (left): Nickelodeon teen, Barry's buddy, bodybuilder, sketch comedian who pretends to be gay and have a massive d*ck. We'll see.

5. Travis Turner: Short Guy Brigade, gay subtexts, cutesy cartoons, Christmas romcoms, and hip-hop. With n*de photos and Drake Bell

6. Yani Xander (left): Headless ghost, Speechless body double, Telugu cop, hottest guy on the planet has a boyfriend and a tree-trunk

7. Matt Crabtree: Shy, quiet, stuttering Southern boy grows up to "Modern Family," "Will and Grace," one-man shows, and p*nises

8. Eddie Ramos: Teen chimera with a boyfriend, gay cage fighter, probably gay artist, DMV short guy. With his backside and c*ck, of course.

More after the break.  

Nick Arapoglou: A Hasidic boy, a straight drag queen, a gay Muppet, the Adult Toy Teen's Dad. With his backside and a n*de Chris Evans

Link to the n*de dudes

In Righteous Gemstones Episode 3.4, the Sex Toy Guy (Nick Vardakas) attends Keefe's Ice Cream and Wieners Party with his Dad (Nick Arapoglou).  Biker Clarence happens to be there, and  tells them that Keefe bought out his adult store's entire inventory.   Afraid of being outed, Keefe says "that's just something we used to do with the kids." Great idea, buddy.  Now they don't think you're gay, they think you're...

Later, the parents meet with Kelvin to complain that Keefe is "weird" and not qualified to be a youth leader. Dad continues: "With all the rumors swirling around you, can't you see how strange this all looks?"

"There's rumors about me?" Kelvin asks, shocked.  

Jack: And then Kelvin said...he said...

Karen: That no one knows he's gay!

The real-life Nick Arapoglou (a gay ally) was born in Huntington, New York, but moved to Atlanta as a child.  He was a Drama Club Kid in high school, appearing in an al-fresco production of Midsummer Night's Dream (in a real forest).  

He received a B.A. in drama from Indiana University in 2007, then returned to Atlanta, where he became a mainstay of the theater scene.

Nick's theatrical performances include:

A closeted gay guy in Speech & Debate (2009)

A straight guy in the queer-themed Spring Awakening (2011). 

My Name is Asher Lev (2012), based on the classic coming-of-age novel by Chaim Potok, about a Hasidic Jewish boy torn between his religion and his art.

The Gifts of the Magi (2012), based on the O. Henry story, where Nick met his future wife Caroline.

Bobby Strong in Urinetown: The Musical (2013). 

Romeo in Romeo and Juliet (2015)

The Toxic Avenger (2016), based on the 1984 movie about a slime-covered superhero.

A straight Elvis impersonator turned drag performer in The Legend of Georgia McBride (2017).

Straight Muppet Princeton and gay Muppet Rod in Avenue Q (2023), which won him the Suzi Bass Award for best actor in a musical.

Plus he has 33 acting credits listed on the IMDB, beginning with Frat Guy in the short Married Sex (2009) and Fashion School Kid (probably queer coded) in a 2011 episode of Single Ladies.  

More after the break