The Shards: Rich kid in 1980s L.A., a Primal Urge Boy, two downlow boyfriends, a serial killer, and Tom Blythe's d*ck. Plus Wes Bentley when he was cute

 

Link to the n*de dudes

When I was researching my profile of soap opera kid Redding Munsell, I discovered that nihilistic author Brett Easton Ellis is gay!  I did a conference presentation on some of his novels awhile ago, when I was at USC, and had him pegged as heterosexual -- and homophobic.  Now I'm interested in The Shards on Hulu, a tv series about Brett's years as an alienated, nihilistic teenager facing a serial killer.  Plus it's set in Los Angeles in the early 1980s, so maybe it has nostalgia value. 

Warning: It's produced by Ryan Murphy, who usually presents his gay characters as amoral monsters.

Scene 1: Brett (Igby Rigney, left) tells us that The Shining opened on May 23rd, 1980, and he wanted to see it as soon as possible, because the original novel made him want to become a writer. In fact, he had already started Less than Zero.  So he had to go without the gang.  

Igby is nearly n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Smoking a cigarette, he drives his dad's Mercedes down the streets of Westwood (near UCLA). He parks right outside the theater (tv cliche), buys his Junior Mints, and sits down to see a tall, tan "stunningly handsome" boy who aroused "some primal urge."  After some lingering glances, the boy walks out.  Wrong screen, buddy?

After the movie, Brett can't find the boy. That's because he left the theater.  "His name was Robert Mallory (Homer Gere, left the son of Richard Gere. n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), and his arrival at my high school will coincide with a season of horror and murder that will destroy us all."  Don't give away the story!

Scene 2: Brett tells us that kids today have it easy, with no problems (except for global warming, fascism, racism, homophobia, transphobia...) His generation fought serial killers, including the most sadistic of them all.  Brett, stop giving away the story!  It's annoying!   

A girl arrives at her gigantic palace, and can't find her dog, the fish tank is half empty, and everything in the medicine chest is turned upside-down.  

Later, she goes to the supermarket to put her lost dog flier up amid the dozens of others, and sees the one for her dog, up already!  As she gets into her car, she is grabbed, knocked out, and shoved in a van.

Scene 3: Brett and his girlfriend zoom down the Pacific Coast Highway, exuberant about being sixteen and able to drive, so they have infinite freedom!   Cut to the group having patty melts at the Hamburger Habit (I remember that place): a guy, a boy-girl couple, and a girl on each side of Brett moving in to kiss him.  Geez. at least let him finish his burger.

The group shrinks to four as they have dinner at the Galleria before playing at the video arcade, browsing at Tower Records or buying books at "any of the large bookstores that dotted the streets" in those days before Amazon took over.   I'm all for nostalgia, but this is getting egregious.  Tell me more about how everything was perfect in the Good Old Days, Grandpa.  Besides, I was there, and he's exaggerating the number of bookstores. 

I think the flashbacks have stopped.  They're at Girlfriend Debbie's place, and she's warning them not to spook her $1,000,000 Arabian horse.  Girl of His Dreams Susan and her boyfriend Thom (Graham Campbell) start making out.  Brett looks on longingly.  Adult Brett explains that Susan was the most beautiful girl in the world, and he still considers her the Love of His Life, although they never dated.  Debbie just started making out with him one day, so what are you going to do?  Are you sure you're gay, buddy?

Cut to a montage of Brett diving into his pool, getting dinner from the housekeeper, working on his writing, and doing under-the-covers stuff. 

Scene 4: Brett asks Girl of His Dreams Susan and her boyfriend if  they're coming to the last party of the summer at Debbie's house.  Thom says they'll be there, but Debbie's dad makes him uncomfortable: "He's so goddam gay!"  Got a problem with gay people, Thom?  Good thing your buddy Brett is straight.

"Yeah, he's pretty gay," Brett agrees, "But he's won two Oscars. Maybe he can help get my book made into a movie.  Ok, I checked the producers of "Less Than Zero."  Google AI insists that they're all "not gay" and make "family films."  

More after the break

Scene 5: The party.  Everyone is dancing and swimming, except for Brett, who is gazing morosely at Girl of His Dreams Susan.  A guy tells him that things are getting out of hand, and they need to take a break, "But we'll always be friends."  He hasn't been introduced yet, but Debbie calls him Ryan (Daniel Dale, top photo), and later we learn that Brett is having a downlow relationship with Matt (Owen Painter, the ugly one). Brett really gets around!

The two couples discuss how much they hate boring small-town L.A. and are anxious to escape.  Next, Homecoming, and then their graduation party. Aren't those months apart?

"By the way, there's a new kid joining our class.  Be sure to invite him to the party."

Girlfriend Debbie invites Brett to her bedroom, but he has to gaze at Girl of His Dreams Susan for about ten minutes to get into the mood. "That night was the last night when there was no fear," adult Brett notes annoyingly.

Scene 6: He heads inside to find Debbie's Creepy Dad (Wes Bentley) in the hot tub with two teenage boys.  He asks Brett to lunch to talk about his novel: "We need new voices.  I've had my eye on you for a long time."  Suddenly fey Stephen takes his picture.  "Debbie asked me to take pictures of all the party guests."

Creepy Dad tells Stephen to schedule a lunch with Brett.  This is depicted as very sinister.  As he walks away, Stephen snaps a photo of his backside, then turns to leer at Creepy Dad.  

Left: Holy cow, Bentley turned hideous!  I remember when he was cute (and n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Still trying to make it upstairs for snuggle time with Debbie, Brett is waylaid by Creepy Dad's wife: "Was my husband in the bushes doing stuff with a young guy?"  No, he just made an appointment to do it.

As Brett moves up the stairs, Wife accuses him of meeting Creepy Dad there, and starts to attack, but Fey Stephen grabs her and offers "night-night pills."

Gay men are all leering, prowling predators.  I knew Brett would make it homophobic.

Scene 7: Cut to Girlfriend Debbie in her bedroom the size of a football field, snorting cocaine and getting a breathing-only phone call.  Brett arrives, and they start the act, but suddenly he imagines that he's with Matt Kellner, the downlow guy, or else we've cut to their hookup.  "Being gender fluid wasn't a thing back then," he tells us, "So I had to be two people, public with Debbie, private with Matt."  Gender fluid means you don't identify as male or female.  You mean bisexual, babe. 

After the hookup, Brett wants to know why Downlow Mattdoesn't care about anybody or anything.  "We can only be friends in the shadows."  You're the one who wants to keep closeted, Brett Baby.  Spoiler alert: You'll come out at age 56. 

"I think we should stop this," Brett tells him.  Why, feeling guilty?  "And by the way, why is your aquarium empty?"

"I don't know.  I came home, and all my fish were gone, and my cat was missing." Just like the kidnapped girl in Scene 2.

Scene 8: First Day of Senior Year.  Two guys come out to play tennis, and find a dead girl tied to the net. Cut to Brett doing under-the-covers stuff (how does he have the energy, with two boyfriends and a girlfriend?), watching President Reagan on tv, brushing his teeth, and hearing a news story about the girl in the tennis net.  When he gets to school, he finds the statue of the school mascot, a concrete griffin, covered with blood and dead fish.  He rushes to tell Girl of His Dreams Susan, but she says it's just a dumb prank. 

Cut to lunch, with the gang discussing the fat content of croissants.  Brett gazes over at a table full of jocks. One gazes back: a brunette with frosted hair, maybe Senior Boy #2 (Jack Coghlan). 

Then Primal Urge Robert appears, smelling of cedar and sandalwood. His backstory: from Chicago, divorced parents, mom died in a car crash (of course), kicked out of his last school, so he came to L.A. to live with his aunt.  He claims that he didn't see The Shining in Westwood last year, but Brett pushes and pushes: "I'm sure I saw you there..."  You're going to scare him off, Brett Baby.

Wait -- a year has passed since Scene 1?  Was the girl kidnapped last summer or recently?

Scene 9: School assembly, led by Girl of His Dreams Susan.  Primal Urge Robert is sitting with Senior Boy #2, the one Brett was cruising earlier!  Brett gazes at him.  He gazes back and smooches the air.  

After school, Brett spies on Primal Urge Robert arguing with and then hugging Downlow Matt Kellner."Robert was like a virus. A new kind of insidious, invading agent.  He was up to something, and I was going to find out what."  So he follows the dude, who notices and leads him on a reckless chase through Brentwood, weaving in and out of lanes, running red lights, finally losing him in the Galleria parking garage.  You're the crazy one so far.

In the mall, Brett sees Primal Urge Robert shopping -- for aquariums!  Could he be the prankster who is stealing people's fish and cats?   He browses in Tower Records for awhile, then sees Primal Urge on a bench, waiting for him. 

"I don't like being followed."

"Oh, I wasn't following you.  I was coming here, too, and I just happened to be behind you as we zoomed recklessly through the streets of Westwood.  By the way, why were you talking to Matt Kellner, the guy I'm having a downlow relationship with?"

"He's a very confused guy.  I thought he could use a friend."  "Confused" is a 1980s euphemism for "gay."  "Now let's talk about the Girl of Your Dreams, Susan.  She's hot, and I want to get with her.  Is she single?"

"She's um....um...got a boyfriend."

"Not a problem."  So Primal Urge is grabbing up everyone Brett is attracted to?

Scene 10: Brett goes home and hears about the murdered girl.  Wasn't it on the news this morning?  "The city had become paralyzed with fear," he pontificates.  "She was the third victim of The Trawler. There would be countless more."  Ten to one Primal Urge isn't the killer, it's just a misdirection. Or does Brett deal with misdirections, he's so hell-bent on broadcasting everything.  Cut to a cop on tv throwing up as he sees the girl, with dead pets arranged in a disgusting artistic tableau.  

The phone rings. The person on the other end is yelling "Help me!" and screaming. 

Beefcake: Igby in underwear and a few guys at the pool.

Heterosexism:  Brett's unrequited love for the Girl of His Dreams, who is dating someone else, comes straight from a 1980s teen nerd movie.

Gay Characters: Brett is having at least two downlow relationships, but real, true love is always boy-girl.

What I Disliked: The annoyingly entitled rich kids, gay as something dark and destructive, the confusion about the year passing, and Brett pontificating.

I Liked: Los Angeles in the 1980s, the exterior shots, the cute guys, the car chase through Westwood, and the sinister sandalwood-scented Robert.  

Left: The main group underwater, as blondes.  There's a Tom Blythe d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

See also: Redding Munsell: Soap opera kid, gay angst author, werewolf victim, fierce flower fan.

Matthew William Bishop: leatherman, muscleman, actor, LGBTQ advocate.

Peter Berlin: "That Boy" uses his physique and his c*k to show us the wonder of the Gay World

Callan Farris: The Unsittable Jeremy drops in on Disney teencoms, kisses boys, learns about gigantic d*cks on the darkweb

Update: Turns out that the guy's name is spelled Bret, like no one else on Earth.  But I've been calling him Brett for years, and no one has corrected me, so I guess he can stay Brett.