"Buddy": A homicidal unicorn and two queer-coded kids, but is there any buddy-bonding? With Topher Grace, Michael Shannon, and Sergey

 

I was interested in seeing Buddy (2026), a horror parody of 1980s-1990s children's shows like Barney the Dinosaur  and Pee-Wee's Playhouse,featuring a homicidal anthropomorphic unicorn (voiced by Keegan Michael Key, with Sergey Zhuravsky, left, inside the suit).

I was a Pee-Wee fan back in the day, and it stars Luke Speakman (below) and Tristan Borders, child actors with a lot of gay-positive work.  Maybe there will be some queer codes, or at least some buddy bonding.  But after reading a plot synopsis, I'm going to give it a miss.  Here's why.

Spoiler alert: I go through the whole movie.

In the first scenes, the children's show It's Buddy features the Unicorn and his four child pals: Josh, Wade, Oliver, and Freddy (a girl). Three boys -- ample buddy bonding opportunities.

Then Josh (Luke Speakman) rebels, preferring to read his book to going to a dance party.  Buddy kills him, says that he's off on a journey to Diamond City, and replaces him with Hannah. But Freddy finds his blood-stained book in the trash and gets suspicious.  She tells her freind Wade that something is wrong.  A boy-girl dyad.

The new line-up is Freddy, Wade, Oliver, and Hannah.  Two boys, with buddy bonding possible. 

The boy-girl pair Freddy-Wade ask Nurse Nancy to talk to Buddy.  He kills her.

Maybe they could run away to Diamond City?   The kids try to escape in a sentient train named Charlie, but Buddy kills him, and the only other adult character, Mailman Miles.

Then Buddy starts cutting  Wade (Caleb Williams).  Freddy sees her chance and sets the unicorn on fire, but he doesn't die, he just becomes partially melted.  He kills Wade, leaving:

Freddy, Oliver, and Hannah. One boy, two girls.  No buddy-bonding potential left.

 They try to escape with Mr. Mailbox, but Buddy kills him.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Grace hires a psychic to contac the spirit in their house. She has a husband, Ben (Topher Grace, left) , and two sons, Derek and Timothy (Seamus Flynn, Bryson JonSteele, below). 

More after the break

When an episode of It's Buddy comes on, Grace screams, suddenly remembering a third child who disappeared.  No one else remembers her.  

Back on the set, Buddy's kids realize that they have no memories of their lives before.

That night, the Grown-Up Grace is zapped into Buddy's world, and becomes Nurse Grace.  She recognizes Freddy as her daughter who disappeared.

Remember the kids?  It's still Freddy, Oliver, and Hannah.

They try to escape with the help of Strappy the Backpack.  On the way, they meet elderly cowboy George and the foul-mouthed, abusive puppet Willie (Clint Howard, Michael Shannon, left).  George was a kid on the schow many years ago.  One day a boy named Larry sang a disrespectful song, and Buddy went beserk.  George and Willie ran away, and they've been hiding ever since.

When George (still with the mind of a ten-year old) tries to flirt with Hannah, Willie the Puppet yells that he's all the love George needs.  they start making out.

Then they drug the kids and steal Strappy the Backpack to forage for food.  Buddy tracks them down and kills them.

The kids finally reach Diamond Cty, and discover that it's just a miniature.  There's no escape!  Buddy appears and resets the episode.  Now the kids are:

Freddy, Hannah, Oliver (Tristan Borders), and Tyler (Tori Jacqui Malone).  Two boys, buddy-bonding potential, but there's not much time left.

The kids get the idea of antagonizing Buddy: if he loses control, they'll be able to restrain him.  So they sing the disrespectful song.  It backfires, and he kills Tyler, Oliver, and Hannah. (and Nurse Grace).

Leaving Freddy, the Last Girl. Buddy chases her into a room full of giant tv screens.  She impales him with a mailbox and bursts through a screen to emerge into a living room in the real world, where a Spanish-speaking dad is grilling.

Left: Eric Salazar.  Sorry, there were no shirtless photos without his lady's head right there.

Two nuclear families, a boy-girl pair among the kids, an abusive gay couple for a gross-out moment,  and no buddy-bonding potential. And I started the research with high hopes.  Dang.

See also:Luke Speakman: The femme bully of "Weapons" meets a lot of hunks, likes capybaras, plays a boy raised as a girl.

Tristan Borders pushed up the queer codes as Young Kelvin Gemstone, but what about his other roles? With twink backside and Cleveland c*ck

Pee-Wee's Playhouse: Did somebody say "Swish"?

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