Jonathan Taylor Thomas: The teen idol superstar plays gay characters, retires from acting before he can show us his d*ck. Probably

Link to the n*de photos

During the early 1990s, ABC offered a "family-friendly" lineup on Wednesday nights, beginning with The Wonder Years, with Fred Savage courting the Girl of His Dreams in the 1960s.  We sang a parody of the theme song, the Beatle's "With a Little Help from My Friends":

What would you do if I spat on your shoes?
Would you get up and kick me to the moon?

Before turning the channel to CBS, with The Nanny and Melrose Place.

But we knew about each of the shows, because you knew about every show in the era. They included:

Doogie Houser, with Neil Patrick Harris (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) as a 13 year old doctor named Doogie.

Coach, with Craig T. Nelson as a coach.

And Home Improvement, with Tim Allen as a grunting, sweating macho man who hosts a tool-themed tv series and tries to instill grunting, sweating masculinity into his three sons.  Zachery Ty Bryant (playing Brad), the eldest and most muscular, was promoted as a teen idol to draw in teenage girls (they weren't aware of gay boys).  But oddly, it was Jonathan Taylor Thomas (playing Randy) who took off, causing millions of teenage and preteen girls to tune it (again, no gay boys exist).  It quickly jumped to #2 in the ratings.

Wait -- Brad is a jock, a football star, a letterman who every girl in the school swoons over.  Randy is soft, bookish, somewhat femme, playing "a fairy" in the school play, an aspiring actor and journalist.  How did Jonathan Taylor Thomas do it?

The showrunners were stumped. They should have realized that straight girls and gay boys just starting to recognize their romantic interests prefer soft, cuddly, and relatable: Malcolm, not Reese (Malcolm in the Middle), Chris, not Drew (Everybody Hates Chris); Adam, not Barry (The Goldbergs). 

In the mid-1990s, Home Improvement moved to Tuesdays, in the hope that its popularity would help stragglers like Spin City.  We still steered clear of the grunting, sweating Tim Allen, quickly changing the channel to Frasier (CBS) and then back for Drew Carey (ABC).    

But we could hardly ignore JTT; he was on every magazine cover, in every talk show.

He presented at the Emmies and the Golden Globes.

We saw him waving in Thanksgiving and Christmas parades

He appeared in specials honoring Tom Cruise and Lauren Hutton

He praised James Bond in a documentary about the super-spy.

Elton John hugged him.

He played Tom Sawyer opposite Devon Sawa's Huckleberry Finn in Tom and Huck (1995), with a story only vaguely related to the original novels.

An adventure boy opposite Devon Sawa (right) and Scott Bairstow (left, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) in Wild America (1997).

More after the break.  

Complete Savages: In 2004, a sitcom about a dad and his five macho sons fails dramatically. With Ryan Pinkston, Jake's junk, and two n*de Carradines

 

Link to the n*de photos

In September 2004, ABC added Complete Savages, about a single dad raising five "savage" sons, to its "TGIF" Friday night schedule, expecting a hit.  Star Keith Carradine belonged to a famous showbiz dynasty, Erik von Detten was a well-known teen idol, and there were many famous guest stars, including Betty White, Shelley Long, and even President George W. Bush.  Yet the ratings were awful, and it was yanked after 15 episodes, with the remaining four burned off during the summer.

Maybe Savages  didn't do well because its lead-in was the third season of Eight Simple Rules, a nuclear family sitcom left in a precarious position after the death of John Ritter, who played the Dad.  Episode 3.1 got some buzz when son Rory (Martin Spanjers) showered with guest star Sam Horrigan, but after that viewers abandoned Rules for Joan of Arcadia on CBS, and it  ended up with a dismal rank of #90

Or maybe it was because of its similarity to Quintuplets, over on Fox: Andy Richter starred as the father of five kids, including dreamy short guy Ryan Pinkston (left) and Jake McDorman (right, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Maybe it was because Savages was produced and directed by Mel Gibson, whose homophobic, racist, and anti-semitic mania was just starting to limit his box office appeal.  

On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: A n*de Mel Gibson in 1985, when he was presenting as a leatherman and the source of gay rumors.

In 2004, I was at the age where you sometimes wanted to stay home on Friday nights, but felt guilty about it, so I may have dropped in an episode or two while "not feeling well" or "having a lot of work to do."  I think that Savages failed due to its astonishingly retro premise, an assertion that hegemonic masculinity is a biological imperative, so "all" boys are naturally violent, aggressive and posturing, into sports, cars, mechanical stuff, and especially girls.  

The savages cannily personified each of the characteristics of hegemonic masculinity.

Dad Nick (Keith Carradine, left): Big Wheel, be powerful, in charge, a leader.  He worked a firefighter, along with his younger brother Jimmy (Vincent Ventrescu, top photo).

 Jack (Shaun Sipos), an aspiring musician: His plotlines involve juggling  multiple girlfriends, so Playboy, be obsessed with women, willing and able to do things several times a day, and so good at it that you are rarely rejected.   Shaun went on star in Melrose Place, The Vampire Diaries, Krypton (where he played the bi Adam Strange), Reacher, and Outer Banks..

More after the break