"Pitch Perfect": Nerd Ben Platt, hunk Skylar Astin, and jerk Adam Devine. What could go wrong? With nude dudes.

 Pitch Perfect (2012) is comedy about dueling a capella choirs.  I didn't even know that a capella groups were a thing, but wikipedia lists dozens of them, and Music Grotto ranks the best groups (#1 is Pentatonix).  Regardless, if it's about music, there's bound to be some gay characters.  

Link to the nude dudes

Scene 1: An all-male a capella choir, the Barden University Treblemakers led by Bumper (Adam Devine), performs "Don't Stop the Music" at Lincoln Center, to rousing applause!  

In the booth, the judges discuss how perfect they are for the International Championship of Collegiate A Capella Groups (I want this to spell something dirty, but it doesn't), and how all the ladies in the room are hot for them.  Ugh, heterosexism in the first second: the only reason a man does anything is to get ladies.  

They perform some cool moves. Bumper does a "sexy man-split", struts for the fangirls, and insults the next group: an all-female choir.  They're the first girl group to get this far in the competition because, according to the judges, girls just don't have the range.  I think we're supposed to condemn the judges for being sexist.

Dressed like 1960s stewardesses, the Bellas sing a snoozefest song. Then one throws up.  Projectile vomiting in the first five minutes!  Yuck! The judges actually like this: it add excitement to their act.

Scene 2:  This must be a flashback.  Beca takes a taxi to move-in day at the stately, ivy-halled university.  She meets her new roommate, who hates her from the start, even more when she brings out her DJ equipment.  

Her dad drops by: Dr. Mitchell, a Professor of Comparative Literature.  I majored in that in grad school, for about ten minutes. It was stiflingly elitist. He insists that she give college a chance; she can move to California and become a dj later.

Meanwhile, the hunky Jesse  (Skylar Astin, left) meets his new roommate, Benji (Ben Platt, below), a Star Wars nerd and amateur magician.  To his credit, Jesse doesn't insult him.  (Ben Platt is gay in real life, so maybe his character is gay).

Scene 3: The Activities Fair.  Hunky Jesse tells Magician Benji that the hottest club on campus is Bumper's A Capella Group. It's what being a man is all about.  He points to where Bumper is asking passing girls if they want him to whip it out. But they're sexist jerks!

Meanwhile the head Barden Bella rejects a girl because her boobs are inadequate.  More sexist jerks!  She only wants "super-hot girls with bikini bodies who can harmonize and have perfect pitch." Her assistant suggests maybe recruiting girls who can sing, like Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson).  Yes, she calls herself that.  

Scene 4: An incredible hunk in a swimsuit is passing out fliers, but Beca ignores him.  Maybe we're supposed to conclude that she's gay?   

She stops at a booth called the Barden DJs, since she wants to be a DJ, but it's actually a group for Deaf Jews, har har.

Head Barden Bella tries to recruit her for the Bellas, but she refuses: it sounds tremendously lame. 

Meanwhile, Nerd Benji is desperate to join the Treblemakers, but Bumper says no.  But Bumper's singing changed his life!  Maybe they could hang out sometime?  Nope: "The smell of your weird is affecting my vocal chords."  Dude, pick someone who doesn't sneer all the time.  Your new roommate seems nice.  

Scene 5:  Beca finds a campus radio station that plays funky alternative music. Wait, she has a job there.  On move-in day?  Turns out that Hunk Jesse works there too.    Time for a meet-cute?  Nope, she hates him. Station manager Luke (Freddie Stroma, left) tells them that, as freshmen, they can't go into the DJ booth; their job is to sort CDs.  Ugh!  

Scene 6: Dad wakes Beca up.  "You've been here a month, and still no friends?  Geez, I thought it was the next day.  "Get with the program."   "I work at the radio station?" "With those weirdos?"  He forces her to join a student club. 

She heads to the shower room (fortunately, we don't see anything.)  Surprise -- she's being stalked by the Bella Aubrey, who gets way too close as she importunes Beca to join.  Ok, ok, just get your hands off my junk!

Scene 6:  The auditions for all four a capella groups at once.  I guess you sing for all of them, and we can watch Bumper insulting more people. 

The host, Kolio (David Del Rio), specifies that this is not a high school club, where you "can sing and dance your way through any social issue or confused sexuality."  Ok, that's homophobic, claiming that gay people are "confused."   "This isn't high school, it's real life."  I get it: gay people do not exist in real life.  

The auditions are mostly awful.  I expected Beca to nail it, but she does a weird thing with clapping and a cup.  Everyone is shocked by how awful she is, but she's in anyway.  Almost everyone who auditioned gets in. 

More a capella after the break

Stefanos Kakavoulis: Bizarre, cerebral gay movies and n*de performance pieces, plus an adult video and a kooky documentary

  

Link to the n*de photos

When Stefanos Kakavoulis appeared on the n*de celebrity site, I thought his name was a prank.  Kaka means "bad, evil, garbage" in Greek, so Kakavoulis means, roughly,  "The Little Stinker"  But that's really his name:

Stefanos  was born in Australia in 1977, but moved to Greece when he was a baby.  He got his degree in teaching art from the Higher Drama School New Greek Theatre of G. Armenis (that's what it says).

He has five acting credits listed on the IMDB, and several others on his personal website.  I took a year of Greek in college, but it wasn't quite enough to understand the untranslated plot synopses and trailers. 

Hnychterini sonata ("The Nightengale Sonata," 2015).  I don't know what it's about, but it shows some people in towels kissing.

Exoria ("Exile," 2019):  Stefanos kisses a dude, but strangles him during the bedroom stuff, and approaches a lady dressed as a bumblebee who is lap-dancing a guy in a bunny mask. 

That's what the trailer shows.

Antonious (2020): , a 38-minute poem by gay Portuguese writer Fernando Pessoa, translated into Greek by Stefanos.  The Emperor Hadrian mourns the death of hislover.

Copper Sand (2020): Two men serve in the army together, then meet again after 15 years.  Is the spark still there?

Based on the trailer, I'd say that it's still there.

Howl (2020): A 20-minute performance of the Allen Ginsberg poem, translated into Greek.

Kathartirio ("Purgatory," 2022).  "Stories about love in modern Greece."  

Leonardo's Ring (2024), based on the play by Rick Elice, is about a ring that travel from hand to hand over the centuries.  Owners include gay icons Leonardo Da Vinci, Oscar Wilde, and Tchaikovsky.  Looks like a lot of musclemen in a pool, and two guys in bed in a crappy apartment.

Stefanos is primarily a theatrical actor.  His credits include The Importance of Being Earnest, The Talented Mr Ripley, Bent. and Vitruvio, where he performs Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man (n*ked, of course) in a meditation on mortality.

I'm getting the impression that he's gay.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 3.7: The handsome man, misdirection, queerbaiting, tied-up guys, and me yelling at the screen a lot

 

Link to the n*de photos

In Episode 3.6, we saw the aftermath of the Judy/BJ and Kelvin/Keefe breakups, with failed reconciliation attempts, a fist fight, and both Kelvin and Judy quitting their jobs at the church.  In this episode, things get even worse.

Title: "Burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe."  Exodus 21:25. Fans argued like mad about trying to connect the burn/wound/stripe to the personalities or kidnapping strategies of the Gemstone siblings, but it's a misdirection. The previous verse has the more familiar "eye for eye, tooth for tooth." It just means that the punishment should fit the crime.

Burn for burn and all that:  During the evening of the day of the Aimee-Leigh Hologram debacle, the BJ-Stephen penis fight, and probably the Kelvin-Keefe rocking chair fight, Judy goes to a drug store to buy pain medication for BJ.  On her way home, goons from Peter's militia crunch her car with the Redeemer and grab her. 

Misdirection alert: the trailer makes it look like she is the one crunching. 

Chuck Montgomery tries to trick Jesse, and when that doesn't work, the goons shoot him with a tranquilizer dart.  

Kelvin bangs on the door at Woodpecker's Carpentry, yelling: "Are there any woodworkers in there? I'm looking for Keefe Chambers!"  Now that he's no longer worried about his job at the church, he's free to reconcile with Keefe.    But it's long after hours; the building is dark and deserted. Why would anyone be inside?  Besides, Keefe told Kelvin where he was working; wouldn't he give him his new address and phone number, too?

Imagine if someone were inside: "See, my ex-boyfriend and I had this big fight, and he doesn't want me to have his new number, and I don't know where he's staying...I need to see him...no, I am not a stalker!"

Six militia men wearing scary masks surround Kelvin.  The trailer makes him look paralyzed with fear, but actually he is quite brave, trying to intimidate them and then defend himself.  They punch and hit him, and squirt a toxic liquid into his eyes -- which stings but has no long term effects.  Why does Kelvin need six guys to take him down?  Why does he get a more brutal kidnapping?  I don't know.

Screaming like a woman:  The three siblings are put in what everyone calls a chicken silo, although chickens are housed in coops.  They are tied to chairs, with pillowcases over their heads.  What for?  You don't need to be imprisoned and tied up both.

Fans uncomfortable with the idea of gay relationships noticed that Kelvin's pillowcase resembles the trans pride flag, thereby signaling that he is actually a transgender woman.  Doubtful: Jesse's depicts the cartoon character Maisie Mouse. 

Kelvin yells for help. Uncle Peter enters and asks if he is "screaming like a woman," maybe a dig at his gayness, but more likely because he considers any emotion "like a woman."   He explains that the militia is holding them for ransom.

The handsome man: When Keefe arrives for work the next morning, he sees Kelvin's car with the doors still open, checks the ground for signs of a struggle, and asks his coworkers, "Have you seen The Handsome Man?"  This makes no sense, as Kelvin only visited once, for a few minutes, and most of the carpenters weren't paying attention.

Cut to Amber and BJ noticing that their partners didn't come home last night. Next, Eli, at the office even though he's retired and should be fishing, receives a scary video of Kelvin crying and Judy and Jesse screaming in rage.  The gay one has a "sensitive" reaction. Peter gives the ransom demand.  

Eli goes home and confronts May-May: "Your sons have fucked me over."  She denies that she has anything to do with the kidnapping.

Back at the chicken silo, the siblings complain about the heat and the food, and bicker.  Shouldn't they be praying?  They're religious, right?

Cut to BJ, Amber, Gideon, and Eli discussing the kidnapping with Sheriff Brenda. They were kidnapped in town, so it should be the Rogers Police. 

Notice that Keefe is not there.  Why didn't Eli call him?  Because his number has changed, because they have broken up, or because he is just a friend, not a partner?

The Freemans arrive.  Tiffany has made dolls of the siblings --very quickly -- "for you to hug and kiss until they come home safe."  She gives the Kelvin doll to Eli.  Same question: Why doesn't she save it for Keefe? Because they have broken up, or because they were never partners to begin with? 

Geography problem: How did they get to Eli's house so fast?  Don't they live in Florida?  

The trailer made it seem like the militia sent the dolls, adding a hint of the paranormal that turned out to be a misdirection.  Still, they look like Gullah Island voodoo dolls: "You can hug and kiss them until your loved ones come home safe.  And if they ever stray, you can make their privates fall off." 

More queerbaiting after the break

"Crap Happens": Many gay/bi/trans actors, a gay boy, father-son bonding, puppies, a talking duck , and some Deutsch d*cks

 

Link to the n*de photos

After the death of his mother, failed rapper Toni (played by real-life rapper Fatoni, aka Anton Schneider) returns to his backwater Bavaria home town with the charming name Kacken an der Havel, "Pooping on the (River) Havel."  So basically Schitt's Creek.

 He deals with endearing/annoying townsfolk, his mom's much younger boy toy, and Charly, the 13-year old son that he didn't know he had.  While trying to jump-start his rap career.  Hey, Crap Happens.

Right: Anton Schneider.  I don't think he's the same one.

Preliminary research revealed that Charly is played by the nonbinary German actor Sky Arndt, and voiced in the English dub by trans actor Greg Vinciguerra (left, with a post from his tv series  Wolf Pack).

Surely Charly is trans on the show, too.

More LGBTQ representation: The Boy Toy, Johnny Carrera, is played by straight actor Dmitrij Schaad (left), but voiced by JP Karliak, founder and president of Queer Vox, an organization for LGBTQ voice artists.

Vincent Redetzki, who plays school band leader Paule, is gay in real life.

Showrunner Alex Schaad won an Queer Lion Award for Skin Deep (2022), about body swapping and s*xual identity.

That's enough for me. I'll  reviewing Episode 1.3, which is Charly-centric: he experiences "his first heartbreak" and meets his first arch-nemesis.

Scene 1: Fleischer's Towing Service (his Mom's company). Asleep on a day bed, Toni is awakened by his son Charly: he had a nightmare. Can he sleep in Toni's bed?  There's no room, but Charly squeezes in anyway.

The narrator, a talking duckling named Tupac, explains that Charly didn't really have a nightmare.  He just wanted to cuddle with his dad.

Scene 2: Toni is exhausted after getting no sleep, but Charly is energetic, and makes breakfast for him, the duck, and the Boy Toy: Chocolate-ketchup fountain, sausage water coffee, green farfalle, and chocolate scrambled eggs.  Does Charly have a learning disability?   Boy Toy insists that they try it to avoid hurting Charly's feelings, and it turns out to be delicious. 

Boy Toy: "It feels like love in my mouth."  This is completely innocent of double-entendre.

In other news, is it weird to be in love with your cousin?

Boy Toy: It's normal in Mexico.  Toni: It's weird in Germany.

Charlie announces today's plan: Paddleboard limbo (a real sport where you stand on a paddleboat and negotiate a barrier).

Toni: "Sorry, no time.  I have writing to do today." Ms. Muller-Muller has commissioned him to write eight rap songs.

Meanwhile, the evil Mayor Veronica and her son are surveilling them, cooking up mischief.

Scene 3: Toni starts to work on a rap song, but is distracted. Narrator: "He hasn't finished a song in 18 years."

At school, Charly heads for Sascha, his girl cousin. She is played by Sherine Ciara Merai, who is gay in real life, and voiced by Jonna-Lynn Alonso, a bi/pan, genderfluid, femme presenting voice artist. 

Apparently they've considered dating before, and he is reporting on his research.  Genetics: No problem with their offspring.  So Charlie must be cisgender. A trans boy doesn't produce sperm, so...wait, is Sascha a  trans girl?  

 Social attitudes: A problem in Germany, but they can always move to Mexico.

Nope, Sascha breaks up with him.  Narrator: "The first heartbreak of his life."  

More after the break