"You Spin Me Round": The Theme Song of 300 Sunday Afternoons in a Leather Bar

In West Hollywood, gay bars always had a theme song that you would hear over and over, at least once an hour, every time you visited.

 I went to Mugi, the Asian bar in Hollywood, almost every Saturday night, sometimes Wednesday or Friday, too.  That means that I heard "One Night in Bangkok" at least 300 times.

I went to the Faultline, the leather bar on Melrose, near Los Angeles City College, almost every Sunday afternoon for their Beer and Soda Bust.  The traditional schedule was Church 10:30 am, brunch at the French Quarter 12:00, Gym 2:00 pm, and the Faultline by 4:00 pm.  We hung out on the patio unless it was raining, and it never rains in Southern California.

Around 6:00 pm we left, and picked up tangerine chicken on the way home to eat while watching The Simpsons, Married...with Children, Parker Lewis Can't Lose, and Sliders (Jerry O'Connell, sigh).

Sometimes I went on Friday or Saturday nights, too.  So I must have heard their song over 1,000 times.

I never heard it anywhere else. I didn't know the title or the group, and I didn't bother asking.

It seemed to be a Gay Pride anthem:

Open up the closet door, watch out, here I come.

Although some of the lyrics seemed to involve a bar pickup:

You, I don't even know your name, baby.

You, I want to get you alone, baby.

With a chorus:
Round, round, round, round, something something baby, round round round round.

Years later, I heard the song again, at the gym of all places, and it brought me back to those many nights and Sunday afternoons surrounded by shirtless and leather-clad men.  When I got home, I did an internet search.


It's "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)", by the British band Dead or Alive, released in December 1984, peaked at #4 on the dance charts in January 1985.

Boy, did I get the lyrics wrong!  The "gay pride anthem":

Not: Open up the closet door, watch out, here I come.

But:  Open up your lovin' arms, watch out here I come.

Not: You, I don't even know your name, baby/ You, I want to get you alone, baby

But: If I, I get to know your name, baby / Then I could trace your private number, baby

So you're planning to stalk him?

No specific gay content, although the lead singer of the bad was the fabulously feminine Peter Burns (bottom left), an androgyne in the mold of Boy George, who married a woman and then a man, but divorced him and declared in homophobic contempt that "gay marriage doesn't work.  It's better to marry a woman."

Other members were Mike Percy, Steve Coy, and Tim Lever.

I'm still trying to figure out why an androgynous dance number was the theme song in a leather bar with no androgyny and no dancing.

It doesn't really matter.  Even though I know the lyrics now, I still can hear in my head the gay pride anthem from 300 Sunday afternoons at the Faultline:

Open up the closet door, watch out, here I come.

See also: One Night in Bangkok

Call it Thunder: 40 Years of Fleetwood Mac

Chad Allen: The Dr. Quinn hunk is outed, but still plays heterosexual romantic leads and a gay detective. With his cock and 1990s San Francisco

Hung Harvey: I hook up with the boyfriend of Sabrina the Teenage Witch

The 12 most homophobic, heterosexist, and horrible songs

Heterosexism is commonplace in the "girl! girl! girl!' banter of popular music.  But some songs are so heterosexist, homophobic, or otherwise horrible that I literally can't stand to hear them.  If they come on tv, I click the channel, and if I can't find the remote, I run from the room.  If they're playing in a store, I leave. And heaven help the friend who starts singing one of them!

I'm not including songs that were intended to be homophobic, like "My Girl Bill" and "Big Bad Bruce."

1. "It's a Man's World" (James Brown, 1966)

It's a man's world, but you're nothing...nothing at all, without a woman (or a girl).

This from a guy who dresses like a 1950s housewife.

2. "She Bangs" (Ricky Martin, 2000).

A gay guy singing about how much he likes the way a girl moves, and then a pun on "shebang" and a dirty phrase for s*x.  Can't get any more Uncle Tom than that.

3. "Stand Tall" (Burton Cummings, 1976)

December of my junior  year: I was home sick, looking for a gay comic book, and thinking "No way am I a f*g!"  And I heard on the radio:

Stand tall, don't you fall, don't go and do something foolish
All you're feeling right now is silly human pride.

Right, not gay, don't do anything foolish.

4. "Lady" (Kenny Rogers, 1980).

I was in college, not out because of course no one came out in those days, negotiating the incessant "No homosexual has ever been a great writer" from professors and the "what girl do you like?" chants of my family and friends.  And I heard:

Lady, I'm your knight in shining armor, and I love you.
Let me hold you in my arms forever more....

5. "When Doves Cry" (Prince and the Revolution, 1984).

 I'm on my way to Hell-fer-Sartain State University in ugh...Texas or the worst year of my life, and this ultra-feminine, super-gay coded guy starts singing about a heterosexual breakup:

How can you just leave me standing, alone in a world so cold?
Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold

6. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (Judy Garland, 1944).

I've heard the first few words of this monstrosity many times, as I'm rushing to turn off the tv or run from the mall.  Once I was visiting my partner's cousins, and their kid started playing it..  I ran upstairs and hid in the bathroom for ten minutes, but when I emerged it was still playing!  

More (gulp!) after the break.

"Crap Happens": Many gay/bi/trans actors, a gay boy, father-son bonding, puppies, a talking duck , and some Deutsch d*cks

 

Link to the n*de photos

After the death of his mother, failed rapper Toni (played by real-life rapper Fatoni, aka Anton Schneider) returns to his backwater Bavaria home town with the charming name Kacken an der Havel, "Pooping on the (River) Havel."  So basically Schitt's Creek.

 He deals with endearing/annoying townsfolk, his mom's much younger boy toy, and Charly, the 13-year old son that he didn't know he had.  While trying to jump-start his rap career.  Hey, Crap Happens.

Right: Anton Schneider.  I don't think he's the same one.

Preliminary research revealed that Charly is played by the nonbinary German actor Sky Arndt, and voiced in the English dub by trans actor Greg Vinciguerra (left, with a post from his tv series  Wolf Pack).

Surely Charly is trans on the show, too.

More LGBTQ representation: The Boy Toy, Johnny Carrera, is played by straight actor Dmitrij Schaad (left), but voiced by JP Karliak, founder and president of Queer Vox, an organization for LGBTQ voice artists.

Vincent Redetzki, who plays school band leader Paule, is gay in real life.

Showrunner Alex Schaad won an Queer Lion Award for Skin Deep (2022), about body swapping and s*xual identity.

That's enough for me. I'll  reviewing Episode 1.3, which is Charly-centric: he experiences "his first heartbreak" and meets his first arch-nemesis.

Scene 1: Fleischer's Towing Service (his Mom's company). Asleep on a day bed, Toni is awakened by his son Charly: he had a nightmare. Can he sleep in Toni's bed?  There's no room, but Charly squeezes in anyway.

The narrator, a talking duckling named Tupac, explains that Charly didn't really have a nightmare.  He just wanted to cuddle with his dad.

Scene 2: Toni is exhausted after getting no sleep, but Charly is energetic, and makes breakfast for him, the duck, and the Boy Toy: Chocolate-ketchup fountain, sausage water coffee, green farfalle, and chocolate scrambled eggs.  Does Charly have a learning disability?   Boy Toy insists that they try it to avoid hurting Charly's feelings, and it turns out to be delicious. 

Boy Toy: "It feels like love in my mouth."  This is completely innocent of double-entendre.

In other news, is it weird to be in love with your cousin?

Boy Toy: It's normal in Mexico.  Toni: It's weird in Germany.

Charlie announces today's plan: Paddleboard limbo (a real sport where you stand on a paddleboat and negotiate a barrier).

Toni: "Sorry, no time.  I have writing to do today." Ms. Muller-Muller has commissioned him to write eight rap songs.

Meanwhile, the evil Mayor Veronica and her son are surveilling them, cooking up mischief.

Scene 3: Toni starts to work on a rap song, but is distracted. Narrator: "He hasn't finished a song in 18 years."

At school, Charly heads for Sascha, his girl cousin. She is played by Sherine Ciara Merai, who is gay in real life, and voiced by Jonna-Lynn Alonso, a bi/pan, genderfluid, femme presenting voice artist. 

Apparently they've considered dating before, and he is reporting on his research.  Genetics: No problem with their offspring.  So Charlie must be cisgender. A trans boy doesn't produce sperm, so...wait, is Sascha a  trans girl?  

 Social attitudes: A problem in Germany, but they can always move to Mexico.

Nope, Sascha breaks up with him.  Narrator: "The first heartbreak of his life."  

More after the break

Whoops, My Dear: The Evolution of a Homophobic Slur

When you research the pop culture of the past, you occasionally come across a mystery.

In an Archie comic book story from the 1960s, Archie has to hold Veronica's purse.  Reggie see him, flashes a limp wrist, and exclaims "Whoops, my dear!"  He is "accusing" Archie of being gay, but how? What is the implication?

In a comic strip from the 1940s, Mickey Mouse decides to put up flowered wallpaper.  His friend then "accuses" him of being gay by dancing around and saying "Whoops, my dear!"

The homophobic slur appears on The Carol Burnett Show (1970s), in popular novels (1950s), and on the Burns and Allen radio program (1940s).   But what exactly does it mean, and how did it come to mean "I think that you are gay?"

The earliest use I have found is in a 1910 song by Bert F. Grant and Billy J. Morrisey:

Georgie was a dainty youth, well known for miles around.
Up on the street both night and day, he always could be found.
With his natty little cane and flaming crimson tie
When he'd come strolling down the lane, you'd loudly hear him cry, "Whoops, my dear."

He's a turn-of-the-century dandy, his cane and red tie symbolic of gayness, although in this song, he's courting women.

A Dictionary of Criminal Slang  (1913) lists it as a "jovial expression of fairies and theatrical characters"  Fairy, of course, was a derogatory term for a gay man.

An  undated "vintage" birthday card from about the same era has a little girl bouncing around, with the caption reading: "Whoops, my dear. Another year!"  Apparently not a homophobic slur.

In a 1915 story by Elinor Maxwell, we read that Mr. Clarkson Porter is "not much on hair, or a slim waistline, but when it comes to a bank account, whoops, my dear!"

Sounds like a mild expression of surprise.

"What Do We Care for Kaiser Bill", a World War I song (1917):
Now Percy left his home one day to join the flying corps
He said I'll make those horrid boys and girls feel very sore
The first time that they took him up, it made him feel so queer
When in the clouds they looped the loop, he yelled out "Whoops, my dear."

Percy (a gay-coded name of the era) yells out the phrase because he's feeling dizzy.  He's probably been turned gay ("queer").

In the 1920s, tourists to Paris could go to the Petite Chaumiere at 2 Rue Berthe, where the "men dressed as women...cavort around and swish their skirts and sing in falsetto and shout 'Whoops, my dear.'"



"I Wish't I was in Peoria" (Billy Rose and Mort Dixon, 1925), tells us that:
They're yelling "Whoops my dear" in Peoria tonight.
They've got a big red-blooded warrior, he wears a red tie in Peoria,
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria tonight.

The song is about how the "hick town" of Peoria, Illinois is far more sophisticated than Manhattan.  For instance, they have gay people there.  Red ties still signified gay identity.


In 1932, the Green Street Theater in San Francisco was playing "the continental spicy musical cocktail Whoops, My Dear.", aka Die Guckloch (peephole).  Mild expression of surprise at sexual shenanigans.

In the 1930s, a gay couple named Frankie and Johnny performed at the Ballyhoo Club on North Halsted in Chicago.  Among their numbers was:

Whoops, my dear, even the chief of police is queer.
When the sailors come to town, lots of brown
Holy by Jesus, everybody's got pareses in Fairytown

A mild expression of surprise at the existence of gay people.  I can't even guess what "lots of brown" means, but "pareses" is an inflammation of the brain that occurs in the late stages of syphillis.

In 1946, the Cocktail Guide and Ladies’ Companion by Crosby Gage, a theatrical producer and president of the New York Wine and Food Society, included such drinks as Euthanasia, Whoops My Dear, and Psychopathia Sexualis.

(Shown: Gage Crosby, no relation, a University of Arizona swimmer).

Lucille Ball sang the phrase in "Hey, Look Me Over" in Wildcat (1960), about an attempt to strike oil in Texas (top photo: her costar, Keith Andes):

We're hitting the road
Loud as a Shanta Clare but jittery as hen
The road to glory running a "whoops my dear,"
but here we go again. Yeah!

A "shanta clare" is a chicken.

She seems to mean that the Road to Glory is surprised to find her trying to strike oil again. 

In 1967, a Virginia newspaper was running a column with beauty tips.  The author disapproved of mini skirts unless you wear "mini-type  underpinnings," because otherwise, "Whoops, my dear!  Everything is showing."

 So by the 1960s, you could use the phrase to mean both "I am surprised!" and "I think you are gay!"  

Both meaning vanished from popular use during the 1970s, but probably not due to gay activism, since slurs like "fag," "homosexual," and the mor recent "yag" are still going strong.

"Bumper in Berlin" Episode 1.3: Bumper saves the day by doing everything wrong. With bonus Til Schweiger

 

Link to N*de Photos

I don't usually review two episodes of the same series, but I'm trying to figure something out. Bumper in Berlin has no gay male characters, limited beefcake, and frequent discussions of the hotness of ladies.  Those should be red flags.  So why is this series my favorite Adam Devine vehicle?   This is a review of Episode 1.3,  "Verschlimmbessern": to make things worse while trying to make them better.

Scene 1: An ornate concert hall.  Bumper (Adam Devine), the American a capella singer who has come to Germany to become a star, and Heidi, his Love Interest, begin singing the Shaggy song "It Wasn't Me,"  Suddenly the stage goes dark; Heidi collapses, stabbed in the back  She's dying. Bumper has betrayed her by claiming that the song she wrote was his, and thus stealing her future.  And his hands are feet?  He awakens -- just a nightmare!

Scene 2: Bumper meets Heidi at the coffee cart and tries to make it up to her by -- buying her coffee?  He explains that he needed an impressive song to be selected to perform at Unity Day and become a star. Heidi isn't angry, just very disappointed.

Manager Pieter (Flula Borg) has bad news: his ex-girlfriend Gisela, who is competing with Bumper for the Unity Day spot, is doing a big show in Friederickstadt.  In order to stay competitive, he got Bumper a gig performing "his" song on Sour Pickles: a talk show where the guests eat sour pickles.

Bumper tries to make things right with Heidi by refusing to sing the song: it "sucks."  Wait -- Heidi wrote it.  She glares at him.  "Oh, the song is great, but it sucks."  Digging yourself deeper, Buddy.  You got some Verschlimmbessern going on.

Scene 3: On the way to the Sour Pickles studio -- the sign is in English -- Bumper complains to his ally, DJ Das Boot: "I did a bad thing, but I apologized. Why is Heidi still mad? It's not fair."  And by the way "Boot" means  "boat" in German.

DJ Das Boot: "You're only interested in making yourself feel better.  Try thinking of someone else's feelings." 

Scene 4:  Bumper and DJ Das Boot perform the song, while Heidi looks on forlornly.  The hosts, played by famous German actors Til Schweiger and Moritz Bleibtrue, cheer.  

Next, it's time to eat increasingly sour pickles while answering questions.  Uh-oh, the hosts twist his words around while he's distracted by the pickles.  First: Bumper admits that he didn't write the song, Heidi did.  Then, that his manager Pieter lied to get him to come to Germany.  Back story: Pieter used a sound machine during an a capella performance, destroying his career and branding him the second-greatest shame in German history. 

Bumper changes the subject to how much he likes Germany, especially the hottie Angela Merkle, whom he would love to twerk-le.  The hosts pretend to be scandalized at the disrespect to the former Chancellor, but actually they love seeing their guests get "into a pickle."  

Scene 5: Back at the office, everyone discusses what a mess Bumper made of his interview.  Shouldn't they have known that the show was about getting people to say the wrong thing?  Pieter's scandal will be revived, DJ Das Boot will be the laughing stock of the DJ community, and Heidi will never be able to sell a song again: "I'm going to have to go on German unemployment.  How am I supposed to survive on just 90,000 euros a year?"

Scene 6: A "scary adult preschool" abandoned factory-art gallery.  Heidi arrives for a date with DJ Das Boot, who criticizes her obsession with planning out every detail in her life: "I don't even know how I'm going to end this sentence."

To cure Heidi of her fear of the unexpected, DJ Das Boot says "Give me a tattoo.  Anything you want."  Heidi protests that she doesn't know how, but who cares?  This is really wacky date.  You ladies ever hear of dinner and a movie? 

She draws a smiley face on DJ Das Boot's shoulder.  "See -- you weren't prepared. You can't fix it.  But you survived!"

Scene 7: Bumper and Manager Pieter want to talk the Sour Pickle hosts into not airing the episode, but the security guard won't let them in.  So Heidi and DJ Das Boot try: the security guard lets them in with no challenge. 

Meanwhile, the guys sit in a bar, being gloomy.  Pieter asks Bumper to save himself,  pretend that lying was all Pieter's idea, but Bumper won't betray his friend.  Awww.... 

The girls arrive: yep, the Sout Pickle guys agreed to pull the episode.  All Pieter has to do is give an interview about his ex-girlfriend Gisela's involvement in his a capella scandal.  Pieter admits that, in fact, it was Gisela's idea, but they were dating, so he took the fall.  She dumped him soon afterwards.

So -- tell the truth, repair your reputation, get over your ex, and damage the career of their main competitor for the Unity Day gig. Plus she deserves it -- she's evil. Sounds great!  Problem: Pieter still loves her, and doesn't like the idea of hurting her.

More Bumper and Til Schweiger after the break

Call It Thunder: 40 Years of Fleetwood Mac

Fleetwood Mac was big when I was in high school, especially during my junior year, when I discovered what "gay" meant and started dating -- well, double-dating with Verne, the preacher's son.

 I wasn't a fan.  Their songs were all about girls:

"Rhiannon":
Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her?
Takes to the sky like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover?

"Dreams":
Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you'll know, you'll know



Plus they were heterosexual.  Mick Fleetwood and Lindsey Buckingham were both dating Stevie Nicks.

I only liked guys who liked guys, like Shaun Cassidy.

 Then, in January 1977, "Go Your Own Way" started playing on KSTT Radio.

You can go your own way, go your own way.
You can call it thunder, all the way.

It seemed like they were talking to me personally, telling me that it was ok to break away, follow your own path, and "call it thunder."

I "called it thunder" when I decided to go to college instead of taking a job in the factory, like my parents expected.

When I figured "it" out the summer after my high school graduation: we stop the fight right now, we got to be who we are.

When I rejected the "wife and kids" destiny everyone had plotted out for me, and found the freedom to love.

When I abandoned the Midwest for California.

When I decided to go back to graduate school and get a Ph.D.

You can go your own way, go your own way.
You can call it thunder, all the way.

 Whenever I hear the song today, it sends me back to my junior year at Rocky High, when everything was fresh and new and full of promise, when you could "go your own way" and "call it thunder."

Last night I heard the song at the gym, on the Classic Rock station they play in the free weight room.  I decided to do a blog post on the song that meant so much to me long ago.  So I looked up the lyrics online:

You can go your own way, go your own way.
You can call it another lonely day.

Another lonely day?  WTF?

It's not an anthem to self-awareness at all!  It's about breaking up with a lover, who is now packing up and going away, so it's "another lonely day."






For 40 years, I've been hearing the lyrics wrong.

Well, back to Shaun Cassidy.

Coming out with Barry Manilow. That's right, I said "Barry Manilow"

Speaking of singers that you couldn't avoid hearing during the 1970s, I spent my entire three years at Rocky High and most of my four years at Augustana College  running in the other direction while Barry Manilow's syrupy love! love! love! love! crooning spewed forth from transistor radios, car radios, the p.a. at school, record stores, tv...but there was no escape

Junior High.

1. "Mandy":

I remember all my life, raining down as cold as ice.

Well, he got that right -- all my life, I've remembered that song, no matter how much I don't want to.

2."It's a Miracle": 

It's a miracle, a true-blue spectacle....

At least he's over his relationship with Mandy.

3. "Could it be Magic"

Baby take me, high upon a hillside, high up where the stallion meets the sun...come, come, come into my... 

This is the first song I heard that I knew was about having sex, although I wouldn't be asking anyone to come, come, come into my....for a few years.

Tenth Grade:

4. "I Write the Songs": 

I write the songs that make the young girl cry...I am music, and I write the songs...

Barry Manilow is music?  Rather full of himself, isn't he?

5. "Trying to Get That Feeling Again": 

I've gone up, down,all around,  trying to get that feeling again. 

You just need to relax, Barry.  It can be tiring going...um....up, down all around.

6. "This One's for You": 

This one will never sell, they'll never understand, I don't even sing it well.

He's got that right.  The song won't sell, he doesn't sing it well.

Eleventh Grade:

7. "Weekend in New England." 

Last night I waved goodbye, now it seems years -- I'm back in the city, where nothing is clear.  

I'd rather be in the city than stuck in a small factory town in the Midwest.

8. "Looks Like We Made It": 

Do you love him as much as I love her, and will that love be strong when the old feelings stir?  

Barry is talking to someone in love with a man about how much he loves a woman.  I can't figure out what's going on.

Twelfth Grade: 

9. "Daybreak" 

It's daybreak if you want to believe, it's daybreak, no time to grieve. 

Repeat 38 times. Don't try to figure out what it means. I hav no idea.

10. "Can't Smile without You": 

Can't laugh, can't sing, finding it hard to do anything.  

So that's why his singing is so bad -- he's broken up with someone!   Quick, get back together!

11. "Even Now"

Even now I think about you when I'm climbing the stairs, and I wonder what to do so she won't see.  

You still thinking about Mandy?  It's been four years!

More after the break

Bruce Springsteen: Gay Ally with a Sordid Past

Bruce Springsteen, "The Boss," went completely under my radar in the 1970s and 1980s.  I knew "Blinded by the Light" (1973), but only through the 1977 cover by Manfred Mann's Earth Band, something about a teenage boy who "pumps his way into a hat" and is  "wrapped up like a douche."

The actual word is "deuce," but I have no idea what a deuce is.  Something to do with card playing?

I knew "Born in the U.S.A." (1984), but I thought it was a jingoistic patriotic anthem, not an indictment of our treatment of Vietnam War veterans.  How could you get that from:

Born in the USA, I was born in the USA, I'm a cool rockin' Daddy in the USA.

And I had a vague image of dead-end towns, pick-up trucks, hard-drinking men who worked in factories and the women who gave their lives meaning, gross heterosexist country-western stuff, nothing I would want to listen to.

There are lots of homophobic slurs in his songs.

In "Lost in the Flood" (1973), a returning Vietnam veteran moans that the countryside's burning with wolfman fairies dressed in drag for homicide.  

Not a very positive depiction of the Gay Rights Movement.

In "Tokyo" (1973), as the sun rises, a macho garbage man gets ready for work:  He hurriedly sipped his beer, and poked fun of the queer, and threatened to kick his ass.

"Backstreets" (1975) two friends grow up on the mean streets.  One of their pastime is "ripping off the fags."

More recently, "Balboa Park" (1995) talks about hustling: Where the men in their Mercedes come nightly to employ the services of the border boys

No positive references to gay people, but "Streets of Philadelphia" (1993) which was used in the movie starring Tom Hanks as gay man dying of AIDS, can be about any gay person's struggle with a brutal, heartless, homophobic world .

Ain't no angel gonna greet me,  it's just you and I my friend
And my clothes don't fit me no more.  A thousand miles just to slip this skin

Nevertheless, Springsteen claims that he had gay friends from the very beginning, and at least since the 1990s, he has been a vocal ally of the gay community.  He cancelled a concert in North Carolina in protest of the homophobic and transphobic House Bill 2:

"Some things are more important than a rock show, and this fight against prejudice and bigotry is one of them."

Baby Huey and Dimwit: Bottom of the Barrel Buddy-Bonding

When I was a kid in the 1960s and 1970s, I loved Harvey Comics, in this order:

1.-2. The Ghosts, Casper and Spooky (Casper, Spooky, Ghostland, Spooktown), whose weird paranormal and science fiction adventures were full of gay subtexts.

3. Hot Stuff the Little Devil (Hot Stuff, Sizzlers, Devil Kids).  Sometimes he had paranormal and science fiction adventures, too, but more often he was stuck in crazy pun-ridden lands that made no sense.

4. Richie Rich.  Usually he was insufferable, with joke stories about how rich he was.  Who cares?  But sometimes there were fun adventure and spy stories.

5. The Girls with Halfway Interesting Adventures (Little Lotta, Little Dot).

6. The Girl with Incredibly Boring Adventures (Little Audrey).

7. Baby Huey.  Only if I was desperate.

Baby Huey was a gigantic duck toddler in a diaper and bonnet who got involved in slapstick shenanigans.  He had super-strength, like Little Lotta, but combined with basic lack of understanding of how anything worked.  The result was mayhem. He rarely if ever saved the day, although sometimes he succeeded through pure dumb luck.

He sparred with three normal-sized ducks who disapproved of him, and a fox who kept trying to eat him.  (Although the ducks were civilized and lived in cities, they were still likely to be victimized by predators.)

And he had an annoying lisping girlfriend, Matilda.  What did she see in the baby giant?  "You're so big and shtrong, Huey!"  I get it -- he was three times the size of a normal duck, so if he was proportional beneath the belt...

Who'd believe that there were 92 issues of Baby Huey (1956-1972), plus compendium titles Baby Huey Duckland (1962-66) and Baby Huey and Papa (1962-68).

As in all of the Harvey comics, there was a big change in theme and emphasis after 1966.  Baby Huey was still wearing a stupid bonnet and diaper, but he was older, able to go out on adventures by himself.

He was often accompanied by his Cousin Dimwit: an adult duck, rather cute as anthropomorphic ducks go, with a shirt that extended beyond his hands (a sign of stupidity, I suppose).

A sort of inventor, Dimwit popped in out of nowhere and announced "I want to take Cousin Huey on a trip to the Moon!"  Huey's parents would, strangely enough, permit this.

My favorite Huey/Dimwit stories:

1, They build a mechanical Frankenstein that terrorizes the town.
2. Trying to fly to Florida, they end up at the North Pole
3, They're hired by the governmnt to take top-secret pictures.
4. They use dehydrating pills to foil a criminal gang.
5. They take a wrong turn and end up kidnapped by spies.

Still humorous/slapstick, but with enough buddy bonding and nick-of-time rescues to create at least minimal gay subtexts.

Boy, I could really find it everywhere, couldn't I?

By the way, here are some people and businesses who have taken the nom de plum Baby Huey:

1. James Ramos (left), the front man for Baby Huey and the Babysitters, 1970s precursors to the hip hop style.  He weighed 350 pounds.

2. MMA fighter Tito Ortiz (top photo).  He's not fat at all.

3. Hell's Angels motorcycle club member George Wethern.

4. "Baby Huey," the host of the Saturday night show on The Bone (KSAN, 107.7 FM).  He also does the podcast "The Second Shift" with cohost Chasta.

Baby Huey is also:

1. A popular dance club and hipster hangout in Toronto

2. A moving company in Katy, Texas, and

3. A barbecue restaurant in Fremont, Nebraska.

"A Whiter Shade of Pale": Existential Angst or Hetero Sex?

I usually hate the expression "It ruined my childhood."  It's usually used by homophobes who discover that someone they admired in childhood is gay.

But a little piece of my childhood died when I discovered the true meaning of "A Whiter Shade of Pale," the iconic 1960s song by Procul Harum.

The band, formed in 1967, has nothing to do with "protocols" or "harems"; it was named after a member's cat.  "A Whiter Shade of Pale," their first recorded song, was written by 20-year old Keith Reid.   In high school, heavy laden with existential angst, I found the mysterious, symbolic lyrics and melancholy organ music resonated with the human condition.  It was about the meaninglessness of life.

But I recently read an interview with Keith Reid  He says it was about a man trying to convince a woman to have sex with him.

Huh?  This evocative, iconic, symbolic, deep song is not about the magic and mystery of life?  It's really just about a stupid hetero hookup?

Next you'll be claiming that there is no Santa Claus.

Ok, how on Earth are these lyrics about sex:

We skipped the light fandango, turning cartwheels around the floor.

I was feeling kind of seasick, but the crowd called out for more.

A fandango is some sort of dance. Obviously a performance going on.

The room was humming harder

As the ceiling flew away

We're no longer in ordinary time.  The ceiling flies away, displaying the night sky and secrets of the universe.

And so it was that later

As the miller told his tale

That her face, at first just ghostly

Turned a whiter shade of pale

Me: Her face is turning pale.  She is a sybil, preparing to prophesy.

Keith:  Her face is turning pale because the Miller's tale is about sex, and she's embarrassed.

She said, 'There is no reason'

And the truth is plain to see

Me: There is no reason.  There is no greater purpose. We live, and then we die, and that's the end.

Keith:  She denies that she is embarrased by the depiction of sex.  Her face didn't turn pale for any particular reason.

One of sixteen vestal virgins

Leaving for the coast.

Me: A vestal virgin is dedicated to the service of a god.  "Leaving for the coast" means that you are giving up.  There are no gods to serve, so there can be no vestal virgins.

Keith: She's part of a tour group.

Although my eyes were open, they might just as well been closed.

Me: He refuses to acknowledge the meaninglessness of life.

Keith:  He refuses to acknowledge that she's not interested, and keeps trying.

That's as far as it usually goes on the radio, but the album contain an additional verse;

She said, "I'm home on shore leave," though in truth we were at sea, so I took her by the looking glass, and forced her to agree.

Me: She's been lying the whole time.  The looking glass is a gateway to another world.  By holding the glass up to her face, he plans to force her to acknowledge that there is a spiritual reality after all.

Keith: He forces her to agree that she is interested in sex.

"You must be the mermaid who took Neptune for a ride."

Me: You are a goddess.  Therefore spiritual reality exists.

Keith: You are a tease.  

But I wandered through my playing cards

And would not let her be

Me: He uses Tarot cards to try to demonstrate the existence of a spiritual realm.

Keith:  They're playing a card game, and he's trying to get with her.

In the rarely played fourth verse, they seal the deal, and go crashing down upon the ocean bed.

Way to ruin my childhood, guys.

Rod Stewart: Gay Rumors, Heterosexual Songs

This song has been going through my head for two days:

It's late September and I really should be back at school
I know I keep you amused, but I feel I'm being used
You led me away from home, just to save you from being alone

You stole my heart, and that's what really hurts

"Maggie Mae" (1971) is about a college boy who hooks up with an older woman, and finds that she has taken control of his life.  I had a similar experience with my first boyfriend Fred -- an older man (well, 28) who convinced me to leave home, drop out of college, and follow him cross-country to Omaha. I lasted five miserable weeks.

Rod Stewart's songs are overwhelmingly infused with "girls! girls! girls!" heterosexism, but when you are growing up in a world where gay people are assumed not to exist, you find meaning where you can. 

"Twisting the Night Away" (1972)
Here's a fellow in blue jeans, who's dancing with an older queen
dolled up in her diamond rings, twistin' the night away
Man you ought to see her go, twistin' to the rock and roll
Here you'll find the young and the old twistin' the night away

I didn't realize, at age 11, what a "queen" was, but by the time I got to West Hollywood, I did.

"Tonight's the Night" (1975):

Come on angel my hearts on fire
Don't deny your man's desire
You'd be a fool to stop this tide
Spread your wings and let me come inside

I didn't realize, at age 14, that this was a graphic image of heterosexual sex. I thought he was trying to get someone to "open up" metaphorically, to find an emotional connection.  During my first year in high school, I was trying, with little success, to find something "real," a boy I could actually care about, amid the incessant "date girls!  have sex with girls!" rhetoric.

"You're in my Heart" (1977).

I didn't know what day it was 
When you walked into the room
I said hello unnoticed
You said goodbye too soon

During my junior year in high school, I was depressed because I had never experienced this jaw-dropping, forget-your-name attraction.  Well, I had, but I didn't recognize it, because I thought that boys could only ever be attracted to girls.

"If Loving You is Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Right" (1977)
Your mama and daddy say it's a shame
It's a downright disgrace
Long as I got you by my side
I don't care what your people say

The song is about a girl in love with a married man, but it could easily be applied to "the love that dare not speak its name."

Back in the 1970s, Rod Stewart had the androgynous air of a drag queen in training, and his highly publicized friendship with "bisexual" Elton John raised some rumors.  But closeted gay performers are usually homophobic, just to be on the safe side, and Stewart has always been gay-positive. 

His "Killing of Georgie" (1977), about a gay guy who leaves his small town for New York, and then is murdered (not in a homophobic hate crime), was the first pop song to talk about gay rights. In 2016, he noted that his youngest son Aiden, age five, liked dressing up like a lady. so he might be gay (most likely transgender, or just having fun).

Gay Symbolism in Chicago

I went to high school in the midst of the disco era, when everyone was carrying around boom boxes, practicing complicated dance moves, and listening to songs about the night life:
I love the night life, I want to boogie on the disco floor.
Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you're staying alive
I should be dancing

And the groups we listened to were all flash and glitter, with bare chests and bulges, promising crazy nights of sexual excess, flirting with androgyny, asking us to wonder "Could he be gay?"

Except for Chicago, some guys with guitars and drums, wearing regular  shirts and jeans -- no bare chests, no bulges.

No androgyny, all married to women and following sports.

 Their no-nonsense, hetero manly albums (mostly entitled Chicago) had a subdued beat impossible to dance to and lyrics that you actually had to listen to in order to understand, mostly stories about pain and loss.

And, paradoxically, obviously without their intention, full of gay subtexts.  Girls rarely mentioned.  The lost love could be male or female.

April 1975, just after Dan and I broke up, "Old Days":
Take me back to the world gone away
Memories
Seem like yesterday

August 1975, the beginning of my sophomore year at a new high school,  "Brand New Love Affair":

It's no good to be all alone

When you hurt a friend

And you both feel empty

What I'd give to erase the pain

Will we ever make friends

June 1976, just after my date with the King of Sweden, "Another Rainy Day in New York City"

Another rainy day in New York City

Softly sweet, so silently it falls

As crosstown traffic crawls

Memories in my way in New York City,

July 1976, just after my first sexual experience, "If You Leave Me Now"

If you leave me now, you take away the biggest part of me.

September 1977, the beginning of my senior year"Baby, What a Big Surprise"

, Yesterday it seemed to me

My life was nothing more than wasted time

But here today you've softly changed my mind

May 1978, during the angst-filled month before I figured "it" out, "Take Me Back to Chicago"

Take me back to Chicago
Lay my soul to rest
Where my life was free and easy
Remember me at my best