Modern Family, Episode 11.4: A pool full of muscle hunks, a future hunkoid thief, and a gay realtor. With some twinks and 7 d*cks

 

Link to the n*de photos

We've been watching Modern Family from the beginning.  Even at an episode almost every night, sometimes two, it's taken over eight months.  Now we're in Season 11, and continuing just out a sense of duty.  The characters are getting flanderized, there are too many maudlin "misty water-colored memories" scenes, and the plotlines are reeking of desperation from the writers' room.  Haley and Dylan have twins.  Gloria becomes a realtor.  Alex moves to Antartica?  Mitchell and Cam move to Missouri?

Besides, Luke (Nolan Gould) has bulked up, but never takes his shirt off.

Episode 11.4, "The Pool Party," is silly, but offers some excellent beefcake.  In the A Plot, Gloria, wife of family patriarch Jay Pritchett,  suddenly developed an interest in becoming a realtor, so Jay's son-in-law Phil -- who owns a magic store and a parking lot, teaches realty at the community college, runs a food podcast, and still has time to work as a realtor -- has hired her as his intern.  She's pushing to be hired full-time, but Phil isn't sure.

They work on the mystery of who is stealing the "For Sale" signs from the homeowners, to keep people from buying the house (don't they usually search online instead of driving by?).  Phil interrogates his rival Gil Thorpe (Rob Riggle), but he says that he's gay now, so he doesn't have time for a petty vendetta.  

Meanwhile, Gloria attaches the tracker for her husband Jay's dog to the sign, and follows it to catch the thief: Sam, played by Hunter J. Mitchell, now 18 and rather hunky (check the n*de twink on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).  The owners' son, he keeps stealing the sign so he won't have to move and leave all his friends.  Gloria gives a maudlin speech about how change is hard, but it leads to new experiences and new people, and Phil is so impressed that he gives her the assistant job. 

In the B Plot, Jay is in charge of housekeeping while Gloria works late and fails to appreciate the dinner he cooked or his new jogging suit. He has become a stereotypic housewife, and feels emasculated. 

In the C Plot, Claire wants to convince her daughters Haley and Alex to go to work in the corporate world, so she claims that being a CEO is wonderfully fulfilling.  Then she has pretend that a major disaster is no problem at all.

The D Plot is the dumbest.  Gay couple Mitch and Cam are invited to a pool party by their friend Longinus (Kevin Daniels).  He says that there will be kids, so they bring their daughter Lily; but he meant "twinks."  

The pool is crowded with musclemen in their 20s and 30s.  How would you respond?  How would any gay guy respond?

Right, he would mingle and cruise, or at least enjoy this paradise of  pecs, abs, and junk. But Cam and Mitchell are horrified. "We can't take off our shirts at this smoke show."  Huh?  Why not? 

I think the guy in the pink hat is adult video star Chris Wolfe (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).  Another is Bryce McKinney (left).

More after the break

Johnny Karn: Lost virginity, pretentious straightness, psycho-slashers, and the most incredible d*ck you've ever seen

Link to the n*de photos

I found some very impressive photos belonging to someone named Johnny Karn, actor, with the most incredible d*ck you've every seen.  Even if he's a straight jerk, he's getting a profile.

#1: Is he gay in real life?  This requires checking his Instagram, Facebook, or in a pinch, TikTok.

Gay potential: "Two homies are standing up against bullying."

But Homie #2 is Alex Sola, whose Instagram consists almost entirely of photos establishing his marriage to the Most Beautiful Woman in the World.  The Homies were just pretending to be gay.

Plus Johnny poses with a woman and two young girls, saying: "Drinking deep from the chalice of life and holding our loved ones close."

Not only straight, but straight and pretentious.  

I already dislike this guy, but who cares?  His membrum virile is magnificent by every measure: length, width, and so on.  

#2: Has he played any gay characters?  This requires checking the IMDB, and maybe some episode synopses.

Research problem: there's no Johnny Karn.  The IMDB suggests Johnny Carson and John Karn, whose only screen credit is Jinxed (2000).   Our guy ain't Johnny Carson, and he's too young to be John Karn.

Turns out that he goes by John Karna on stage, and Johnny Karn in everyday life. 

Johnny Karn -- I mean John Karna -- was born in 1992 in Harris County, Texas.  Ugh, I spent the worst year of my life in Hell-fer-Sartain, Harris County, as an English instructor at Homophobia U.  

He graduated from Stanford High School in 2011,  and enrolled at the University of Oklahoma as a musical theater major. That's only marginally better. 

During his freshman year, he started his on-screen acting career with Bindlestiffs (2012): three high school guys, including Johnny as John Woo, are desperate to lose their virginity.  

He was also cast in as the lead in Premature, which premiered in 2014 at the SXSW FIlm Festival: A high school boy has to relive losing his virginity over and over until he meets with the right girl. What's with this "losing your virginity" theme? 

Among his misadventures: having to pleasure himself for the men's volleyball team when he calls them homophobic, although they are allies, and one of the team members is gay. 

Johnny's very attractive backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

 IndieWire named Johnny one of the "top 10 breakout stars" of 2014, so he dropped out of college and moved to Los Angele. Much better.  Get a place in West Hollywood.

More after the break

Three questions about Nolan Gould: Any gay roles?; gay in real life?; any unclothed photos?

  

I'm not going to do a full profile of Nolan Gould, since I have already posted several photo collections, beginninng when he started to bulk up as the teenage Luke Dunphy on Modern Family (2009-2020).  Now that he has grown up, I wanted to check out his work since the Family went their separate ways, with the usual questions: 

1. Any gay roles?

2. Gay in real life?

3. Any unclothed photos?

1. Any gay roles?  While doing Family, Nolan starred in a music video with a very long title beginning with Logic: 1-800-273-8255: "A homos* xual teenage boy struggles with his identity."  The term is gay, homophobes.  Coy Stewart plays the struggling boy, and Nolan his hookup.

After Family, Nolan appeared in:

An episode of Grey's Anatomy (2023).

Miranda's Victim (2023): A true--crime biopic: victim Trish wants justice, but because Ernesto Miranda confessed under duress, his guilty verdict was overturned by the U.S. Supreme Court (Miranda v. Arizona, 1966).  The result was the Miranda Warning ("You have the right to remain silent..."), which the police must read before beginning an interrogation.  Nolan plays Trish's coworker, who has a crush on her and becomes a suspect after the crime. 

The Nana Project (2023): An elderly woman goes on the road as a chess master, accompanied by her cameraman and two grandsons.  Andrew (Nolan) is a quiet, responsible veterinary student, while Cody (Will Peltz) is a hard-partying fashion model,  extremely feminine in his pearl necklace, gaudy rings, and multicolored nail polish.  

I went through on fast forward to see if Cody gets a boyfriend, but the movie is about repairing the rift between the brothers.  Neither does any dating.

Nor does anyone apparently allude to either of the grandsons being gay.  In one scene, Cody says that he is tired because he's been (****) all night.   Urban Dictionary says that the term could mean he was with men or women.  Sounds like a "don't say gay" closeting.

Will Peltz's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

More after the break.  

Devon Werkheiser: Ned's Declassified gay panic, gay friends, bare butts, and a n*de Devon or Nolan

 

Link to the bare butts and nude Gould

20 years ago, when LGBTQ people could never be mentioned on kids' tv, Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide (2004-2007) was a gay-subtext classic.

Ned (Devon Werkheiser) offers tips for surviving middle school, always saying "When you like someone" rather than "When  boy likes a girl."

An episode about puberty discusses hair in weird places and sudden fits of rage, but not "discovering the opposite sex."

The bully Loomer (Kyle Swann) who has a gay-subtext friendship with his crony, struggles to "come out" about his interest in fashion design -- as close to "gay" as they could get.

Buddy Jennifer is afraid to ask the school hunk (Alex Black) for a date, so Ned volunteers to do it.  The hunk believes that Ned wants the date, and replies “Sure, but just as friends. I like you, Ned, but not in that way," boldly implying that gay dating is commonplace at Polk Middle School.

Ned tries to cheer up the depressed Marc Downer by getting him a date with a cheerful boy.  When that doesn't work, he tries a depressed girl.

A Buzzfeed article on "21 Actors Who Came Out after Playing LGBTQ Characters" states that Ned was gay, but Nickelodeon was not permitting gay characters at the time, and I seem to recall Ned getting a girlfriend.  It also states that Devon is gay in real life, but he's married to a woman, so probably not.

I don't even think that someone who was 13 years old when the show began had a major role in pushing the boundaries of Nickelodeon homophobia.  Let's see if Devon has done anything gay-inclusive since.  

After the School Survival Guide, Devon capitalized on his teencom fame with Shredderman Rules Christmas in Paradise, and Love at First Hiccup, where his characters win the Girls of their Dreams.

Seven episodes of Greek, a drama about a college fraternity.  He played Peter Parkes, aka "Spidey," a new pledge in Season 4. 

In the 2010s, he moved into thrillers with Beneath the Darkness, about a group of teens trying to find their friend's murderer, and The Wicked, about a group of teens fighting a witch.

California Scheming sounds like a comedy, but it's actually a thriller: "A teen seductress pulls three other privileged Malibu kids into her devious scheme, and unforeseen consequences force the group to face their own fears and mortality." Sounds awful, but at least it gives us an underwear bulge.  

The guy running away with him is Spencer Daniels.

According to the reviews, Sundown (2016) starts out a teen sex comedy and turns dark.  Plus it's "strictly offensive...trans- and homophobic and downright degrading, according to the L.A. Times.  Devon and his buds show their butts during a "gay panic" scene.

More after the break

"Modern Family" Episode 5.17: Gay stereotypes, traditional gender roles, Nolan Gould's abs, and a nude Dylan bonus

I watched the first five seasons of Modern Family (2009-2014), but stopped when we moved to streaming services.  Or maybe, as my posts from the era suggest, I stopped because of what I called horrendous gay stereotyping and brash homophobia.  So let's check it out: I reviewed Episode 5.17 (2014), which premiered shortly after I stopped watching.

Note: There are 12 members of the Modern Family, so pairs and trios split up for separate plots.  Although they are scattered through the episodes, I will cover them separately.

Link to NSFW version.

Set-Up: Family dinner at the home of patriarch Jay Pritchett (Ed O'Neill).  He suggests watching basketball next, adding with a sneer that his adult son Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) wouldn't be interested because he is gay.  Mitchell counters: "Unlike you, I don't need a reason to watch men in shorts."  The possibility that men might find basketball players attractive ruins the game for Jay.  Jay is the homophobic one!  

The A Plot: Mitchel and Cam, the gay couple, and teenagers Manny and Alex (a girl).   They are all going to an art museum to see a Kandinsky Exhibit.  Jay finds it inconceivable that a straight boy would be interested in art.

On the way, they criticize the rest of the family's lack of refinement.  Jay buys his books at the grocery store!  The best way to get Claire to fall asleep is to show her a movie with subtitles!  

Then they discover that the Kandinsky exhibit is closed!  Problem: Cameron doesn't know anything about art, so he read up on Kandinsky so he wouldn't be embarrassed.  But now they're discussing Matisse, and he 's lost.  After making a fool of himself, he goes to wait in the car.  Dude, art is for everybody. They have self-guided tours and texts to help you understand everything.

 Next Mitchell reveals that he doesn't know anything about art either.  He leaves in embarrassment. Two remain.  But Manny doesn't know anything about art, either!  Why did they want to go?

 The B Plot: Claire, Gloria, and Lily.  Cam and Mitchell explain that they're out buying a flower-girl dress for their  daughter to wear at their wedding.  Why both of them?  So the dress isn't too mundane (Claire) or "cucaracha" (Gloria).  I remember cringing at the constant stereotyping. Gloria is from Colombia, depicted as a horrible country where everyone lives in absurd poverty and gets shot all the time. 

Gloria insists that Lily keep trying on dresses, because she only has sons and never gets to go dress shopping.  Claire doesn't even like dresses; she didn't wear one at her own wedding.  Gloria is shocked.  "You must try one on! Then you can go back to your boy clothes."  So Claire tries on some wedding dresses, and is transfixed by the wonderfulness of gender-normative behavior.

The C Plot: Jay, his teenage grandson Luke (lNolan Gould, left and top photo).   The boy mentions that he's planning to buy a pottery wheel for his ceramics class. Jay is upset, assuming that Luke is gay, but he explains that he is taking art to meet girls. Jay points out a problem with this plan: the girls in the class will think you're gay, and not want to have sex with you. He suggests learning woodworking instead.  Wood shop was a required class for boys in my junior high.  I mostly tried to avoid being noticed, and got a D-.

In the woodshop, apprised that a tool is a table vise, Luke begins singing "Edelweiss," and Jay lays down the law: "I've already been through this with Mitchell.  This is what we're trying to prevent."  Woodworking won't keep your grandson from being gay, Dude. But he already said that he likes girls.

Jay says that he wants to teach Luke all the things he need to know to be a man, because his son Mitchell and Gloria's son Manny were both fruity, and not interested.  He demonstrates his machismo by benching 205 pounds! (wow, I can only do 180).  Impressed, Luke says: "Tell me everything you know about women."  This is super-problematic.

The D Plot: Phil (Ty Burrell), his daughter Haley, the nanny Andy (Adam Devine).  He is trying to think of a romantic anniversary gift for his girlfriend, who is deployed out in the Coast Guard. Maybe banana bread?  Phil suggests making her a video instead, depicting all of the things he's willing to do for her.

First up:  pretending to be swimming underwater with sharks (no beefcake).  Whoops, Haley walks into the frame, ruining it!   She suggests a visit instead, but the girlfriend is doesn't get shore leave very often. 

Andy's face is shining, so Phil goes off to fetch some makeup.  He is careful to specify that it's his WIFE's makeup, so Andy won't think that he's gay.  What's with the homophobia, Phil? 

Haley's date is late.  Andy gets all conciliatory: "that's rude.  A real man would be more considerate of the most incredibly beautiful, wonderful woman on the face of the Earth."  You have a girlfriend, remember?

Next segment: Andy skiing in the snow.  Haley is not impressed.

Third segmentt: Andy with a rose, preparing to give a romantic speech, but he doesn't know where to look.  Phil: "Just look deeply into my eyes, and sweep me off my feet."  Running gag: Phil says innocent things that make it sound like he's gay.  Viewers are supposed to chortle over it: how humiliating to have people think you're one of those...  

Nope, Andy thinks it's too weird to pretend to be in love with a man.  Maybe Haley could help out?  And you know what happens next, right?

When the video is finished, Andy asks "How can I thank you?" Phil: "The next time you're with your girlfriend, think of me."  See what I mean?

About the video: "I'm giving this to the mailman, who will give it to the Coast Guard, and by this time tomorrow, someone will be giving it to my girlfriend."  Geez, this show is dirty. but at least that one isn't "accusing" Phil of being gay.

E Plot: Haley, her boyfriend (Adam Hagenbuch, left).  He is six hours late for their date, and he just honks instead of coming to the door.  After being treated like a queen all afternoon, Haley finds this offensive and dumps him.  

Beefcake: None.

Gay Characters: Cam and Mitchell.

Characters implied to be gay as jokes: Phil, Luke, and Manny.

Homophobes: Jay. Maybe Andy: he has a problem looking at a man as if he's in love.  It's called acting, dude.  But Jay is much worse.  

My Grade:  Nolan Gould and Adam Devine?  Plus Phil's gay jokes are funny.  B+.

The NSFW version of this review features nude photos of Reid Ewig, who played Haley's on-off boyfriend Dylan 

What Has Nolan Gould Been Up To Lately?

I thought that Modern Family would end in 2019, after 10 seasons.  I actually don't know anybody who watched after the first few seasons, after the novelty of seeing a gay couple (albeit highly stereotypic) integrated into the affluent extended family wore off.  The Modern Family was just so affluent, so entitled, so removed from any actual problems of modern society that it transcended escapism, becoming just annoying. 

But it's still getting 4 million viewers in the U.S.  Go figure.

Nolan Gould was the only reason for watching, his hunkiness expanding exponentially as the seasons progressed.  He didn't capitalize on his physique as deliberately and ostentatiously as, say, Alan Kaiser of Mama's Family( even today, while watching old episodes, you are stunned by how blatant his bulge was).   But still, the transformation was startling.

However, Nolan seems to have tapered off.  Either he's not hitting the gym quite as often, or he's more interested in being taken seriously as an actor than in causing teenagers to write his name amid little hearts in their chemistry textbook.  Recent beefcake photos are hard to come by.

Just having your shirt off doesn't make it a beefcake photo.  Looking extremely uncomfortable destroys the hotness.

Flexing in front of the Coliseum in Rome.  You're not thinking "How buffed!"  You're thinking "So he's been to Rome."

Maybe there will be better beefcake in Nolan's upcoming projects.  He has two coming out:

Camp is a web tv series about a Jewish summer camp. There may be hijinks and swimming.

Yes is a drama about a washed-up former child star (Tim Realbuto) who mentors -- and falls in love with -- a 17 year old ingenue (Nolan). At least there are gay characters.

See also: My 10 Favorite Pictures of Nolan Gould

Modern Family Episode 5.13: Phil Dunfy wants Keefe's lips on his mouth.  Who doesn't?

Modern Family Episode 5.17: Gay stereotypes, traditional gender roles, Nolan Gould, and Adam Devine.

Hot/H*ng Photos of Nolan Gould, Part 3: Flexing, dorking, taking selfies

Modern Family, the oddly popular sitcom about an extended family of annoyingly privileged people in contemporary Los Angeles, began in 2009, with eleven-year old Nolan Gould as the youngest kid in the nuclear-family Pritchetts.  With a very large cast, there wasn't much for him to do, so he was a stereotypic kid for a few seasons, then a stereotyped dull-witted girl-crazy teenager.

And he started to beef up.

You could see the transformation, season by season, sometimes month by month.  The guy is now nineteen years old, and knows his way around a gym.

I haven't watched Modern Family for a while, but I was wondering if Nolan Gould has been showing us any beefcake since I checked last year.

As it turns out, not much.  Just a few pics here and there.

He's got a little chest hair now, compared to last year, a glory trail, and a little pudginess around the abs.

Not that I mind.

A selfie at the gym.  Who hasn't taken one of those?

No fair turning around to flex.

This is an old one, but I love the pale hard chest, like a marble statue. Also the guy he's with is hot.

His old hairstyle.  It's more dorky now.

Way dorky.

But look where he started out.

Hot/H*ng Photos of Nolan Gould, Part 2: Scuba diving, swimming, blasting his biceps

I haven't watched Modern Family since I got rid of my cable last year, and I didn't like it much to begin with -- the depiction of gay people and women is rather retro, and one gets tired of the trivial problems of rich white people.  But who can help keeping up with Nolan Gould, the 18-year old actor who plays Luke Dunphy?

After Modern Family, he plans to go to film school and become a documentary film maker.  Meanwhile he supports a lot of worthy causes, he reads, and he has a superb physique.  Here are my 10 favorite photos of Nolan:

1. Just getting ready to go scuba diving.

2. I see that he prefers free weights.  I wish they let guys work out shirtless in my gym.




















3.  He's got an Evel Knievel thing going on.  How did he squeeze into those super-tight pants?

4. A nice view of his chest hair.

5.  Surfing in Australia.

Hot/H*ng Photos of Nolan Gould, Part 1: Wrestling, surfing, turning 18

If you haven't watched the doddering Modern Family for awhile, prepare yourself for a shock.  Remember this kid?

He's grown a bit.

Back in September 2009, when Modern Family premiered, I was living in Upstate New York and just starting to date Troy. And Nolan Gould, who played Luke, youngest grandson in the extended Pritchett family, was just shy of  11 years old (born on October 28, 1998).

I watched regularly for a few years, although I disliked the gay couple, Luke's uncles Mitchell and Cam (aka Swishy and Swishier).

There wasn't even any beefcake to distract from the misogyny, casual racism, and minstrel-show antics of Swishy and Swishier.

I noticed that Luke was becoming stupider and stupider -- every sitcom needs a dumb bunny -- in spite of the brilliance of Nolan himself, who is a member of MENSA and graduated from high school at age 13.  

But I never suspected that he was going to turn into the hunk of the show.

In "The Feud," which aired on February 26, 2014, and was probably filmed a few months before, Luke goes out for wrestling.  Nolan is 15 years old but looks only barely pubescent, with long, stringy muscles.

In "Australia," which aired on April 23rd, 2014, Luke goes surfing.  He seems to have more of a chest, but not much more.

I don't know what episode this is, but it was uploaded to the Teen Idols gallery on June 15, 2015.  A little tighter in the chest and shoulders, but Nolan still looks more like a boy than a man.

Here Nolan is on vacation in the Bahamas in April 2016, just after wrapping up the seventh season of Modern Family.  He's 17 years old, getting some nice abs.

But look what happened in "The Alliance," which aired on November 30th, 2016: An aging cougar puts the moves on the oblivious, barely-legal Luke.  Grandpa Jay rushes to the rescue.  Luke answers the door shirtless.

Nolan was just over 18.

Impressive biceps and quads, some chest definition, the beginning of a six-pack in the abs.

I can't wait to see how much he bulks up at ages 19, 20, 21...