The Ritual: Unpleasant Buddy-Bonding and Human Sacrifice

When American filmmakers want to set their horror movies in someplace remote and scary, they choose Appalachia.  Apparently the British choose Sweden.  First I saw Midsommer (2019), where some unsuspecting college students stumbled upon an ancient human-sacrifice cult in rural Sweden. Now, in The Ritual (2017), four unsuspecting middle-aged men stumble upon an ancient human sacrifice cult in rual Sweden.

The men are:

1. Luke, played by Rafe Spall, who gave us a frontal nude scene in The Lady Chatterley Affair.  Have you ever noticed that ugly guys tend to be gifted beneath the belt?

2. Phil, played by Arsher Ali, who gave us a nude scene in Beaver Falls.  I'm not sure if this is him; there were a lot of nude guys, and none of them really looked like Phil.

3. Hutch (Robert James-Collier).  James-Collier agreed to play a gay character in Downton Abbey because he needed a job, without realizing how horrible it would be -- people thought he was actually gay in real life!  Plus it ruined his career.  He's relegated to roles in trash like...um...The Ritual.

4. Sam Troughton, who has played gay characters several times, as Dom.

The difference from Midsommer?

1.  Instead of midsummer, it's a bleak, cold autumn with washed -out colors. Why would anyone want to go hiking in such an environment?  I kept thinking "I could be watching Roman Holiday, with Gregory Peck on a moped in the hills of Tuscany.  Why am I watching this?"

2. Instead of college students overbrimming with hope and optimism, it's four depressed middle-aged men, beaten down by life, trying to recapture their lost joie de vivre.

3. Everyone is singularly unattractive, even the cultists.  And there's nudity to speak of.  Even when they strip down to be sacrificed, they're in flannel underwear.

4. It's all men, with the women in their lives barely mentioned or not mentioned at all.  That sounds like a good thing, but one gets the uncomfortable feeling that the hugging and "We can get out of this together!"  are acts of desperation rather than affection.  No gay subtexts to speak of.

5. There's nothing sexy about the movie.  Some of the men die before they reach the cultists; one is beaten to a bloody pulp, then sacrificed to a monster that looks like a giant elk with antler hands.

Spoiler alert: one survives. 

I disliked this movie in spite of the buddy bonding, or perhaps because of it. It's 2017; why not just make one of the guys gay?

Beefcake and Bulges in Old Swedish Photographs

The Du Gamla website uploads photographs of people who lived in Sweden from the 1850s and 1950s.  Some local celebrities, like Olympic athletes, but mostly regular people with no particular claims to fame.

It's a fascinating compendium of people who were once solid, who ate and drank and planned for the future, who desired and were desired by men or women, or both, and now are long forgotten.

Like Allan Buhne, 1911.  Obviously a wrestler.

I have found no other record of him on the internet except for this, from the records of the Hammarby Idrottsförening (Sports Club) in Stockholm: Allan Buhne came 4th in SM. He worked for almost all his life in Hammarby Wrestling.

It's obvious that he had the same singlet problem that wrestlers have today.

Frithiof Martensson (1888-1956) was a middle weight contender in the wrestling contest at the 1908 Olympics.  Later he became a dental hygienist.

August Bylen, 1871-1954, was a metalsmith and farmer. And, apparently, packing.

Ruben Johansson, 1899 to 1918.  Very cute guy.  He died at age 19, maybe during the worldwide influenza epidemic.

Ragnar Larsson, 1901-1984, a wrestler at the 1924 Olympics.

More after the break.

Carl Milles: The Swedish Sculptor of Naked Men

Carl Milles (1875-1955) is the greatest sculptor of Sweden.  Although he claimed to be heterosexual, his sculptures are imbued with homoerotic motifs.

 Many of the most homoerotic are collected or reproduced in the Millesgården, an art gallery and sculpture garden in Stockholm.

1. The Sunsinger, 1926, dedicated to the poem "Song of the Sun," by Esaias Tegnér, a 19th century bishop, translator, and founder of the Gothic League, for young patriotic men. The original lacks a head and arms.  You're not supposed to be looking at the head.

2. The Little Triton (left), half very muscular man, half fish, 1916.

3.William Penn, the founder of Pennsylvania, being guided by a very buffed angel, 1948.

4. Vingarne (The Wings), aka Boy with Eagle, 1908.  An interpretation of the story of Ganymede: remember that Zeus fell in love with him, and transformed into an eagle to seduce him properly, later bringing him to Olympus as his..um...cupbearer.  The first gay-themed film in Sweden was named Vingarne after this statue.

5. The Spirit of Transportation, 1952, an Indian carrying a canoe.

6. Aganippe Fountain (left), 1955, a girl being inspired by the Muses, who are all naked men.

7. The Astronomer, 1940, a naked man looking at the stars, 1940.

8. Europa and the Bull, 1942.  This time Zeus appears as a bull to seduce a woman, but in the fountain, they're surrounded by muscular naked tritons (sea gods).

9. Genius, 1923 (left): A naked muscleman playing a lyre and looking at his own butt.

10. Poseidon, 1930: another naked man, carrying a fish and a seashell, while tritons squirt water at him.

11. Skating Angels, 1948: naked boy angels.

12. God Our Father on the Rainbow, 1949.  God is quite buffed as he puts the stars in place from the end of a long bridge.

13. The Hand of God, 1953, a naked man balanced on a hand.

14. Angel Musicians, 1949-50: naked male angels playing lyres.

15. Man and Pegasus, 1949: a naked man flying alongside the flying horse.

See also: The Top 12 Public Penises of Finland