Rooster, Episode 1.1: Trashy novelist at an elite college, hetero romance problems, a gay sidekick, Dunster d*ck, and the guy from "Scrubs"

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Robert Heinlein once complained that science fiction was about exploring the vastness of time and space, while mainstream fiction -- the Rabbit Runs, Appointments in Samarra, and  Complaining Portnoys of our college lit classes -- was about men who hate their jobs and their wives.  "For Heaven's sake, get new jobs, get new wives, and shut the f*k up."

I am reminded of that quote when I think of the works of Steve Carrell:  Anchorman, Dan in Real Life,  The 40 Year Old Virgin, Cafe Society,  Date Night, Dinner for Schmucks, The Morning Show, The Four Seasons, all about little men trying desperately to find meaning in jobs and wives that they hate. Coincidentally, this is precisely the "job, house, wife, kids" trajectory that I rebelled against growing up.

So I wasn't planning to watch the HBO MAX series Rooster (2026).  Then the promo showed a young man telling Steve, "nice washboard (abs)," referring to the hunk on the cover of his book.  Later he seems to become Steve's sidekick.  So Steve probably writes gay novels, and probably has a gay sidekick.  Enough potential to review Episode 1.

Scene 1:  Famous novelist Greg Russo (Steve) looks morose as he is escorted through the elegant Spanish Colonial campus of Ludlow College (actually the University of the Pacific, Stockton).  He sees a n*ked old guy, who waves -- but his escort, Eric (Myles Perez, left), doesn't see anyone.  A hallucination?

Eric tells him to wait here, then zones him out and refuses to speak anymore.  Fortunately, Professor Shepherd, who arranged his campus visit,  is just walking up. 

He's nervous -- he writes trashy beach novels, not literature: "Characters you like do bedroom stuff characters you don't like get shot in the face."  Why would elite college students want to see him?  

Scene 2: The reading, in a giant lecture hall.  The students criticize his protagonist, Rooster, for describing the Girl in food terms during their 17 bedroom acts (18, if you count the bj). Isn't that sexist?  

Russo counters that she is strong and powerful -- she rescues Rooster, remember? "But she takes off her bikini top to do it."   A jock praises that scene: "The Girl is smokin'!"  Hey, isn't he the gay sidekick?  I'm starting to suspect that I've been tricked.

Scene 3: Next Russo meets the College President (John C. McGinley, the homophobic, sexist jerk on Scrubs).  He strips to his underwear to show off his physique: "You're thinking, most college presidents are bookish shut-ins, but this guy is jacked!" He looks like the n*ked guy from earlier.  So it wasn't a hallucination, just a crazy act that would never happen on any real college campus.

They allude to a "s&x scandal" involving Katie and Archie (not mentioned before), and the President offers Russo a job as Writer-in-Residence.  "But I didn't even go to college."  "Who cares?  It's over-rated."  Academic malaise at its snarkiest. 

 McGinley's backside on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Scene 4:  Next stop: Another giant lecture hall, a lecture on French impressionism, Monet at Giverny.  It's Russo's daughter Katie, a professor of art history (and the s*x scandal lady).  As the students leave, she notes that her Dad doesn't like interacting with other humans, so they can get extra credit for looking him in the eye and saying "I love you very much."  A student does it!

Next Katie points out that the college has asked Russo to do a reading a billion times; why agree now?  "Admit it -- you're checking up on me, to see if I'm ok after the s*x scandal."  We finally find out what it is: her husband Archie dumped her for a grad student.  Hetero Romance Problem #1.  

She has no idea why. Everything was normal, and then she was moving into the dead hockey coach's house.   Everybody on campus knows, and keeps staring at her and asking questions.  And it's difficult to avoid running into him or his new girlfriend on a small campus.  She's about to crack.

She points them out, sitting on a park bench.  "The girlfriend isn't even hot.  She's like a regular person.  Why did he dump me for her?"  Maybe he liked her personality?

As Russo peeks through the bushes, husband Archie and the girlfriend leave, and a lesbian couple notice him.  They think he's a perv, har har.   He runs away as they film him.  

Spoiler alert: This is set up to have consequences, like Russo being arrested, or the job offer rescinded, but it is never mentioned again.

Scene 5: Russo stops at a convenience store for some water.  Tommy (Maximo Salas), the jock from earlier, praises the Rooster books. Uh-oh, he forgot his id, so Russo buys his beer for him.  If he's under 21, you're in big trouble, buddy.

More after the break

The Hottest 10 Ten Doctors of "Scrubs"

Spoiler alert: the guy's last name is actually Braff, not Branff, but when you conduct research, either will work.

I can't tell you how much I dislike Scrubs (2001-2010), the "comedy" about obnoxious doctors acting like jerks.  In last night's episode, they were all in a tizzy because Elliot (a female doctor) was dating a male nurse.  A male nurse!   They have never heard of such a thing!  He must be "the girl" in the relationship, and Elliot must be the "boy"

It wasn't just one character.  They all ridiculed the guy who degraded himself so much that he did a woman's job!

But at least there's substantial beefcake.  Not only patients.  The doctors take their shirts off every second.

 1. Zach Branff as J.D., the obnoxious narrating character: "Today I learned that relationships are hard."






2. Donald Faison as his bff Turk, who acts like a five-year old and is obsessed with the ladies.  He's the one who decided that going to the gym makes you a pathetic loser.  I can tell.  He's been in better shape.

3. Johnny Kastl as Doug, a skittish doctor who's terrified of his supervisor, and often runs away n a panic.














4. Dave Franco as Cole Aaronson, a spoiled fratboy doctor.

5. Travis Schuldt as Keith "The Dude" Dudemeister (I'm not making this up.)

More after the break.

10 Hunkiest Scrubs Patients, Part 2

I'm being forced to watch the awful medical "comedy" Scrubs, which apparently lasted for 9 whole seasons.  I usually keep my eyes on my computer screen or book to avoid the gross medical procedures, annoying characters, and jaw-droppingly horrible plotlines, just pausing to nod when my friend turns to me and asks "Isn't this the best show ever?"

The only redeeming feature is the beefcake.  The male physique is on display far more often than the female.

The regular cast strips down constantly (this is Robert Mascio as The Todd, a surgeon horndog who drools, leers, and makes gross sexual propositions to every woman he sees, yet is not fired.  At least he has a physique).

And there is a constant stream of musclemen in hospital gowns playing patients.  They usually die, but still...

Here are the 10 hunkiest patients from the last half of Scrubs (Seasons 5-9), arranged in order of the seriousness of their disease.


1. Joseph (Tony  Tambi).  Appendectomy.

2. Roger (Tim Munday, left). Amnesia.

3. Alex (Peter Holden). Porphyria (a blood disorder, makes your pee purple).

4. Emery (Michael Mitchell, left), Mysterious burns.

5. Joe (Kevin Rahm, left), Lyme Disease.  I don't know what that is, but it sounds serious.

6. Tom (Scott Rinker).  Kidney transplant.

















7. Brian (Michael Weston), brain damage, no short term memory.

8. John (Scott Holroyd, left). Breast cancer.  The "comedy" involves the demasculation of a guy getting a disease that's "just for women," to the consternation of his macho brothers.

9. Eric (Henry LeBlanc), paralyzed.

10. Cole (Dave Franco).  A medical student with skin cancer.  Survives.

See also: The 10 Hunkiest Scrubs Patients, Part 1

10 Hunkiest Scrubs Patients, Part 1

I'm being forced to watch Scrubs (2001-2010), about medical interns at Sacred Heart Hospital, told from the point of view of nebbish medical intern J.D. (Zach Braff).  The rest of the main cast consist of two other interns (his best buddy and on-off girlfriend), two established doctors, and some nurses.

I usually keep my eyes on a book or computer screen, to avoid the gross medical procedures, people dying, the world's most annoying characters, and jaw-droppingly bad plotlines.

The one I saw last night had doctors actually disapproving of exercise!  Turk (Donald Faison) worries that he's getting a little pudgy from sitting on the couch every night, eating donuts with his girlfriend, so he begins to work out.  But then he realizes that guys who exercise, notably Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley), are pathetic losers who have no lives.  At the end of the episode, he "comes to his senses," abandons his exercise program, and returns to the couch to each donuts with his girlfriend.

That's right -- a medical program disapproves of exercise but approves of eating donuts!

But there is ample beefcake.  J.D. and Turk are shirtless more often than not, and there's a constant stream of hunky patients.  Some of them even live through the episode.

Here are the top 10 hunks of the first half of the series (Seasons 1-4), arranged in order of seriousness of their disease.

1. Sean (Scott Foley, top photo).  Irregular heartbeat.  Turns out to be a false alarm.

2. Will (John Ducey). Tested for lung cancer.  Turns out to be negative.

3. Another Will (Michael Hagerty, left).  We don't learn what's wrong with him, but he makes Turk uncomfortable because he's gay.

4. Mr. Foster (Ron Ostrow), who drove his golf cart into a tree.

5. Mike (Jason-Shane Scott, left), who wrapped his car around a telephone poll.

6. Sam (Alexander Chaplin), a drug addict.

7. Ben(Brendan Fraser, left). Leukemia. Survives.








8. Unnamed Patient (Paul Connor).  Coma, brain dead for two months, but wakes up in a Christmas miracle.

9.  David (Travis Wester, left).  Comes into the hospital with a hernia, but they find cancer.  Dies.

10. Jack (Adam Harrington).  Went into a coma just before his wedding. Dies.

See also: 10 Hunkiest Scrubs Patients, Part 2.