Brandon Spink: The young Batman, Jack*ss, and Baelfire takes a girl to the prom but comes out later. Maybe. With his stuff and Superman's backside

  

Link to the not fully clothed photos

Recently I profiled Mason McKenzie, who played Gideon in Once Upon a Time, where all of the Disney fantasy characters you've ever heard of are connected in a huge genealogy.  I thought I would research some of the other actors that gave me a gay vibe.  First up, femme boy Brandon Spink, who played Baelfire, son of Rumpelstiltskin and his first wife (making him Gideon's half-brother).  He is briefly swayed by the gay freedom offered by Peter Pan's Lost Boys, but in the end accepts his hetero destiny and marries Emma Swan.  Their son becomes the Chosen One. 

Let's see if the same thing happened the real-life Brandon (center).

Spink, by the way, comes from an Old English word for "finch."  It's not a bad word.

According to an article in Oz Magazine, Brandon was born in 1995 in Marietta, Georgia, and began acting on stage at age seven, playing Captain Hook's life partner Smee in Peter Pan.  After minor parts in Game of Your Life (2011), with Nathan Kress, and Devil's Knot (2013), with Colin Firth, he hit the big time in 2015, playing the young version of the Jack*ss star  a tv pilot called Untitled Johnny Knoxville Project. 

The young Johnny is a prankster and rebel growing up in the "outlaw culture" of 1980s Knoxville, Tennessee. 

N*de Johnny Knoxville is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

That same year, Brandon was cast as the young Bruce Wayne in Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016).  Playing the iconic figure was "a dream come true" for the boy.  Plus he got to work with Ben Affleck (grown-up Bruce), Henry Cavill (Superman, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), and Jeremy Irons (Alfred the Butler).

Next came Game of Silence (2016), with childhood secrets threatening a successful lawyer; the teenage Baelfire in Once Upon a Time (2017); Berlin Station (2017), about CIA agents in Germany; and a few show that I've never heard of.

Brandon's next big break was in Fear Street: Part Two (2021), the second in a trilogy about paranormal events in a small town in different historic periods.  In 1978, it's a summer camp, with fear.  Brandon's character, Will Goode, is the mayor of the town, with wife and kids, in Part 1 (1994).  As a teenager, he bullies the other teens and survives the night.

There are lesbian characters in every Fear Street episode, but gay men do not exist.

In 2025 Brandon appeared in four episodes of the sports drama All American, as a random football player; and three episodes of NCIS: Origins, about the NCIS (Naval Criminal Investigation Service) in the 1990s, as the teenage version of agent Michael Franks (played by Michael Erik White, on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Michael seems to be gay in real life, but the character is straight.  

In fact, all of Brandon's characters have been straight or straight-by-default. 

He'd better be gay in real life, or what am I doing this for?

More after the break

"Craig of the Creek": Silver Fist gets a sidekick, and the gay kid gets a boyfriend

 

 

 

I thought Craig of the Creek was a cartoon about summer camp, with the usual Nickelodeon hetero-horny kids and absence of same-sex desire. Then it was nominated for a GLAAD Award.

It's actually not summer camp, it's a creek near Craig's house in suburban Baltimore, where he has adventures with his friends Kelsey and JP, a girl and a boy. All three get girlfriends at one point, Kelsey in Season 4, which seems to be the season of the LGBTQ characters: we meet two other lesbians, JP's sister and Craig's cousin, plus a nonbinary adult.

Top photo: Ian Roberts, an out Australian rugby player, but not the same one who plays Kelsey's Dad.  

The Creek kids are divided into various tribes: The Elders, Junior Forest Scouts, Horse Girls, 10 Speeds, Ninja Kids, Sewer Kids, and so on. There are dozens of characters, most not differentiated, but two are established as gay.  I'll review the two episodes featuring the Secret Keeper, who becomes the boyfriend of snooty Tea-Timer George.

Secret in a Bottle, Episode 2.26:  Craig doesn't want his friends to put their sharp, sap-covered sticks into his nice new purse, but they do it anyway.  He rushs to the lair of the Secret Keeper, who writes down people's secrets and hides them in bottles, so they don't have to agonize over them.

Craig's secret: Sometimes he finds his pals annoying. 

Left: Cole Escola, who plays Secret Keeper

In the morning, after a thunderstorm, Craig and his pals find some of the secret bottles -- the storm flooded Secret Keeper's lair!  He is disconsolate: "The kids of the Creek trusted me with their secrets, and I've failed them!"  But the trio gathers all of the bottles for him.

Except one, which Eliza, head of the snooty Tea-Timers, has found, and plans to sell.  

At Tea-Time, none of the kids know whose secret is inside, so they all bid, with possessions like a picture of a unicorn and a wheel. But Craig can't let his friends give up their possessions, so he blurts out his secret. The other kids follow, except for the member of the Horse Girls who doesn't like horses: Secret Keeper pretends to have that one. 

Left: Michael Croner, who voices JP/Silver Fist and George.

Queer Codes: George is in the scene, but he and Secret Keeper don't interact in any way.  I imagine that they hadn't decided to differentiate him as gay yet.  The only queer codes  I can see: the whole "secrets" scenario; and Secret Keeper appears to be wearing a dress.

More secrets after the break

Times have changed: a gay couple gets engaged on the Disney Channel teencom "Bunk'd."

 

Times have changed.  Bunk'd (2015-24),  a Disney Channel teencom set in an endless summer camp, is actually a spin-off of Jesse (2011-2015), about an aspiring singer (does the Disney Channel have any other protagonists)?   In Episode 6.19 (2023), "No Pain, No Grain," there are gay characters, and a wedding proposal.

There are three plotlines.  I'll cover each separately.

Bill's Story: Camp leader Miranda and snooty rich girl Destiny discover that Bill (Alfred Lewis) is exhausted from over-working at ranch chores that, as a paying camper, he's not even required to do.   They steal his clothes to force him to come to Mustang Cabin, where they have arranged a day-spa.  He balks and leaves: cowboys don't wear bathrobes and put cucumber slices on their eyes.

They try again, but accidentally knock over a bottle of eucalyptus oil.  The smell causes everyone to rush out.

Later, they discover that Bill has been doing self-care secretly in the barn.  Turns out that he actually likes relaxing: even cowboys can benefit from wellness.  

Parker's Story:  Miranda tells counselor Parker (Trevor Torjdman, top photo), who has no place to stay, that she has arranged for him to move into Coyote Cabin with fellow counselor Noah (Israel Johnson).  He has another idea: the abandoned grain silo instead.  Noah is hurt by this snub, but agrees to help with the renovation.

They have various slapstick misadventures, like grain falling on them and a raccoon attacking Parker's box of shoes.   

Confronted about the snub, Parker assures Noah that he would love to bunk with him, but Coyote Cabin doesn't need two counselors.  So they compromise: they both move into the quickly-renovated silo.

The multi-ringed, super femme fashion plate Noah is apparently straight.  There are several actors named Israel Johnson, so I can't tell which if any is gay in real life.

Winnie's Story: Butch, over-energetic Winnie tells Jake (Luke Busey) that she's super-excited because her brother Wayne and his boyfriend are coming for a visit. 

When they arrive, regular-femme brother Wayne (Jacob Haren) bonds with Jake.  He explains that he's going to propose tonight, but keep it a secret.  Because Nicholas is over-exuberant, he needs fireworks.  Jake suggests doing it at Dead Skunk Gulch.

More after the break

Fear Street 1978: Don't go near a summer camp

 

This week's movie nights involved the Fear Street series, three movies based on the teen horror books by R. Stine. In the first, some teens discover that a witch named Sarah Fier (pronounced "fear") was killed in 1666.  Ever since she has cursed the town with regular bouts of  economic depression and marital discord.  

Plus every decade or so, someone "snaps" and kills lots of people.  Except this time, all of the previous killers return and chase It-Girl Sam (and everyone who has touched her blood).  Then, just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, It-Girl Sam gets witch-possessed and starts snarling.  

In Part 2, the surviving duo seeks out a lady who who survived a "snap" attack at a summer camp in 1978.  The movie is a flashback to that day.

Two sisters are in their last year as campers: strait-laced, virginal, non-druggie, stick-in-the-mud Cindy, and rebellious rock star Ziggy.  To keep them distinct, I will call them Good Girl and Wild Child. 

For some reason the Wild Child draws the ire of the other campers -- they literally try to burn her to death.  The response: Head Camp Counselor (Ted Sutherland) blames Wild Child, and threatens to kick her out of camp! Wouldn't you want to leave anyway, with the other campers trying to kill you?

One day the camp nurse goes beserk and attacks Tommy (McCabe Slye), Cindy's good, kind, nice, gentle, "doesn't mind if we don't do it" boyfriend. She is arrested, Tommy gets first aid, and all the adults leave.  Top photo: Someone whom Google Images identifies as Mccabe Slye.  If it's actually someone else, complain to Google, not to me.

Meanwhile, Good Girl catches counselor Alice having sex and doing drugs with her boyfriend, Arnie (Sam Brooks). Nice butt.

Left: a photo entitled "Sam Brooks on Twitter: Riding in a car with (mostly straight)..."  Warning: it may not be the guy from the movie.

They all search for clues to the nurse's beserk spell, and end up in "the devil's mark," vast labyrinth of tunnels that lead from the woods to the latrine and finally to the mess hall.  Either the witch created it herself in 1666, or it was created by her death.

Suddenly Tommy goes beserk, and kills Arnie and traps the two girls, Cindy and Alice, in the labyrinth.  They spend most of the movie there, trying to find a way out, while Tommy continues his rampage, killing several of the campers (he thankfully kills kids off camera).

Future town sheriff/police chief Nick and wild child Ziggy notice the body count, and yell for everyone to gather in the mess hall, and then get on a bus and drive away.  Unfortunately, it happens to be "color night,' a late-night "capture the flag" contest, and many of the kids think that the warning is a trick.

Amid all the uproar, Nick and Ziggy have time for a heart-to-heart talk and some smooching.

Left: A photo that Ted Sutherland posted to his instagram page.

Gary (Drew Scheid) gets sliced while trying to get all the campers to safety. Left: a photo that Drew Scheid posted to his instagram page.

When Ziggy and Cindy are reunited, they figure that, since Sara Fier's hand was cut off, if they reunite it with her body, she will be satisfied and leave them alone.  But they are mistaken; she sends a lot of her previous serial killers, who stab both girls multiple times.  

They both die, but Ziggy miraculously comes back to life when Nick administers CPR (who knew that CPR worked on stab wounds?).  But ever since, she has been afraid of the witch sending her serial killers to finish the job.  She is especially concerned with the hour of 7:00 pm, for some unexplained reason.

Beefcake: Some boys' chests and butts.  Boys die right away or are background slasher fodder, while girls take center stage.

Left: a photo from Michael Provost's instagram.  He plays Kurt, whom I don't remember.

Gay Characters: No.  Deena and Sam from the first movie are lesbians, but in 1978, it's boyfriends and girlfriends all the way down.

Changing the Rules:  First the killers ignore everyone but the target girl, and then they don't.  First the witch is upset over her grave being disturbed, then she's upset because her hand and body are separated, and then she's just upset.

Spoiler Alert: C. Berman is Ziggy, not Cindy!  I have no idea why they went through all the trouble of this psych-out.  Who cares?

My Grade: B.  Extra points for Sam Brook's butt.

See also: The Top 10 Hunks of Fear Street

Michael Provost: Perennial heterosexual boyfriend with some nude pics and maybe a coming out video

"Wet Hot American Summer," Episode 1.5: a satyr in a loincloth, a gaslighted gay couple, and learning how to use your penis

 

Wet Hot American Summer (2001) was set in a summer camp in Maine in 1981: after all of the kids have left, the counselors hold a talent show and hook up. Two guys fall in love and get married.  I've never seen it, so I don't know if the sequence was performed as a homophobic joke or not. 

Undaunted by the 38% Rotten Tomato rating, Netflix produced two Wet Hot tv series, a prequel and a sequel.  Wet Hot American Summer: 10 Years Later catches up with the original characters and new faces in 1991. I reviewed Episode 1.5, "King of the Camp," where pompous, snarly, mean-tempered new character Deegs (Skyler Gisondo) and Andy (Paul Rudd) compete for the title.

Link to the NSFW version.

Scene 1: The camp is in session, so there are kids as well as counselors.  Andy's friend points out that he was named King of the Camp every year back in the day, but now the honor goes to that mean-tempered kid, Deegs.  At that moment Deegs throws some trash at them, while his friend Seth does a "fucking" gesture.  So he plans to humiliate them with anal sex? 

They argue. "Fuck off!" "Suck my balls."  Dude, you're a 30 year old man telling a kid to suck your balls.  Doesn't that sound a little odd?  

Finally Andy challenges Deegs to a "King of the Camp Duel."

Scene 2: The King of Camp contest begins with drummers, acrobats, a band dressed like road warriors, and fire dancers (both ladies, darn it).  The contestants are in cages, Andy dressed like a Viking and Deegs dressed like a satyr. Whoa, nice muscles, but shoving your hand into your loincloth is a little distracting. Not to worry, Skyler Gisondo was 21 years old.

Scene 3: First contest: bag race. Deegs loses his bull horns but keeps the loincloth.

Scene 4:  Next: get dizzy and race with an egg in a spoon.  

Scene 5:  The guys run across the quad for the next contest.  Skyler bouncing around in that satyr outfit is rather sexy.  Ok, here it is: make up a song about dinosaurs.  Andy gets weepy about their extinction, while Deegs sings "The Dinosaur Stomp."  

Scene 6: Next: hot pepper eating. Whoops, they're tied.

Scene 7: Next: Man on Fire.  The guys are set on fire, and must walk as far as they can before being overcome.  Hopefully they're wearing fireproof outfits? And using stunt doubles?   They both walk about five feet, and collapse at the same time. But Deegs is an inch ahead, so he wins!  He hugs his bud Seth (Joey Bragg), tells Andy to "suck it," and rushes to collect his prizes. 

As the loser, Andy has to endure the walk of shame, being called names and hit and kicked by the campers.  He complains: "This is total bull jizz!  I should have won!" 

There are six other intertwining plotlines:

1. Yaron and his wife want Victor (Ken Marino) to "shove a baby into her with my penis."   His problem is: he's never had sex, because "my dick has two left thumbs."  His bunkmate, Neil, offers to show him how to use it.  First, to increase his confidence, Neil gives him a makeover ("What do you think I've been taking those night classes at Barbizon for?").  Then he plops a mattress down and tells Victor to pretend it's a woman. "Slower...don't look like you're going to throw up...smile at her."  He helps, lying on top and thrusting, until Victor has an orgasm.  Ok, you guys just had a dry hump.

2. Suzie's boyfriend Garth (Jai Courtney) got an acting gig, and is leaving the camp -- and her -- for eight months in Budapest. 

3. A girl tells Coop (Michael Showalter) that she doesn't want him hanging out with Katie anymore, He immediately runs into Katie, who wants to have sex with him.

4. McKinley (Michael Ian Black) discovers that his nanny, Renata, has cut all of his faces out of the couple photos, and plans to "Kill the Baby" at 2:00 pm.  He rushes to tell his husband Ben (Adam Scott.  At that moment, she emerges with a cake.  She was planning a surprise anniversary party for them!  She needed the photos for an anniversary montage, and "Kill the Baby" is the band she hired! Hubbie calls him a "paranoid asshole" and rushes off.  But she confesses that he was right: "I wanted to make you insane, so no one will believe you as I destroy your family."  

5. Mark (Mark Feuerstein, top photo) keeps a journal of the women he's screwed, upsetting his girlfriend.

6. A journalist shows up at Mikey's door to discuss "him." His wife insists that he (Dax Shepard) not talk to anyone, or "he will kill us." Snooping in the bathroom, the journalist finds a photo of the camp from 1921, with "Ronnie Reagan" among the campers.  This is 1991, just after the Reagan administration, but why would Reagan not want people to know he attended the camp?

Beefcake: Only Skyler, but he is extensively on display.

Heterosexism: Four of the seven plotlines involve heterosexual romance.

Gay Characters: McKinley and Ben.

Gay Subtexts: Victor and Neil (Plot #1).  Maybe Deegs and Seth (primary plot).  Neither expresses any interest in women.

My Grade: The contests were very impressive, and some of the plotlines were interesting, even without the back story. A-

There are four penises on display in the version of the review on  Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends.

"Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later"

It's 1991, ten years since Camp Firewood, and the gang is pushing 30, and with real ages past 50, still pushing credulity.

Victor, shirtless, muscular, and bulgy, but with a ridiculous toupee, works as a sexy bartender with his heterosexual life partner Neil, and still awkwardly talks about getting laid.  Wait...hasn't he...

Coop has written a tell-all autobiography.

McKinley is a stay-at-home husband to workaholic Ben (Adam Scott, replacing Bradley Cooper).  They have an infant daughter.  This was extremely rare and controversial in 1991, but for some reason it is treated nonchalantly by everyone, as if it's 2019.  Go figure.

And the others have done things....

They all arrive at Camp Firewood for a 24-hour reunion in the 8-episode Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later. 

That's right, another 24 hour ludicrous time-dilation tv series, involving drama with the teenage campers,  the snobbish ex-counselors at Camp Tigerclaw, romantic entanglements, a psycho nanny, the talking can of vegetables, the traditional Shakespeare-themed dance that no one has ever mentioned before, a nuclear bomb, and a fistfight between Ronald Reagan and George Bush (did you know that you can see both the Washington Monument and the Capitol from the Oval Office?  Well, you can't.)

Gay couples:  McKinley and Ben, of course, plus several heterosexual life partners.

Beefcake: None.  No water scenes, no stripping down scenes.  But the actors are singularly unattractive anyway, so who cares?

A few of the new cast members are semi-palatable.

1. Adam Scott (top photo) in a suit.

2. Sky Gisondo as Deets, the "new Andy" (the arrogant, self-possessed one).  At least no one does the uvula-licking kissing thing.

3. Mark Feuerstein (left) as Mark.

4. Jai Courtney as actor Garth MacArthur

5.  Joey Bragg as nerd camper Seth

Um, well, that's about it. 

"Beaver Falls": Mac reveals his "shameful secret." Hint: It's being gay

Beaver Falls (2011-2012), streaming on Amazon Prime, is a British sitcom in the "Aren't Americans wacky?" genre, about three graduates of Oxford Brookes University (Oxford Brookes, not Oxford) who get jobs at a ritzy American summer camp.

I'm not watching.  In spite of the little beaver on the camp logo, the opening sequence reveals exactly what kind of "beaver" the show is about.  These boys came to the U.S. to have sex with American girls, who apparently are easier to seduce than their British counterparts.

But I did watch Season 2, Episode 5, when a camper comes out.

Barry (John Dagleish left) is smoking pot with a jock named Mac  (Tom Austen, top photo), who suddenly kisses him.  He responds with amused nonchalance: "Chicks can't take their weed."

I was so shocked by the implication that gay men are actually women that it didn't register that he was smoking pot with an underaged boy (I looked it up -- Mac is actually a counselor, not a camper)

Mac is horrified at his faux pas.  He rushes to his girlfriend's cabin and has sex with her, thus "proving" that he's really straight in spite of the kiss.

In the aftermath, Barry becomes the subject of gay rumors.  The whole camp becomes angry and suspicious, except for some who defend him: "Barry is as much of a man as he ever was."  So...gay men aren't men?

When he shows up in a  "ladyboy" pink athletic singlet, his fellow counselors are outraged, and ask if he needs a "push-up bra."  Barry insists that he's straight, so he doesn't need a bra. So...gay men need bras?

He gets upset.  He doesn't mind if people think he is gay, only when they laugh at him or yell at him.  Right, that would be the homophobia....

Meanwhile, it's the big  basketball game  (why do counselors, not campers, play basketball?).  Someone calls Mac a "fag" and he beats him up.  His teammates don't get it:  "The dude just called you a fag.  There's no need to overreact."

Then, to their horror, they figure it out: Mac really is a fag!  "I showered next to him!" one of the jocks exclaims in disgust.  Rather intense homophobia for 2012, isn't it?  

To save his reputation and keep him from being killed by his teammates, Barry says that he made the first move; he's a gay pervert trolling for jailbait, but "Mac is a man." So...gay men aren't men? 

Mac, meanwhile, runs into the woods.  His girlfriend follows, and claims that kissing a guy is not a problem.  But he says "I'm sorry....I'm so, so, sorry."

Gulp.  That's what people say before they commit suicide....

Instead he dumps her.  He's gay.  Wait -- he's had sex with lots of women, and he kissed a guy once, so therefore he's gay. That must have been one powerful kiss!    

The episode ends with Barry and Mac smoking pot again, and Mac upset because he's ruined everybody's life.  The episode fades out to a song.  The only lyrics I heard were: "I'll wear my coat in shame."

To recap:
1.The slightest moment of same-sex affection means that you are gay.
2. Gay men are not men, they're women.
3. Being gay is something shameful.
4. The year is 1975. Or else this is an episode of Will and Grace.