Dec 6, 2015
The Wizards of Waverly Place
Even Stevens, Hannah Montana, and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody are not unique. American tv programs aimed at a juvenile audience are strictly forbidden from mentioning gay people or ever suggesting that heterosexual desire, practice, and identity are not universal human experience. So the Disney Channel has become very good at hints.
For example, take Wizards of Waverly Place (2007-2012), an "I've Got a Secret" sitcom about a family of wizards living in contemporary Manhattan. Jerry (David DeLuise, far right) and Theresa (Maria Canales Barrera) and their kids:
16-year old Justin (David Henrie, second from left), 14-year old Alex (Selena Gomez), and 12-year old Max (Jake T. Austin, far left). (The others are supporting characters.)
All of the characters have opposite-sex dates and relationships. Not one is Wearing a Sign. Therefore they are all heterosexual, and gay people do not exist. Are you listening, network censors? Ok, then:
1. Alex is gay. She and Justin are constantly fighting over girls that they both want. She's constantly telling Justin, "I like this girl. You can't have her." During the third season, she falls in love with a butch lesbian stereotype named Stevie (Hayley Kiyoko), but drops her upon discovering that she is a leftist revolutionary. Her main squeeze is Harper (Jennifer Stone); the two eventually move into an apartment together. No one even tries to pretend that they are platonic friends.
3. Hugh Normous is gay. Alex is hit on by lots of guys at school, so she befriends Hugh, knowing that he won't have any romantic interest. In the last season, she invites Hugh to a party at her apartment, where he hooks up with a guy.
4. Uncle Kelso (Jeff Garland) is gay. He is masquerading as pop star Shakira. Alex asks if it bothers him that millions of teenage boys have his picture on their bedroom walls. He shrugs.
Gregg Sulkin, left, with costar Dan Benson), is so intense that when they break up, Max falls into a deep depression, and when Mason re-appears to request a reconciliation, Max thinks that Mason wants a reconciliation with him.
At age sixteen, Max turns into a girl, and hates it because now he has to hang out with other girls; he likes to hang out with guys.
And that's not even counting the constant gender-shifting and transvestism.
As stated earlier, every character expresses heterosexual interest, and not one is Wearing a Sign. Therefore they are all heterosexual. Therefore gay people do not exist. Is that clearly understood?