The reality series It's Florida, Man, on MAX, has a format similar to Drunken History. Real-life Floridians tell about doing really stupid things -- agreeing to fill the fantasy of a toe fetishist, swimming in gator-infested waters, fighting the witch next door. While they and their family and friends are interviewed along the lines of "What were you thinking?", comedians act out the story. I reviewed the episode with a gay couple.
Scene 1: Deland, Florida. Derrick Irving / Echo Kellum wants revenge on his ex, so he comes up with the perfect plan. Early one morning, when it's still dark out and the ex is at work, he goes to the guy's trailer park, with a getaway driver, wearing a mask so the neighbors wouldn't recognize him, and tries to think of evil stuff to do. Wouldn't you plan this out in advance?Oh, right, it's Florida, man.
He steals his "good stuff" -- air conditioner, vacuum cleaner, and tv set -- and then blows up the trailer!
Scene 2: Derrick introduces himself: 42 years old, living in a trailer, but cooking outside. He wasn't looking to date, but he went online with "BBC and Cooking" in his profile, and Denver pinged him. Wait -- if you didn't want to date, why the BBC?
On to an interview with Denver/ John Gries. He had just gotten out of a 20-year relationship, moved to DeLand, and wanted companionship. And a BBC, right?
They go on a date to the Waffle House -- Denver wanted to impress the guy with high-end dining, har har.
Derrick says he was turned off by Denver's disgusting eating habits, but Denver says that romance was in the air.
On their second date, Denver invited him to the beach. Wait -- if you were turned off, why agree to a second date? He didn't mention that it was a n*de beach. Then he kept cajoling Derrick into showing his BBC: "He could not stop staring." So why did you keep seeing this guy?
Next, an interview with Derrick's sister, Sheena: Derrick said he really liked him, but "this guy is old as shit."
Scene 3: They start hanging out, watching Judge Judy and shit.
Derrick: "We were just friends. No way would I agree to sleep with him."
Denver: "We were in love."
Sheena: "They was definitely f*cking"
Eventually Derrick moves into The Empire, Denver's name for his horrible trailer, that he paid $2300 for.
More after the break
Derrick: "Denver kept inviting homeless guys to live with us...if they were cute."
Denver: "Derrick was cheating on me." He goes to work at Red Lobster, and meets the cook John/Cameron Brittain. They started hooking up behind Denver's back.
Derrick: "He liked to wear a blond wig."
Denver "A cross-dresser! Not that I judge people, but this just hit me rough."
Scene 5: They start fighting: Denver throws dinner into the trash, so Derrick throws out his beer. Denver calls 911. This guy is cuckoo.
Heated arguments, fights that almost turned physical -- "I would have hit him with a lamp, if I could lift it!", sugar in the gas tank. Finally Derrick decides to move out. Denver responds by insulting his mother. Uh-oh. He gonna burn the trailer down.
Scene 6: The morning of the crime, Derrick puts on a bull costume onesie. John picks him up. He still has a key, so he lets himself in, steals some stuff, does a dance in front of the security camera, and tries to cause an explosion with Ragu spaghetti sauce in one pot and hot oil in another. Gee, this guy is dumb.
Denver gets a security alert, and calls the cops, who burst in -- to a smoking pot of spaghetti sauce.
Scene 7: Derrick remembers that he left his cigarettes on the counter. They can tie him to the crime! They drive back, only to run into the cops, who arrest them. Denver claims that he doesn't know them, and wants to press charges.
Scene 8: The case goes to trial: 15 years for arson, burglary, and theft. But at the last moment Denver changes his story, admits that he and Derrick were lovers, and wants to drop the charges: "I was just mad because he brought a crossdresser into my house."
Charges were dropped. But Derrick was now homeless, so Denver let him move back in. They're still friends. The end.
My Grade: It was interesting to see guys that you meet in real life, but never on television: unattractive, poor, dumb as fence posts. I liked the differing points of view: "We were lovers!" vs. "He tried, but I said no!" But the trailer didn't really blow up; it was just a bait-and-switch tease. C
Bonus: In case you don't know what BBC means, there's an example on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends
See also: Drunk History Episode 3.13: Adam and Blake, sweet kisses, and Nathan Fillion's b___
Eric Brody: Fashion model from Florida shows his d*ck in his first acting gig
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