My 20 Coming Out Movies, from "Bomba the Jungle Boy" to "Popeye." Yes, "Popeye. " With a surprising number of n*de dudes.

Link to the NSFW Version

 In the Nazarene Church, going to a movie theater was a serious sin, so I only went two or three times before high school, when I started sneaking out to the Showcase Cinemas in the next town.  But I saw a lot of movies on tv, and some had some gay-vague characters, buddy-bonding subtexts, or beefcake that told me "The adults are lying, only real is real."   

These are my top 20 coming out movies, arranged by premiere date. I may have seen them a few years later.

1. Bomba the Jungle Boy  (1949-54). The former Tarzan's Boy always got a girlfriend and never buddy bonded with anyone, but who paid attention to the plot?

Can I play with your spear?

2. The Magic Sword (1962). A bizarre, gruesome plot with a heterosexist ending, but it was worth it to see a shirtless Gary Lockwood tied up and fondled.

3. Robinson Crusoe on Mars (1964).  Paul Mantee crash lands on Mars, rescues a muscular alien from slavers, and the gay-subtext romance is amazing.

We'll put the guest bath over there, and over by the foyer...

4. Viva La Vegas (1964).  Elvis and Cesare Danova find each other.

There's a thousand hot dudes waitin' out there
And they're all livin' devil may care
And I'm just the devil with a p*enis to spare
So Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas

5. Kilroy was Here (1965). In a three-movie series, Warren Berlinger saves small-town Wilton Junction, gets a boyfriend, and succumbs to hetero destiny.

6. Village of the Giants (1965).  Dreamy Tommy Kirk and his friends (including Beau Bridges and Tim Rooney, right) magically turn into giants and dance in beefcake-heavy togas.

"So, if we're thirty feet tall, that means that six inches turns into..."

7. The Secret of Boyne Castle (1969)  Kurt Russell as an exchange student in Ireland runs afoul of spies, and flees through the countryside with bystander Patrick Dawson.  At one point, they smile at each other.  That smile changes the world.

8. The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes (1969).  College boy Kurt Russell (sigh) gets zapped by lightning and turns into a human computer.  He is kidnapped and rescued by his friends (Michael McGreevy and Lassie boy Jon Provost).  I don't remember a Girl of His Dreams.

9. The Cube (1969). Richard Schack is trapped in a square. windowless room.  Other people come in to taunt or advise him, but he can't escape until he realizes that nothing is real. 

10. If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium (1969). Wacky American tourists in Europe, with Ian McShane as the world-weary tour gude and some queer codes, but mostly it's about escape, with a wistful theme song that still haunts me.

If this is love, then why am I crying?

These tears are falling too fast to be from joy.

If there's no hope, then why am I trying?

I wish I'd never heard of  Rome

More after the break

11. The Canterbury Tales (1972).  I saw it in college.  Enormous d*cks and gay hints in a Pasolini adaption of the Chaucer classic.

12. Brother Sun, Sister Moon (1972).  Also in college.  A n*ked Catholic saint played by Graham Faulkner.

If all saints look like this from the back, where do I sign up?

13. Blazing Saddles (1974). Wild West sheriff Cleavon Little gets with a lady (with a memorable line about his d*ck size) and buddy-bonds with Gene Wilder.  Plus it gave me the freedom to get upset over homophobia.

Which of you guys is the biggest?

14. Jaws (1975).  Other people saw a giant shark on the rampage. I saw small-town Roy Scheider and ichthyology grad student Richard Dreyfuss in love.

15. Logan's Run (1976). Michael York and Richard Jordan buddy-bond in a post-Apocalyptic dystopia, until one of them dies (of course) and the other meets The Girl (of course).

16. Star Wars (1977).  Come on, you knew that Luke Skywalker and Han Solo were a couple.

17. I Wanna Hold Your Hand (1978). Christian Juttner as a gay-coded Beatles fan on the night of their famous appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show

18. Big Wednesday (1978).  Goldenboy surfers Jan-Michael Vincent, William Katt, and Gary Busey manage to stay friends in spite of their descent into houses and wives.

You wanna wax my stick now, or wait til we get home?

19. Meatballs (1979).  Even my brother
er figured out that shy summer camper Chris Makepeace was gay, and really into counselor Bill Murray.

You gonna kiss him, or what?

20. Popeye (1980). Critics panned it, but I found inspiration in the alternate family that the Sailor created.  And Sweethaven perfectly encapsulated the feeling of being trapped in a heteronormative cube:

Sweet Sweethaven -- God must love us

God must have landed here.
Why else would He strand us here?  

Bonus: American Gigolo (1980).  It didn't help me come out, but you saw Richard Gere's d*ck.