"Vacation": Skyler Gisondo as the victim in a horribly homophobic scene. And apparently it gets worse.

 

I didn't see the original National Lampoon's Vacation (1983), due to the vocal homophobia of star Chevy Chase.   I'm definitely not going to watch the sequel, Vacation (2015), in which  Rusty, the kid in the original (Ed Helms), tries to take his family on the same woebegotten journey.  Richard Roeper called it "a vile, odious disaster populated with unlikable, dopey characters bumbling through mean-spirited set pieces that rely heavily on slapstick fight scenes, scatological sight gags and serial vomiting."  Plus the plot synopsis looks horribly heterosexist, with eldest son James (Skyler Gisondo) in search of the Girl of His Dreams.  But I am going to check for beefcake, and then review a horribly homophobic scene that I found by accident on youtube.

Link to NSFW version 

Beefcake: James shows his chest (top photo). Stone Crandall (Chris Hemsworth), married to Rusty's sister, walks around in his underwear, displaying a bulge.  Plus he "accidentally" displays his penis in a vacation photo.

On to the cringy homophobic scene: 

 The family is staying at a sleazy motel.  James plays his guitar at the sleazy hot tub.  A girl drops by to flirt with him.  

Medina: I have a penis.

James (shocked, transphobic): What?  Um...

Medina: It's written  on your guitar.  

He explains that his brother wrote it there as a prank, and goes on to make his move, Just then, Dad shows up (but Medina thinks that it's just a random perv)

Dad/Perv: I'm just a stranger passing through town, but I couldn't help noticing how incredibly handsome this young man is. You got a girlfriend?  Or boyfriend, heterosexist idiot  -- but then, Dad probably knows that his son is straight.

James: (Painfully embarrassed.) No.

Dad/Perv: No girlfriend?  Cute boy like that, somebody's gonna snatch you up.

Medina (to James): Do you want me to call the cops?  

James: No.  Dad/Perv hasn't done anything illegal yet.  But...why doesn't James tell the girl that it's his Dad, being embarrassing?

Dad/Perv: And he plays guitar. Dream boy!  Make a muscle!

Skyler: I'd rather not.

Dad/Perv: Take your shirt off, make a muscle.  Don't be shy -- show us what we're working with.  

As Dad/Perv approaches the hot tub, Medina asks James if he'll be ok, and scrams.  

Dad: Dang it!

James: Dad, why would you do that?

Dad: I saw you talking to her, and figured you could use a wing man. Oy!

In most U.S. states, it is a crime to propose sexual activity to someone under the age of consent, or expose them to erotic material.  Commenting on their erotic desirability is technically legal, unless you are their parent, teacher, or in a position of authority.  Skyler Gisondo here is 18 or 19, but his character is 14.  Dad is pushing the boundaries of legality, and has gone far beyond what is appropriate. 

Left: 17-year old bodybuilder. Attractive, but not hot until next year.

 

This exchange keys into the myth that gay men are all hanging around schoolyards, trying to pick up teenagers (ephebophilia)  -- or 12 year olds (pedophilia)  

Another review says: "All homophobic, xenophobic, scatological grossout, with some rape and pedophilia “jokes” for flavor."  You mean it gets worse?

To make up for subjecting you to this mess, I posted some naked grown-ups on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends

The Strange Ones: Pedophile and his boyfriend may be the same person, or they may be dead

The reviews say that the relationship between the boy and the man in The Strange Ones is a mystery, but it's not a mystery to me.  Strange is often used as code for gay, as in The Strange One, or Alex Strangelove.  The boy and the man are lovers, promoting the stereotype that gay men are all pedophiles (or in this case ephebophiles).  So I'm watching it, to see how a homophobic movie could get made in 2020.

Scene 1: 14-year old Sam (James Freedson-Jackson) walks through a burning house and looks down at his father, who is dying.  Cut to a car trip through the wilderness of upstate New York, no doubt where Sam and his 20-something boyfriend Nick (Alex Pettyfur) are fleeing after the murder.  They stop for gas, and Nick throws away some incriminating evidence, while Sam gets a text from a friend asking "Why haven't you answered?  Are you dead?"  Sam texts back "Yes."

Maybe he really is dead?  He died in the fire, and Nick is the Angel of Death escorting him to the afterlife.

Scene 2: Back in the car, they share a sandwich (so the dead still eat?) and drive down a deserted highway.  They're heading for a cabin that Nick knows about from his childhood (hey, what if Nick is adult Sam?). 

Scene 3: They stop in a diner.  Nick asks "Are you having fun?"  Weird question to ask of someone who is on his way to the afterlife.

Nick makes a coffee cup disappear to prove that this isn't the real, physical world.  It's all happening in Sam's mind, no doubt during the last few seconds of his life.  But he reiterates their cover story: two brothers on a fun camping trip.

Scene 4: The car breaks down (Charon never had that problem on the River Styx!), so they walk to  one of those old fashioned hotels where every room opens onto the parking lot. While Sam jumps in the pool and pretends to drown, Nick makes arrangements with the flowsy manager, Kelly  She's so turned on that she lets them stay for free.

Sam gives his name as Jeremiah, which reviews latch onto as proof that he doesn't know who he is, but it's obviously an alias.  He doesn't want to be identified as the kid who started the fire.

Scene 5: Kelly calls for a tow truck, and then gives them a ride to the repair shop.  Sam is stuck in the truck bed (grr -- a girl getting between him and the Angel of Death!).

Back at the hotel, where they are sleeping in the same bed, Sam suggests that Nick have sex with Kelly.  Nick shrugs.  Might as well -- beats sex with an underage dead kid.    He leaves Sam to his drawing of a swirling void and goes to the office for the seduction.

Scene 6: Sam is watching a tv news story about the fire and his dead Dad.  I would usually find that odd, but in movies whenever you turn on a tv set, there's a story about your situation on.  He looks out the window, where Nick and Kelly are frolicking in the pool.  This makes him jealous, even though it was his idea.

Later, Nick sneaks in, washes off his dick, and climbs into bed.  He suggests that they stay at the hotel permanently instead of going on to the afterlife.  A girl is keeping you tethered to our world?

Scene 7: Sam wants to keep going -- the afterlife has to be nicer than this dump!  -- so in the morning he tells Kelly that NIck is gay (ya think?) , and just flirting with her to get a free room.  Also everything he has said since they arrived is a lie (well, he can hardly come out as the Angel of Death.  And he might be a kidnapper or a murderer.

I'd be calling the police, thinking that Sam was in trouble, but Kelly idiotically tattles to Nick: "He said you were a kidnapper and a murderer and..."  Nick yells at Sam and slaps him.

Scene 8:  Kelly goes to clean the room, and sees that only one bed was slept in (Not smart, guys -- everybody knows that you always muss up both beds).

Meanwhile, at the auto garage, the car is fixed.  Nick asks "Do you hate me now?"  Sam says "You can go ahead and kill me now."  Too late, buddy.  You're already dead.

Scene 9:  On the road again, through the mountains.  They stop and walk into the woods with camping gear and a shotgun.  Uh-oh.  They run into some hikers, who complain that it's not hunting season yet.  Nick says "Um...um...we're going to..um...do some target practice!"  Gee, you'd think the Angel of Death would be a little more adept at prevarication.

Scene 10:  They reach the isolated cabin.  Nick chops wood while Sam watches, turned on by his muscles.  Then they start a campfire and drink beer and chat.  Sam looks into the fire and starts to cry.

Scene 11: Morning.  Nick really is teaching Sam how to shoot.  Then they explore a cave where Nick spent the night once when he was a kid, after he ran away from his abusive father.  He came out a new person, "like time travel."

They hear a rustling in the woods, and suddenly Nick is shot!  He orders Sam to run, and then hides in the cave.  Sam, running awy, looks down and sees a man lying dead on the grass, and another approaching with a gun.  I'm lost.  What just happened/

Scene 12:  Sam hides in a barn, where two boys, Luke and Jeremiah (Owen and Tobias Campbell), find him.  "Are you new?" they ask.  "I don't think he's one of us."

Weird -- this shot of Tobias is not in the movie, and he's on the hotel set, not at the commune.

 Sam gets food, a shower, fresh clothes, and a bed at a mysterious cult/commune for teenagers.

Scene 13:  Gary, the commune leader, interrogates Sam  Sam says that he doesn't remember anything about his life before the camping trip "with his brother."  Yeah, dead people gradually forget their past life.

Scene 14:   Morning.  The boys get up and join a group assigned to do weeding.  Later Sam takes a shower, and flashes back (or forward) to watching deer with Nick.

Scene 15: Morning.  As Sam walks through the commune, he sees two police cars parked by the main building.  He turns and runs, but they catch him.  A  friendly social worker says "You're a real brave kid.  You've been through a lot."  Also, Nick is dead.

She interrogates him about his relationship with Nick and his father.  Nick lived across the street.  Sam used to spend the night when his father worked late.

So, just a gay kid and his adult boyfriend killing his homophobic father, burning down the house, and running away?  That's so darn mundane.  I was expecting a journey to the afterlife, or Nick as the adult Sam.

Scene 16: Sam is in the hospital, being checked for evidence of sexual activity.  Later, a girl visits with a get-well card signed by the whole class.

Scene 17:  The girl and her mother take Sam in.  They talk about Nick -- he was dating a woman his age before, so how could he be...you know? This is getting more homophobic by the minute.  Where's the Angel of Death when you need him?

The girl wants to know if Nick just "did things to" Sam, or if Sam "did things to"   Nick.  He says "Both."  She tries to start sex, but Sam pushes her away.  Rejected, she says "It's obvious that you were in love with Nick." (So Nick can just wait three years, and he'll be legal in the State of New York.  Or go to Ohio and wait two years.  Or go to Spain and have at it)

Scene 18:  Sam runs away, goes into the woods, and suddenly he's with Nick again.  And suddenly he's talking to Gary at the commune about his nightmares. Then Dad is apologizing for abusing him.  Then Gary says "It's not real.  It's all in your head."  Then Sam follows his spirit cat to the cave where Nick spent the night as a kid and turned into someone else.

Beefcake:  Nick shows his chest, and in one scene his butt.  Sam shows a lot more, if you're into that sort of thing.  A couple of cute guys wandering around the commune.

Gay Characters: Both Sam and Nick are gay, but it's all mixed up.

Homophobia:  Equation of being gay with pedophilia.

Disappointed:  Very.  I wanted something a little more interesting than two guys on the run after a murder.  But then there's the final cave.  Maybe Sam will spend the night there and come out as Nick.
It's fun to speculate.

My Grade: B

Fleabag: Britcom Filled with Hunks and Horror, but no Lesbi....

I've only heard the term "fleabag" in reference to a cheap hotel, but on Fleabag (2016=2019), on Amazon Prime, it's a woman (Phoebe Walter-Bridge) who addresses the camera and makes jokes to keep from crying. She has a lot to cry about:

She is running a struggling coffee shop, but can't get a loan to keep it afloat.

Her close friend/business partner Boo accidentally committed suicide by walking into traffic (planning to be injured and get attention,but ending up dead).

She hates her family:

Demanding,perfect sister

Brother in law who makes snarky sexual innuendos and then, when she gets offended, complains that she can't take a joke

Elitist artist stepmother who ha an exhibition of works devoted entirely to her sexual activity (I definitely want that penis wall for my living room).

Father who can't stand to be alone with her (and she instantly recognizes his penis from the penis wall.  What was going on in that family?).

Fleabag tries to fill the yawning void of guilt and pain in her life with sex.

1. Steady Boyfriend (Hugh Skinner, left, Prince William on The Windsors), who insists on slow, boring, "making love" instead of just doing it.  Fleabag dumps him regularly, which gives her an opportunity to get other sex partners (and he always cleans her apartment).  At the end of Season 1, he makes the breakup permanent.

2.  Arsehole Guy (Ben Aldridge), who suddenly stops being able to stay aroused during sex.  Fleabag informs us that this is a sign that he's in love, so all his blood is rushing from his penis to his heart.  He's in love, all right, but with someone else.

That's not why he's called Arsehole Guy. 

3. Bus Rodent (Jamie Demetriou), who has bad teeth.  This would be a deal-breaker, except that Fleabag is horny.  She gets angry when he won't put out on the first date,but gets revenge by introducing him to her family as "her new boyfriend," then dumping him (after sex).

4. Jack (Anthony Welsh), Boo's boyfriend.  Their affair made Boo decide to walk into traffic,which is one reason why Fleabag is such a mess.

5. Hot Misogynist (Ray Fearon, left)

6, Chatty Joe (David Hargreaves)

7. Hot Priest (Andrew Scott, left).  Fleabag spends most of Season 2 chasing him, even though she feels guilty about making him break his vow of celibacy, and seems to think that it's illegal.

Fleabag does not have sex with:

1. Her brother-in-law (Brett Gelman, left), although he tries to kiss her and then claims that she tried to kiss him.

2. Her possibly-autistic nephew (Angus Imrie), although he does spy on her in the bath.  When he begs her to ask his Mom to leave his Dad, one wonders what's going on in that family.

3. Boo (Jenny Rainsford), although the intensity of their relationship (in flashback) does suggest a lesbian subtext.

No gay characters appear or are  mentioned, except we are told that Hot Priest's mother "was originally a lesbi...."  What did she do, convert?

Oh, I forgot to mention: Fleabag is a comedy.

The History of Peter Pan Nightmares

Peter Pan has a long, sinister, and disturbing history.  He began in the grieving imagination of 8-year old J.M. Barrie, when his brother David died in a skating accident the day before his 14th birthday -- tragic, but at least a dead boy would stay a boy forever.  

He took shape in Barrie's early novels about dead and dying boys, Better Dead (1888) and Sentimental Tommy (1896), and in stories Barrie told to the five Llewelyn-Davies boys, whom he met while walking his St.Bernard in Kensington Gardens in 1897.  

And when his wife, actress Mary Ansell, left him for a mere boy, 24 year old Gilbert Cannan, in 1908 (by the way, Cannan published a novel called Peter Homunculus in 1909).

There is no indication that Barrie had any pederastic intentions with the Llewelyn boys.  Boys and men mingled without suspicion in those days.  In the stories, however, Captain Hook has an arguably homoerotic love-hate relationship with the Dead Boy Peter.  When one considers that Barrie's Captain Hook and Daddy were played by the same actor, one wonders about the elder Barrie, a strict,conservative Calvinist.

The baby who leapt from his tram in Kensington Gardens and lived in trees like a bird (that is, died) first appeared as a named character in J.M. Barrie's very Victorian childhood-equals-death novel The Little White Bird (1902).  

Next came a stage play, Peter Pan, Or the Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up (1904), based on the pantomime tradition, which is why Peter Pan and the Lost Boys were all played by women, and there was a dying fairy (the Edwardians loved long, slow, sentimental death scenes as much as we love things blowing up).  

George du Marier, uncle to the Llewelyn Davies boys, played both Captain Hook and the Darling kids' father.  Hints of child abuse, anyone?

Next Barrie adapted the stage play into a novel,  Peter Pan and Wendy(1911).   Both play and novel became sensations, especially during World War I, with so  many boys dying in the trenches of Europe -- but they were forever young.

And adaptations began: news plays, movies, novels, cartoons, stories, songs, statues, with the dead boy becoming more playful, less sinister to keep up with the changing times.  

My favorite is Malcolm, the evil Peter Pan of Once Upon a Time (Robbie Kay, shown with some of his Lost Boys in the top photo).  

My least favorite is the 2003 movie version,  with a barely-pubescent Jeremy Sumpter in a pedo-dream costume, and a hetero-romance "girls are the meaning of life" conclusion.

A 1954 Broadway musical Peter Pan stayed true to its pantomime roots by casting a woman as the Dead Boy, and an older woman at that: 40-year old Mary Martin, who had previously starred in Annie Get Your Gun and South Pacific.  Cyrill Richard played both Captain Hook and George Darling  for more Freudian nightmares.  Although it was the exuberant 1950s, some other disturbing elements were retained:

1. The family is called "Darling," which is ridiculous.

2. The nanny is a dog in a nanny's cap played by a man.

3. Wendy sews Peter's shadow onto his feet. Imagine how painful that would be!

4. Blackmailing the audience to clap in order to keep a fairy from dying.

5. Amputation, mutilation, bombing, death, and near-death everywhere you turn.  Fun!
6. Growing up means dying.

Nevertheless, Neverland returned to Broadway in 1979, 1990, 1991, and 1998 (with Peter Pan played by Sandy Duncan and Cathy Rigby). 

The entire cast except for the children reprised their roles for a 1960 tv version -- restaged, so you were actually watching and hearing a stage show. This version was rebroadcast in 1963, 1966, 1973, 1989, and 1991. 

Photo: Kent Fletcher, who played Michael in 1960, forever a child in his only other film role, The Lord of the Flies (1963).

I think I saw part of 1966 rebroadcast.  I would have been 5 or 5 1/2 years old, too young for bizarre dog-human hybrids, shadows sewn onto bare flesh, murderous pirate-fathers, dying fairies, and growing up as the equivalent of death.  Since then Peter Pan has often appeared in my nightmares.

"The Bicycle Man": A Very Special Episode of "Diff'rent Strokes"

Diff'rent Strokes (1978-86) is one of those iconic 1980s tv series that everyone knew about but no one watched (at least no one I knew watched).  Everybody could quote Gary Coleman's incredulous catchphrase, "What you talkin' bout?"

The plot was standard "fish out of water": old, rich white guy, Mr. Drummond (Conrad Bain) adpots the two poor African-American kids of his recently deceased housekeeper (hey, Rich White Guy, if you had paid her a living wage, or offered life insurance, maybe her kids wouldn't be poor).

The teenage Willis (Todd Bridges) is suspicious and surely, but the chipmunk-cheeked preteen Arnold (Gary Coleman) is adorable.

The cast was filled out by Drummond's teenage daughter Kimberly (Dana Plato) and current housekeeper Mrs. Garrett (Charlotte Rae).  Later there were other housekeepers, Willis's role was minimized, Kimberly was written out altogether, and Drummond married a woman with a cute preteen son (Danny Cooksey) to bond with Arnold.

 Early episodes involved various friends, relatives, classmates, and social service personnel being shocked by the arrangement.

I didn't watch many later episodes.  Not enough beefcake, not enough gay subtexts, and it aired either opposite my favorite programs, Taxi and Barney Miller, or during the date-and-outing time of  Saturday night.

But I heard about its string of Very Special (that is, very depressing) episodes, apparently meant to impress upon kids the dangers of life in the 1980s:

First Lady Nancy Reagan stops by to give her famous advice on drug prevention: "Just say no."

While hitchhiking, Kimberly and Arnold are kidnapped.  Arnold escapes and rushes to fetch the police, arriving just in time to save Kimberly from being raped.

Danny (shown here with the Dukes of Hazzard) is kidnapped, too, by a grieving mother and father who want him to replace their own dead son.  Arnold rushes to the rescue.

The only Very Special Episode I watched was "The Bicycle Man," which aired on February 5th and 12th, 1983.

Arnold and his friend Dudley (Shavar Ross) befriend bicycle shop owner Mr. Horton (Gordon Jump) who cagily flirts with them:

Horton [Giving Arnold a radio for his bike]:  I scratch your back, you scratch mine.
Arnold: You give me this present, you can scratch me all over.

After advising him to keep their relationship a secret, Horton plies them with wine and X-rated cartoons, and talks Dudley into posing for shirtless photos.  Arnold finally gets uncomfortable and bails, but Dudley stays.

Mr. Drummond and Dudley's Dad finally figure out that something is wrong, and rush to get the police.  They arrive just in time to rescue the dazed, "goofy" Dudley, who says that Horton gave him a pill and tried to "touch him."

They then sit around for five minutes discussing what parents should do in such a situation: don't blame the child, call the police rather than confronting the guy yourself, etc.

Willis says:  "I never would have guessed that Mr. Horton was...you know...gay."  The word is so distasteful to him that he has a hard time saying it.

Detective Simpson corrects him:  "He's not, Willis.  That's the common fallacy about child molesters.  They're not gay, they're only interested in little boys or little girls, not adults."

Arnold: "Look, I'm only eleven years old!  Should I be hearing all of this?"

Arnold has kept quiet or cracked jokes through the conversation about child molesting, but when it turns to gay people, he objects.

That's the only time gay people were mentioned in eight seasons.  I'm guessing the theme song was talking about something else:

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum.
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.