"Time Cut": Girl travels into the past to prevent a murder, with Griffin Gluck's boyfriend and Zane Phillips n*de

Link to the n*de photos 

Netflix recommended Time Cut, 2024.  I'm a sucker for time travel/time paradox science fiction stories, so why not a movie?

Scene 1: 2003. Sweetly, Minnesota, har har.  Summer Fling -- her real name, har har!  -- goes to a barn dance-themed party.  Quinn (Griffin Gluck), the nerd with the unrequited crush on her, didn't think she would come, due to the serial killer targeting teens in the area.  He tries to give her a card confessing his love, but before he has a chance, Ethan (Samuel Braun, below), the obnoxious jock whom she is dating,  drags her off.

Cut to the dance.  Jock Ethan suggests that they raise their cups in memorial to the three dead teens, while a Michael Myers-masked killer stalks outside, and a police car zooms over the bridge. 

Uh-oh, Summer fling spills something, and goes to the empy bathroom to clean up.  The state police arrive to break up the party, but Summer doesn't hear them.  The killer arrives, chases her around, and finally grim-reaps her to death. So he was going to wait until the party emptied out except for one person?

Scene 2: April 18, 2024. Lucy awakens in her bed, goes out to a porch swing to mourn her dead sister, who she couldn't possibly have known -- and checks on the status of her application to a 3-month internship with NASA -- she got in!  

She scooters through town , which is in decay -- graffiti everywhere, town clock smashed, stores closed.   20 years ago the Slasher killed four teens, and the town went into its downward spiral.  Turn the slasher barn into a tourist attraction, like Lizzie Borden's house.

In school, she tells her science teacher that she got in.  He's ecstatic.  But she can't tell her parents because this is the anniversary of their daughter's murder.

Out in the hallway, the students are all talking about the murders -- the biggest event in the town's history. Two were killed in the mall.  "What the heck is a mall?", someone asks. Another at the Marine Museum, and the fourth at the big dance.

Scene 4: At home, Lucy visits her sister's old room, kept up as a shrine.  Overwhelmingly pink, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer poster, a landline phone, a creaking floorboard...wait, there's something under there -- notes. "Summer, now I'll be free, but you'll never be.  You'll regret this."  Girlfriend had lots of secrets.

Scene 5: Dinner at the Olive Garden  The server brings the "Field Family Special," and announces "You look so much like her." Come on, it's been 20 years.  How does a casual acquaintance even remember?

Mom and Dad (Michael Shanks, left) are walking shells, immersed in their grief like Miss Haversham moaning over that 30-year old wedding cake in Great Expectations.  They had Lucy as a substitute, but they ignore her individuality and accomplishments and just treat her as a  reminder of her dead sister.

Lucy comes clean about her internship offer.  "WHAT?  Go to DC for 3 months?  It's full of serial killers!   You can get a job at the tech company like me."  My Dad assumed that I would be going to work in the factory.  He only agreed to college when I got a full scholarship -- he figured I would go to work in the factory afterwards.

Next stop: The abandoned barn where Summer was murdered.  They've built a shrine full of photos, ceramic horses, Barbie dolls, and teddy bears.  Way more than 20.  They must come here every week. 

This week's offering: a pair of flip-flops that Mom carefully engraved.  Your living daughter is standing right there, idjit..

Uh-oh, Lucy forgot the offering she was going to leave.  As she fetches it, she hears a machine beeping and thrumming from inside the barn!   It's a weird techno-thing with a "start" button.  Do not push "start" on a strange machine girl!  She pushes it. Two lasers pop out and start thrumming, and zap!  Her parents aren't around, and the barn is brand new.  No bars on her cell phone -- no network!  It's 2003!

Who put a time machine in the barn?  This makes no sense.

More after the break

Wrecked: Gay guy and his lesbian bff solve a mystery on a cruise ship. With a homicidal duck

Hulu's six-episode Wreck, not to be confused with the Lost parody Wrecked, has a plot icon with two boy-girl couples, and a plot synopsis about Jamie (Oscar Kennedy) and Vivian, no doubt his Love Interest investigating dark secrets on a cruise ship. But Episode 5 is entitled "Needle in a Gay Stack," so there must be gay characters around somewhere. I reviewed the first episode.

Scene 1: A girl's butt swimming underwater.  Ugh, a dreadful beginning. She puts on a towel, stares in disgust at herself in the mirror, and then argues with stalking "I can't live without you!" ex-boyfriend Danny (Jack Rowan).

Scene 2: Fielding Ex-Boyfriend Danny's hysterical texts, the girl walks through a gigantic shopping mall and some corridors.  Suddenly a knife-wielding person in a duck costume starts chasing her. Wait -- is this a comedy?  

Surprise -- we're on a gigantic cruise ship -- I count at least ten decks.  

After running and hiding for a long time, she yells "You can't have me!" and jumps overboard!  

Scene 3: Three months later, the ship is docked. Pretending to be someone named Cormac, Jamie signs his contract and then joins the others for an informational video: girls in bikinis telling us "Welcome to Velorum, where your dreams set sail."  Ugh

Their supervisors are introduced: Staff Captain Karen, Second Officer Beaker, Third Officer Sam Rhodes (Louis Boyer, right), who gets gazed at by some girls.  By the way, the ship symbol is a duck carrying a surf board. 

Grand tour: apparently there are 2,000 employees?  Crew mess hall, Little Ducks Soft Play Palace, theater, officer's mess hall, gym. promenade.  Everything is horribly regimented and authoritarian.  This is definitely not your grandpa's Love Boat.

Jamie/Cormac couples-up with Vivian, no doubt his Love Interest,  Two other recruits couple up: Jerome (Diego Andres) and Lauren.

The entertainment crew, five girls and a boy, snob past in slow motion.  Everyone gawks.  Staff Captain Karen says that they're busy rehearsing "Apocalypse Wow. Wow Wow."  Ok, so it's a comedy.  You'd never know that from the somber, deadly-serious plot synopsis.  

Asked if he's dating anyone, Jamie/Cormac says "No.  Sheffield's gay scene isn't exactly flourishing."  A gay protagonist, outed at Minute 10!  So Vivian is not his Love Interest after all.

More after the break

"Modern Family" Episode 5.17: Gay stereotypes, traditional gender roles, Nolan Gould's abs, and a nude Dylan bonus

I watched the first five seasons of Modern Family (2009-2014), but stopped when we moved to streaming services.  Or maybe, as my posts from the era suggest, I stopped because of what I called horrendous gay stereotyping and brash homophobia.  So let's check it out: I reviewed Episode 5.17 (2014), which premiered shortly after I stopped watching.

Note: There are 12 members of the Modern Family, so pairs and trios split up for separate plots.  Although they are scattered through the episodes, I will cover them separately.

Link to NSFW version.

Set-Up: Family dinner at the home of patriarch Jay Pritchett (Ed O'Neill).  He suggests watching basketball next, adding with a sneer that his adult son Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) wouldn't be interested because he is gay.  Mitchell counters: "Unlike you, I don't need a reason to watch men in shorts."  The possibility that men might find basketball players attractive ruins the game for Jay.  Jay is the homophobic one!  

The A Plot: Mitchel and Cam, the gay couple, and teenagers Manny and Alex (a girl).   They are all going to an art museum to see a Kandinsky Exhibit.  Jay finds it inconceivable that a straight boy would be interested in art.

On the way, they criticize the rest of the family's lack of refinement.  Jay buys his books at the grocery store!  The best way to get Claire to fall asleep is to show her a movie with subtitles!  

Then they discover that the Kandinsky exhibit is closed!  Problem: Cameron doesn't know anything about art, so he read up on Kandinsky so he wouldn't be embarrassed.  But now they're discussing Matisse, and he 's lost.  After making a fool of himself, he goes to wait in the car.  Dude, art is for everybody. They have self-guided tours and texts to help you understand everything.

 Next Mitchell reveals that he doesn't know anything about art either.  He leaves in embarrassment. Two remain.  But Manny doesn't know anything about art, either!  Why did they want to go?

 The B Plot: Claire, Gloria, and Lily.  Cam and Mitchell explain that they're out buying a flower-girl dress for their  daughter to wear at their wedding.  Why both of them?  So the dress isn't too mundane (Claire) or "cucaracha" (Gloria).  I remember cringing at the constant stereotyping. Gloria is from Colombia, depicted as a horrible country where everyone lives in absurd poverty and gets shot all the time. 

Gloria insists that Lily keep trying on dresses, because she only has sons and never gets to go dress shopping.  Claire doesn't even like dresses; she didn't wear one at her own wedding.  Gloria is shocked.  "You must try one on! Then you can go back to your boy clothes."  So Claire tries on some wedding dresses, and is transfixed by the wonderfulness of gender-normative behavior.

The C Plot: Jay, his teenage grandson Luke (lNolan Gould, left and top photo).   The boy mentions that he's planning to buy a pottery wheel for his ceramics class. Jay is upset, assuming that Luke is gay, but he explains that he is taking art to meet girls. Jay points out a problem with this plan: the girls in the class will think you're gay, and not want to have sex with you. He suggests learning woodworking instead.  Wood shop was a required class for boys in my junior high.  I mostly tried to avoid being noticed, and got a D-.

In the woodshop, apprised that a tool is a table vise, Luke begins singing "Edelweiss," and Jay lays down the law: "I've already been through this with Mitchell.  This is what we're trying to prevent."  Woodworking won't keep your grandson from being gay, Dude. But he already said that he likes girls.

Jay says that he wants to teach Luke all the things he need to know to be a man, because his son Mitchell and Gloria's son Manny were both fruity, and not interested.  He demonstrates his machismo by benching 205 pounds! (wow, I can only do 180).  Impressed, Luke says: "Tell me everything you know about women."  This is super-problematic.

The D Plot: Phil (Ty Burrell), his daughter Haley, the nanny Andy (Adam Devine).  He is trying to think of a romantic anniversary gift for his girlfriend, who is deployed out in the Coast Guard. Maybe banana bread?  Phil suggests making her a video instead, depicting all of the things he's willing to do for her.

First up:  pretending to be swimming underwater with sharks (no beefcake).  Whoops, Haley walks into the frame, ruining it!   She suggests a visit instead, but the girlfriend is doesn't get shore leave very often. 

Andy's face is shining, so Phil goes off to fetch some makeup.  He is careful to specify that it's his WIFE's makeup, so Andy won't think that he's gay.  What's with the homophobia, Phil? 

Haley's date is late.  Andy gets all conciliatory: "that's rude.  A real man would be more considerate of the most incredibly beautiful, wonderful woman on the face of the Earth."  You have a girlfriend, remember?

Next segment: Andy skiing in the snow.  Haley is not impressed.

Third segmentt: Andy with a rose, preparing to give a romantic speech, but he doesn't know where to look.  Phil: "Just look deeply into my eyes, and sweep me off my feet."  Running gag: Phil says innocent things that make it sound like he's gay.  Viewers are supposed to chortle over it: how humiliating to have people think you're one of those...  

Nope, Andy thinks it's too weird to pretend to be in love with a man.  Maybe Haley could help out?  And you know what happens next, right?

When the video is finished, Andy asks "How can I thank you?" Phil: "The next time you're with your girlfriend, think of me."  See what I mean?

About the video: "I'm giving this to the mailman, who will give it to the Coast Guard, and by this time tomorrow, someone will be giving it to my girlfriend."  Geez, this show is dirty. but at least that one isn't "accusing" Phil of being gay.

E Plot: Haley, her boyfriend (Adam Hagenbuch, left).  He is six hours late for their date, and he just honks instead of coming to the door.  After being treated like a queen all afternoon, Haley finds this offensive and dumps him.  

Beefcake: None.

Gay Characters: Cam and Mitchell.

Characters implied to be gay as jokes: Phil, Luke, and Manny.

Homophobes: Jay. Maybe Andy: he has a problem looking at a man as if he's in love.  It's called acting, dude.  But Jay is much worse.  

My Grade:  Nolan Gould and Adam Devine?  Plus Phil's gay jokes are funny.  B+.

The NSFW version of this review features nude photos of Reid Ewig, who played Haley's on-off boyfriend Dylan 

Bobby Boris Pickett and the Gay Monster Mash

Born in 1938, Robert Pickett was a minor tv star, with roles in Dr. Kildare, The Beverly Hillbillies, Bonanza, and Petticoat Junction.  He displayed a respectable physique opposite gay teen icon Tommy Kirk in the beach movie It's a Bikini World (1967).  

(Left:  more respectable physique from Bikini World).

He recorded many songs, mostly  horror parodies: "The Werewolf Watusi," "Monster Man Jam," "Monsters on the Prairie."  But his biggest claim to fame was the novelty-horror song "The Monster Mash" by "Boris" Bobby Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers, which sprang to the top of the charts in 1962, 1970, and 1973.

 It has been covered by everyone from Boris Karloff to Alvin and the Chipmunks, heard on every tv series from Cheers to The Office.  

There isn't a lot of specifically gay or heterosexist content. Dr. Frankenstein is "working in the lab, late one night," when his Monster rises from the slab and wants to dance. Other Universal monsters appear and join in. The only conflict comes when Dracula prefers "The Transylvania Twist."  Nobody expresses any heterosexual interest, though Dracula has a son.

There's a video on youtube starring more explicitly gay versions of the monsters: they hug, hold hands, and collapse into each other's arms.

The 1995 Monster Mash: The Movie channels The Rocky Horror Picture Show, with two teenagers dressed as Romeo and Juliet (including Ian Bohan, left, later photo) trapped in a castle with the monsters, who want to use them for various nefarious purposes. Gay actor Adam Shankman plays a gay Wolfie, who wants to eat them.  It's not on DVD, but there are VHS tapes out there, and there's a trailer on youtube.

Bobby Pickett died in 2007.

See also: Jozin z Bazin, the Czech Swamp Monster.