Eight is Enough to fill our lives with schmaltz. But at least Grant Goodeve took his shirt off

Oh we spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes,
If we're ever puzzled by the changing times.
There's a plate of homemade wishes on the kitchen window sill,
And eight is enough to fill our lives with love.

To paraphrase Dorothy Parker, "the theme song marks the first place in Eight is Enough at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up.”

If that's the sort of thing that appeals to you, you probably got all warm and gushy on Wednesday nights during the late 1970s watching Eight is Enough (1977-81).  If you wondered just how much of a day a dime could buy, or your gag reflex set in at the very thought of plates of homemade wishes on the window sill, you turned the channel to hip sitcoms like Good Times, Busting Loose, and The Jeffersons

I never made it through an episode, but everybody knew about every show in those days, so I know that it featured  Tom Bradford (Dick Van Patten), a conservative newspaper columnist who liked to give anti-abortion speeches to captive audiences in elevators.  

Dick Van Patten (1928-2015) was a tv fixture during the 1970s, playing button-down businessmen, kindly country doctors, and snake-oil salesmen on Sanford and Son, The Paul Lynde Show, The Rookies, Adam-12,  Happy Days, One Day at a Time...it would actually be easier to list the programs he wasn't in. 

He belonged to a show biz dynasty, including siblings Joan and Tim, and children Vince (left), Jimmy, and Nels.

Tom and his wives (Diane Hyland, Betty Buckley) had the promised eight children, including five girls (Mary, Joan, Susan, Nancy, Elizabeth) and three boys (David, Tommy, Nicholas).  None were gay of course, although Mary was so butch that her quest for boys seemed ridiculous (she was played by probably gay Lani O'Grady).  

But gay boys who survived the smarm were rewarded by nonstop beefcake.  All of the girls dated hunky boys -- a lot.  Guest hunks included Ralph Macchio, Brian Patrick Clarke (left), Tony O'Dell (Head of the Class), Noah Hathaway, Marc McClure (Superman), even perennial gay fave Don Johnson.  Not to mention Tom's sons.

1. David (Grant Goodeve, top photo and left), a young adult employed in construction.  He achieved some teen idol fame, cutting a few records and enjoying guest shots on Murder, She Wrote, The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, and Northern Exposure.  He also played Steve Carrington's boyfriend on Dynasty.  Today he is involved mostly in live theater.

More after the break

Willie Aames: Charles in Charge's Buddy shows his willie, becomes Bibleman and a platinum-selling author

 

Link to the n*de photos

According to his IMBD biography, Willie Aaames is an award winning, Platinum-selling writer and producer/director and a 6-star cruise ship director. How does a book go platinum? But he's best known for showing the world his d*ck

He started appearing on screen at the age of 11, with guest spots in The Courtship of Eddie's Father, The Odd Couple, Adam's Rib, Adam-12, and The Waltons.

A starring role in Swiss Family Robinson (1975-76), which adds paranormal peril to the ill-fated island.

120 episodes of the sappy drama Eight is Enough (1977-81), as Tommy Bradford, the second-to-youngest son,  whose shtick was being absurdly amorous, sneaking into the girls' locker room and so on, until he got his girlfriend pregnant and married her.

This led to the dreadful Zapped! (1982), with the nerd Barney (Scott Baio) getting telekinetic powers, and apparently using them to look up girls' skirts.  Willie played his best friend.

And Charles in Charge (1982-90), as Buddy, the bodybuilding best buddy of the college student turned male nanny.  His scene consisted of "Charles!  There's this party tonight, with GIRLS!!!  We can meet GIRLS!!!,", and Charles responding, "I can't go, I have to stay home and watch these two teenage girls, one of whom is my age, so why she needs a nanny is beyond me."

And Paradise (1982), a knockoff of Blue Lagoon, with none of the scintillating dialogue or intriguing plot (ok, I'm joking.  Blue Lagoon didn't have those things, either.)

But you did get to see Willie's willie, and his bare backside.

More after the break.

Alexander Polinsky: Adam on "Charles in Charge" grows up, models props, goes Furthur. With Andrew Keegan, Julian Sands, and some d*cks

 

 

Link to the n*de dudes

I get a lot of page views with profiles of former child stars and teen idols who have gone on to a hunk adulthood, so naturally I was drawn to Charles in Charge (1984-1990), with Scott Baio as a college student working as a live-in nanny in...um...a household full of teenage girls far too old for a nanny.

There were boys around, too, but Jonathan Ward and Michael Pearlman from the 1984-85 version can't be found.  That leaves Alexander Polinsky, who appeared as Adam Powell in 104 episodes in the second version (1986-90).  

The show was focused on Charles, his buddy Buddy (Willie Aames), and the two teenage girls, so Adam didn't get a lot of centrics: he is harassed by a bully, gets a crush on a girl, takes a babysitting job.  I recall one episode where Adam has to explain that he doesn't like playing football.  He starts off with a list of the sports he does like, lest Charles get the idea that he is a sissy/ gay..  

Left: Alex with fellow 1990s teen stars Stephen Dorff and Brian Austin Green

After Charles, the 14-year old had guest spots on Billy (about a Scottish comedian), The New Lassie (about a dog), and Joe's Life (about a stay-at home Dad), and starred in Pumpkin II: Blood Wings (1994): teenagers accidentally unleash an ancient demon, who kills them all except the Final Girl.

In Perfect Fit (2000), Dick (Alex) "turns to murder" to satisfy his girlfriend, a blue jeans devotee. 

Former Colt model and soap opera actor Nick Benedict appears as Thomas, one of the jeans donors (n*de photo on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Since the 2000s, Alex has been involved mostly in his prop modeling and voiceover animation: 

Control Freak in Teen Titans

Garrett in Alpha Teens on Machines

Chameleon Boy in Legion of Superheroes.

Jimmy Olsen in Batman: The Brave and the Bold

Unicorns 1 and 2 in Breadwinners

Several characters in Monster High: the Series

He returned to live action for the the anthology movie Locker 13 (2014).  In Segment 3, Alex plays a mental patient considers jumping off a building, until the fast-talking Jason Marsden tells him about a club where members bet on when and how people will off themselves.

Ricky Schroder appeared in another segment as a down-and-out boxer who finds sinister gloves that let him win every match -- for a price.

Roger Ebert.com tells us: "Rarely do I find a movie that is so appalling if not outright insulting to all of humanity (and particularly, in this case, womankind) that it gives me a stomach ache, but Locker 13 really put me off my Cobb Salad."

Still, Alex highlights his segment in his acting demo reel.

More after the break

Glenn Scarpelli: The star of "One Day at a Time" and "Jennifer Slept Here" grows up, comes out, and gets a husband

Link to the n*de dudes

One Day at a Time, one of the iconic television shows of the 1970s, sent newly-divorced Ann Romano into the wilds of a never-described Indianapolis, to fight sexist oppression and raise her two daughters.  But by 1980, the daughters had grown, and they needed a new kid.  Instead of having a long-lost cousin show up, they acquired one by having Ann date single father Nick Handris (Ron Rifkin) for 19 episodes before killing him off.  The boy's mother wanted nothing to do with him, so Ann offerd to take in Alex (13-year old Glenn Scarpelli).

One Day was really a dramedy, so they spent some Time exploring the impact of having a dead father and uncaring mother before moving Alex into hetero-horny plotlines: his girl-crazy first date,  his foray into a female tournament, his attempt to "lose his virginity," and having to choose between a hot date and an important event with father figure Schneider.  

As he started to mature -- and bulk up -- Glenn got the full teen idol treatment, with beefcake posters, gushing articles in teen magazines, a record (ntitled Glenn Scarpelli), and girl-magnet stories in Archie Comics (it helped that his father was Archie artist Henry Scarpelli).

He had his own float in the Macey's Thanksgiving Day Parade, where he sang his own song, "Doodle Bug."

Glenn stayed on One Day at a Time for only two seasons. In  Season 9, the household would be splitting, and Alex's role minimized, so Glenn bowed out for a role in Jennifer Slept Here (1983-84).

A family moves into a house occupied by the ghost of a Marilyn Monroe-like s*x symbol who died a few years ago -- but only the family's teenage son (John P. Navin, Jr., left) can see her.  She becomes his mentor in girl-crazy adolescence while trying to preserve her memory and s*x-symbol appeal.  Glen played the son's his best friend and competitor for girls.

Superstar Debbie Reynolds, Poltergeist medium Zelda Rubenstein, and game show host Monty Hall had guest spots. A sure-fire hit, right?   But the network kept moving it to slots next to the last half-hour of blockbusters, The Dukes of Hazzard on Friday,  T.J. Hooker on Saturday, and finally The Fall Guy on Wednesday,  and it was canned after 13 episodes.

Meanwhile Glenn was appearing in 52 episodes of the children's 3-2-1 Contact (1980-83) as Cuff, a detective who solves cases using the scientific method.

Three episodes of Love Boat (1983-85), playing hetero-horny three characters.

A McGyver (1990), as a troubled high school student who drops out to work in construction, even though he's a McGyver-style scientific genius

An episode of Amazing Stories.

Glenn wanted to be true to himself, but Hollywood wouldn't allow it during the homophobic 1980s ("100 times more homophobic than today").  He started his career on Broadway, playing against Anne Bancroft in Golda and Al Pacino in Richard II, so he returned to New York and enrolled in the NYU Film School. 

He dropped out when his first partner, talent agent Gary Scalzo, was diagnosed with AIDS.  

When Gary died in 1992, Glenn needed a complete break from show business, so he moved to Sedona, Arizona, known for its mysticism and spirituality.

More after the break. 

Charles in Charge: The First Teencom

Fresh from his tenure on Happy Days, Scott Baio made a dent in the "servant saves dysfunctional family" genre with Charles in Charge (1984-85), about a college student who works as a male nanny, a surprisingly gender-bending role for 1984.

Willie Aames, who had starred with Scott in the teen sex comedy Zapped! (1982), would play his girl-crazy best friend Buddy.

Charles' rather disturbed charges would include painfully shy teenager Lila (15-year old April Lerman), tween mad scientist Douglas (14-year old Jonathan Ward), and preteen juvenile delinquent Jason (Michael Pearlman).

Charles himself would be rather nerdy, fond of suspenders, ties, and shirts buttoned all the way up.  To preclude any gay suspicions, he would have a steady girlfriend, Gwendolyn (Jennifer Runyon), and Buddy would be indefatigably girl-crazy.

Charles in Charge premiered on October 3, 1984 in a block with John Stamos' teen-oriented sitcom Dreams. There were a few things to like about it, like Jason's blatant crush on Charles.  But the teens who were expecting a hot teen idol stayed away, and the adults were busy watching The Fall Guy and Highway to Heaven, so the show tanked after 22 episodes.

A retooled Charles in Charge appeared in first-run syndication on January 3rd, 1987.   Lots of retooling:

1. The theme song was revamped to sound sexy and risque ("I want...ooh...I want Charles in charge of me!").

2. Charles was now a collegiate hunk, with an updated wardrobe, when he wasn't wandering around the house in a towel (or a hot dog suit).  A Charles-of-all-trades, he supplemented his nanny income by working as a teaching assistant at the college, and at the local pizza parlor hangout.

3. Buddy's girl-craziness likewise faded away; he became a dimwit instead.

4. There were strong adult characters, grumpy Walter Powell (James T. Callahan) and Charles' mother Lilian (Ellen Travolta).

5. And Charles' new charges, the Pembrokes, were not at all dysfunctional: glamorous future model Jamie (14-year old Nicole Eggert), bookish future writer Sarah (13-year old Josie Davis), and preteen athlete Adam (12-year old Alexander Polinsky).  Justin Whalen played Cousin Anthony.

This time teen viewers took notice, and Charles quickly becoming the #1 syndicated program on the air (Mama's Family was a close second).  It lasted until 1990, and inspired a whole genre of beefcake-heavy 1990s teencoms.

Of the three kids in the first incarnation of Charles, only Jonathan Ward had a significant acting career as a teenager. He starred in the "boys alone" drama White Water Summer with Sean Astin (1987) and in the E.T. ripoff Mac and Me (1988), plus his own "my secret" teencom, The New Adventures of Beans Baxter (1987).  In 1994, he wrote and starred in a Discovery Channel documentary, Understanding Sex. 

Of the three kids in the second incarnation, both Nicole Eggert and Josie Davis went on to successful acting careers.  Alexander Polinsky does voice-over work and is involved behind-the-scenes in model construction.

See also: 

Alexander Polinsky: Adam on "Charles in Charge" grows up, models props, and goes Furthur.  With Andrew Keegan, Julian Sands, and some d*cks

See also: The Sound of Music

Swiss Family Robinson

When I was a kid in the 1960s, most books were gender-coded, but both boys and girls received copies of Gulliver's Travels and the Johann David Wyss classic Swiss Family Robinson (1812) for their bookshelves.  Boys were expected to read it for the shipwreck and savages, and girls for the family setting up housekeeping on the desert island.

I didn't like it much. I had bad memories of The Book of Cute Boys that my father threw out the window.

 At least there was no heterosexual fade-out kiss -- the family encounters another shipwreck survivor, an "American cousin" whom no one bothers to fall in love with.  But there was little homoromance, either, with no one on the island but family.

But the tropical setting provided some beefcake potential, so I kept a close watch on the various film and tv versions.  Unfortunately, many of them upped the role of The Girl to create a heterosexual romance.

1. Swiss Family Robinson (1975-76). The  tv version with Adam-12 hunk Martin Milner and up-and-coming bodybuilder Willie Aames. No girl-craziness, but everyone was fully clothed throughout.


2. Swiss Family Robinson (1960).  The Disney version with James MacArthur, Tommy Kirk (left), and Kevin Corcorran.  Muscular physiques everywhere, but both Fritz and Ernst swoon over a girl.

3. The New Swiss Family Robinson (1998) is set in the modern era and adds a French-speaking jungle girl (Yumi Iwama), who kidnaps older brother Shane (John Asher of Weird Science).  They dive Tarzan-and-Jane style into the lagoon, kiss, and plan a wedding.

But at least younger brother Todd (Blake Bashoff expresses no interest.

4. Stranded (2002), with Jesse Spencer as Fritz.  Nuff said.