10 Shirtless Photos of Billy Joel, Sort Of

Whenever I begin researching an article about an actor or musician, I try to find shirtless pictures of him for illustrations.  I check websites like Just Jared and Shirtless Male Celebs, and of course Google Images.

Right now I'm looking for pictures of singer/songwriter Billy Joel (1949-), so I put "Billy Joel" in quotation marks, added "shirtless," and specified that all the search terms must be present.  Here's what Google Images thinks is him:

1. Billy Ungar.  Where's the "Joel"?  At least he's a singer.

2. Billy Currington, a country-western singer who modeled in Playgirl.  He "likes it slow and long."

3. Former teen idol Joe Jonas.  Come on, it's "Joel," not "Joe."

4.  Joel Rush.  Actor/model, NOT a singer.

5. Zac Efron.  No Billy, no Joel, not a musician, although he starred in High School Musical.

More after the break.

Jimmy Bennett: No Ordinary Teen Idol

Jimmy Bennett is only 18 years old, but already a favorite of gay kids, and not just because of his preference for appearing shirtless or semi-nude.  He has already produced a substantial body of work that articulates and validates same-sex romance.

In Alabama Moon (2009), gay-vague 11-year old Moon Blake (Jimmy) is sent to a juvenile facility in Alabama, where he bonds with Kit (Uriah Shelton).  They plot an escape together, and end up finding a home.

In Bones (2010), Bones White (Jimmy) and Anthony (Andrew Lawrence) buddy-bond in 1989 New York.

No Ordinary Family (2010-2011) was a "my secret" comedy-drama about a family with supernatural powers.  14-year old J.J. (Jimmy) was super-intelligent, able to learn new languages instantly and read technical manuals in a few seconds.  He fell in love with girls, but his powers marked him as different, as queer (besides, he buddy-bonded with Billy Unger).

He's a talented singer also, performing the soundtracks to Winnie the Pooh: Springtime with Roo and Pooh's Heffalump Halloween Party, as well as "Summer Never Ends," from Shorts.  Most of his songs are not heterosexist.  In "Over Again," for instance, his lover could be male or female:
Why does it feel so distant, when you're standing next to me.
Why does it feel so cold, when we're sharing body heat.

Word is that Jimmy is heterosexual in real life, but warm and welcoming to his gay fans.

Homophobic Dog with a Blog: The Disney Channel's Worst Show

The Disney Channel used to be better than Nickelodeon in airing teencoms with gay subtexts, but the last couple of years, it's been slipping.  Of the current crop, the only shows of much interest to gay kids are Austin & Allie (with Ross Lynch, who adds a gay subtext to everything) and Liv & Maddie (with Joey Bragg as the gay-vague older brother).  I heard that Good Luck Charlie will be getting a "real" gay couple sometime this season.  The other programs, like Jessie, are unremittingly heterosexist.

Take Dog with a Blog (2011-) -- please.

It's a standard "my secret" sitcom about a talking dog, Stan (voiced by Stephen Fuller), who uses the anonymity of the internet to write a blog about his family's adventures.  The family, blended to provide conflict, consists of Mom and Dad, 13-year old Avery (G. Hannelius, a girl), 16-year old Tyler (Blake Michael, #8 on my list of Unexpected Disney Channel Teen Hunks), and the preteen Chloe.

Avery is the focus, so the recurring characters consist mostly of her friends, plus her evil nemesis, Karl Fink (LJ Benet), who suspects the secret.

Homophobia: Lots.  Karl is a mincing, swishy, "quel domage!" homophobic stereotype.

Beefcake: none.  Blake Michael, shown here partying with his buds, Eric Unger (Billy Unger's brother) and Mateus Ward (whose homophobic agent asked me to take down his post), is always fully clothed on camera.

Joe Larry Campbell plays Tyler's boss, The Hawk.

Bonding: maybe a little between Avery and her bff Lindsay.  Other than that, Tyler keeps crushing on girls, Avery keeps crushing on guys.

Gay symbolism: Stan the Dog, the outsider masquerading as "normal," constantly in danger of discovery.  Maybe a little.

Do you think the problem is co-creator Philip Stark, who was also responsible for the homophobic Dude Where's My Car (2000)?

The Lost Medallion: Gay-Positive Actors in a Fundamentalist Movie

Want to know what gay-positive actors Billy Unger and Jansen Panettiere have been up to lately?  Making a mess.

Actually, though The Lost Medallion: The Adventures of Billy Stone was released in March 2013, it was filmed back in 2009, when Billy was 13 and Jansen 14.  They both look and act around 10. 

A boy and a girl on an archaeological dig in the South Pacific, Billy (Billy Unger) and Allie (Sammi Hanratty) find a medallion that sends them back in time 200 years.  By the way, finding the medallion is a long, torturous process involving a mysterious book and two native Goons (yes, that's how they're listed in the credits).

I don't know how they figure out that they're 200 years in the past, but it's obviously a primitive culture, led by the boy king Huko (Jansen Panettiere), who speaks English.

Enemies attack, destroy the village, and lead everyone off to slavery except for Huko and his bff Anui (William Corkery).

The plot progresses like Karate Kid mixed with The Lord of the Rings.  There's a Damsel in Distress scene, an elderly wise man who offers cryptic advice, and a climactic battle between Billy and gay-vague Head Evil Dude, Cobra (retired man-mountain Mark Dascascos) that results in the destruction of the Medallion.  Then, using the Medallion that was just destroyed (don't ask), the kids go back to the 20th century.

Even though it's a mess, there are two redeeming characteristics:
1. A complete lack of displayed heterosexual interest, from anybody.
2. Gay-subtext buddy-bonding between Billy and Huko.

After chugging around the film festival circuit with it for awhile, writer/director Bill Muir decided to re-frame it. He added opening and closing scenes in which a modern-day fundamentalist Christian is telling the story of the Lost Medallion to some kids, explaining that it illustrates God's love.

Wait -- what?  I didn't see any religious symbolism.

Bill Muir graduated from the ultra-homophobic Moody Bible Institute, and has spent twenty years working for the ultra-homophobic Youth for Christ.  I wonder how he would feel if he knew that his movie had two gay-positive actors and a big ole gay subtext.

Somebody tell him, please?

Ant Farm: Disney Channel Fail

The Disney Channel is usually good at providing gay subtexts in its teencoms, but A.N.T. Farm (2011-), about students in a school for the gifted, leaves me cold.  Maybe it's because I've only been able to sit through two episodes, but I find it unremittingly heterosexist.

Bffs Chyna, a musical prodigy, and Olive, an intellectual giant, spend most of their time getting unrequited crushes on guys and fending off guys with unrequited crushes on them.

Such as Fletcher (Jake Short, left), an aspiring artist -- but not to worry, art doesn't equate gender transgression; he uses it entirely for failed attempts to impress Chyna.  He doesn't have a sidekick.

The main antagonist is a computer hacker, Angus (Aedn Mincks, left), who has a crush on Olive, and doesn't bond with anyone.

Devin Weitz (right), a young actor with autism, appeared in a guest spot, but didn't bond with anyone.

Billy Unger (top photo) also had a guest spot as an Aussie outback expert who bedevils Fletcher.

Cameron (Carlon Boomerrey), Chyna's older brother, is girl-crazy as well, and doesn't bond with Fletcher.  He does join the Beauty Club, but only to keep tabs on his girlfriend, and it backfires when all of the girls mob him.

This is the same It's a Laugh production company responsible for gay-subtext faves Wizards of Waverly Place, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, and Lab Rats, so why the dearth of subtexts?

Several of the cast members, including Jake Short and Devin Weitz, are evangelical Christians, which is often associated with homophobia.

Maybe there's a connection?

Lab Rats: Bionic Brothers

Of the three major children's networks, The Disney Channel wins the prize for the most beefcake and for the most explicit gay subtexts.  Kids in the 1990s and 2000s could watch same-sex couples and references to same-sex romance on Even Stevens,  The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Hannah Montana, and The Wizards of Waverly Place, and today they have A.N.T. Farm, Kickin' It, and Lab Rats.

Lab Rats stars Tyrel Jackson Williams as Leo, an average, rather nerdish kid whose new stepfather, billionaire inventor Big D (Hal Sparks of Queer as Folk), has created three bionic teens: Adam (Spencer Boldman, left, one of the Top 10 Hunks of Disney Summer Movies), super-strength; Chase (Billy Unger), super-intelligence; and Bree (Kelli Berglund), super-speed.  Marcus Davenport is their main antagonist.

While they test their superpowers and try to keep their secret safe, Leo tries to introduce them to the "normal" world. 

The gay subtext comes between Adam and Chase, inseparable bionic "brothers" who display little heterosexual interest (Leo gets all the crushes), but often compete with each other or rescue each other.

Spencer Boldman has several previous acting credits, including a heartthrob in I'm in the Band (2011) and the guy who plays Peter Pan in the school play on 21 Jump Street (2012). 

But Billy Unger's acting career extends all the way back to 2007, when he was 12 (and a modeling career that began long before that).  His gay-subtext or gay-friendly projects include:

Troy on No Ordinary Family (2011), who buddy-bonds with J.J. (Jimmy Bennett).

Brody on Kickin' It (2012) asks a girl to the big dance as part of a martial arts initiation. 

Neville on ANT Farm (2012) is an Australian outback-adventure specialist who actually knows nothing about the wilderness, but has to rescue Fletcher anyway.

Sammy's Great Escape (2012) is an animated movie about two male turtles, Sammy (Billy) and Ray (Carlos McCullers II), who apparently are raising a family together.  They must rescue their hatchlings from evil poachers.

An anti-bullying PSA (2012).