Oct 13, 2018
In college we played Asteroids, in which your space ship shoots asteroids and flying saucers.
Mario Brothers appeared in arcades in 1983, and the Nintendo home game Super Mario Brothers in 1987. Oddly enough, my parents were fans. I have fond memories of summer nights in the 1990s, living in West Hollywood but back in Rock Island for a visit, the screen door open to let in a breeze, hearing the theme music coming from the living room.
There was also a Super Mario Brothers All-Stars in 1993, a Super Mario Brothers Deluxe in 1999, and various games devoted to other characters in the Mario universe, but by that time my parents had lost interest.
They are sometimes accompanied by Yoshi, a sentient dinosaur, and Toad, a sentient mushroom who wears a turban.
However, none of the games involve a fade-out kiss: neither Mario nor Luigi display any heterosexual interest, leaving them open to gay subtexts. Maybe they're a gay couple, not "brothers."
A film version, Super Mario Bros., appeared in 1993. It stars Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo as Mario and Luigi, plumbers in real-life Brooklyn who are zapped into a parallel Earth run by the descendants of dinosaurs, They rescue Princess Daisy, as expected.
Of course, Hollywood movies must always have a heterosexist plot, so Luigi and Daisy fall in love.
But, on the plus side, John Leguizamo has a shirtless scene (top photo), before he got all craggy and bizarre.
Episodes are pretty grim and angst-y. There are drinking problems, psychological problems, incurable diseases, deaths, battles with bullies and homophobes. But the remarkably open gay content makes it worth the gloom and doom.
Besides, there are endless teenage boys with their shirts off to draw in the gay boys and straight girls, plus a few shirtless adults thrown in for the adults in the room.
Here are the top 12 Fosters fav raves, plus one honorable mention:
2. Danny Nucci: Mike, Brandon's biological father, a cop who has a drinking problem, shot an unarmed suspect, and has a girlfriend who hooks up with Brandon.
7. Gavin McIntosh (top photo): Connor, Jude's boyfriend, who has a homophobic father.
8. Tanner Buchanan (left): Jack, a shy boy with lots of angsty problems who Jude befriends.
More after the break.
Oct 12, 2018
There are 22 paralympic sports, everything from canoeing and badminton to wheelchair basketball. In search of beefcake potential, I just looked at the swimmers.
Scottish swimmer Andy Mullen has won silver and bronze medals in freestyle, backstroke, and butterfly events. Very nice hairy chest.
Josef Craig won the gold medal in men's freestyle. His pecs, abs, and basket all win gold medals, too.
Mattheus Angula from Windhoek, Namibia.The absence of legs doesn't detract from the aesthetic beauty of his arms and shoulders.
More after the break.
But in spite of the homophobia, there was a lot of beefcake. Men took off their shirts regularly, in frat houses, swimming pools, locker rooms, on wilderness treks. Some famous, others obscure. Here are 10 forgotten beefcake boys, actors who surprised us by displaying impressive physiques in one or two movies, and and then vanished.
Or at least never took off their clothes again.
2. Anthony Edwards (above) stripped down to his rather impressive underwear by customs agents in Gotcha (1985).
3, Ilan Mitchell-Smith, now a history professor, in underwear in Weird Science (1985). Also starring a semi-nude Michael Anthony Hall and a bare-butt Bill Paxton.
5. Don Michael Paul (left) in The Brotherhood of Justice (1986).
6. Jsu Garcia, killed while naked in Nightmare on Elm Street (1984).
8. The super-muscular Anthony Starke in Return of the Killer Tomatoes (1988). You heard me.
10. William Zabka (left) as Chas in Back to School. He also played a shirtless bully in Karate Kid (1984, 1986)
See also: Gay Nerds of the 1980s
Oct 11, 2018
I loved them.
by Irv Doktor) illustrating "Metzengerstein."
It's about a man killed by a ghost horse. The nudity was completely unnecessary, but certainly welcome.
Even without the nudity, the stories were amazingly homoerotic, male narrators visiting male friends to hear their tales of murder and madness, with few or no women around, except for a few husbands who hate their wives.
The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym (1838). Pym and his boyfriend Augustus stow away about a whaling ship and have adventures. After Augustus dies, Pym hooks up with Richard Parker. The two have more adventures.
"The Murders in the Rue Morgue" (1841). The narrator and his buddy solve a murder.
"The Pit and the Pendulum" (1842). The narrator is tortured by the pit and the pendulum, but rescued by the strong arm of a French soldier.
(Left: New ABC series with Edgar Allan Poe as a paranormal investigator.)
"The Tell-Tale Heart" (1843). The narrator (played on film by Stephen Brockway) "loves the old man," but kills him anyway.
"The Gold-Bug." (1843). The narrator, his buddy, and their servant search for buried treasure.
"The Cask of Amontillado" (1846) Montresor gets revenge on Fortunato by walling him up. But why is he so upset?
No wonder he was not mentioned in my class in American Renaissance Literature at Augustana, though he lived at the same time as Melville, Hawthorne, and Emerson.
Maybe because if the women are dead, the men don't have to worry about any of that icky hetero-romance.
Poe certainly spent a lot of time courting women through his life, but usually they were sickly or dying, like his 13-year old cousin Virginia Clemm, whom he married in 1836, when he was 27.
Maybe he found some solace in glimmers of same-sex desire.
See also: The Gay American Renaissance.
Oct 10, 2018
Before He-Man, there was The Mighty Hercules, part of the 1960s sword-and-sandal fad. He appeared on Saturday morning and sometimes Sunday morning tv from 1963 to 1966, and occasionally afterwards, in five-minute segments with stiff animation that seemed amateurish even to little kids. With his square jaw, expressionless face, and black curlicue hairstyle, he looked exactly like the Filmation Superman, but in a toga so his muscles would be visible.
Unlike the Hercules of Greek mythology, this Hercules ruled the kingdom of Caledon along with his two sidekicks: a teenage centaur boy who repeated everything twice ("Be careful, Herc!" "Be careful, Herc!"), and a young satyr boy who only tooted his panpipes. Some commentators have found a romantic subtext in the interactions between Hercules and the centaur-boy, but I don't remember enough episodes to be sure.
But I do remember the thrilling theme song (sung by gay-friendly Johnny Nash). It was a tad risque, and it summed up all of the characteristics gay boys in the 1960s were looking for in boyfriends.
Softness in his eyes,
Iron in his thighs,
Virtue in his heart,
Fire in every part,
Of the Mighty Hercules.
Iron in his thighs,
Virtue in his heart,
Fire in every part,
Of the Mighty Hercules.
Oct 8, 2018
In the 1980s and 1990s, the moment you figured out that you were gay, you made plans to move to a big city. Small towns and even medium-sized cities were sites of lies, secrets, and silence, where gay people were assumed not to exist, and probably didn't.
There might be one or gay people left in Crawfordsville, Indiana, or Danville, Illinois. They were deeply closeted, living in constant fear, isolated, lonely, desperate.
Yesterday I was traveling with my brother and sister-in-law on I-74 through the desolate nowheres of Indiana and Illinois, past Crawfordsville and Danville, Veedersburg and Westville, Mahomet and Farmer City and Leroy. I turned on Grindr, and watched the names and faces come and go, and listened the voices of gay men. Were they still isolated, lonely, desperate?
Here are 14 of their profiles. Decide for yourself.
1. Gaymer. Weirdo book lover. I don't drive. Sometimes mean, sometimes boring, but if I'm on here, I'm horny, so send some men.
2. Mystic. Running, animals, anime, gaming, having fun, stargazing. Passing time on Earth, making friends along the way. I'm an old soul in a modern age, dreaming of things that might never be. Hookups ok.
3. Tonka. Like the toy trucks, I have big wheels. Other things are big, too. I try to laugh at whatever life brings: conversation, cuddling, sex. Can host. Hablo Espanol.
4. Funfun. Living life at level 10. Hit me up for a night of Netflix and pizza. If you have holes in your ears big enough to see through, no thanks. No one over 26.
The full post, with nude photos and sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood
Oct 7, 2018
They are assigned a cabin of non-athletic, intellectual, bullied boys who they bond with, Meatballs-style.
There is a Revenge of the Nerds-style competition with the Golden Boy cabin.
Plus there is a book of urban legends that come to life when you read them. I don't remember which movie or tv show had this plotline. Maybe Are You Afraid of the Dark?
The zombie-camper battle effectively resolves the other plotlines.
Especially for gay viewers:
1. Hetero-romance is minimal. Dylan briefly chats with someone who I expected to become The Girl, the goal of his journey,but no romance occurred. The nerd campers discuss going to visit the cheerleaders in the camp next door, a plan which Dane fully approves of.
And that's it. The main pair is definitely Dylan and Dane.
Dylan Schmid has starred in Shuteye and Beyond.
Aiden Shipley has appeared in Clusterf*k and Edging (which is not about what you think).
Chief zombie Atticus Mitchell (left), known for My Babysitter is a Vampire on the Disney Channel, has also appeared in Young Drunk Punks, Stonewall, and Killjoys
Markian Tarasiuk, who plays the rival counselor, has appeared in The Magicians, Status Update, and Shuteye
Here a "flashy girl from Flushing", the loud-mouthed, low-brow working-class Jewish Fran Fine (Fran Drescher) has no education or experience in childcare, but somehow manages to becomes the nanny for the children of the ultra-sophisticated, ultra-elite Broadway producer Maxwell Sheffield (Charles Shaughnessy):
2. Tween Brighton (Benjamin Salisbury. left)
3. Preteen Grace (Madeline Zima)
Filling out the main cast are Maxwell's business partner C.C. Babcock (Lauren Lane), who has an unrequited crush on him, and sarcastic butler Niles (Daniel Davis).
Episodes involve Fran's wild I Love Lucy-style schemes, Maxwell's play production problems, occasionally caring for the kids, and of course the ongoing question of "Will they or won't they?"
Of course they will, but it seems to take forever. Maxwell is concerned that, coming from different social classes, they are incompatible (has he never seen, like, every romance movie ever?).
Meanwhile the Sheffields get along swimmingly with Fran's family: stereotypic Jewish mother Sylvia, generally unseen father Morty, and grandma Yetta.
And Maxwell has an endless stream of relatives who demonstrate that it's ok to romance your servants. His sister marries her chauffeur. His brother even romances Fran.
Yet Maxwell proposes and takes it back, says the "L" word and takes it back, kisses her and takes it back, yada yada yada.
I would have told him, "show me a ring or I'm outta here," like 35 episodes ago.
Not a lot of beefcake. This is a distaff show, about women talking, scheming, commiserating, bonding. The few men around are seen from the perspective of the female gaze, desired for their charm, sophistication, and power, not for their physiques. They rarely if ever take their clothes off.
Not a lot of gay references. When a very occasional gay person does appear, everyone is surprised. Apparently the world of Broadway draws only straight people.
Then why was it such a hit among gay men in West Hollywood?
2. It was unremittingly cheery, with few of the depressing "problem of the week" episodes that spoiled other 1990s sitcoms.
3. Fran is a flamboyant fashionista, a campy, corny drag queen.
4. Since Maxwell is a Broadway producer, every Broadway star, singer, and actor you ever heard of makes a cameo: Ray Charles, Steve Lawrence, Eydie Gorme, Eartha Kitt, Carol Channing, Patti LaBelle, Rita Moreno, Billy Ray Cyrus, Ben Vereen, Celine Dion, Lynne Redgrave, Elizabeth Taylor, Elton John,
And many you never heard of, famous at the time but now long forgotten: Joe Lando (left), Leslie Moonves, Donald Trump.