Oct 11, 2019
Teenagers from a contemporary American high school get assignments from a....a nightmarish disembodied head with bulbous lips floating in a vat of opaque jelly. They turn into costumed superheroes -- action sequences actually borrowed from an earlier Japanese series -- and the superheroes in turn merge into mechanical creations. They fight a number of ridiculous monsters sent to destroy the world by the over-the-top Rita Repulsa.
Who knew that kids would like it? That there would be years of spin-offs and sequels?
The latest, Power Ranger Beef Morphers, which has just premiered on Nickelodeon, is about...um....
I am copying the premise directly from wikipedia. I can't understand a word of it:
Set sometime in the future, a secret agency in the city of Coral Harbor known as Grid Battleforce combines a newly-discovered substance called "Morph-X" with animal DNA to create a new team of Power Rangers known as the Beast Morphers. The Beast Morpher Rangers must defend the Morphin Grid from Evox, an evil sentient computer virus that creates evil avatar clones of original Beast Morphers candidates Blaze and Roxy, who have been rendered comatose as a result. When the three of them are transported to the Cyber Dimension, Evox, Cybervillain Blaze, and Cybervillain Roxy gain its de facto ruler Scrozzle as an ally as he helps them in their plan to return Evox to Earth
Holy cow. I just want to know if there are any cute guys in the cast.
2. Jasmeet Baduwalla,aka Jazz, as the Blue Power Ranger (top photo). At least he has some abs.
4. Colby Strong as Blaze, the one who is comatose while his cybervillain double tries to take over Scrozzle or something. Cute, but haven't any of these guys heard of a Nautilus machine?
Now, is a shirtless shot too much to ask for?
Oct 10, 2019
Besides, many -- most -- of the teenage boys were "dreamy" or muscular or both. Remember the Austin half of Austin & Ally?
Now Disney seems to be mixing things up with high-concept, fourth-wall-breaking, bizarre-premise shows. Plus the cast has gotten exponentially younger, and the beefcake exponentially scarcer.
12 year old Sydney lives with her father, Max. Her adventures are paralleled by flashbacks to Max as a 12-year old having similar adventures.
12-year old Max has a best friend, Leo, but they both get crushes on girls. And Sydney gets crushes on boys.
The adult Max is played by Ian Reed Kesler, who looks rather buffed, and has played gay characters.
12-year old Sophie stumbles upon a talking car named VIN. "I've got a secret" antics ensure. Brandon Rossel stars as her crush.
Oliver's dad is played by Tobie Windham, seen here in a stage production of A Midsummer Night's Dream (he's the one with the bulge).
What? No, that's tots creepy.
The cast seems to consist almost entirely of 12-year olds, but I did find Kevin Daniels as the school principal.
Closeted lesbian couple? The two ladies don't even have any hetero-romantic plotlines, although their preteen kids do. This is a program I can get into, even though it's beefcake-deficient.
Jonathan McDaniel has a recurring role as Raven's ex-husband. Believe me, you do not want to see what's going on under that shirt.
The good news is, they're well into their teen-idol years: Karan Brar is 20.
The bad news: Cameron Boyce appeared only as a guest star.
More bad news: Heterosexual hijinks abound.
And there's a prophecy about a "Chosen One."
The human characters include the founder of the academy, his crush, his grandson, and his grandson's crush. The dogs are voiced by girls. I got nothing.
Gabby Duran and the Unsittables: Gabby becomes the babysitter to a gaggle of alien toddlers, and must keep their secret while dealing with their weird powers.
For once, the star is a teenage girl, not a 12-year old, so she has a teenage boy accomplice played by Maxwell Acee Donovan.
He may not be a Tiger Beat Fave Rave, but I'll take what I can get.
Now could somebody point this boy in the direction of a gym?
Oct 7, 2019
A powerful woman who thumbs her nose at the system and doesn't have any male admirers. A lesbian girls' dream!
No other gay content in the show itself, but host Greg Lee is apparently gay. Seen here with his date, actor Gregory Michael of Dante's Cove,, at the 2007 Outfest. The top photo is Gregory in action.
Anyway, Carmen won lots of Peabody awards and spun off into Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego (1996-1998), hosted by Kevin Shinick.
1. Teenage computer hacker Player (Finn Wolfhard).
3. His sister Ivy, who looks nonbinary.
4. Shadosan, the Japanese sensei who adopted and taught Carmen.
I also hate it when people assume that because I'm a guy, I'm naturally obsessed with sports. Random people stop me on the street and proclaim "The Vikings are ahead 3-2!"
Vikings? Like in Thor and Odin?
Or ask "How's the game going?"
The game? You mean Tetris, on my computer? It's going ok, I guess.
When I was little and went in for a vaccination, the doctor advised "Be brave! Be like your hero, Mickey Mantle!"
I was so offended by the imputation of hero-worship for a sports star that I forgot to be afraid of the shot.
1. He drew gay rumors, even though he was married for many years, and had many affairs with women. There are homophobic rants online complaining that he doesn't deserve to be in the Hall of Fame "because he was a f***"
2. His nephew Kelly is a famous drag performer, with credits in movies, theater, music, and tv, including RuPaul's Drag Race.
1. On an episode of Bewitched, he shows up at a party for witches. Darren is shocked that Willie Mays might be a ....you know, but Samantha retorts, "The way he hits? What else?" So ever after, I thought that Willie Mays did his sports things with witchcraft.
Witchcraft was code for...you know, so I figured that he was gay.
2. Apparently he's straight but not homophobic. He appeared in a tv commercial for Coors Beer along with gay Olympic medalist Bruce Hayes. When asked if baseball was "ready" for an openly gay player, he responded: "Can he hit?"
See also: Joe DiMaggio's Nude Frolick