"Come Away": Alice Liddel and Peter Pan are Half in Love with Easeful Death

 

I'm a big fan of all things Alice in Wonderland, and while I don't care for the Peter Pan mythos, the premise of Come Away (2020) sounded intriguing.  Alice and Peter as siblings who visit Wonderland and Neverland together?  And by the way, they're black.  Race relations in Victorian society!  So I plopped down my $19.95 to Vudu's Theater at Home service the day it started streaming.

And then I started kicking myself.  

1. Dreary, depressing, obsessed with death -- ok, no problem. -- have you actually read the Alice and Peter Pan books?  Stay a child forever, if you can.  Growing up is terrible.  You have to do icky things like get a job and get married, and then you die. 

Come, hearken then, ere voice of dread, with bitter tidings laden, shall summon to unwelcome bed ⁠a melancholy maiden!

2. Race is irrelevant Victorian society -- ok, no problem.  Maybe the black actors were cast because they aced their auditions. 

3. But it is unforgiveable to make us slosh through the melancholy, dreary, painfully depressing world of adults, where it's always winter but never Christmas (sorry, wrong book) to the bitter end, and Alice and Peter NEVER GO ANYWHERE!  

They're supposed to be exploring Wonderland and Neverland, for chrissakes!

The plot: Alice, Peter, and their older brother David live in dreary Victorian England with their progressive parents, Jack (David Oyelowo, top photo) and Rose (Angelina Jolie), having pretend adventures.  Then one day they are all playing pirates when David falls into the lake and drowns.  

The family falls apart.  Jack descends to a world of gambling, gambling debts, and child neglect.  Rose, delusional and about to die of grief, takes to her bed and drinks.  Snobbish Aunt Eleanor arrives, plotting to send Alice away to boarding school, which strikes me as an excellent idea, but is presented as a fate worse than death.  Well, a fate the same as death.  

Don't let the smiling faces fool you.  After the first five minutes, no one ever smiles again -- for the rest of their lives.

Alice and David try to ease their pain by rumbling through the Victorian underworld, encountering tawdry real-life versions of the characters and situations of Neverland and Wonderland  For instance, a Mad Hatter prototype runs the pawn shop where they are trying to raise some cash to pay Dad's gambling debts.  

But there is no Wonderland.  There is no Neverland.  There is no nothing.   

Peter, who blames himself for David's death and the destruction of the family, never manages to move on.  He "never grows up," vanishing into his father's world of gambling, drinking, and death.   Alice grows up, marries Mr. Darling -- the same thing as death -- has three kids (Michael, Wendy, and John), and writes the books as a form of grief therapy.

So if Peter Pan comes through the window, he will be Wendy's uncle?

The books were actually written by J. M. Barrie and Lewis Carroll, who were living in England during this period and occasionally smiled. Wouldn't it have been cool if Alice and Peter met them?

Or if, like, they actually had the adventures the movie promises?

This lying, deceptive piece of con-artist garbage reminds me of The Bridge to Terabithia, which also lures you in with the promise of an alternate world fantasy, only to punch you in the stomach: "Fooled you! This is a movie about a child dying, but you already paid, so we don't care."

Beefcake: No.

Gay characters: None specified.

Heterosexism: Alice and Peter are siblings, so thankfully no pre-teen falling-in-love.

My grade: F-.

The Incredible Severns Grow Up

"The Incredible Severns" are featured in the March 10, 1947 issue of Life Magazine, brothers ranging in age from 4 to 21, all in show biz.  Here Peter Stackpole photographs them demonstrating "Yoga-like muscle exercises"

Looks to me like they're just showing us their ribs.

So, did they grow up to be musclemen?  I did some research.

Dr. Clifford Brill Severn (1890-1981) and his wife Rachel, Afrikaans-speaking South Africans from Johannesburg, immigrated to the U.S. in the 1930s, and got all eight of their children (six sons and two daughters) involved in movies.

Cliff (1925-2014) began acting at age ten, and appeared as the boy buying Scrooge's Christmas goose in A Christmas Carol (1938).  He retired from acting after They Live in Fear (1944) to join the British army.  In 1947 he founded the Southern California Cricket Club, and championed the sport in the U.S. for the rest of his life (photo: a random shirtless cricket player).

Raymond (1930-1994) began acting at age nine, and played opposite Mickey Rooney in A Yank at Eton (1942).  He retired in 1944, and in 1947 joined the Southern California Cricket Club with his brother (photo: Mickey Rooney).

Ernest (1933-1987) appeared in four movies, and retired in 1947.

Christopher (1935-) appeared in six movies, including Mr. Miniver (1942).  He retired from acting after Titanic (1953).

William (1938-1983) appeared in seven movies, including David and Bathsheba (1951).  After high school, he became a fundamentalist Christian and started an evangelical ministry that took him all over the world.  He later became a televangelist.

Winston (1942-) appeared in four movies, including A Man Called Peter (1955).  He later played on the U.S. national cricket team. I"m guessing that this is his grandson.


Ok, I didn't find any musclemen in the grown-up "Incredible Severns."  But it was fun trying.

"Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun": Gay-Inclusive or Just Anarchic?

Aunty Donna is an Australian comedy troupe featuring Zach Ruane, Mark Bonanno, and Broden Kelly, who met as university students in 2011. They have performed at comedy festivals in Australia and Britain, and produced several web series and a music album.  And now a new series, Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun, is streaming on Netflix.   

Reviews called it "goofy," "good natured," and "anarchic," reminiscent of The Kids in the Hall. One reviewer even compared the troupe to the Marx Brothers.  

The episode "Dating" has the the plot synopsis:"the boys score a date."  

Just one person for the three of them?  And is it a boy or a girl?  Surely they wouldn't be dating a boy?  

On the off chance that there was some gay representation, I turned it on.

Scene 1:  A suburban house where the boys apparently live together. Broden (bald), Mark (glasses), and Baron Gabrel de Franc, an 18th century French aristocrat who stumbled in through a time warp, are playing the "that's relatable" game: when you think you're out of beans, so you buy five cans, but then you get home and you had beans after all, so now you have too many beans. The aristocrat loses. 

Suddenly they get an email, and call in Zach (long hair) to tell him the good news: someone responded to their online profile.  They have a date!  Yes, all three with the same person. 

The French aristocrat leaves.  They celebrate.  "I hope I get a kiss!"

They haven't specified if the date is a boy or a girl.  Is this a deliberate attempt to promote inclusivity by leaving the gender open, or just an oversigh, with the heteronormative assumption that it will obviously be a girl?

Scene 2: They watch Hunk and Dork on tv.  Hunk (Broden) has lots of friends (boys and girls) and prom dates (a girl); Dork (Mark) has none.

Scene 3: Mark is nervous because he has never been on a date before, so Zach tells a made-up story about his dating succes: At a hip club he saw three people he liked (man and two women), so he invited them to dance, and they liked dancing with him so much that they invited him to a hipper club.  Then he went home and danced with the King of Dance (Carl Tart)

Zach was dating both men and women, and ended up going home with a man.

Scene 4: Broden stops in at The Men Gentlemen's Barber, Where Men Can Be Gentlemen and Manly and Men.  He notes that they have a date tonight, and the barber says "Don't worry, when I'm done with you, she will ___ you, and ___, and ___."  But he also offers to give him an espresso, a tattoo,  a "tit magazine," "a fuck,," and pale ale, "Our house blend of Jack Daniels, sriracha, and hawk semen."  Broden is horrified by the toxic masculinity, but at least they give him a good haircut.

The barber assumes that the date is with a girl, which one might expect of a man who drinks hawk semen.  Broden neither confirms nor denies.

Scene 5:   Mark is so excited about the upcoming date that he pantomimes kissing them, playing both roles.  They grab each other's butts, and one gives the other a blow job (I can't tell which).  Then there's some thrusting going on, but I can't tell who is thrusting into what.     

It is impossible to tell if he is imagining sex with a man or a woman. His pantomine could go either way.  This has to be deliberate.

Scene 6: Mark watches Moogie Woogie Boogie.  Two guys in suits (Broden, Mark) itneract with a muppet-like creature whose childish repartee gradually turns dark ("Moogie found a lump on his testicle.  Moogie was scared.").  

"Someday I'm going to fuck Moogie," Mark exclaims. Ok, Moogie is a boy muppet.  Mark likes boys or boys and girls both.

Scene 7:  They receive an email from their date which turns out to be a pfishing spam.  Their date is a spambot!  They decide to go anyway.

Scene 8: Dinner at a fancy restaurant, where they are flirting with the Spambot, which is actually an alien robot planning to conquer the world.  "Kneel before the great Spambot!" he orders..

They are excited, assuming that he means kneel for sex.  

Deep male voice. Their date was with a boy.  

The end.

Grossness: There are some cringe-inducing sight gags especially in the two tv shows.

Beefcake: None (Antony Starr, top photo, guest stars in another episode). The boys are not attractive, probably deliberately (it's hard to be funny when everyone is staring at your biceps or bulge).

Gay Characters: This was quite an anxiety-provoking episode.  I've been fooled before by minutes or hours of guys dropping pronouns, saying "the person I'm interested in," only to discover in the last scene that the person is a girl.  But here they keep up the indeterminancy throughout.

I'm still not sure why. Are they really being inclusive, or are they presenting their characters as too clueless to realize that dates must always be boy-girl?  

My Grade: I'll have to watch another episode to make up my mind. 

Joe Weider: My Bodybuilder Boss

When I moved to West Hollywood in 1985, I landed a job as a "contributing editor" for Muscle and Fitness.  It was actually a part-time job fact-checking and proofreading articles, but it looks good on my resume.  Besides, I got to hang out with the sort of guys who work for muscle magazines, and meet bodybuilding legends like Lou Ferrigno (not to mention Ivo, the Bulgarian bodybuilder who was insanely jealous of Michael J. Fox).

  And I met publisher Joe Weider, the father of modern bodybuilding.  He was rather gruff.

Born in 1919, Joe Weider grew up when the epitome of male beauty, as far as Hollywood was concerned,  was sophisticated and skinny, like Cary Grant.  Bodybuilders were usually assumed gay, and muscle magazines were published primarily for gay men (would you really buy this magazine for muscle-building tips?).

Although Joe began his career publishing Your Physique (later Muscle and Fitness) for a similar audience, he wanted to make bodybuilding "respectable," by which he meant heterosexual, and so he began a life-long crusade to re-brand the muscleman as an object of female desire.

In spite of his homophobia, Joe Weider was instrumental in bringing bodybuilding into the mainstream.  He published many fitness magazines (one edited by the Grandfather of Bodybuilding, Earle E. Liederman), and books (plus some other titles, including softcore hetero porn), and invented nutritional supplements like Tiger's Milk.   

His self-help pamphlets, covering everything from bodybuilding to nutrition to confidence building to how to be heterosexual (a "he-man," left), were advertised everywhere, even in comic books.

He founded the International Federation of Bodybuilding and Fitness, which emphasized symmetry, grace, and beauty rather than the weight-lifting ability of the AAU (Amateur Athletic Association).  He mentored a generation of young bodybuilders of the new "body beautiful" school, including Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bob Paris.  

When Bob came out in 1989, Joe was reputedly furious that a gay person had sneaked into the ranks of his beautiful heterosexual bodybuilders. I wonder what he thought about gay employees.

Joe Weider died on March 23rd, 2013, at the age of 93.