For movie night, for a reason I don't understand, Bob choose John Wick (2014), which grossed $88 million worldwide and produced two sequels, a video game, and an upcoming series. I need a shower.
1. The first five minutes are about John Wick (Keanu Reeves) being in love with his wife, kissing her , watching her collapse during a date, sitting by her deathbed, crying, going to a cliche funeral in the rain, remembering how much he loved her, crying, remembering how much he loved her again, and getting a gift of a dog that she arranged to be sent from beyond the grave.
2. While John is stopping for gas, the entitled rich kid Iosef (Alfie Allen, left) with an I offers to buy his sweet ride, and when he refuses, gets all pissy. He and some goons break into John's house that night, beat him up, steal his car, and kill his dog (off camera, but we hear the yelping).
3. John happens to be a retired professional hit man who coincidentally worked for Iosef's father, Vigo (Michael Nyquist), the head of the Russian mafia, who calls and asks him to be sensible. John refuses -- he's going to kill Iosef. So Vigo sends his best 12 hit men out ot kill him. Instead, we watch John killing them, one at a time.
4. John is now back in the game. He checks in at a hotel that caters to hit men and women, where most of his old associates are delighted to see him. Especially the effeminate WInston (Ian McShane), who does business in a weird nightclub with everyone dressed in 1920s costumes listening to jazz.
Meanwhile, Vigo puts a $2 million contract out on John. Marcus (William Dafoe) takes the job, even though he and John were "close," back in the day.
5. Iosef is holed up in a different weird nightclub with several levels, some nearly empty, some packed with heavy metal aficionados. Iosef and his friends (including Toby Leonard Moore, left) are in a heterosexual bathhouse in the basement (guys in swimsuits, girls in bikinis, closeup of a girl's butt). John invades the club, killing about 200 people, including patrons of the heavy metal club who had nothing tto do with anything. But Iosef escapes, and John is captured.
6. Meanwhile, Michael has had several clear shots at John, but always manages to kill he person attacking him, thereby allowing him to escape.
7. If Vigo wanted John dead, why didn't he just shoot him on the spot? Instead, he ties John up, taunts him, and then leaves so that some of his men can kill him (but by strangulation -- they aren't even carrying guns). John kills them all, then rushes out and crashes the cars in Vigo's party, killing more people. He forces Vigo to tell him where Iosef is staying: in a safe house, surrounded by his friends and bodyguards.
8. All of whom John kills. Finally he manages to kill Iosef.
9. But now Vigo discovers that Michael has been helping John, so he grabs him and tortures him for awhile, giving him the opportunity to kill about a dozen guards before being killed himself.
10. Now John is out for Vigo, who is headed for a helicopter to escape. John invades the entourage, killing all of Vigo's guards, including Kiril (Daniel Bernhardt, left). Finally the two fight without guns, and John kills Vigo. Then he adopts a dog.
There's a slight gay subtext -- Michael and John had an unspecified "close" relationship, back in the day.
Some beefcake. . A lot of hunky guys get murdered. Couldn't John have just tied them up and had sex with them instead?
I read somewhere that the average child growing up sees 20,000 people killed on tv by the time they turn 18. That's ridiculous -- it's more than 3 per day. Even Murder, She Wrote had only one murder per week. But I think I got my quota of 20,000 tonight.
Why is watching people getting murdered considered enjoyable entertainment?
To get revenge, I forced Bob to watch three episodes of The Simpsons, which he hates.